A: Happy new year! What better way to start off the new year by jumping aboard the negitoro angst train? Based off real people and real events. Kinda AU-ish

I hope you all had a great start to a new year! Throw away what dragged you down in 2013!

Summary: Luka gets dragged off to a countdown party and ends up reflecting on her and Miku. Unrequited Love, Angst, Swearing.

Anything for her

New year's eve and here I am, wondering what I'm doing in this group of people I barely know. Of course, Miku had to drag me to a New Year's Countdown Party. I could have been doing better things like proofreading my own research papers, or finally getting an early night, but Miku asked me.

She had pleaded with those irresistible puppy eyes and I found myself saying "yes I'll go" instead of "no, I won't go and nothing you say or do will change my mind." I had sloppily finished my last essay to rush to Kaito's house, him being one of the few people I actually knew.

He was nice and tried to get me into several games of poker but I had no interest in gambling; my wallet is thinning and my luck… well… Speaking of luck here comes Miku.

"Aren't you going to play?" She asks, and her smile dazzles me. From behind her, Gakupo eyes us. He's also one of the few people I know here, unfortunately. I don't hate him, but neither of us see eye to eye. I'm his girlfriend's best friend, and he's the one who stole my first love's heart. 7 years of pathetic pining and he beats me to it.

"No, I'm fine here." I grip my sketchbook and she takes a seat beside me on the couch. Gakupo turns back to his card game, and I relax a little.

"What are you doing?" She peers over my shoulder, her presence comforting me.

"Doodling." I flip a few pages for her to see, and her eyes brighten.

"I thought you studied psychology." She takes my pencil and starts to trace lines in the stiff page. I pass the book to her.

"I do. I just like to draw." And so does she. She wanted to be an artist, but her parents and Gakupo convinced her to go to college instead of art school. Better prospects, they said. Their words probably weigh more than mine anyways.

"I could teach you." She says, her eyes still locked onto her drawing. I hate people touching my sketchbook, but I'd gladly let her fill up the whole book with her drawings.

"I'm not interested." I lie. Card games were a way to pass time while there was nothing else to do. There was so much I could do now. The pool table in Kaito's living room was empty, and the dartboard was tempting me. However, the group playing cards was in my way and I didn't want to walk over there. I would rather sit on the couch and play the role of an observer.

"Aren't you bored?" She whines a little, pleading me to play with her. I almost give in, but Gakupo turns his head again.

"No, I'm fine here." She sighs and finishes.

"If you say so." She leaves with a frown that vanishes when Gakupo smiles at her.

I guess all I can do it make her unhappy. 8 years of being her best friend. We met when I was 11 and she was 10. And despite being a year older, and in different grades, we found enough time to be together. She opened up to me, and I saw that one side of the cheerful, energetic Hatsune Miku that no one else did. I remember her crying her eyes out as she clung to me desperately, when the toll of school work was too demanding and harsh for her. I remember her smiling gratefully when I tutored her in science, which was actually my worst subject. But I studied everything I had to teach her the night before. I remember her calling me at 9am, just when I was about to go to sleep after working on a paper for two days straight. I remember jumping out of my sleep-deprived state to rush to accompany her to get ready for her prom. Her prom in which Gakupo was her date.

I tried so hard, and I feel so stupid now. No one can make her smile like that except for Gakupo. To her, I'll be her best friend, one spot below her boyfriend. Her boyfriend of 2 years.

I grab a glass and fill it with wine that was sitting on the table. My throat feels incredibly parched and I know that wine won't quench it but I drink anyways.

"If you continue drinking you'll end up like shit." A blonde saunters over, smirking as she glugs down a can of beer.

"I'm Lily. You remember me? From high school?" She shrugs. "I used to quarrel with Kamui over there. Every single time. Bastard always talks big." She sneered and I remember her.

"Yeah, you were invited, huh?"

"Kaito was my childhood friend. Heard you're studying with him now." Lily motions to the couch and I nod. She plops herself on the empty space on my right.

"Psychology, huh? Sounds fun." She murmurs, reaching for another can of beer on the table. She drinks in silence but it is comfortable silence. We never really talked after graduation but we were comfortable with each other. She was the only girl in the class who would spew out vulgarities in her everyday speech. Despite her language, she was nice and easy to get along with.

To my surprise, it is already nearing midnight, and I'm amazed and disgusted at how the group of guys and some girls could play cards for 4 hours straight. Not that I've been doing any better. For four hours I talked to Kaito, and just sat on the couch like someone who was forced to come to this party. Oh wait, and I just talked to Lily.

One of the boys shouts and everyone turns their heads to the clock. They rush over here, bombarding the clock and turning on the TV for the countdown. Miku sandwiches herself beside Gakupo and me.

"10!"

"You made a new year's resolution yet?" Lily whispers, and I shake my head.

"9!"

"Haven't really thought about it." I notice Miku glancing at us. Is she happy that I'm socializing? Is she jealous?

"8!"

The drunken cheering around me continues. Apparently they had taken far too many shots.

"10!"

"It's 7, you moron!"
"Drunk off his ass!"

"5!" The man on the screen shouts, and I wonder what difference a new year actually makes. Maybe it's time to start anew, forget Miku, forget everything…

"3!"

But I'll never stop loving her. Her hand bumps against mine, but I know her left hand is clutching Gakupo's firmly.

"2!"

The drunk boy falls down and everyone laughs. Miku leans against Gakupo and I've never felt so cold in my life.

"1!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The whole house explodes around me, and Lily grimaces. The drunken boy flails around and screams "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" before slumping down again. Kaito immediately helps him up, being the excellent host that he is.

Miku leans up and kisses Gakupo on the cheek, and he pulls her for a kiss on the lips. My stomach lurches, and it's not from the alcohol consumed.

"I'm going out for some fresh air." I mumble, and Lily follows me out of concern. Miku doesn't look back and I suspect that Gakupo's smirking. He has the right to gloat; he got his girl, and I didn't. And he claimed her right in front of me to show who captured her heart.

"What an ass." Lily grunts and pulls out a cigarette when we step out into the snow.

I watch as she flicks on a lighter, and she looks at me.

"How long have you tolerated that?" She brings the cigarette to her lips, and I shrug.

"Long enough."

Yeah, long enough. Miku had always jumped around when it came to boys. Her first boyfriend was Kagamine Len, a short blonde who had a good sense of humour. When she told me they were dating, I felt as though a punch had been delivered to my gut, but smiled. As long as she was happy. The years rolled by and so did her boyfriends, from Len to Piko, to Kiyoteru and Oliver. Then Gakupo asked her out, and I thought it wouldn't last. But it did. She still loves him. Was it love? Or like? It doesn't matter, as long as she's happy.

"Fucking bastard. He knows." Lily exhales, the smoke exiting her lungs in a puff.

"You know too, huh?" I mutter, seeing no use in denying it.

"It'd be hard for me to miss that look on your face when Hatsune steps into class during lunch break." Lily turns and look at me. "You sat beside me after all."

"I never knew I was that obvious."

"So what you going to do now? You can't let this drag on forever. Tell her how you feel, or let it go?"

I don't know. I don't want to risk this friendship. I've been cowardly, I always knew it. If I told her how I felt about her, she'd probably avoid me. And I won't even be her best friend. If I let her go… I could never really let her go.

"Gakupo isn't gonna be the right guy for her." Lily throws down her wasted cigarette and stomps on it. "His views are kinda fucked up."

Right. Miku had forced me to have a lunch date with her, Gakupo and Kaito. She had foolishly tried to pair me up with my good friend who knew that I was as straight as a Tesla Coil and knew how I felt for a certain tealette. And they had brought up the topic of parenting and Gakupo had infuriated me so much I wanted to walk out of the café.

"Children don't need to know things, even if you tell them lies they won't understand it. If you want to discipline your child, you don't have to explain anything. Hitting them, giving them a time out, it doesn't matter, they're chidren! Miku would agree with me." He had said while laughing, and I felt complied to regurgitate all my knowledge from my studies, but Kaito had nudged the topic aside quickly. Miku just looked down at her pasta, her face unreadable. But the truth was simple, Gakupo didn't really care what Miku thought. He was so arrogant and self-conceited, I couldn't bear to see him with someone as sweet and caring as Miku any longer. But Miku was happy.

"Quite fucked up." I murmur, and Lily laughs.

"You cussed!" She doubles over with laughter. "This could be the first time I've heard you cuss!"

"I'm pretty sure it isn't." The door opens, Miku poking her head out.

"We're going to play some cards. Are you sure you don't want to join us?" She looks at me, and ignores Lily. She's pleading again.

"Rin's asleep, and the other girls are going home soon. I'm staying over." She continues, but I'd rather stand out in the cold and talk to Lily than go in.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not that interested. I'll join you later?" I smile back and she hangs her head, defeated, before closing the door.

"That seems like a first." Lily raises her brow.

"It is." I smile, feeling quite liberated, but sad.

"You're not going to chase after her? Not gonna fight for her happiness?"

I shake my head. "No, I can't fight for her happiness. I'll be fighting away her happiness if I do that. Right now she's happy with Gakupo. The most I can do is wish for their happiness, as much as I don't like the idea of the two of them together. I'm not going to chase anymore. I'll support her in what she does." Lily looks at me, a finger tapping her chin.

"Admirable. If I were you, I'd punch that smug asshole till he bleeds. Don't know how you can take this, but that's kinda… cool." She gives me an odd little smile.

"I guess that's your new year's resolution?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

I never really thought about it, but I guess it is. What exactly it is, I don't know. I can't put it into words, but it is there. A feeling, a drive, a pain, a burn. A step forward into the uncertain future. A step in being a best friend. A step away from the past. The breaking of chains that shackled me to my self-pity and endless longing for someone who would never reciprocate my feelings. The breaking of my already broken heart.

I draw in a ragged breath and the cold numbs me.

"Anything to make her happy."

Aww shit I ended up making this longer than expected. It was written on a whim, and not much planning, so I apologize if it got lengthy and boring. I personally like Gakupo but I needed to find someone to play the role of Miku's boyfriend and Kaito's been taking that role for a long time now.

Still, I should treat Gakupo better. I killed him off recently too, ahaha.

To clarify, Luka, Lily, and Gakupo were in the same class in highschool. Miku's one year younger than them. Kaito is in the psychology class as Luka now. Kaito also knows Gakupo from some sports club, and Lily was Kaito's childhood friend. Everything now comes full circle with Kaito as Mr. Popular.

I wanted to make this end on some sort of hopeful note, and I'm not sure whether that just made it worse but oh well \( ᐛ )/

Well, thank you all for reading this fic *bows down with gratefulness*