There's Only So Much A Heart Can Take Chapter 1: You Never Really Forget, a big time rush fanfic

Bleh... This is a multi-chapter story since you know I've been posting a lot of one-shots lately...but yeah. I'm dedicating this story to moi bestie Wynter-Solstice. Please don't hate me if its horrible :(

'Kendall, I need to speak with you.'

Kendall's head snapped up and he saw Logan standing next to his beach chair, fully dressed. He had been writing lyrics in his song book, singing softly and tapping his pencil against the chair handle, so he had probably looked like an idiot, but he didn't care.

'So speak.'

Logan looked around the crowded area uncomfortably. 'Could we… could we go somewhere more private?'

Kendall blinked. 'Um..ok… Let's go in a tent, then?'

Logan nodded. Kendall got up and followed him into the tent. When he entered, he saw Logan staring at the ground woefully.

'Logan… what's wrong?'

'Kendall, I'm leaving. I'm leaving BTR,' Logan said, refusing to meet the blond's eyes.

Kendall stared at him in shock before what the brunet had just said was fully registered.

'What? You can't leave! Big Time Rush needs you!' His voice softened. 'I need you.' I love you.

A tear fell from Logan's eye. 'I'm sorry… but this is just something I have to do.'

'Logan, you can't do this. What is Big Time Rush without you?' What am I without you?

Kendall couldn't believe that this was happening. It was at times like these, he hated being the leader of Big Time Rush.

'Remember when I had scarlet fever? And you guys had to practice without me for two weeks? You didn't die then, you probably wouldn't die now.'

I'll die if you leave me.

'Logan-'

'Kendall, I'm sorry. But please don't make this harder than it already is.'

Kendall felt his heart breaking. This couldn't be happening, not now. Not right after he was pouring his heart out into song writing, leaving him vulnerable. 'What about the others?'

More and more tears slipped out, leaving wet marks on Logan's face. 'Tell them I love them.'

Kendall hated this. He hated making decisions. He had to ensure that when he made his choices, as a leader, everyone was happy. If Logan left, no one would be.

'Will you be happy?'

Logan met the blond's eyes for the first time since he came into the tent.

'I…I hope so', he said, his voice breaking.

That was it. To Kendall, Logan's happiness meant more than all the other's put together.

'Ok. Only if you could promise me you'll be happy.' Kendall swallowed, unable to breathe properly, there was this massive force pushing down on him that wanted him to slap some sense into Logan.

'I promise.'

Kendall opened his song book and tore out a page. 'And I want you to have this, Logan. I wrote this song when I first met you. But only open it when you reach wherever you're going.'

Kendall hugged Logan, clinging onto him tightly. When he stepped back, Logan was sobbing helplessly. 'I'll- I'll be back, Ken. I promise.'

And with that, he ran out the tent.

…

Kendall opened the door to the apartment; feeling like all his insides had been carved out like a Halloween pumpkin. He felt empty, yet his mind was replaying everything that just happened over and over.

James and Carlos were sitting at the dining table, eating fish sticks. When they saw Kendall, they perked up visibly.

'Hey Kendall! Mrs. Knight and Katie went to see a movie and left us fish sticks. You want a fish stick?' Carlos chirped, oblivious to Kendall's depressed state.

Kendall shook his head and slumped down in his seat.

'Where's Logan?' James asked.

Kendall couldn't help it, his fists clenched, and he was ready to pummel James to the floor for even saying Logan's name.

He took a deep breath and calmed himself. 'Away. He left the band.'

'Oh cool,' Carlos said before he realized what Kendall just said.

'Yeah, he told me. Then he left.' All this talk of the bubbly nerd was wearing him down.

'AND YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM?' Carlos shouted; his face red and angry.

Kendall immediately became mad. When his emotions ran high, it was a bad thing. He stood up, clenched his fist and banged it on the table. 'What did you want me to do, Carlos? Tie him up? Stick him to a chair? It was his choice. I couldn't change it. So don't blame this on me.'

'Kendall-', James began, but Kendall walked away, his hand running through his hair, feeling like a complete idiot. He went to his and Log- his room and sat on the bed. Logan's bed. All of the brunet's stuff had been moved except for one thing- the picture with him and Kendall.

Kendall finally let the flood gates open. He cried and cried. Thoughts of how the brunet had helped him, saved him, kept him sane over the years, everything, just raced through his mind. When he closed his eyes, all he saw was chocolate eyes staring back at him. He couldn't help it. Logan was just the kind of guy you never really forget.

…

James watched Kendall walk away in shock. Logan left? He really didn't expect that. He heard sniffles next to him, and saw Carlos next to him, crying softly. Carlos loved Logan like a brother, and he was going to take Logan's leaving very hard.

But James was more worried about Kendall. The blond looked so lifeless, so pale. He got up, after giving Carlos two pats on the back, and followed Kendall into the room.

He found the blond on Logan's bed, his hockey-player frame wracked with sobs. James was taken aback. His leader, the bad-boy of BTR, looked so… vulnerable.

He sat down next to Kendall. 'Hey. It's okay.'

Kendall clung to James as if he were his life support.

'I…I love him… I love him so much,' Kendall sobbed into James' shirt. 'I love him so much it hurts. It should be illegal to love someone so much.'

This was a revelation to James, yet it didn't come as a shock to him. He said nothing back to the blond, instead rubbed circles into Kendall's back, although that position felt so wrong, like he was the wrong person to be comforting him, but he knew the right person was the cause of all this mess.

…

Logan entered his brand new pent house which he had bought with the money he'd saved up. He felt broken inside, but he felt like he needed to get away from Kendall before his emotions took him over.

He'd miss them, but he promised he'd go back, and he'd keep that promise. He remembered the paper that Kendall had given him, which he hadn't touched, although he'd itched to multiple times.

He opened it, and as he read the first few lines of the song, he knew he'd made a big, big mistake.

Do you ever wonder, when you listen to the thunder
And your world just feels so small
Put yourself on the line and time after time
Keep feeling inside that they don't know you're alive
Are you out of mind or just invisible

But I won't let you fall
I'll see you, through them all
And I just wanna let you know

Oh, when the lights go down in the city
You'll be right there shining bright
You're a star and the sky's the limit
And I'll be right by your side
Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me
Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible

Do you ever think of, what you're standing at the brink of
Feel like giving up, but you just can't walk away
And night after night, always trying to decide
Are you gonna speak out or get lost in the crowd
Do you take a chance or stay invisible?

But I won't let you fall
I'll see you, through them all
And I just wanna let you know

Logan bit his lip as he read it, wanting to run back to Kendall, wanting to run back into his arms and tell him that he was sorry for leaving. Tears streamed down his face as he remembered Kendall saving him from those bullies in school. Kendall was the one who saw little 'Hortense' sitting in the corner of the classroom. Kendall was Logan's first best friend. Kendall was Logan's first love.

He couldn't help it. Kendall was all he thought about.

Is it bad? Amazing? Good-ish? R & R please :D I'll try not to take forever to update like WMBA. Adios!