After Julia

Chapter 1

March 1881

[FYI - In my BV universe, Jarrod was born in 1843; Nick in 1847; Heath in 1851. In this story they talk to each other about when they went to war, and their experiences are commensurate with those ages.]

"Oh, my," Nick said as if the earth had opened up underneath him.

Heath loaded the sack of flour he was carrying into the wagon and looked at Nick, who was reading the newspaper. "What's wrong?"

Nick looked up and turned the paper so that Heath could read the headline. "Julia Saxon is dead."

Memories flashed inside both of them. The beautiful woman from the north who became a Confederate spy during the war. The woman Jarrod had some relationship with during the war – he never really did say it, but both Nick and Heath would have bet their last dollar that he was in love with her back then, and that when she turned up in Stockton in late April 1878, she was there for him. She was practically run out of town on a rail, but then she was accused of murder. Jarrod defended her and was beaten to a pulp for his efforts, and in the end, Heath killed Worth Parker, brother to Jarrod's late friend Matt, who also had been involved with Julia during the war. Julia was innocent of the murder she was charged with – it turned out Worth had done the killing.

It was an ugly, unhappy time, and even though he would never say so, it was one that cut deep into Jarrod. It happened right after he had lost his wife Beth and, for that matter, his mind. Julia had come and kicked him when he was down.

"What happened?" Heath asked.

Nick kept reading. "She was in New Orleans – got caught in a brawl in a music hall and was accidentally killed when she was knocked into one of the footlights. It broke and cut the artery in her neck. She bled to death before anybody could help her."

It was an awful way to go. Neither Nick nor Heath had any love for the woman, but they would not have wished that fate on her. Then they thought about something else and looked at each other.

"You think Jarrod knows?" Heath asked.

"Yeah, he knows," Sheriff Madden said. He had overheard them as he was coming down the street and stopped to talk to them. "I went out there and told him about it this morning."

"How'd he take it?" Heath asked.

"Kinda stunned. He just wandered back into the house like a freight wagon had hit him. I explained to Maggie who Julia was and what happened when she was here a couple years ago, but I couldn't tell her everything. I never knew everything. I just left Maggie to take care of Jarrod."

"We maybe ought to go out there," Heath said.

Jarrod's house wasn't out of the way. Nick nodded. "We'll take the time."

"Fred, you don't think there'll be any trouble around here about this, do you?" Heath asked.

"I don't see how," the sheriff said, "unless a few people get overexcited celebrating."

"I don't think I want Jarrod to have see that," Nick said.

"If it happens, it'll be over with fast, probably by tonight," the sheriff said.

Sheriff Madden went on his way, and Nick and Heath looked at each other. Nick heaved a big sigh and said, "We better finish loading and get on out there."

XXXXX

"Did you kill anyone in the war, Jarrod?" Julia Saxon asked him.

He nodded, and admitted it. "Yes."

"Just took some of us longer to die, didn't it, Jarrod?"

Jarrod turned around to face the voice behind him. Matt Parker – twenty years old and baby-faced - stood staring at him, accusing him with his deep blue eyes, sad blue eyes that just kept asking, "Why?"

"No! No! No!" Jarrod cried out.

Hands had him by the shoulders. "Wake up, Jarrod, you're dreaming!"

Jarrod got his eyes open and saw Maggie's face, not Matt's. Jarrod saw he was asleep in the chair by the fireplace in his and Maggie's living room, and he relaxed, groaning, closing his eyes again. "I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" he asked.

"Lunchtime," Maggie said. "I saw you sleeping and didn't have the heart to wake you."

"I didn't mean to," Jarrod said and began to get up.

Suddenly, the baby in the nursery began to cry. "Oop, there he goes," Maggie said.

Jarrod sighed weakly. "Guess I woke him up."

Beneath the wails of Jarrod Jr. both his parents heard a wagon pulling up outside. Jarrod took a look out the window.

"It's Nick and Heath. I'll have to explain about what Fred Madden said after I talk with them."

"It's all right," Maggie said as she headed for the nursery. "The sheriff explained it to me. That's why I didn't bother you before now. We have plenty of time to talk later."

Jarrod ran a hand through his hair and went on outside to greet his brothers by the front porch. They were both climbing down from the wagon when he came out the door.

"Fred said he came to see you," Heath said. "We thought maybe you'd want to talk."

Jarrod shook his head. "It's all right."

"Yeah?" Nick said. "You look like hell."

"Just woke up," Jarrod said. "Somehow Fred's news put me to sleep." He chuckled at that, and then he said, "You want to join us for lunch? We're planning to eat as soon as Maggie feeds the baby."

"We'd better get on home," Heath said. "We just wanted to be sure you were all right."

"I'm all right," Jarrod assured them.

"Well, if you need somebody to talk to – we might be able to help you out. We met her at least. Maggie didn't – and it might be a little tough talking to your wife about an old lover."

Jarrod shook his head. "I don't think we'd have a problem, but thanks. If I need you, I know where you are."

"Then we'd better get these supplies home," Nick said. "Give our love to Maggie and J. J."

"I will," Jarrod said. "Give my love to Mother."

His brothers climbed back into the wagon and drove away as Jarrod went back into the house.

Fred Madden had brought a copy of the newspaper with him when he came by that morning, and it lay open on the kitchen table, Julia Saxon's story on the front page. Jarrod caught sight of it and read it again. He didn't even notice that the baby had stopped crying. Somehow, looking at this story seemed to blank out the whole world around him.

"Did you kill anyone in the war, Jarrod?" Julia Saxon asked him.

He nodded, and admitted it. "Yes."

The war. The war and Julia. The war and Julia and Matt Parker. The thoughts sent Jarrod's head spinning. He decided he had to let them all spin off into the air and try to be some help for his wife. He set about getting some food on the table for lunch.

Maggie came in with J.J. in the makeshift sling she'd made to both carry him and make them both comfortable while she nursed him. J.J. had already learned to spend most of his time sort-of-crawling on the floor, but when it was time to eat, he was just a little baby again and was too heavy for Maggie to hold for a very long time – hence the sling. Jarrod smiled at his wife's ingenuity, and how beautiful she looked when she was nursing their son.

My son, Jarrod thought as he touched J.J.'s black hair and kissed Maggie. Yes, J.J. was all right as a nickname. "Nick" name. Jarrod laughed a bit at that, since it was Nick's idea. "You sit down and take care of J.J.," Jarrod said. "I'll get some food on the table for us."

Maggie headed for the chair Jarrod had vacated. "Nick and Heath couldn't stay?"

"No," Jarrod said as he went back to the kitchen. His voice was a bit louder as he said, "They just wanted to make sure I knew about Julia."

"Did they ever meet her?"

Jarrod remembered the meeting at the house and hesitated. It was not a friendly meeting. Nick was downright hostile, and as far as he knew, that was all he and Heath ever had to do with her. He never told them that he had been in love with her once, but no more. He had never told anyone that Julia was still in love with him when she came to Stockton, but his family probably figured that out. His mother definitely did. "Briefly," was all Jarrod said to Maggie about it.

"Do you want to stop talking about her?" Maggie asked.

Jarrod smiled. Maggie could read every inflection he ever had in his voice. "Yes," he said, came back into the sitting room and kissed his wife on the top of her head. "I just want to enjoy an afternoon with my wife and son."

"No work today?" Maggie asked.

Jarrod just did work for the family now. It was less work, less stress, and it allowed him more free time to relax with his family. Which he admitted to himself, he needed, because his angina attacks were becoming more frequent and he wore out a lot more quickly during the day. His weight was sneaking up on him, too, and now and then he felt a rumble in his breathing. He figured Maggie noticed. He just hoped no one else did.

"No work today," he said. "Just the three of us."

J.J. gurgled, as if he liked what he heard. His parents laughed softly at his editorial comment.