Title: Laughing
Author: Mylene aka Subarru Mylene_21@hotmail.com
Date started: uh…….. a long time ago. ^_^;;
Date finished: *shrug* Damned if I know.
Warnings: Shonen ai, AU(like nearly ALL my fics ^_^), sadness. (I write allot of depressing fics don't I? If you want to now why, just email me)
Pairings: Just Taichi x Yamato; from the first season, no sexy Matt with long shaggy hair in this one.
Summary: Taichi's death: Quick, painful and so sad it would make a spring lily fall over and die.
Author's notes: Okay, sad, sad, sad, SAD, SAD! Everyone got that? Good, well anyway, this a very crappy, short, quick fic that I wrote long before I even knew who my beloved Ken-chan was. O.O
Reader: WHAT?!?! NO KEN-CHAN?!?!
Yeah, yeah, I know, but like I said, I had no idea there even was someone named Ken in Digimon when I wrote this. Wrote it when I first got interested in Digimon. I remember the very first episode I saw too. I don't remember what it's called or anything, but it was the one where Mimi's supposed to sing to wake up Shojo mon(I THINK that's his name), he's the king of the Gecko mon and the Whale mon. The one where Princess Mimi first becomes known.*shriek of terror* I know! I know! I was scared too!
Oh yeah….
I don't own 'em. I wish I owned Ken, but he isn't in this one.
Reader: *SOB* *SOB*
Enough! Anyway, they're owned by saban and all that boring stuff you already know.
I remember the first day I met Taichi. He was laughing. Laughing and carrying on about something. I thought he was an idiot at the time. I love him. I really do. He could never return those feelings though. He isn't the open-minded kind of person. And neither is Kari. I guess that's their parents' fault. I'll just keep these strange feelings in check.
"Matt! Hey! You awake?" Tai's laughing as he waves his hands in my face. I guess my own thoughts can keep me occupied. A strange image from a movie of a man in a porto-potty that was being turned over(EW!) comes to my mind, ("Occupiedio! Occupiedo!")and I smile. "You awake, man?" Tai asks again. I look up.
"Yes, Tai." He frowns.
"What's up?" He looks worried. Hehe. Maybe he's just concerned that they won't have someone to gather fruit and stuff for them. "Matt? Are you alright?" I shake my head to clear it.
"I'm…I'm fine Tai. Go ahead and go to the front. You ARE the leader." I try not to be sarcastic, but sometimes I do it without thinking. He looks hurt. "Uh…I wasn't trying to be mean…Tai…I'm…just go ahead okay? I'll catch up." He nods and smiles a small smile. My eyes follow him to the front of our little group.
"Matt?" Good ol' Gabumon. Always worried about me.
"Hm?" I don't bother to look at him.
"When are you going to tell Tai how you feel?" My head whips around.
"WHAT?!" He makes a hushing sound when everyone looks at us. Their faces slowly turn back to the front. "What are you talking about?!" I try not to yell. How could he know? Oh my god! I'm hyperventilating! Get a grip Yamato! I swear I'm going suffocate right here! Is it THAT obvious?
"I know you better than anyone Matt. And don't worry, I don't think anyone else knows." My breathing is coming back under control. I'm still gasping and my eyes are still wide.
"How did you…. I mean…. How…GODS!" I can't even talk!
"It's the way you look at him. To everyone else, you seem spiteful towards him. But I see love and admiration…and respect under those blue eyes of yours, Matt. I see you. The REAL you." I'm blushing now! I know I am!
"Tai! Are you alright?" I hear running footsteps and I look up. TAI'S LAYING ON THE GROUND WITH HIS EYES CLOSED. I rush up and take his hand.
"Tai! TAI!" Sora's getting hysterical.
"Shh…Shh...Sora… He'll be okay, its okay. C'mon. Let's let them take care of Tai and you, me, Kari and Tk can go to that lake over there and wait." Mimi's great. Always ready to take control when she's needed. She leads my little brother, Kari and Sora to the small body of water. It's more like a pond.
"Thanks Mimi." I murmur as Jyou checks his pulse. He really will be a doctor. I run my fingers through his soft brown hair. I move to wipe the small tears forming form my eyes and find…hair! Chestnut brown hair on my hand! What the hell?!
"Izzy! Jyou!" I hold out my hand and they gasp in turn.
"What….Why do you think its falling out?" Izzy and I look at Jyou. He pulls something else out of his crazy medical bag and looks worried.
"Why don't you two go to Mimi and the others. I'll be fine here. And don't worry. I'll find out what's wrong with him." LEAVE?!?! LEAVE?!?! He CAN'T be serious! Izzy pulls on my arm and leads me away from Tai and Jyou. NO! NO! I can feel the tears running freely down my face now.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Hours have gone by! Jyou Still doesn't know what's wrong, Sora has been solemn and calm after that little hysterical brush of fear in the beginning, I've been crying quietly, Tk too, Mimi's been comforting Sora, Izzy's been searching on some medical health web site all day, and Taichi's hair is still falling out in strange clumps more and more often. I look at Kari, who's sitting in my lap. She needed some comfort too and I thought we could comfort each other. I imagine that she's more upset than anyone. Even me. Gabumon comes and sits beside me. He's holding a piece of fruit.
"You want-" He starts to ask but Izzy jumps up with huge eyes, babbling like a maniac. He rushes over to Jyou and whispers something in his ear. The two become wet-eyed and stare at Kari and I.
"What is it?" I ask. Jyou kneels down and puts his hand on Kari's shoulder.
"He… Kari, tell me the truth: What is wrong with Taichi?" She looks hesitant and gives me a wet eyed-glance and I urge her with compassionate eyes. Tears start to drip down her face.
"He….. ha-has… h-he has c-c-cancer!" She throws herself against my chest and I hug her, its all I can do without crying myself. Jyou nods.
"We can't treat him here. He should survive the night and maybe a little of tomorrow but…I'm not sure if he'll live any longer that that." Kari breaks into fresh sobs into my shoulder. I hug her and cry too. Not as hard. But I'm crying.
"Do you think he'll wake up so that we can say goodbye?" I ask. The others are looking at us. They can't hear what Jyou is saying. He smiles sadly.
"There's a good possibility." I sniffle and hug Kari closer.
"Thanks for telling us first Jyou. We appreciate it." Kari and I cry and cry, not even hearing when he tells the others. Sora is holding Tai's hand and softly saying her good byes. He's not even awake. But I think she knows as well I do that "a good possibility" doesn't mean yes. She looks at me and breaks into fresh tears. Mimi leads her away. Kari won't say goodbye unless he wakes up. I know she won't. She's like that. I love the little girl with all my heart. Not like I love Tai but…Like I love Tk. I look at Tk, he's saying goodbye now too. The Digimon go next. I'll wait until everyone is asleep.
After everyone is finished, I hold Kari in my arms and wait until the sobs and sniffles subside. That means that they're all finally asleep. I look at Kari. She's sleeping inside my sleeping bag with me. She said that she was too scared to sleep away from me because... well, Tk is sleeping on my other side, snuggling Patamon. I carefully get out of the sleeping bag and walk over to Taichi in the dying firelight. I hear a soft moan. I stare at Taichi.
"Matt…?" He mumbles. I contemplate telling everyone he's awake but I want this moment to myself. I'm selfish like that. "I love you Matt." My eyes fill with happy tears and I kiss him gently. He smiles. "Guess that means you love me too?" I smile.
"Yeah. It does." He grins. "You're gonna die…aren't you Tai. That's why you're telling me…" It was really more of a statement than a question. He stares at me.
"I think so." Kari stirs and he looks around me to see her inside my sleeping bag.
"You feeling up my little sister, lover boy?" I chuckle.
"No…She said that she was too afraid to sleep anywhere else because… she thinks that I might die too." Tears run down my face. He smiles.
"Go get her. I want to say goodbye." I stand and walk to Kari pulling her into my arms and carrying her over to Tai's still form. I set her down and she grins and cries out softly.
"Tai!" She whispers. Tai pulls her into a hug.
"I'm leaving Kari. You know what I mean. I want to say that I love you. And that I love Mom and Dad. And I…I…" His breath is getting short.
"I love you Taichi." She whispers. "I love you." She's crying harder.
"I want you to know that I'm in love with Matt. And that… everything that Mom and Dad told you about that being wrong… isn't true. You can't decide who you fall in love with. I want you to treat Matt like he's your brother. I want you to take care of him. And I love you Kari. So much. I love you so much. You know that right?" She nods and hugs him tighter.
"I love you too, 'nii-san!" She wails quietly.
"Now go back to bed." She shakes her head but he smiles encouragingly at her. "Go. I….I'll see you again… someday. You'll always see me again. And I'll never be gone if you keep me in your heart." She smiles and kisses his cheek and walks slowly back to my sleeping bag. She opens it and cries until she falls asleep. (This isn't long) Tai stares at me for a moment.
"Don't go messin' in your sleep either." We laugh. I gasp as his laughter turns into choking and his life slips away from him.
"I love you." He whispers as his eyes slide closed. He's still smiling.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When I woke up, Jyou and Izzy were digging a hole underneath the large tree that he had fainted by. Kari holds on to me as tight as she can. I hold on to her just as tight. How could none of us have known? How could we have not suspected with all the trips from school to the doctor? Or when they mysteriously disappeared that one week and none of them had an explanation. How could we have not even had the tiniest inkling?! How?! He was so… radiant and beautiful and kind and understanding. I admit he was a little ditzy sometimes. But I loved him… I still love him. How will any of us be able to explain this to his parents? How will we tell them that their son died, and the camp counselors never knew anything about it? How will I tell them that he died in my arms, but there is no body for them to put in a casket and cry over at a big funeral service, that there will be no grave in which to place their own flesh and blood? What will they say? Will they blame me? Blame us? Blame the camp? Will they blame themselves? Or will the same force that urged us into this world have an explanation for them? For us? How will we ever be able to finish what we started here in this alternate reality, so-to-speak, without that beautiful, laughing brown-eyed boy? So many questions that, for now, will all go unanswered. Kari takes a steadying breath and it comes out without only a slight trace of quivering. She looks up and me and smiles sadly. 'He's always with us' her eyes told me. And I nodded, smiling too. The tears well up in my eyes slowly and deliberately and she hugs me.
"Don't cry….'Nii-chan." My tears are dripping onto hair, but she doesn't seem to care. Everything is blurry and I don't care. Everything will be blurry for a while, I know. And it will all seem unbearable. But I have to bear it. We all do. And not just for ourselves, but for Taichi. He would want us to. "I just don't understand why he had to die…" A few tears roll down her pretty cheeks and I kneel down so I'm level with her.
"Hikari, Dying is a part of life. And even if it seems so random and so unexpected, it's still part of the purpose. The great Purpose that makes up our whole universe. So don't mourn Taichi forever. Don't, because the best way to honor the dead, is to go on living." She nods and wipes her tears away. Her expression becomes determined and she tries on a smile. It's uncomfortable and weak, and she knows it, but she keeps it on for my sake, if not for herself. Taichi was…………
Well, in the end…I guess Taichi went out of my life the same way he came in:
Laughing.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AUTHORS COMMENT: *SOB* *SOB* I didn't mean for it to be so depressing. It just turned out like that!
Mylene_21@hotmail.com (HINT HINT)
Author: Mylene aka Subarru Mylene_21@hotmail.com
Date started: uh…….. a long time ago. ^_^;;
Date finished: *shrug* Damned if I know.
Warnings: Shonen ai, AU(like nearly ALL my fics ^_^), sadness. (I write allot of depressing fics don't I? If you want to now why, just email me)
Pairings: Just Taichi x Yamato; from the first season, no sexy Matt with long shaggy hair in this one.
Summary: Taichi's death: Quick, painful and so sad it would make a spring lily fall over and die.
Author's notes: Okay, sad, sad, sad, SAD, SAD! Everyone got that? Good, well anyway, this a very crappy, short, quick fic that I wrote long before I even knew who my beloved Ken-chan was. O.O
Reader: WHAT?!?! NO KEN-CHAN?!?!
Yeah, yeah, I know, but like I said, I had no idea there even was someone named Ken in Digimon when I wrote this. Wrote it when I first got interested in Digimon. I remember the very first episode I saw too. I don't remember what it's called or anything, but it was the one where Mimi's supposed to sing to wake up Shojo mon(I THINK that's his name), he's the king of the Gecko mon and the Whale mon. The one where Princess Mimi first becomes known.*shriek of terror* I know! I know! I was scared too!
Oh yeah….
I don't own 'em. I wish I owned Ken, but he isn't in this one.
Reader: *SOB* *SOB*
Enough! Anyway, they're owned by saban and all that boring stuff you already know.
I remember the first day I met Taichi. He was laughing. Laughing and carrying on about something. I thought he was an idiot at the time. I love him. I really do. He could never return those feelings though. He isn't the open-minded kind of person. And neither is Kari. I guess that's their parents' fault. I'll just keep these strange feelings in check.
"Matt! Hey! You awake?" Tai's laughing as he waves his hands in my face. I guess my own thoughts can keep me occupied. A strange image from a movie of a man in a porto-potty that was being turned over(EW!) comes to my mind, ("Occupiedio! Occupiedo!")and I smile. "You awake, man?" Tai asks again. I look up.
"Yes, Tai." He frowns.
"What's up?" He looks worried. Hehe. Maybe he's just concerned that they won't have someone to gather fruit and stuff for them. "Matt? Are you alright?" I shake my head to clear it.
"I'm…I'm fine Tai. Go ahead and go to the front. You ARE the leader." I try not to be sarcastic, but sometimes I do it without thinking. He looks hurt. "Uh…I wasn't trying to be mean…Tai…I'm…just go ahead okay? I'll catch up." He nods and smiles a small smile. My eyes follow him to the front of our little group.
"Matt?" Good ol' Gabumon. Always worried about me.
"Hm?" I don't bother to look at him.
"When are you going to tell Tai how you feel?" My head whips around.
"WHAT?!" He makes a hushing sound when everyone looks at us. Their faces slowly turn back to the front. "What are you talking about?!" I try not to yell. How could he know? Oh my god! I'm hyperventilating! Get a grip Yamato! I swear I'm going suffocate right here! Is it THAT obvious?
"I know you better than anyone Matt. And don't worry, I don't think anyone else knows." My breathing is coming back under control. I'm still gasping and my eyes are still wide.
"How did you…. I mean…. How…GODS!" I can't even talk!
"It's the way you look at him. To everyone else, you seem spiteful towards him. But I see love and admiration…and respect under those blue eyes of yours, Matt. I see you. The REAL you." I'm blushing now! I know I am!
"Tai! Are you alright?" I hear running footsteps and I look up. TAI'S LAYING ON THE GROUND WITH HIS EYES CLOSED. I rush up and take his hand.
"Tai! TAI!" Sora's getting hysterical.
"Shh…Shh...Sora… He'll be okay, its okay. C'mon. Let's let them take care of Tai and you, me, Kari and Tk can go to that lake over there and wait." Mimi's great. Always ready to take control when she's needed. She leads my little brother, Kari and Sora to the small body of water. It's more like a pond.
"Thanks Mimi." I murmur as Jyou checks his pulse. He really will be a doctor. I run my fingers through his soft brown hair. I move to wipe the small tears forming form my eyes and find…hair! Chestnut brown hair on my hand! What the hell?!
"Izzy! Jyou!" I hold out my hand and they gasp in turn.
"What….Why do you think its falling out?" Izzy and I look at Jyou. He pulls something else out of his crazy medical bag and looks worried.
"Why don't you two go to Mimi and the others. I'll be fine here. And don't worry. I'll find out what's wrong with him." LEAVE?!?! LEAVE?!?! He CAN'T be serious! Izzy pulls on my arm and leads me away from Tai and Jyou. NO! NO! I can feel the tears running freely down my face now.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Hours have gone by! Jyou Still doesn't know what's wrong, Sora has been solemn and calm after that little hysterical brush of fear in the beginning, I've been crying quietly, Tk too, Mimi's been comforting Sora, Izzy's been searching on some medical health web site all day, and Taichi's hair is still falling out in strange clumps more and more often. I look at Kari, who's sitting in my lap. She needed some comfort too and I thought we could comfort each other. I imagine that she's more upset than anyone. Even me. Gabumon comes and sits beside me. He's holding a piece of fruit.
"You want-" He starts to ask but Izzy jumps up with huge eyes, babbling like a maniac. He rushes over to Jyou and whispers something in his ear. The two become wet-eyed and stare at Kari and I.
"What is it?" I ask. Jyou kneels down and puts his hand on Kari's shoulder.
"He… Kari, tell me the truth: What is wrong with Taichi?" She looks hesitant and gives me a wet eyed-glance and I urge her with compassionate eyes. Tears start to drip down her face.
"He….. ha-has… h-he has c-c-cancer!" She throws herself against my chest and I hug her, its all I can do without crying myself. Jyou nods.
"We can't treat him here. He should survive the night and maybe a little of tomorrow but…I'm not sure if he'll live any longer that that." Kari breaks into fresh sobs into my shoulder. I hug her and cry too. Not as hard. But I'm crying.
"Do you think he'll wake up so that we can say goodbye?" I ask. The others are looking at us. They can't hear what Jyou is saying. He smiles sadly.
"There's a good possibility." I sniffle and hug Kari closer.
"Thanks for telling us first Jyou. We appreciate it." Kari and I cry and cry, not even hearing when he tells the others. Sora is holding Tai's hand and softly saying her good byes. He's not even awake. But I think she knows as well I do that "a good possibility" doesn't mean yes. She looks at me and breaks into fresh tears. Mimi leads her away. Kari won't say goodbye unless he wakes up. I know she won't. She's like that. I love the little girl with all my heart. Not like I love Tai but…Like I love Tk. I look at Tk, he's saying goodbye now too. The Digimon go next. I'll wait until everyone is asleep.
After everyone is finished, I hold Kari in my arms and wait until the sobs and sniffles subside. That means that they're all finally asleep. I look at Kari. She's sleeping inside my sleeping bag with me. She said that she was too scared to sleep away from me because... well, Tk is sleeping on my other side, snuggling Patamon. I carefully get out of the sleeping bag and walk over to Taichi in the dying firelight. I hear a soft moan. I stare at Taichi.
"Matt…?" He mumbles. I contemplate telling everyone he's awake but I want this moment to myself. I'm selfish like that. "I love you Matt." My eyes fill with happy tears and I kiss him gently. He smiles. "Guess that means you love me too?" I smile.
"Yeah. It does." He grins. "You're gonna die…aren't you Tai. That's why you're telling me…" It was really more of a statement than a question. He stares at me.
"I think so." Kari stirs and he looks around me to see her inside my sleeping bag.
"You feeling up my little sister, lover boy?" I chuckle.
"No…She said that she was too afraid to sleep anywhere else because… she thinks that I might die too." Tears run down my face. He smiles.
"Go get her. I want to say goodbye." I stand and walk to Kari pulling her into my arms and carrying her over to Tai's still form. I set her down and she grins and cries out softly.
"Tai!" She whispers. Tai pulls her into a hug.
"I'm leaving Kari. You know what I mean. I want to say that I love you. And that I love Mom and Dad. And I…I…" His breath is getting short.
"I love you Taichi." She whispers. "I love you." She's crying harder.
"I want you to know that I'm in love with Matt. And that… everything that Mom and Dad told you about that being wrong… isn't true. You can't decide who you fall in love with. I want you to treat Matt like he's your brother. I want you to take care of him. And I love you Kari. So much. I love you so much. You know that right?" She nods and hugs him tighter.
"I love you too, 'nii-san!" She wails quietly.
"Now go back to bed." She shakes her head but he smiles encouragingly at her. "Go. I….I'll see you again… someday. You'll always see me again. And I'll never be gone if you keep me in your heart." She smiles and kisses his cheek and walks slowly back to my sleeping bag. She opens it and cries until she falls asleep. (This isn't long) Tai stares at me for a moment.
"Don't go messin' in your sleep either." We laugh. I gasp as his laughter turns into choking and his life slips away from him.
"I love you." He whispers as his eyes slide closed. He's still smiling.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When I woke up, Jyou and Izzy were digging a hole underneath the large tree that he had fainted by. Kari holds on to me as tight as she can. I hold on to her just as tight. How could none of us have known? How could we have not suspected with all the trips from school to the doctor? Or when they mysteriously disappeared that one week and none of them had an explanation. How could we have not even had the tiniest inkling?! How?! He was so… radiant and beautiful and kind and understanding. I admit he was a little ditzy sometimes. But I loved him… I still love him. How will any of us be able to explain this to his parents? How will we tell them that their son died, and the camp counselors never knew anything about it? How will I tell them that he died in my arms, but there is no body for them to put in a casket and cry over at a big funeral service, that there will be no grave in which to place their own flesh and blood? What will they say? Will they blame me? Blame us? Blame the camp? Will they blame themselves? Or will the same force that urged us into this world have an explanation for them? For us? How will we ever be able to finish what we started here in this alternate reality, so-to-speak, without that beautiful, laughing brown-eyed boy? So many questions that, for now, will all go unanswered. Kari takes a steadying breath and it comes out without only a slight trace of quivering. She looks up and me and smiles sadly. 'He's always with us' her eyes told me. And I nodded, smiling too. The tears well up in my eyes slowly and deliberately and she hugs me.
"Don't cry….'Nii-chan." My tears are dripping onto hair, but she doesn't seem to care. Everything is blurry and I don't care. Everything will be blurry for a while, I know. And it will all seem unbearable. But I have to bear it. We all do. And not just for ourselves, but for Taichi. He would want us to. "I just don't understand why he had to die…" A few tears roll down her pretty cheeks and I kneel down so I'm level with her.
"Hikari, Dying is a part of life. And even if it seems so random and so unexpected, it's still part of the purpose. The great Purpose that makes up our whole universe. So don't mourn Taichi forever. Don't, because the best way to honor the dead, is to go on living." She nods and wipes her tears away. Her expression becomes determined and she tries on a smile. It's uncomfortable and weak, and she knows it, but she keeps it on for my sake, if not for herself. Taichi was…………
Well, in the end…I guess Taichi went out of my life the same way he came in:
Laughing.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AUTHORS COMMENT: *SOB* *SOB* I didn't mean for it to be so depressing. It just turned out like that!
Mylene_21@hotmail.com (HINT HINT)