"I am sorry Jane."
"I'm sorry too Casey."
If she had only paused for a split second and turned back around she would have seen the pain on my face as I watched my love walk out the door. It seemed the timing was never right with us. In high school she scared the crap out of me always knowing who she was and me a lost little boy pretending I had everything under control. I saw her once before I enlisted and damn if she wasn't even more beautiful and confident since I saw her in high school. We went out to dinner and I knew…I knew she was the girl I hoped I could find one day but going off into the military was my job now. Then at our high school reunion when I was on leave everything just sort of fell into place. We kept things very open and up in the air but we both knew something was there and I starting counting my time until I could be back in the United States and with Jane on a more permanent basis. That was when it all changed….if only I could have made it back for the second high school reunion none of this would have happened.
Jane slammed the door behind her as she left the office and as hard as she fought it a couple tears ran down her cheeks. She didn't want to admit it but she knew Casey was the first guy she ever really loved and could see herself being with long term. They had known each other since they were kids and even though it took them 20 years to figure it out they had…at least Jane thought they had. Taking a deep breath she tried to compose herself before walking outside where she knew Maura was waiting.
"Well that was a great idea he said I wasn't the girl of his dreams," Jane said trying to put on her best front but failing miserably.
"Well maybe he just can't be with you right now. He is just coming back from war Jane, you don't know what he had been through."
"Or with me ever."
"Jane I am soo sorry," Maura said trying her best to comfort her best friend. It wasn't often she was put in this position seeing as Jane was her only real close friend and she usually was never this vulnerable. "Lets go do something crazy," Maura added. "We can go tagging," she laughed trying to lighten Jane's mood.
It worked briefly because for a split second Jane smiled.
"Thanks Maura but I just wanted to be alone for a little bit."
"Jane," Maura said in a tone letting her best friend know she didn't think that was a good idea.
"No, really Maura just for a little. Why don't you see if any paint store are still open and get a couple cans of spray paint," Jane said with a straight face.
Maura stood there shocked for a moment before Jane's smile broke through and Maura figured out she was kidding.
"Not nice," Maura pouted. "I thought you were series and was getting a little excited."
"Don't make me arrest you," Jane joked. "Just stop by the food store and get graham crackers marshmallows and chocolate….lost of chocolate and I will meet you back at your house soon I just need a few minutes."
"You sure you're going to be ok?"
"Nothing like 5 pounds on the hips won't be able to cure."
"All right I will meet you at my house soon."
Maura looked back one last time before getting in her car and heading off to the store. Jane took a deep breath again trying to calm herself down as she took a seat on the bench outside the building. All her fears were coming to light tonight. She just wasn't good enough for him…she didn't think she would be good enough for any man. With her head in her hands she just couldn't hold it in anymore and cried not caring that she was in public.
"You're an idiot Jones."
Casey looked up as his fellow injured veteran rolled by him in a wheel chair. Casey knew the man spoke the truth but right now, this soon, he just couldn't come to terms with everything. He had nothing to offer Jane anymore. She was the strongest person he knew and he was no some cripple who could barely stand let alone walk on his own. Picking up his legs and moving them out from under the desk he turned them so he could stand. He hated the sound his heavy metal braces made when they hit the floor. He then reached for his crutches and struggled to stand before slowly making his way out of his office. He punched the elevator button so frustrated with everything and just wanting to go home. The door binged then opened and he stepped out slowly making his way to the exit.
Once he got to the glass doors he almost fell over in shock and fear. He saw Jane still outside sitting on the bench with her head in her hands. He could see her shoulders gently shaking and he knew….he knew he was the cause of those tears that were hidden by her long dark locks. He moved as fast as he could away from the door so she couldn't see him if she looked up. He peaked around the corner and watched her for a couple moments. His heart broke seeing her there, but if she only knew what she was really leaving behind she wouldn't be crying. Finally Jane stood and harshly wiped the tears from her slightly red eyes. Casey observed for a minute before ducking back behind the safety of the wall. He checked a couple minutes later and sure enough Jane was gone. He brushed the tear that had escaped his eyes before heading out himself. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.