Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor do I own cheese doodles. I just own my thoughts.

Jacob looked lovingly at his girlfriend, Renesmee Cullen, as they lay together in the meadow. Sure, she was the daughter of his rival, and once love, but Nessie was all he could ever want in a woman. He stroked her hair gently, smiling like a lovesick loon. "Nessie, we've known each other a while, right?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Her eyes showed confusion at where this conversation was headed. "Jacob?" She had known Jake her whole life, she couldn't think of a time when her Jake wasn't right by her side, doting on her like a princess. But she was positive she was madly in love with this shape shifter.

"I want there to be no secrets between us," he kissed her forehead tenderly. "There's something I need to show you…to experience with you…"

"What is it?" Renesmee asked, trying not to show her fear. "How bad is it?"

"It's not bad, not at all," he reassured her. "Just…a bit odd…But don't knock it until you've tried it, promise?"

Renesmee was quiet a moment as she thought of the very worst that could happen. She imagined herself tied up, with Jacob dominating her fiercely. She couldn't help but smile at this mental image, and feel herself dampen her panties. "Alright, what is it?"

Jacob's face lit up as he ran to his satchel, and pulled out a bright orange cellophane bag. She squinted at it, confused. Was that….a bag of cheese doodles? "Jake…I know you're a huge junk foodie, you don't need to tell me," she laughed at her joke.

"That's…not it," he looked down, ashamed. "Renesmee…I…" He couldn't bring himself to describe it.

"You…" she tried pulling it out of him. "Jake? What is it? You can tell me anything…I won't judge…"

Jacob sighed, and opened the bag, and pulled out a cheese doodle. He shoved it up his nose, moaning loudly at the pleasure-pain it caused as the crumbly snack scratched the sensitive flesh in his nose. Renesmee watched, her eyes wide in shock. "J-Jacob?" she gasped when she saw the bulge in his pants. "You're not!"

"Oh, but I am," he groaned, thrusting the cheese doodle in and out of his nose, the delicious scent of cheese filling his head. "Oh, it feel so good, Nessie…You gotta try it."

"This is a joke, right?" she blinked. "This is a prank to get me to do something stupid."

"It's not," Jacob promised as he got a second cheese doodle and gently, carefully, inserted it into his girlfriend's left nostril. Renesmee gasped as the sharpness of the snack scraped her nostril, unable to see the appeal.

"Jake! That hurts!" her eyes watered. "H-How can you get off to this?"

"It feels so good." He grabbed his member through his pants, moaning. "You don't like it, baby?"

"Damn right I don't like it!" Renesmee snarled as she tore it out of her nose, then stormed away from Jacob.

"But Edward and I used to do it all the time together!" Jacob called after her, a cheese doodle still hanging out of his right nostril. This caused the vampire hybrid to whirl back around, a murderous expression on her face.

"You did WHAT with my father?" she cried out, trying her hardest not to strangle Jacob Black. He looked horrified by her expression.

"Nessie," he pleaded. "Please…calm down…it was only once…or twice…"

She held up a finger to silence him. "Jacob…I think I need to join my mother…" That said, she went to the cliffs to scream at her loudest in terror. She was unable to get the mental image of her father and her boyfriend getting it on with cheese doodles in her nose. She wailed more at the thought of such abhorrent behavior, then she was never seen again.

"I thought girls were into man-on-man action?" Jacob said in confusion.