Note: My disclaimer is on my bio and the = things that don't exsist in ME
On the eve of Pippin's wedding Frodo had invited Pippin, Merry, and Sam over to Bag End to spend the night. It was going to be a bachelor's night to remember. Everyone was laughing, watching TV and videos, drinking ale and eating pizza. They had gone through two kegs in the past hour when the phone rang.
"I'll get it!" yelled Pippin. "Hello?"
"Seven days precious, you're gonna die in seven days." said a voice.
"Why am I going to die?" asked Pippin.
"Because I said so precious." replied the voice.
"Who is this?" asked Pippin.
"Someone very special." said the voice.
"Are you someone from an insane asylum?" asked Pippin.
"Maybe." said the voice.
"What did I do to make you want to kill me?" asked Pippin. "I don't want to die in seven days."
"Fine then precious, once we breaks out of this padded room which will be in a few minutes we will come to kill you precious." said the voice.
"Gollum, time for your sedative." said the asylum worker. "Give me the phone Gollum."
"No precious. We is making death threats which we will do tonight!" yelled Gollum.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Pippin screamed like a girl and threw the phone against the wall, making it break.
"Dude Frodo, there's a chick in here." said a very drunk Merry.
"Dude, let's get better looking." said Frodo.
They both walked into a bathroom and made themselves look better.
"Where's the chick?" asked Merry as he stumbled into the room.
"There was no chick in the house." said Pippin.
"Yes there was." said Merry. "I heard her scream."
"That was me. Oh and Frodo I accidentally threw your phone against the wall and broke it." said Pippin.
"Ha ha. Pippin screams like a girl." laughed Merry.
"Dude, whats your f###in' problem? You just broke my f###in' phone. I paid fifty f##in' dollars on that!" yelled Frodo
"Sorry, I didn't f###in' mean to break you stupid f###in' phone you f###er!" yelled Pippin.
"Yo, stupid f###ers why don't we stop f###in' arguing?" asked Merry.
"Shut up you little f###er!" Yelled Frodo and Pippin at the same time.
"Fine, I will." said Merry.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Oh my God, he's here to kill me!" yelled Pippin as he ran into the cellar and hid.
"Frodo, it's your f###in' house, you open the f###in' door!' yelled Merry.
"Can we stop yelling f this f that?" asked Sam.
"Only if you open the door." said Merry.
"Fine then, I will." said Sam as he went to open the door. "Wait, I'm going to get my frying pan just in case." He went into the kitchen and got, and went to open the door.
"Hi, is Pippin here?" asked his wife to be, Diamond.
"He screamed like a girl and ran to hide somewhere." laughed Merry.
"I highly doubt that is true." said Diamond. "Now where is he?"
"Somewhere in the house. He ran and hid when you knocked on the door." said Merry.
"Let me in." said Diamond.
"No, this is a bachelor party and we know that you just want to eat all of our pizza." said Sam.
"You're not a bachelor Sam." said Merry. "I've never heard of any bachelor with two kids. Wait, never mind I do know someone. I forgot who it is at the moment, but it will come to me. Hmm, now I remember, it's Sam!"
"That made no sense at all." said Diamond.
"Well, we've got to get back to partying." said Merry. "You can see Pip in the morning."
"No, I want to see my husband now." said Diamond.
"You're not married yet." said Merry. "Sam, shut the f###in' door." said Merry.
"Ok, Mister Merry." said Sam as he closed and locked the door.
"Where could Pippin have gone hiding?" asked Merry.
"Who cares?" said Frodo. "More pizza and ale for us."
"No, no one gets ale until we find Pippin." said Merry.
They searched for hours, and being in the drunken condition they were in it seemed impossible so they went to bed.
Pippin had fallen down the stairs into the cellar and hit his head on the hard ground. He woke up and was completely clueless about everything. He started to walk up the stairs with his huge headache throbbing only to find the door being knocked upon. He went and opened it and Gollum was there.
"Hello Precious." said Gollum. "We escaped from our white, padded room. Now we is going to take you."
"Ok, where are we going?" asked Pippin.
"We is taking you back to our padded room for a tea party." said Gollum.
"No thanks, I don't want any tea." said Pippin.
"You is coming with us precious." said Gollum.
"No, I really don't want to." said Pippin.
"You is coming whether you like it or not." said Gollum.
"No, I'm not going." said Pippin.
Gollum grabbed Pippin's hand and bit both of his index fingers off and ran off.
"Ok, you have a nice day too." said Pippin. He walked back into Bag End and bandaged his fingers and went to the room he and Merry always shared at Bag End.
"Pip, is that you?" asked Merry.
"Yes, it's me." said Pippin.
"What time is it?" asked Merry.
"I'd say about noon." said Pippin.
"Shit, you were supposed to be married thirty minutes ago!" yelled Merry as he got up and grabbed both Pippin's and his tuxes. They ran throughout Bag End getting ready and woke Frodo and Sam up.
Pippin only had enough time to comb through his hair for two minutes before he and Merry jumped into their Mercedes-Benz and drove about 140 MPH to the church only to find people beginning to leave. "Wait!" yelled Pippin. "The Groom and Best Man are here!"
"What took you so long?" yelled Diamond. "Were you too busy with the other girl to remember your wedding?"
"There wasn't another girl. I tumbled down the stairs and hit my head on the cellar floor." said Pippin.
"Well, the wedding is off!" yelled Diamond as she slapped him.
"What did I do?" asked Pippin.
"You know, as well as I do what you did." said Diamond.
"Someone called me trying to make death threats." said Pippin.
"It's true." said Merry. "And he screams like a girl." laughed Merry.
"What did we do?" asked Pippin.
"We ate pizza, got drunk and watched some videos." said Merry. "Oh yeah, we watched that tape that is supposed to kill you Pip."
"No wonder why we were getting death threats from the insane asylum." said Pippin.
"Prove it!" yelled Diamond.
Pippin then unbandaged his fingers and showed it to Diamond. "The psycho bit my fingers off!" yelled Pippin.
"And they was most delicious." said Gollum.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Pippin screamed like a girl again.