"Thanks," I say, with genuine gratitude, looking upon the newly conjured body on the floor.
"My pleasure as always," he replies, with that perfect smile of his.
I avoid looking at his eyes, trying hard to not even catch white from my peripheral vision, but it is impossible. He is here, so close to me, our bodies damped in sweat, his even more so with pain. "I really hope you're not serious when you answer that," I bring myself to say with a bit of sarcasms, it's all I can do to not sound terrified.
Days go by, and our routine doesn't change. Sometimes it's him, sometimes Ten, but I've been under constant watch since I got here. It doesn't matter, as long as they tithe, it's almost a convenience. I get to see them suffer a little, and even though I know it is wrong, I wish I could make it the more painful each time. Another part of me is drowning, annoyed. I have no freedom here; the once human girl that lived on her own and traveled the world is now stuck to this desert, this castle, and these two people. But that is also fine, it's the least I can do to attempt atoning for my sins. Even though I know, even if I live in constant pain, suffering from the worst, and working until my body collapses, I will never be able to pay for what I've done.
"What do I need to do?" I ask him one afternoon after finishing the day's work, tired of everything, drained of being rejected over and over by my own people. There has to be something, something to prove to them I am with you, anything to erase the words angel-lover from the core of their brain when they see me.
"What do you mean?" he asks, in the ever so calm voice I fear so much. I hate the effect he has on me. Every time he's near I fall powerless, uncovered. His eyes wonder the most reserved parts of my body, piercing through them with cravings and desires, he doesn't even strive for discretion. It makes me want to run away from him, cover myself with the bed sheets, and lock myself in a place where he can't possibly reach me.
"You know what I mean," I defy him with little attitude, "to…" I choke on my own words, just how pathetic do I look right now? What is the correct way to say this? "To be accepted once again by my people, to be able to sit at dinner with them, to stop being avoided… or at least to be respected as another chimera." My words turn sour towards the end. After all, I know I am getting the respect I deserve: none. I hate the tightness that builds in my throat at the thoughts of what I've done, all the deaths and tragedies, I really do deserve nothing.
"You know what you have to do," his words bring me back from the dark world I had sunk myself into.
"What do you mean?" I ask, shaking my head slightly in confusion.
"So now who's the one playing the fool?" he looks down on me, taking my whole image in. I step back as a reaction, bumping into the wall, feeling like a cornered wild animal. He laughs turning away, "no need to get so frightened, I don't bite… unless you want me to."
I compose myself fast, putting on my tough façade once again. "I think you should leave," I demand with power, walking over to the door to open it for him as a clear sign that I want him gone, but he shoves the door closed as soon as I try to open it. I feel him close, way too close to me. I jump back once again, stumbling into the table, dropping the tray with the collection of teeth I had gathered from around the world.
His laugh increases to a mocking sound, as he lowers himself to help me pick them up, "You don't need to be so panicked, Karou. Karou."
Stop saying my name! He reaches for my hand in between moments and I yank back fast, fast enough to surprise us both, "Leave, just leave now." I command, holding both my arms to my chest, in a safeguard position.
"If that is what you wish my lady, but do think about it," he reaches for a stand of blue hair over my face and tugs it behind my ear, "What better way to gain redemption? You don't even have to be real, just pretend. You play your part and I'll play mine." His voice changes as if speaking to a crowd when he continues, "I was bewitched and fooled by him, I didn't know any better, but now I've seen the light. Thiago is the one I love, and you all are the ones I will support and protect until the day I see the angels fall." He goes back to his regular voice and whispers in my ear, "You see how nice that sounds? They'll love it. Finally a real chance of hope, their resurrections together with their leader, the way it always should have been."
His words sink on me, the way it always should have been, how many times have I thought the same thing? In the back of my mind I wish I would had picked Thiago long ago, not because I love him, but to avoid all of this. If I would have just accepted him, we wouldn't be here, the city wouldn't be gone, and Brimstone would be by my side. "What would be our parts, exactly? Not that I am planning on-"
But that cunning smile was back in his face once again as he reached his fingers to my mouth, "You will be the regretful wife, coming back to her husband begging for forgiveness, and I will be the one who so kind heartedly decided to take you back… because I love you." He traces his fingers down my neck, reaching for my chest, "We are all just vessels."
"Stop," I yell, grabbing his fingers from going any further, but he holds my hand still with force.
"You can't catch something for nothing, Karou. We all know that, let's just play the game. You'll get what you need, and I'll get to finally have what I've wanted for so long."
I swallow hard, submerged in frustration, he wraps a firm arm around my waist. "Thiago, wait," I gasp, but he's already kissing behind my ear. The once 'sensitive spot' gets tainted with revulsion, but for some reason, I don't stop him. I shut my eyes close in hopes it will all end soon, but dealing with The Wolf, kindness isn't something to be expected.
"Karou. Karou," he sings into my ear, in the most disgusting ways. He wastes no time and reaches his fingers to my most private area. I jump back once again in utter shock, but he doesn't let me escape, holding me tight by the waist. "Stop struggling already," he whispers perversely, "don't tease me now, let me enjoy you."
He moves his fingers in a circular motion down there, making my stomach twist, turning my whole body cold. Get up, Karou, that is all you have to do! Say no, just run! But I don't, I sit still letting his hands touch me, being held by him, by him, the one I hate the most.
"Do you promise me, Thiago." I manage to look him straight in the eyes, I need to see if there is any truth behind his words. "Do you give me your word, you'll make things happen."
"Karou, after I'm done talking to them, they will venerate you like a goddess. Now, work with me, take off your shirt."
"What?!" I cover my chest with my arms once again, "No!"
"And why not?" he eyes me up and down. I'm frightened and trembling, how feeble. "Oh… I see," he smiles again, I hate that smile. I fear it. "Because like this you can excuse yourself later, right? You'll tell yourself 'I didn't give myself to him, he just took me.' I don't like that, It's unfair don't you think."
He rises, taking off his own shit, revealing his overpowering chest. He tosses it to the side and goes to sit at the edge of the bed, waiting. "Come," he invites, and my body freezes in panic.
Everything stops altogether. I can still run away, right now that he doesn't expect it, but who I'm I kidding, this is the only way. I manage to get on my feet, fighting back the shakiness of my body. Stop it! You make me feel even weaker. I stumble on my own feet walking towards him, and come to a stop when I'm right in front. I glimpse up at him once, and that is enough to send more shivers through my body. How can something so beautiful feel so dark? The overwhelming situation makes me turn, and I have to focus my thoughts to hold myself from retching.
What are you doing, Karou? Is this what you want? I finish convincing myself at this moment: I will do it, but I won't be defeated. I will gain something out of this, something great, something that I want and need. I will gain my life again, so there's no need to be acting like a coward. This is what I want. His words come to me, 'we are all just vessels.' It's true, I understand, I will use him and he will use me. There are no feelings involved, no emotions, we won't make love, he won't have me. I take a deep breath in determination, and a new courage takes over, let's just do it.
I slip my shirt off delicately, softly, sensually, and look at him again. This time my eyes burn like the fire from the sun, I reach for the back of my bra and undo it, letting it slip down to the floor, revealing myself. His demeanor changes from complete control to confusion, and behind that, deep down, there might be even a glimpse of intimidation. I walk to him and get on top, circling his neck with both my arms. "Let's do it."
He looks upon me with so much fervor it's abominable, then reaches a hand to my right breast and massages it. "Let's." He begins by licking my left nipple, looking straight at my eyes, moving his tongue up and down, then in circles. He then bites down on it softly, still playing with my other breast, and brings them both together moving his tongue from one nipple to the other, licking, sucking and biting. They get aroused, perking up in excitement, and I hate myself for it. I am not enjoy it, but can't stop the reaction. "I like that," he says. "Ummm… Karou, I knew deep down you've always been a slut." I keep my anger inside, if I stop now, it would all have been for nothing.
I feel his erection rise under his clothes. With a swift movement, he flips me over in the bed and lands on top on me. He yanks my pants and panties off at once, throwing them on the floor. There is no romance, no kissing or words of love, just a great emptiness and complete despair. With a finger, he circles me gently, rubbing my vagina. Once again I can't control my body's reactions as I feel it drip, shit! Stop! He's going to think that I'm enjoying it! And just as I thought, he smiles and goes under, "Wait!" I stop him, "You don't have to do that."
"Why? Because you'll like it?" His face is flushed. I can't believe it, he looks so vulnerable. "You don't have to hate yourself just because it feels good."
"Stop, don't say things like that," but he doesn't care, diving into me. The touch of his tongue against my lower lips sends a wave of pleasure through my body, causing a moan to escape. And he keeps going, deep in there, licking and sucking throwing my body out of balance. My legs kick to the sides, and my upper body turns in weird directions. He then pushes up at the skin covering my clitoris, and once uncovered, licks it repeatedly. A new sense of ecstasy takes over me.
"Wait… don't," but my words don't agree with my motions as I pull his head closer to me with both hands, savagely. Everything is telling me not to get taken, but I am engulfed in a wave of heat, driving me insane. I look down on him, so perfectly white, it's him! This shouldn't be happening! My body arches backwards, pushing myself into his mouth, his tongue never stopping its gruesome attacks. I moan wildly, stretching my body out, curling my toes. And then comes release, from deep inside my brain an explosion of poison, making its way through my every molecule, ending up in his mouth.
What have I done?
He lifts his head licking his lips, his eyes with a special spark, so dominating. He leans on top of me, lowering his pants, holding himself up with one hand. I am still breathing heavily, my lower parts still throbbing in joy, I almost don't feel him as he settles himself between my thighs. "Come love… let me in," he whispers and I unconsciously open my legs a bit wider. I feel him enter, little by little, grunting on top of me. "Oh fuck!... You're so damn tight… you feel so good." I wish he would stop, don't say things like that.
With one finally thrust he digs himself deep inside of me, arching his body up, and then begins moving, every move a bit harder, fuller of life. He is inside of me, and the thought makes me want to break down and cry. What is wrong with me? How could I have allowed this? What have I become? His nails claw into my back as he moves faster.
Go fast… just finish already, I beg inside my brain, but he has no intention of letting me go that easily.
He takes his time, switching positions, placing me from side to side like his perfect trophy, and then he does the unimaginable. He grabs my head and lands a kiss. I pull away immediately. "So fucking you is ok, but a kiss, never?" He keeps thrusting, his voice agitated. "Fine, have it your way, my lady. I can do other things instead." He goes back to my nipples, as I fight hard not to whimper.
I'm glad to feel him grow inside of me, to hear his grunts become more brutal, his whole body gets over taken by heat and soon he cumes, arching his body to the sky. Finally, it is done. He rests inside of me for a few seconds, regulating his breath, wiping the sweat off his face, and then rolls over to the side to lay next to me.
"You should go already," I say, breaking the silence and the intimate moment, curled up on the opposite side of the bed.
He smiles, all the vulnerability he had minutes ago, gone. "As cold as always," but at least he doesn't fight it. He rises, and searched for his clothes. My eyes can't help but wonder his body, his perfection. Definitely Brimstones best creation, what a waste. When he is done, he leans over and kisses my forehead unexpectedly, "tomorrow it will all be over." And with those worlds he steps out of my room, leaving me with nothing but hate, but even now, not at him. Just a disgusting repulsion at myself.