Some of you may have already read this over on livejournal but in honor of tonight's wedding I thought I'd post it here too. This is what happens in my McSwarek dream world...no wait...in my dream world these 2 didn't wait this long to get back together.

I hope it's not too confusing as I was having one of those 'no name' moments again.

As always, I own nothing Rookie Blue.

She looks beautiful.

He can't take his eyes off of her.

Doesn't want to… ever again.

He misses the feel of her in his arms. Hates that he almost can't remember it.

He misses the look on her face when he says just the right thing. That pure joy that reaches right into his own heart and squeezes.

That feeling… he misses it too.

He misses the way she laughs at his jokes. Every. Single. Time. And he just… it doesn't even matter how often he's used them, her eyes still sparkle and she never tries to answer, just waits.

He misses the way she used to wait… the way he used to too.

He misses the warmth of her body next to his. Is pretty sure he hasn't slept more than a couple of hours at a time since… He misses that extra weight holding him… not back or down, just… keeping him grounded.

He misses everything about her… everything he is when he's with her.

He stands up…finally. Tells himself he can do this, he can.

He takes a few furtive steps, gets himself just inside that self-imposed restraining order distance when he sweeps her onto the dance floor.

And he misses her all over again.

That ache in his chest… he'd really rather miss that too.

She looks beautiful.

And this… having her in his arms… it feels really good.

He doesn't miss the awkwardness; like it was… before. Only being at ease in each other's arms when it's leading somewhere.

He likes this, just holding her; it's comfortable…easy… right.

He doesn't miss having to watch what he says… like before. She takes everything in stride - grinning, happy.

He doesn't miss the constant anger, wondering what he's done… this time. Despite everything that's happened to her, that smile is there more often than not.

He really doesn't miss all the hot and cold, being in that constant state of flux. She's warm all the time.

Except…

He also doesn't miss the way her eyes are always drawn to somewhere over his shoulder.

And he doesn't miss the way he never takes his eyes off her for too long.

So close and yet so far.

That ache in his chest… he should probably get used to it.

She's… content. It feels good to be held close. But it's not him… it's not… home.

He shakes off the voice in his ear telling him he's missing his chance… because he's not… not this time.

The tap on his shoulder tells him his time is up. He wishes he had just a little bit longer… but he knows it's not meant to be.

"May I?"

The question's not for him. He's looking at her.

Her smile is small but the hope is there and it's all the answer he needs to let her go.

He pulls her in close, gets one hand in that familiar position at the small of her back. Takes hold of hers and places it against his heart.

It's in her hands now… always has been.