Russia sat by the windowsill, immobile; his eyes transfixed on the world outside. It was a scene he had seen countless times: snow drifting to the ground softly, gently, blanking the ground in pure white. To others it might seem genteel; a peaceful, tranquil winter wonderland.
Lies.
It was all lies.
If he had a choice, he rather the weather reflect what he felt: anger, despair, rejection...but most of all loneliness. Everything was falling apart. All of it was going to end. Alone. Alone. Alone. He was going to be alone again. It was a devil chanting that same mantra over and over. No one loved him. They all hated him. They all wanted to be liberated from him even when he treated them so well, protected them from other power hungry nations. Hate. Hate. Hate.
"Shut up!" The vodka bottle he used to drown out his sorrow sailed across the room, shattering on the double door...right next to China's head.
Calmly, the Chinese nation wiped the drops of alcohol that splattered onto his face. "I didn't even say anything yet and you're already telling me to 'shut up'?"
Russia staggered to his feet, swaying a bit. "What are you doing here, Wang Jao?" He smiled and gestured to himself. "As you can see, I'm not fit for company today."
"I should be asking you that question." China walked closer, already smelling the alcohol radiating off of the other man. "Shouldn't you be at the meeting? What are you doing here getting drunk?"
For a moment Russia stared dumbfounded into obsidian eyes then laughed. He laughed even though he felt as if his heart was being torn into a thousand bloody pieces. "Are you here to gloat? Gloat at the down fall of the oh-so-great Soviet Union? Here to see what sorry state I am in? Well, take your fill." He opened his arms and turned in a circle. However, he overestimated his consumption of the clear liquid and stumbled to the floor.
A flicker of an emotion passed China's otherwise emotionless facade. "No. I don't have spare time to look at your pathetic form. I only came here to discuss the border issue, nothing more."
"Of course, of course," Russia said happily. He tried to get up but his strength failed him. He flopped back to the ground and could only stare blankly at the ceiling. Just as his physical strength left him, so did his emotional one. He felt himself topple over into the darkness. Covering his eyes with his arms, he answered China's first question. "My boss didn't want me to be there. He told me I shouldn't be there." Another hollow laugh tinged with sadness filled Russia's voice, "He said I wasn't strong enough to handle it. And I guess he's right huh? I wasn't strong enough to keep them happy, to keep them together and to watch them leave me. You're right China. I am pathetic. Hahaha."
China sighed. He bent down next to Russia, tugging on the other man's arm. "Russia... there's no need to be like this. Come. Let's sober you up."
"I don't want to sober up. It makes everything that much harder to bear."
"Ru-"
"DON"T CALL ME THAT! That's all I'll be after today. So please," He removed his arms to gaze at China with clear lavender eyes, "Don't call me that...please."
China slowly nodded his head. "Alright. I won't call you Ru- I mean... Ivan...drinking won't solve anything. You should do something more productive."
"Productive?" His head hurted, his heart ached. He wanted to forget this pain. He looked at China closely. Yes, something more productive. His mind set, not even inebriated was China able to overpower the larger nation.
"What are you doing?" China shouted. Russia pinned him to the floor, his wrists gripped in the Russian's calloused hands.
"You said do something productive right? We should renew our relationship da?" He leaned closer to the smooth alabaster face. How was it he forgot how warm and comforting China's presence was? He'll make him feel better, make him forget everything. Yao was always sweet and passionate in bed.
"This isn't going to solve anything..."
"You're so beautiful, Jao." Russia ignored China and instead concentrated on the here and now. He didn't want to think of the impending bleak future, He just wanted to forget everything. His lips left butterfly kisses on China's cheek, "We were so happy together. Why'd did we ever fight? I wanted you, you know that? I've always wanted you, Jao."
He looked into China's ebony eyes. He wanted to drown in them and never resurface.
Yes...please...let me forget even if for a little while...
He kissed China hard, pressing his body down upon the smaller nation. He didn't want to think, he only wanted to feel. He forced the soft lips to part, allowing his tongue to taste the sweet nectar that was China while his hand explored the contour of the slender body beneath him. He ground their hips together, moaning his pleasure...and yet China remained still.
"Kiss me back, damn it," Russia growled, biting those rose petal lips that remained unmoving.
The Chinese didn't answer. He just raised a hand to stroke the side of Russia's face. Staring into the eyes he earlier wanted to drown in, Russia saw pity.
"If you're not going to fuck me, then leave. I want a warm body and not some ice princess." He stood up, dragging China to his feet. He gave the black haired nation a look filled with hatred. "Leave before I decide to bash that pretty little head of yours, Comrade."
Russia turned his back on China, to face the now darkened sky. He could feel China's gaze upon his back but he didn't move. Finally, for what felt like eternity, he heard the soft click of the door closing. A sigh he didn't know he was holding, came rushing out along with...disappointment? Russia reached a hand out to touch his reflection in the window. Cold. Yes. Maybe he was pitiable. Now that China left, he was all alone again, only his morbid thoughts his ever constant companion.
Just when he was contemplating look for another vodka bottle, something wet hit him in the back of the head.
He reflexively grabbed onto whatever it was that hit him and turned around. "Wha-"
"You're drunk. Wash your face with that. Maybe that'll help you sober up." China stood in the open doorway, his arms across his chest and an indignant expression on his face.
Russia could only stare confused, the towel continuing to drip water onto the floor in his hand. "I thought you left."
"I can't leave until I've talked to your boss about the border."
For some reason Russia's heart clenched. "I see..."
"Since he's not here, we might as well do something else. I've had a long journey, make me something to eat."
"China...I'm not in the-"
China grabbed onto Russia's hand, pulling him along. "Show me where the kitchen is and I'll make us something."
"Really, I'm not-"
Russia almost collided into the small back when China abruptly stopped. Russia couldn't see China's expression but he could hear the seriousness in his voice. "It'll make you feel better. I promise."
Russia felt his body freeze but then slowly relaxed again. He glanced at their hands interlocked together. What small, delicate hands China had. They look so easy to break but at this moment, they couldn't have looked any bigger or stronger.
"I guess I am a little hungry," Russia gently squeezed China's hand, "Thank you."
-Few Hours Later-
They both stared at the fireplace, watching the flames flicker to and fro. Russia laid on his side, resting his head on China's lap as the other nation's nimble fingers sifted through his hair. Except for the occasional crackling of the fire, everything was silent. Neither said a word and simply enjoyed the sound of each others' breathing.
"He's late," Russia finally broke the silence.
China continued to stroke the side Russia's face tenderly. "Who is?"
"My boss."
China's hands paused before continuing. "Maybe the meeting was delayed."
Russia did not answer and they fell back into silence. However, China could tell Russia was starting to feel uneasy.
He took a deep breathe before releasing it as a sigh, "Ivan...it won't always hurt. Eventually, the pain will go away. You're a strong nation. Stronger than most I know. One day, I'm positive, they'll return to your side."
Russia did not meet his gaze as he asked, "How do you know?"
"Because you once said that to me and I believed you. I still do."
Violet irises hid themselves as Russia closed his eyes. "I forgot...your siblings betrayed you too..."
"They didn't betray me. They just had to follow what their leader and people wanted." He laid a hand on Russia's cheek. Slowly lilac eyes opened to meet his. What Russia first perceived as pity he now could see it was understanding: of having their siblings leave them, of being torn apart.
China gave a weak smile. "Even though I know that, it still hurts. But you'll recover. After all...it's not like other nations are going to invade you, tear you to pieces."
A tinge of guilt entered Russia's heart. It was a foreign feeling. "Yao, I-"
China looked away, deciding to fix his gaze upon the fireplace again. "I never thanked you."
"For what? I was one of the nations that-"
China cut him off again, "For piecing me back together again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. My people no longer functioned as one. I no longer had the power to mend myself. If you hadn't reached your hand out and become my strength, I don't know where I'd be today."
It was China's turn to close his eyes, looking in himself for the answers. "For that, I thank you. You do not know the extent of my feelings..."
Russia sat up facing China, his hands cupping the others' face. "Jao. I...I...For you, I...I've always-"
The door slammed opened and there stood Gorbachev. "Oh...excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."
"You're not interrupting anything. I was just about to leave." China disentangled himself from Russia, getting up from the sofa.
"You're not going to spend the night? I thought you wanted to talk with Gorbachev about the border." Russia grabbed onto China's wrist, to delay him, to keep the connection they had, he didn't know.
Gently, China pried his hand free from Russia's grasp. "No...it's late. I should be getting back."
Russia could only watch mutely from where he sat as China inclined his head to the last Soviet Union leader and left, leaving only a faint scent of jasmine in his wake.
Gorbachev sat next to his nation personified, plopping down before pouring himself a drink.
"I'm sorry I didn't allow you to go," Gorbachev finally said when he gulped down the liquor. "I already knew how upset you were. I didn't want to hurt you more by seeing the papers signed."
"No...I understand."
Gorbachev poured himself another drink, a contemplative look on his face. "You should go chase after China right now."
Russia stared at his former leader blankly. "What?"
Gorbachev laid his head back on the sofa, exhaustion etched into his face. "I never wanted this to happen. I tried. I tried so hard to keep everyone happy, to keep you together with all my strength...but it wasn't enough. I'm so sorry, Ivan. In the end, I simply couldn't do it. I'm sorry for being a bad boss."
The Russian leader covered his face with a tired hand. "The least I can do is make you happy while I still can."
Still not understanding, Russia could only shake his head.
Gorbachev looked at him and chuckled, "Did you really think China came over to talk about the border issue? Why would the government worry about that when we're on the brink of collapse?"
He gave Russia a knowing smile. "He came here to see you, to make sure you were alright."
When his nation just kept staring at him in disbelief, Gorbachev lightly pushed his shoulder. "Go before he gets any farther."
Russia ran. He ran through the hallways, down the stairs, and flung open the door, yelling only one thing, "Yao! Yao! Yao!"
He raced through the snow, searching for a black dot in the vast white canvas he called home. There, just a couple of yards away.
"Jao! Wait!"
China turned around, surprised Russia was chasing after him. When the blond finally caught up to him, China furrowed his brows in worry, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"
Russia grabbed onto China, trapping him in a tight embrace, "Jao. Jao," he kept repeating.
Seeming to understand, China said nothing and just waited, patting Russian's back absently. They stood there, heat seeping into one another while the snow fell upon them for how long, they didn't know. At last, China was finally forced to break their tranquility. "Ivan...I have to go. Whatever it is you need to tell me, you can tell me when we meet with our bosses."
Russia didn't want to let go, he wanted time to stop. He wanted something, but he couldn't voice it. He couldn't promise things he wasn't sure if he could keep, but he wanted to prolong this moment he had with China. "Let me walk you."
China smiled and held out his hand. "Alright."
A/n: If this looks familiar to anyone, it's because it was originally posted in my "Drabbles and Oneshots". This was written in 2008-2009. The time when I juuuust started writing so I wasn't that confident in the story. However, rereading it, I found that it actually has a tiny bit of a plot and the writing didn't suck as much as I thought.
Originally, between the first half (Ivan getting drunk) and the second (Ivan and Yao sitting by the fireplace), a lot of sweet moments happen. The cooking, eating dinner together, and even a dance or two. But I lost track of the story. Technically, this isn't even the end. However, considering I haven't touched the fic in 3-4 years, it's safe to say I forgot how this story was going to continue OTL.