Author's Notes and Warnings: Written shortly after Avengers came out in theaters. I always meant to do something more with it, and never did, so I'm finally posting it as is. Heavily influenced by the original Norse mythology. Features Loki's children and a very, very cruel Odin. There is mpreg, and Loki and Thor have a sexual relationship, though it is not explicit. I am considering this COMPLETED. Please don't ask for more. No beta.
The first time Loki witnessed a birth was when his brother Baldr was born. He'd been young, just a boy within his first millennia. Odin had taken Thor to Svartalfheim to watch him negotiate with the elves and Loki hadn't wanted their mother to be alone. So he held her hand and wiped sweat from her brow as she screamed and cursed for four straight days, until finally it was over and Baldr gave a sharp cry.
Frigga wilted, her body going completely lax. The whole experience had been trying; Loki was exhausted and a bit frightened. He watched his mother accept Baldr into her arms, his body small and frail in Frigga's arms. Frigga smiled, tired but pleased, while the midwife swept away bloodied sheets. Loki climbed up beside Frigga and looked at his new brother.
"Did I hurt you that much?" Loki asked, terribly upset with the idea.
Frigga smiled and shook his head. "Oh no. You came into our lives peacefully."
It was not even a lie. Later, it was the only comfort Loki could find in the truth. He was glad to have not caused Frigga such pain.
Loki had not been present for the births of his first children. Sigyn was beautiful and Loki loved her fiercely, like he had not known he could love anyone outside of his family. He would sneak away to meet her and they would make love near a lake far from the eye of Heimdall and he never wanted it to end.
He did not understand it, but Loki knew his father did not want him to have children. Odin spoke of Thor having children one day, of finding him a wife. He spoke of finding Baldr a wife, perhaps someone bold that wouldn't mind a quiet husband. But never Loki.
Loki was meant to be alone.
When Sigyn told him she was pregnant, Loki had beamed. He pressed his hands eagerly to her stomach and sent his magic out and found the life growing there. So full of pride and love, he looked up into Sigyn's face, only to find her crying.
"You have beseeched the Allfather before," she said. "He has denied us and we've broken his rules continuing as we did. He would see our child thrown to Jotunheim to freeze and be devoured by the frost giants."
"I could convince him," Loki tried to say.
"No. Your tongue is laced with silver, my love. But the Allfather has already spoken. Ottar has approached me before. I will let him court me and pass the babe off as his. I need your magic. To protect your son."
Loki stared at her, horrified. And then he placed his hands on her stomach again and cast a spell to place her pregnancy into stasis. "When next you lie with another, the spell will be broken."
Loki did not see Sigyn again, until she brought her sons before the Realm for Odin's blessing. The boys were beautiful and Loki stared at them, taking the sight in greedily. Vali and Narfi, his sons. His secret children.
Later, much later, many millennia later, Loki sat on the throne, the Allfather lost within the Odinsleep. He went to Sigyn, said, "Now, now my sons can know me.
Sigyn looked at him and shook her head. "No, Loki. Even I do not know you anymore. You are a stranger with a familiar face. My children's father is gone and when he was lost to us I do not know."
Mad, with pain and rage, furious with the unfairness of it all, it was then that Loki's hatred for the Allfather became absolute.
Loki had been instructed to distract the giantess. It had not gone exactly as planned, but he had been successful.
He let loose his magic, stretching it as he often did to touch Vali and Narfi. He loved them, though they knew him not. He stretched his magic, sensitive as it was, and found other life, other life threaded with his own. He snuck from Asgard and returned to the giantess, tended her well through her pregnancy and then through the births.
First came Fenrir, then Jormungand. They were monstrous, beasts. Loki cared not. He held his sons to his chest, Fenrir's form small and Jormungand coiled around his wrist, and he loved them fiercely. They were his, his children.
He hid them from Odin as long as he could, but it could not last forever. They grew quickly, his children. Soon, Fenrir was twice his size and Jormungand large enough to swallow a man whole. When Odin found them, he raged. He called them monsters, called them vile. He cast Fenrir into a cage, ignoring the way Loki howled and tugged at the metal to free his son, and threw Jormungand from Asgard. He landed in the sea of Midgard.
Loki cried and begged for mercy for his children, but Odin did not waver.
Loki visited Fenrir, kept in his terrible cage deep in the bowels beneath Asgard. He would sob, trying to sooth his son's pain, as Fenrir grew and grew, until he pressed into all sides of the cage and howled with the pain of being trapped within.
That, that is where it began. That is when the spark of hatred first grew to life within Loki Odinson.
Sleipnir was different. Sleipnir, Loki carried. He felt his life grow within himself, felt his kicks and his movement. Sleipnir grew within him, beneath his heart.
The birth was terrible, unimaginable pain like Loki had not known. Frigga was there, holding him as he had held her, and Loki had to fight to keep control of his body, his magic wanting to release the form that gave him such pain. He refused and gritted his teeth and bore his son.
When Odin came to take away this child, Loki refused him. His son curled in his lap –his eight legs gangly, his coat slick with blood –and Loki felt strong, powerful in that moment. He glared at Odin.
"You will not take him from me."
Odin drew himself to height and Loki wondered what torment he would suffer, but he was prepared. He would suffer any torment to save his children.
Frigga laid a hand on Odin's arm. "Loki has carried this child. You will not do this to my son."
Odin left and Frigga returned to Loki's side.
Sleipnir was allowed to live, allowed to run and play. Loki watched him, cared for him. He kept a close eye on him at all times. Even Odin came to see Sleipnir as a prize, Sleipnir who could run faster than light itself.
Loki raged when Odin claimed Sleipnir as his mount.
"He is my son, not an animal to be owned!"
"He is a monster, just like those other creatures, just like all that you sire! You should be grateful of my mercy." Odin shouted.
Loki bit down furiously on his tongue so he would not say, no. Not all. Not Vali, not Nafri.
So he would not say, they are not the monsters, Allfather. You are.
After the battle, Thor places chains around Loki's wrists.
"You look troubled." Loki tells him.
"You walk too easily into confine. It is not like you." Thor replies.
"You have beaten me." Loki shrugs. They stand on a building, reaching into the sky. Loki can see the sea. He thinks of his child, laying forgotten out there someplace.
"Would you like to visit him?" Thor asks.
"What?"
"Would you like to visit Jormungand?"
Loki pauses. "You would allow this?"
"Yes."
Loki nods and Thor takes him. The others, the humans, follow. They have questions: what are you doing, do you think this wise, what sort of trick is this? Loki ignores them and so does Thor. Thor takes him all the way down to the water front.
The chains bind Loki's magic, but he steps into the water and closes his eyes. There is magic no chain can bind, the magic that lingers in blood. Loki could feel his son, could feel him approach.
Jormungand's head rose from the water. He was a great beast; his body lying in coils along the seafloor, able to be stretched around the entirety of Midgard. He is huge and the humans shout, draw weapons.
"Stop!" Thor commands. "Stop, he will not hurt you."
Loki reaches out, both his hands bound, and Jormungand bends his head to touch the very tip of his nose to Loki's palms. Loki closes his eyes, his body trembling.
"You are well?"
Jormungand's tongue flickers, an arm's length long. It skitters across Loki's face.
"I will free you one day." Loki promises. The tongue flickers again.
The water moves around them as Thor joins them. Thor's hand does not flinch away from touching Jormungand's thick, scaly skin.
"Nephew."
Loki had laid with Thor before. As youngsters, figuring out what sex was. They had sought one another out instinctively, not wanting to be so vulnerable with anyone else. Again, after Sigyn, after Fenrir was locked away, after Sleipnir's birth. Many, many times over their lives.
They lay together again, in a bed on Earth. Thor touches him as if he is precious and Loki attempts to put the apologies he will never voice into his own caresses. This was never about Thor.
Afterward, Thor presses one last kiss to Loki's mouth before he fits the mask into place.
Loki is lead into the deep bowels. Thor is with him, his only companion besides Odin and a guard. They pass the cage of Fenrir and Loki stops to take in his son.
"I am sorry." He tells him.
It was selfishness that brought his children into the world. A selfish desire to have them, and they suffer for it.
Thor's hand is gentle on his shoulder. Odin jerks the chains fixed to his wrists harshly.
He is put into darkness. One thousand years, without light or companionship. The space is small, but not impossible like Fenrir's cage. Loki settles himself onto the cot available there.
Thor's face is the last thing he sees, looking sad and regretful as Loki's prison door closes.
In the dark, he does not realize at first.
When he does, he wonders about ending it but he cannot.
His stomach grows, swells. He is still gagged, so when he gives birth his screams do not carry far. Afterwards, he holds her in his arms and wishes he could see her face.
He rears her in the darkness, and names her Hel.