Immortal Mortality
He knew it had to happen.
He knew that the time would someday come and he'd have to face it alone.
He hadn't thought it would happen so quickly and without warning.
He'd always thought that he'd have more time to be at peace, more time to love life and more time to live without tragedy.
He'd been avoiding the very idea, trying his best not to focus on it and he'd managed to fool himself into the illusion of hopeful safety.
He'd spent every moment enjoying and partying, going anywhere and everywhere at even the smallest opportunity. He'd flared himself up with the most deadly eyeliner and the most colourful eyeshadows, dousing himself in glitter so he could feel the joy of beauty and freedom. He'd thrown celebratory parties and sent invites everyone who was anyone, hoping and hoping for the one emotion he'd always tried to block himself off from.
He'd finally come across the deep blue eyes by accident, learning more about their owner by chance and falling in love with their owner by choice.
He'd watched as the blue-eyed boy would run both to and from him, confused in his own feelings. He'd stood by and watched as the boy had slowly but surely become more comfortable with him and then he'd welcomed the confessions of affection and care. He'd almost cried when they became official, knowing that he was the one and knowing this is what he'd spend so many decades, so many centuries, waiting for.
He'd made the promise of a relationship.
He'd been forward, kissing and hugging his boyfriend as much as he could, never missing a chance to spend a minute with him. He'd gone to him when he'd been called, followed his boyfriend on his missions and made acquaintance with the rest of the gang along the way. He'd been on their road trips with them, he'd dropped by at their regular restaurants and he'd even sat through awful cooking just for the sake of friendship.
He'd held his boyfriend after fights, healed him when he was hurt and comforted him when he was upset. He'd stood by him when the institute was under attack and helped him to build alliances between the different races. He'd been there for him at times of loss and times of hurt, trying his best to protect the blue-eyed-boy from misery. He'd helped all of them with a glamour or spells galore, not once hesitating to defend them and anyone who deserved his protection.
He'd dealt with his boyfriend's jealousy and dealt with the conversations about the past, patiently explaining it as best as he could. He'd had to travel abroad to help his fellow kin, leaving the blue-eyed boy behind for once. He'd felt the tug in his heart that made him portal back every week, staying for a fleeting moment before leaving again, despite the trouble it had the potential to cause.
He'd adored the blue-eyed boy.
He'd loved his boyfriend as they stood against evil together, fighting as a single unit and battling with one another. He'd made sure everyone was safe but of course, he'd had to join them in mourning when someone couldn't be saved. He'd shared their pain, felt their sadness and been to the handful of funerals they couldn't avoid.
He'd been downright nervous for the first time in his life when he'd thought of proposing. He'd been scared for the first time in his life when he'd knelt down on one knee and offered a union. Then, he'd been speechless for the first time in his life when his boyfriend agreed.
He'd been the most happy he'd ever been.
He'd smiled as he planned their wedding along with his fiancé, the two of them making sure everything was perfect, but not overdone. He'd grinned when his fiancé had pulled on his hair in frustration and he'd been the one to stress about colour themes, needing reassurance from the blue-eyed boy in return.
He'd held his own wedding.
He'd exchanged rings, kissed at the altar and made life-long vows. He'd skipped a party for the first time in his life, leaving the wedding reception in favour of a midnight stroll. He'd celebrated his honeymoon in every capital city, wanting to show his husband the world.
He'd been over the moon when his husband had moved in with him, their stuff shared and equally owned. He'd agreed to buy his grumpy cat a few friends, knowing that felines could be lonely too. He'd let his husband change some of the furniture, smiling as they'd re-decorated to compromise their ideas.
He'd been shocked to find abandoned warlocks and shadowhunters, both him and his husband agreeing that they had to help. He'd been elated once again as two had taken a liking to them. He'd made sure all of the adoption papers were filled in as soon as possible, sharing the news with his husband.
He'd become a father.
He'd welcomed the two young ones into his house, showed them around and taken some of the protection down so their scribbling on the wall would remain as memories forever. He'd let them roam free, his house then full of laughter and youth.
He'd discussed age with his husband, the two of them both worried about the future. He'd tried to argue that it would be okay but he'd had to hear his husband shouting at the inequity of life. He'd listened and agreed, smiles on his face despite the wounds on his heart.
He'd held his husband as their son had been in accident and prayed to the gods he didn't believe in to ensure his good health. He'd held his crying son in his arms as their youngest had been in hospital. He'd made sure they'd made it out okay, and stronger than before.
He'd helped them build a new house after their old one had been attacked and destroyed. He'd allowed them to do it the mundane way so they'd enjoy it more, loving the shopping trips they'd made as a family. He'd bought new toys after so long, read his children books or bedtime stories and tidied up their mess with his husband, both of them having loved the domesticity.
He'd been content.
Finally.
Life was perfect.
But that was all before.
Before it happened.
He hadn't even believed it at first; he'd thought it was a nightmare.
He'd felt his heart miss a beat as he'd seen his husband doubling over in pain and losing a battle for the first time since his training so many years ago.
He'd screamed and fought off the demons attacking, dealing blows left and right and dodging the ones sent back in return so he could save his husband. He'd made sure his husband was safe in a bubble of magic before making sure the attackers had met their indefinite demise.
But it had been too late.
He'd held his husband in his arms as the blood seeped out of his wounds. He'd pushed all of his magic, all of his love, into healing but there was no chance. He'd tried every spell he could think of and summoned every potion he'd ever heard about but there was no point.
The demonic creatures had been clever, using magic-proof weapons.
He'd attempted to hold back tears as his husband had weakened, the light in his eyes dimming. He'd had to bear his husband's cries and whimpers of pain, making sure their hands were entwined to try and comfort him. He'd shushed his husband soothingly, having stoked the hair out of his face and used his magic to at least ease some of the pain.
He'd kissed the love of his life as softly as he could, swallowing the sorrow in his throat. He'd felt his husband's grip tighten, then fall slack. He'd watched the blood fall on him, on the floor, and on his heart. He'd watched the bright smile fade from his husband's face and he's seen the happy glow in his husband's eyes fade to a lifeless coat of nothing.
He'd been widowed.
He'd gasped, cried and wept as he'd cradled his husband's body. He'd felt the tears run down his face and felt his heart shattering into millions of shards inside him. He's felt a gaping void in his soul, his other half torn away from him. He'd screamed, rocked back and forth and released wave after wave of magic into the night, sobbing unceremoniously.
That's how they'd found him.
His husband's siblings had arrived after they'd seen the worrying amounts of magic being released in the world, and because of an agonising parabatai rune burning into pain. They'd stopped in shock, their weapons uselessly clattering to the floor. He'd watched as they knelt beside him and his husband, their eyes drowning in ears akin to his own.
He'd seen them cry into the arms of their significant others and he'd yearned to do the same, yearned for the chance to have his husband's hugs even once more. He'd stayed there on the cold, blooded ground as the sun had fallen, all of them united in sorrow but none more than him.
He'd carried his husband back to his horrified parents and mournful colleagues, numbly not noticing the blood stained all over him. He'd made sure the funeral was arranged properly and he'd made sure his husband was given a proper send-off.
He hadn't been able to tell people he went to the funeral.
He'd slipped in and lurked in the shadows, watching with tears streaming down his face. He'd wept silently, shaking and trembling. He'd clenched his fists and folded his arms as they'd all talked about how brave he was, how loyal he was and how much he was loved.
He'd watched his beautiful blue-eyed boy leave him.
And then he'd broken.
He'd stopped responding to messages, declined parties and stopped going at every beck and call. He'd sent his children to live with a trusted friend, not having the heart to tell their young, innocent minds what had happened. He'd left food out for the cats every day, knowing that they didn't deserve to starve because of him.
He'd given up on make-up and flashy clothes, wearing one of his husband's oversized hoodies all day, every day. He'd stopped eating, only taking a bite once in a while to feed the crux of his magic. He'd stopped working, accepting the dire calls to save his people but nothing more.
He'd shrugged off the concerned looks and pitiful stares, glamouring himself when in public. He'd visited his sons as much as he could, making sure they were healthy and happy. He'd doused himself in memories of love, in echoes of his husband and the future that could never be.
He'd shut himself off from the world, locking himself in one room for the majority of his days. He'd thrived in his loneliness, his heart sobbing for the embrace he could never receive.
He'd faded out of existence as best as he could, wrapped in sorrow and pain with shadows of misery enveloping him into a supernova of numb emptiness.
He'd grieved.
He'd screamed into nowhere, he'd broken every last item in his house before repairing them once more. He'd felt the life drain out of his abode, the home now turning into a mere house.
He'd closed his eyes and fallen asleep to the memory of his husband's mortal heartbeat, filling his heart with the ghost of hugs, kisses and idle time he could never enjoy again.
And if you'd paid enough attention, you'd have seen him, every week. You'd still see him now, and you'll always see him because he's never going to stop.
He can't stop.
You'd see a man who looks like your average guy, dressing in loose trousers and some variant of the same hoodie. You'd see him and think he didn't care for his appearance, any traces of the flamboyant make-up and dazzling outfits gone without a trace.
You'd see him walk as if the world was resting on his shoulders, hunched over with his head ducked down, his gaze fixed to the floor. You'd never connect him to the proud peacock of a soul he used to be, with his now eternally sorrowful gaze and lacklustre aura.
You'd be able to see him slowly make his way to a cemetery filled with unchanging white gravestones, all plain apart from one.
The one he goes to.
You'd see him wave his hands, crafting the most beautiful flowers out of thin air. You'd see the variety of types he fashions and, most probably, you'd catch him creating a rose.
You'd see that the rose is the exact same shade of the same beautiful blue eyes that lie forever closed inside a casket, right under where the man is standing.
You'd be able to see him kneel down in front of the heartless stone, place his head in his hands and softly blow a kiss to the name carved into the marble.
You'd see him sit for hours on end, his gaunt shoulders shaking and his hands trembling as small whimpers escape him.
And when he gets up to walk away like his heart remains buried in the soil, you know that's because it is.
You'll know that he can never recover.
But you already know that.
Because you know.
The High Warlock of Brooklyn is nothing without his blue-eyed shadowhunter.
Magnus Bane cannot be whole without Alexander Lightwood.
Magnus is lost without Alec.
I'm so sorry for the malec feels...
Translated into French by the lovely Smiiky :) www fanfiction net/s/12515560/1/Immortal-Mortality (turn the spaces into dots)
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