Author's Note: Hey! I know it's been forever since I've uploaded anything and I have plenty of stories that need updating, but my muse for those stories has been lacking and I promise that when I find my muse I'll update. But for now, enjoy this oneshot for Severus Snape/Lily Evans-Potter. This story was actually inspired by the song Sora by the band UVERworld. The lyrics are used in this story as well. I heard this song and I began thinking that, after his death, what if Severus met Lily again? But instead of just heading to the afterlife, he was forced to relive his life in the form of memories. Would he be able to convey his remorse and love to Lily, and finally put his demons to rest?
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. The song is UVERworld's and the characters belong to the wonderful J.K Rowling
Now here we are, at the place we've arrived at
And at this point, there's a place we want to arrive at
They always said death would be peaceful. But for Severus Snape, it was anything but that. Surrounded by white light, he tried to keep it from burning his eyes by shielding them with his cloaked arm.
"Sev" came a hauntingly familiar voice.
His heartstrings tugged and the oldest wound ripped open at the seams.
"Lily?" he questioned breathlessly.
Scanning the area, he tried to find the source of the voice, the one and only woman he ever loved. Slowly, as if the puzzle was being filled in, her image appeared before him. Curtains of thick, dark red hair and those startingly green almound shaped eyes materialized and he was frozen to his spot. Words alluded him as he stared back at the woman who was his motivation for everything, his reason to redeem himself.
Life brings joy and sorrow
This road leads to my dream
"Hello Sev" she said.
"Why am I here?" he asked, trying to take a step forward only to find he was rooted to the spot.
"Life brings joy and sorrow" she said as 7 pathways formed around them in the field of lillies that had also begun to grow.
Pointing to one road, Severus saw it read 'Past'. Looking to the other signs, he read the words inscribed on them. 'Now'. 'Future'. 'Forever'. 'Support'. 'Friend'. But the last one surpised him. It also read 'Forever'. Turning to Lily, he saw she vanished. Without his consent, his legs pulled him down the 'Past' road.
Yes, it's always a play fair street
Yes, I'm mainly just a little bit curious
Before him flashed his worst memory. It was constantly on repeat and each scene ripped out a piece of his heart more and more. Just when he felt he couldn't handle it anymore, the road ended and he was thrust onto the 'Now' road. Severus saw himself talking to Dumbledore, responding to his question of even after all these years he still loved Lily Evans with a resounding "Always". His words echoed around him and he tried so hard not to lose his composure. His heart beat radically against his chest, causing him heartache as he clutched his chest. This love, this unrequited love had never died. It only was a constant reminder as to what he lost.
My feelings that gush forth, are already serious
An unwavering thought
In a flash, he was thrown onto the 'Future' path. Severus sat idly by as he witnessed his "cruelty" to Harry and his friends, even to those who weren't in Gryffindor. He watched is favoritism of Draco Malfoy. Nothing hurt him more than the distrust that was a constant in Harry's eyes. Those eyes that were so much his mothers, it hurt him to see that. "If only..." he muttered to himself. He watched as he was chided by Bellatrix, favored by the Dark Lord. He wanted these memories to die, for him to rest in peace and know that he could see his...no not his...never his...Lily again.
The past
Now
Future
Forever
Support
Friend
Forever
The roads of 'Forever', 'Support', and 'Friend' melded together to form a collague of his time with Lily.
"You're father doesn't like magic?" he heard young Lily ask him.
"He doesn't like much of anything" said his younger counterpart.
With a warm smile, he regarded the memories with such tenderness, such love that one would've been surprised to see such emotion from the former Potions Master of Hogwarts. Reaching out, he went to touch the image of Lily, he needed to. He had pushed her away, lost all that he held dear, with no one to blame but himself. Falling to his knees, he held his chest. Even in death his love never died.
Far away
My old memories are in an album
(It's so splendid)
When Lily appeared again, she smiled sadly at the man before her. The heartbroken and regretful man, the one who lost it all.
"Now do you see Sev?" she asked him, walking close to him.
"I do not know what I was supposed to see" he muttered, avoiding her gaze.
"You, despite your harsh words, have earned my love and forgiveness now. Maybe not the love you wish, or seek, but I forgive you" she said, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"You did everything in your power to protect my son, for me. Even though it pained you to look at him...I can only imagine how much it hurt" she whispered as he finally lifted his head to meet her gaze. Green bore into black as they remained in their positions.
I give everything to tomorrow
Fly away
A tomorrow that is the color of the sky
(It's so splendid) Seems to be unchanging
"Even in dark times, your love for me never changed. It was the one thing that brought you peace of mind, even when you felt you were beyond redemption" said Lily as Severus tried to keep his emotions under control.
"You risked your life for my son. I cannot hate a man who, upon realizing his mistakes, attempted to rectify them. You were always a good friend to me, my best friend, my confidante. I relied on you for your support. Words cannot explain how much it pained me to hear those horrid words from your mouth. The rage you kept inside, from James and your home, lashed out at the one person who tried to help you" Lily said as she rose to her feet.
Our trip rises us infinitely high
Randomly shooting out vibes
Heading toward a place where there's no compromise
"I was betrayed by the very same person I had trusted the most. The person who I cared the most about left me hurt" she said, watching as Severus hung his head once more.
Every word she spoke was like a knife to his heart, it was the truth though. And he knew, better than anyone, that the truth hurts. He couldn't ask her to forget what happened, to be with him in this afterlife. Comprimises such as that do not exist, she was with James afterall. Her smiles were for him, the twinkle in her eyes that Severus had grown to love were now directed to him, and only him. Severus had seen to that.
One step ahead, keep on, yeah
The dreams that I had when I was a kid
A wish that I made on a shooting star
We'll grasp ahold of them together
He remembered, after all was said and done between Lily and himself, that he had seen a shooting star. With all his heart, he wanted to make things right. He wanted her forgiveness, to rid himself of this failure and pain. Living with the regret of being the reason for her death, and for the reason she turned her back on him, it was too much. With every step, he kept moving forward. He wanted nothing more than for her to understand the love and compassion he felt for her, to see his remorse.
The words of a promise made just once
This is the dream
It's as though I'm arriving at it
After one take, we can't go back
Severus knew his words, his promises were made and broken once before. Those were his dreams and their shattered pieces floated amongst the sea of his remorse. And looking back at his mistakes, he realized that though he's accepting everything, he cannot go back.
A hand creeps near, a gigantic wall
I want to grasp it, because I can't reach it
Before the days that we compete as much as it takes
Weightless fantasies change form
Looking about the space he was in, Severus realized that Lily was nowhere to be seen. Frantically searching, he moved only to get lost in the endless field of lilies. Out of nowhere a hand materialized and though he stretched out his arms as far as they could go, he couldn't reach it. The landscape changed and he was plunged into darkness, a sign that his fantasies had begun to change. An overwhelming feeling of despair, regret, and heartbreak overcame him. It was enough to make him go mad and break down, to lower those defenses he had worked so hard to build up. Suddenly, the azure sky burst through the darkness revealing an image of Lily and James before him. They were beaming at each other, and were happy. Their happiness torn him apart on the inside, leaving him feeling more broken and cold than before.
Yes, beneath this sky
She'll definitely live her life
Without losing
With a enraged cry, Severus tried to pull himself out of his despair. But his regrets weighed him down and the image of Lily and James became more and more vivid. His fantasies were warped, twisted to show his most hated dreams. But a part of him, the tiniest part of him that he burried away, knew that Lily would live her life now in the afterlife. She did not need to worry about death, and she could rest peacefully. These thoughts provided a beacon that shone brightly through the darkness.
Everything far away
I'll never forget about
(It's so splendid)
The days that I spent with my friends
Fly away
I'm grasping ahold of the light of this town
(It's so splendid) In my pocket
Embracing the light, Severus slowly realized it began to take the shape of Lily once again. Soon enough they were standing in the field of lilies and he held her in his arms. The memories of his childhood with Lily played again once more, causing him to let a few stray tears fall down his cheek and onto her head.
"Sev..." she said, embracing him tightly.
"Lily, I was a fool and an imbecile" he muttered into her hair. "I wasn't alone in my days of worrying. Now, I stand right here. When I one day finish the things that I should be doing, again. I hope that we'll be able to smile together" Severus said as he pulled away just enough to meet her gaze.
"I lost the light that was in my life, the friendship and love that you gave me. I lost everything the day I said what I did. Not a day went by where I didn't feel the pain of losing you, where I didn't punish myself for what I did. I caused your death...and that was the worst truth to face. Your son was a constant reminder of you and James, I couldn't keep myself from hating him, but found myself recoiling inwardly at his gaze. Because his eyes were yours Lily. Those eyes had all the power and I feared him, if only for that. My dearest friend, my dearest Lily" he said, gently running his hands through her hair.
Lily smiled fondly at her friend, allowing him to continue his actions.
"I hated myself for ever losing you...for saying what I did. Lily Evans...I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you. I know you do not love me that way, but I couldn't let you go without you knowing that everything I did, I did for you and I did out of love. My love for you was so strong, and it still is. Even Dumbledore had questioned me about loving you all this time. I always did, I always will. It was my love for you that made me plea to Dumbledore to save you, to protect your son when I knew he looked like his father with only your eyes" said Severus as he finally broke down.
His tears streamed down his face as he was finally reunited with his unrequited love, and most importantly, his best friend. Lily at him and pressed her lips to his. Severus' eyes widened before shutting due to the feather light bliss he was succumbing to. His lips moved against hers slowly, trying to savior every single moment. When the duo parted, he smiled at Lily who smiled back at him. James appeared beside her and as she held his hand, Severus looked upon James with the look of indifference as opposed to contempt.
"Severus" said James with his hand out to shake.
Severus stared at his hand for a moment before shaking with his usual smirk. The scenary sped up and when they made it out of the light tunnel, he felt her words prior resonate in his heart. And he knew then...
Everything far away
I'll never forget about
(It's so splendid)
The days that I spent with my friends
Fly away
I'm grasping ahold of the light of this town
(It's so splendid) In my pocket
Far away
My old memories are in an album
(It's so splendid)
I give everything to tomorrow
Fly away
The final words of the promise that I exchanged with friends
(It's so splendid) Seem to be unchanging
...He had finally been forgiven
Hope you enjoyed!