Disclaimer:Voyager belongs to Paramount..and we know it all too well..
By Manda (Mizuno Ami)
Life can often seem to be a vast and complicated story, full of quirks and quips, dark corners and nightmarish visions of the future. The moral of this tale can vary, and for some it may make perfect sense, while to others it may only serve to befuddle their simple minds. My life is a novel, a collection of varying chapters, each with an event that ranges from the wonderous to the fear-inspiring. Those events which shape my inner-being.
And nestled within those moments, a certain instant- perhaps a glimmer of pleasant romance- often can peer itself through--making everything which preceeds and succeeds seem like nothing more than mere circumstance.
I arrived on the holodeck several hours after anyone else, being the only one at that time to step through the double doors and onto the pre-programmed dance floor. Gleaming oak, polished to a satin sheen and devoid of any imperfection. Reflective of the hue from enlivened flames in marble fireplaces...adorned with dancing crewmembers, faces aglow.
If only I could have the pleasure of looking that at peace, that animated...that alive. I missed that sometimes, dearly, and my lips ached to be able to smile--genuinely. Once again.
"Captain." Two couples brushed me by, two women in smooth gowns of azure, topaz, both smiling and laughing on the arms of tuxedoed dates. Having the time of their life. Out here, the time of your life is a rare and perfect thing. "Enjoying yourself?"
"Of course." I nod, subtly winding my way through the congregation, right arm gripping the skirt of my gown--I hadn't picked it, but worn what Neelix had suggested per my invitation. Cimmerian...midnight, with thinly braided straps hugging my shoulders to support the gown that trailed to faintly brush the floor beneath my high heeled sandals. I really don't know what possessed me...wearing my hair freely, extending the length to my shoulders--for once, I needed to feel it grazing my shoulders as it used to. I missed the feeling often enough.
"Kathryn?" Oh, no...and I pivot on one heel, facing my first officer in his neatly groomed visionage--grey slacks, smooth black shirt beneath a charcoal jacket. He looked amazingly handsome...then again, I don't know why that surprised me, and I felt my face grow warm. "You're late."
"I realize that. I was busy."
"Busy?" He smiled at me- that all knowing, all-seeing smile that makes me feel slightly, if not completely, foolish. Of course he knew I wasn't busy, wasn't too busy to attend a potential morale booster on the holodeck. The chance to wear formal, the chance to be someone other than who I was resigned to becoming...twenty-four hours a day. The me, the who-I-am. The Captain. "Kathryn, I finished the evaluation reports...do you have anything else to do?"
My lips turned up in a smile. A soft smile, one requiring very little effort. I couldn't make the effort...my heart just wasn't in it.
"Of course not...I was simply-"
"Trying to stay away." Oh, too familiar. You're not alone, Kathryn....The angry warrior swore to himself that he would be by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter.
I nodded. "Yes."
Chakotay's eyes were laughing, but his expression remained neutral for the briefest moment as he looked at me...standing there amidst a crowd of dancers, we must have looked all the world like an island. A deserted island in the middle of a storm tossed sea of color. Of laughter. And I knew then that he wanted to add to that sea. We needed to add to it, together, if we were to see the calm.
And we danced.
Out there on that empty hardwood floor.
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low.
The music played, we held each other close.
And we danced.
He offered me a hand, turning it palm upward, my eyes catching sight of the smooth lines that told such a story of hardship, of his life before the Maquis...before me. He knew so much and could teach me so much more...we could learn from each other, and I realized that. I wished I had realized that sooner...
And I took his hand.
We danced.
Out there on that empty hardwood floor.
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low.
The music played, we held each other close.
And we danced.
Like no one else had ever danced before.
I can't explain what happened on that floor.
But the music played, and we held each other close.
And we danced.
Yeah, we danced....
I looked into his eyes, as we slipped out onto the floor, moving silently in tandem...my lips tingled...and with a shuddering sigh...I smiled.
~Fin