Some days when John is in the Buymore he thinks about Chuck Bartowski.
I don't own anything
Watching Chuck move across the floor of the store makes John Casey wonder what it would feel like to have that scrawny body pressed up against his. John wonders what it would be like to hear Chuck gasp out his name, Casey shakes his head and turns away from the view of Chuck berating Jeff and Lester. Casey knows he can't think of Chuck like that, can't think of Chuck's bright eyes or the way he'll look at John when they're in a tight spot on a mission. John can't think of Chuck the way he wants to because he knows that one day the general might give him the order, and put out a kill on Chuck and Casey can't get involved with an asset. Casey is professional, every inch of his body lives for the United States, besides Chuck doesn't love him. Casey sees the way Chuck looks at Sarah and on John's lowest days he wishes to be Sarah or a women because then at least he would have a chance.
When on missions Casey doesn't dare look at Chuck because of Walker, he knows that if Sarah even saw him look at Chuck now then she would know how much he wished he was in her shoes. So when Sarah isn't near him Casey gazes at Chuck, longing for even a glance from the awkward man. It's gotten so bad that any attention from Chuck is good attention, butting shoulder in the store, harsh words on missions, and even pushing him up against objects when Chuck gets to testy. Casey reckons that if he can get small touches that he'll be good, fine even. Still John knows it's much more and that soon even small touches won't satisfy him.
Still Casey can't help but watch Chuck when he's in the Buymore. The way the white button up clings to the younger man's thin frame, gives John the shivers and John just wants to kind of cling to Chuck. John wants to embrace Chuck, shelter him and be sheltered in turn, something that he never had with his wife. Because while Casey had loved his ex. Wife he never felt good or safe when he was with her and John wonders if that's because somewhere out in the world there was Chuck Bartowski waiting for him.
When John watches Chuck his eyes stray to his long thin fingers. John has watched those fingers fix computers, twine in Sarah's hair, and dismantle bombs, and he is still amazed by them and sometimes John wants those fingers on him. Wants those fingers to trace every scar and mistake, wants Chucks fingers to devour his body, discovering every weakness that Casey has. Casey wants to feel Chuck's lips on his, he wonders' if they'd feel chapped or if they'd be soft. John wonders if Chuck would fight him for dominance or sweetly surrender and then John will stop himself from going any further.
Some days John Casey likes to watch Chuck Bartowski at work. John likes to think of Chuck and wants Chuck to want him, but he won't tell. John Casey is like that he'd rather be lonely than love and hurt the one he loves.