Entry #41
There's a gun in my hand when all I wanted was a cigarette
he said he was sorry
told me he wouldn't ever make do it again until i'm ready
said i needed to watch myself though
told me i have to be more careful
says 'pretty boys like you..with long lashes, wide eyes, pale skin and full lips makes you a target boy'
i can still feel his anger
can hear the aggression in his tone
can see the blood everywhere
he said he was sorry
said he was scared for me
said he didn't want me to get hurt
i didn't think dad could be frightened of anything..especially a mere human
told me 'nobody is to lay a hand on you. ever. do you understand me? never!.'
his words flood my brain, stinging like wasps. sharp, painful yet somehow comforting and oh so sweet ..
'he deserved it. the man was a sick fuck. you're mine. nobody else's. nobody can love you like i do dean, nobody can understand you like i can. what we have..the things we do is ok. it's ok cuz there's love'
i helped kill a man today
put the final bullet through his skull
today dad called me his good little soldier and was proud