I never thought it would come to this. After all the years spent alive, I never could have imagined being on Earth would break me. I survived thousands of wars, rose through hundreds of ranks, and was able to pull a man from Hell. Yet, what has me on my knees with an angel blades pointed at my heart is love.
Michael once told me that angels could not feel such emotions. And he was correct as always. I am not an angel of the lord any more. . .
I am a Winchester.
Of course, not legally. But Dean said that after all I've done for them, I was more like family than their own father ever seemed. Of course I feel proud that my only friends think of me as family, and that I think the same of them, but I can not help feeling bad for them. Their lives were extremely painful and difficult. They are more like angels than me.
Then, to make matters worse, Dean and I share a more profound bond. After a long, confusing friendship, I realized my feelings went much deeper than friendship. But what could I do? It was obvious Dean was not interested in men at all. Ever since I became human, I've had even stronger feelings. Whem Dean told me to leave, my heart was broken, and I knew I couldn't keep going.
Seeing as the angel blade was the only protection Sam and Dean gave me when I left, I guess it's ironic I have to use it to kill myself.
Because there is no way to live on. Not without Dean.
I brace myself amd pull my arms away frok my body. Then I drive the blade towards me again. In a last milisecond of panicked fear, I try to veer it away, but I get hit squarely in the stomach. Great, I get to die slowly.
I fall on my side, clutching shockedly at the hilt of the blade, the pain numb for a split second.
When it returns full-scalw, I moan and squeeze my eyes shut, whispering one last, breathy word before darkness consumes me.
"Dean. . ."