Disclaimer- The characters of Hikaru no Go are not of my own creation. W-inds character are not fictional... they are real people. The story in which they are described is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL! The song "Catalyst" is by Anna Nalick which I truly recommend to anyone who hasn't heard it.
Chapter 1
They had been playing their usual game of go in Touya's dad's go salon when a frazzled looking Ogata-sensei had marched in and apologized for interrupting their game. Hikaru huffed in irritation, sensing that the older man was not that sorry for the intrusion. The older man had asked for Touya to come with him for a few minutes only, to ask him a favor. Hikaru glared at the white and black stones that lay in front of him. The game had been intense and now? Now the feeling had been shattered and replaced with soon to boil anger. He knew what move he wanted to play next. In fact he knew the next five hands that would be played out between the two of them. He wondered if Touya would mind horribly if he played them by himself. He sighed and sat back, knowing that the answer to that would be a BIG FAT YES. And then the game would be completely ruined because they'd be yelling at each other, no doubt. Hikaru fiddled, glancing in the direction the two had left. He couldn't see Touya which pissed him off further. Ogata-sensei's broad shoulders were blocking his view of his rival despite the last growth spurt Touya had just lived through. He was so damned tall now. Hikaru made a face and pushed aside some blond locks that had been falling into his face. He had grown as well…but like their chase each other relationship, Touya was still ahead of him.
"Shindo?" Touya's voice was suddenly right next to his ear. Hikaru straightened up so fast that he banged his knee on the table. The go stones wavered and moved just slightly that the entire pattern was marred.
"Fuck!" He yelped in pain and in anger. Ogata-sensei… this is ALL your fault. Shindo glared at where the two had been only to find that the man was gone.
"Shindo!" Touya sounded horrified. "Language." His eyes sent a silent apology to the rest of the go salon's occupants. The old men just grumbled and turned back to their boards. Hikaru being rude was little news to them and did not require them to expend much energy in being surprised or angry.
"…" Hikaru bit his lip from snapping at his rival something ruder and swallowed before trying again. "Sorry." He mumbled. "What did he want?" Touya gave a slight wince and sat opposite of him. His hands started to pick apart their ruined game. But instead of putting it back together like Hikaru had been expecting, Touya was placing all the stones back into their go ke. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sorry Shindo." Touya sighed. "I have to go pick up Ogata-san's cousin at the airport. Could we continue the game later?"
"You're serious?!" Hikaru's scowl deepened and he knew that his tone sounded petulant like a small child would have. "Why?" Touya made an apologetic face instead of answering. "Well the game was ruined anyway." He sighed loudly. "Do you have to leave now?" His rival nodded. "Want company? I have nothing to do." Touya's smile was answer enough. It also soothed Hikaru's anger. Just a bit. They grabbed their jackets from Ichikawa-san and left the go salon. In companionable silence they made their way to the train station. It was relatively packed, giving them the excuse to stand close together…but not too close. Just enough that they were aware of the other's solid and comforting presence. If Hikaru wished he could back up just so and Touya would be just there to help him bear his own weight. Their hands held on to the same bar and when the train bounced as it often did, their hands would brush together before either of them could rectify their balance.
It wasn't often that they got to share these kinds of moments. Both of their schedules had continually increased in its hectic ways as they moved forward in the world of professional go. Sometimes the only times they felt like they could breathe were when they were traveling to a conference or whatever. Their own apartments didn't even offer them release as a growing number of beginning pros or inseis asked to be taken under their wing.
The ride seemed too short for Hikaru whose anger at Ogata-sensei for ruining his day had only started to simmer back down to mild irritation and sudden curiosity about this cousin. In his mind he pictured a slightly shorter, younger version of the man and shuddered. He would have asked Touya about the man but it was time to get off and then they were fighting the crowd. It was all he could do to keep following and not lose his rival. "Tou—" He started. The young man turned around at the sound of his name and slowed his pace, reaching towards him. He grabbed the hand and they made their way out of the rat pack. "Thanks." He muttered. Hikaru wasn't quite sure that Touya had heard him but his hand was gently squeezed. It was only once they were inside the airport that they let each other go. "What was his flight number?"
"Akira?! Over here!" A young masculine voice called out. Hikaru's head snapped towards the voice. "It's so good to see you!" A short lithe man ran up, dropped all of his bags to the ground (except a guitar case which he carefully almost reverently placed down) and hugged Touya to Hikaru's shock and bewilderment. Even more surprising was the soft and warm look in Touya's green eyes as he accepted the embrace. He'd never ever seen anyone being so…intimate… with his rival.
"Ryuichi." The name was said fondly. "How was your trip?" The man— was he younger or older? Hikaru wondered— stayed in Touya's arms, nodding enthusiastically.
"Where's cancer stick gone to?" At the question, Touya's smile faded and Hikaru's bewilderment grew. Cancer stick?
"He apologizes for not being able to come himself. He's having some…ah…issues." There was a mirthless chuckle and Ryuichi pulled away.
"More like he still can't stand me." Before Touya could protest, the man continued. "I'm guessing that he got you to take me in during my break? You don't have to you know… I know how busy you are."
"Don't be stupid. I'm glad to see you. You don't come often enough."
Long black hair, longer than Touya's shoulder length hair, had been tied back in a low pony tail. The man wore a hat and sunglasses, hiding the color of his eyes. Were they blue like Ogata-sensei's? So far the man and his cousin couldn't have been more different than…than a fish and a bird. Hikaru continued to ogle the scene before him. He was wearing a rather tight shirt and pants, distinctively looking punk. Could those pants even be comfortable? Hikaru winced at the thought and moved his gaze upwards again.
"And this is?"
"Ah. Sorry. Ogata Ryuichi, this is Shindo Hikaru." The young man stilled at his name and slowly removed his sunglasses, revealing dark black eyes. One fine eyebrow arched and looked him over before a huge smile broke out.
"The Shindo?" Ryuichi asked. Hikaru took a step back, looking curiously at Touya. The? The? What the… "Ryohei! Get your butt over here! This is Akira's Shindo!"
"Ryu-i-chi." Touya growled out. "Ignore him Shindo. He might be twenty-one but he's still a little kid at heart." That did little to explain what the hell was going on. And Hikaru rubbed at his cheek with a cold hand, hoping almost fervently that he wasn't as red as he thought he was. Touya also looked a little red in the face as well as a little exasperated. "Chiba-san has come too?" Ryuichi gave the taller man a look of amusement.
"Man. Cancer stick must have told you at the last minute I was coming, huh? And if Ryohei catches you calling him Chiba with a –san to boot, you'll give him a heart attack. He already feels too old, so…" He trailed off as another short man came over, looking tired but amused. He too wore a baseball cap and sunglasses. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder and was carrying another bag.
"Ryuichi stop trying to embarrass Akira." He stopped not too far from them and gave Hikaru a smile. "I apologize for his behavior." Ryuichi sighed loudly. "We've been in the plane far too long." He paused and turned towards Touya. "Hi Akira. I hope we aren't an inconvenience." Touya shook his head.
"Of course not Ch—" Ryuichi elbowed him. "Ryohei."
"Ryo! It's Shindo! Akira's rival." The man was nearly bouncing up and down in place. "His rival! We finally get to meet him!" Ryohei nodded sagely, eyes expressing deep warmth.
"Yes. Yes. It's nice to meet you Shindo." The man stated politely. "Akira has talked about you often."
"Really?" Hikaru's voice cracked as he shot an incredulous look at Touya who was making a point of looking everywhere except him. He was at a loss of what to say or do next. He'd never heard of Ogata's cousin… nor his friend. He blinked at them and rubbed the back of his head, starting to feel uncomfortable and out of place. His day was really not going the way he had wanted it to go.
"We should start to go. You two must be tired." Touya muttered, bending down to take some of Ryuichi's bags. His hands were slapped because of it, Ryuichi demanding to be given his stuff back. His rival ignored him and the two bickered in a way that reminded Hikaru of Waya and Isumi. He frowned then. Something in his chest had tightened inexplicably and it hurt. He didn't like the feeling.
…
They caught a cab to Touya's apartment due to Ryuichi's whining and slightly logical argument that he and Ryohei could not be recognized by fans during their break. It would ruin their vacation and they'd never get any peace and quiet. Which they needed, he stated vehemently looking to Ryohei for agreement. The older man just smiled in a placating way which did little to calm Ryuichi down. Hikaru found it useless really and almost annoying. Wasn't there anything that calmed the hyperactive man down? Touya in any case seemed unphazed by the display. Which wasn't truly surprising.
In any case, it had taken them relatively short time for the two singers (which band they belonged too Hikaru had no idea and grumpily found himself not caring. If he didn't know them, they couldn't have been that good. Though he glumly thought that he would be proven wrong very soon…) to get settled in Touya's new apartment. The apartment that Hikaru had yet to see and discover as well. He'd been taken aback when near the Goban, there stood a piano. Ryuichi bee lined his way towards it once he'd finished drinking a glass of water. He played a couple of keys, sharing a grin with Akira before nodding and approving of the sound.
"I wrote a song thinking of you specifically." Ryuichi started, his fingers still trailing on the ivory keys of the piano.
"Oh?" Touya tilted his head to one side. "You started writing again?" The twenty one year old nodded. He gave a small smile and turned to Hikaru.
"Ever heard him sing?" He could only shake his head at the question. In less than two hours, his rival he had thought he knew better than anyone had been changed into a stranger. Instead of a mature professional go player that was always too serious, always too focused Hikaru found a man that was shy and cultured with an ability to comfort that had left him speechless (Ryuichi had gotten upset about something or other during the drive to the apartment). He'd often thought he had glimpsed at that part of Touya that no one knew about…but…Ryuichi knew Touya. Ryuichi called him Akira. And each time Ryuichi unveiled another part of Touya, Hikaru felt something inside of him ache and break away. It burned within him and he was shocked to discover the depth of his own feelings that he hadn't even known existed. "Well, now Akira you have no choice." Ryuichi jumped back to his backpack in one fluid motion that belied his training as a dancer. Ryohei that had been standing in the proximity of the bag carefully moved away so to not get squished or stepped upon. The twinkle in his eye and the tug of slight exasperation that quirked his lips spoke of long friendship and of having grown up together. "It's just right—" The rest of the words became muffled as he stuck his head in the bag. A notebook was pushed aside and then a manga and then… "here!" The victorious words danced around the room.
"Ryuichi, I don't think this is a good time." Touya started gently. "I haven't played the piano or sung in ages. I think the last time was when you came back…" He trailed off. Lined paper with black notes written down was being thrust in his face. Touya gave a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat and took the offending paper from Ryuichi's waving hands. The dancer ignored the dark look and stuck his tongue out.
"I just need to tune my guitar and then we can find out how bad I've become at song writing."
"Shut up Ryuichi." Ryohei rebuked softly. Hikaru found himself watching Touya's face as his green eyes focused in on the symbols the page held. Notes had never meant anything to Hikaru despite having a wonderful music teacher in his elementary school years so he didn't bother looking at that. He found himself entranced at the changes in Touya's face. He couldn't put words to the change, couldn't even describe to himself as it took place… yet he yearned to, just so he could immortalize the moment.
"You wrote this for me?" Touya's voice was hushed. Ryuichi who had stopped his verbal bantering with Ryohei was sitting on the edge of the sofa's arm that was closest to the piano. His eyes were suddenly serious; the playfulness that Hikaru had already grown used to was gone like snowflakes caught in a winter breeze.
"Yes." The man than ducked his head and focused on his guitar with an intensity that reminded Hikaru of the intensity that surrounded any go player when facing a game. Touya gave a minute shake of the head before going to sit in front of the piano. "Ready when you are." Ryuichi finally muttered.
"Ok." Hikaru went to sit where Ryohei was patting down a spot on the couch clearly inviting him. The twenty two year old was perched at the end of the couch, un-expectantly tense despite his cheery look. Some minutes past as Touya undoubtedly looked over the score for the last time. And then to a cue that he had missed, Ryuichi started to play the guitar. The soft plunk of the piano that was interspersed in the song tugged at Hikaru, reminding him of the soft beat of rain on a rooftop. "L.A. Lights..." Touya's voice was calm and smooth as it rose and blended itself with the guitar's melody. "Never shine quite as bright as in the movies." Soothing even and Hikaru felt himself relax within the couch's soft embrace. "Still wanna go?" An air of nostalgia filled the small room. "Cause something here…in the way, in the way that we're constantly moving." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ryuichi move to the tempo of the song. "Reminds you of home."
Akira's hands new the rhythm instinctively, finding the lost years where piano had been as much part of his life as go had been. The ivory keys were cool and soft to the touch, their sound beckoning him to continue. "So you're taking these pills to fill up your soul." The lyrics left his lips easily enough, each making him reach for a distant memory. A phone call. Ryuichi had been in L.A., roaming aimlessly about. He remembered picking up his cell phone, irritated that he'd been interrupted during his go study. "And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol." The irritation had left as he'd heard Ryuichi's contemplative voice asking if he was free to talk. He'd been worried instead. As close as he was to the twenty-one year old, they rarely called each other. He remembered how they had talked for hours that day. Well… they'd taken turns talking for hours. Ryuichi had gone first, describing what he was seeing. The busy streets filled with people who were in a mindless hurry to a destination of some sort, blind to everything that was going on around them. And it had made Ryuichi sad. Hurrying all the time, people had lost their pleasure in living…always pushing themselves and others to go faster and faster. And then when they arrived, what did they find? What did they find? Ryuichi asked, anguished. Akira hadn't been able to answer. He didn't know. He couldn't even remember when he'd taken time off to relax…and it made him feel guilty and small. Ryuichi had chuckled without humor then, confiding that he'd drank something. "And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking…" The topic had changed, Ryuichi nearly demanding the change. He was tired of his mood. He wanted a happier one. Though Akira had been able to provide a change of topic, he still wasn't sure it had caused a happier mood. The topics flashed through his mind quickly with each note that he played. Keita, Hikaru, his father… the mystery of Sai, their desperate loneliness in this world where both were recognized by a large public. Yet they remained quite misunderstood. One shy thought to be cold and arrogant. One loud thought to be immature, annoying—the list could go on.
Ryuichi's mind was also on that memory of that one distant phone call as his calloused fingers plucked at the guitar strings. He recalled hearing his friend's quiet desperation that day when describing his interaction with his rival. A rival, who at the time of the phone call had been only a vague name to Ryuichi. But he'd understood just then how much this odd and hard to define relationship was hurting Akira. "I'm part of this terrible mess that you're making." And if Shindo couldn't hear it in the lyrics right now, well the man must be deaf or in denial. Ryuichi had heard the after-effects of their post discussion games from Akira and from Cancer stick man. He knew that it they often left Akira horribly confused, hurt, and angry. Yet still yearning for more time with the other man. His cousin had once explained, in a baffled and smirking kind of way, that he'd never seen Akira so alive before. He'd never seen the other running after someone before. He'd never seen the quiet man in turn try to rile up someone else, getting this mysterious Shindo to chase him in turn. "But me…I'm the catalyst." It had also been during that conversation that they'd discussed love. "When you say love," What it meant to them, what it didn't…Neither expected love to come their way. "Hmm-hmm" They both wished it would but they weren't holding their breaths over it. "Is a simple chemical reaction." For once, he'd been the more logical of the two, explaining the need for love to be nothing more than biology. A need for warmth, for security, to pass on genes and what not. Maybe trick yourself into thinking that life isn't completely fucked up and you're not completely alone. Akira had been shocked. "Can't say I agree…" Akira had even tried to argue against that cold logic, quite vehemently to no avail. "Cause my chemicals, left me a beautiful disaster." Ryuichi had seen too much these past few years to think that love was anything like how they portrayed it in the media. Hah. Bunch of bull shit. But he'd taken some comfort at hearing that Akira could still sound so innocent. "Still love is all I see." At times, the younger man had seemed ageless as well as old. If that made any sense elsewhere but from Ryuichi's crazy thoughts. "So I'm taking these pills to fill up my soul."
Ryuichi had often been saddened at the fact that Akira had chosen Go over music. "And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol." The go player had a way of putting emotion into his playing and his way of singing that always took his breath away. It was like Akira knew exactly what each line meant to Ryuichi, knew exactly what'd he'd thought or felt as he'd composed the song. "And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol." He didn't understand go. He never had, though he'd tried at one point. He still played it from time to time, online or with the back-up dancers. He wasn't bad by any account but that didn't mean he understood it. "And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking." He couldn't see where the emotions, the intensity surrounding the game came from. He had never been able to connect to his opponent the way his Uncle and Akira had described to him. Had never felt that passion. To tell the truth, he preferred Shogi. "And part of this terrible mess that I'm making." Not that'd he'd ever admit that around Akira or Shindo for that matter. But he did love teasing his Uncle about it. The old fart. Ryuichi wondered how differently life would have been if Akira had chosen music instead of Go, if Shindo hadn't come… "But you… you're the catalyst." Shindo was Akira's catalyst. Akira was Shindo's… Ryuichi doubted he would ever find his. Or maybe he already had and been discarded along the way.
Hikaru felt his heart beat painfully along with the song's tempo. "You'll be the thing," Touya's voice held him where he sat, unable to move, barely able to blink. "You'll be the pain," He found it hard to breathe. "You'll be the star," The pain that had been building in his chest the entire day was growing. He didn't know Touya. "You'll be the road." He didn't know Touya at all. "Rolling below," And he was lost all of a sudden. "The wheels of a car…" Touya had always been his guide on a path that had been going straight ahead. "And all of your thoughts on," When the hell had they taken this detour? "God! Don't know if I'm strong enough now…" And for God's sake why? "You'll be the thing," Maybe he'd always assumed too much. "You'll be the pain" Always taken too much credit when he'd manage to get Touya to do something other than go, believing that was all the other did with his spare time. "You'll be the…catalyst." Maybe he'd been too prideful and too ignorant. Just like he'd done with Sai. His heart clenched painfully. "These LA lights," He wanted to leave. "No…no…" He needed to leave. "They don't shine quite as bright as back in Frisco." He needed to erase this day, rewind it back to the beginning and start it all over again. Hikaru clenched his fingers tightly into the fabric of his pants. "Do you wanna though…still wanna go?" The piano dropped and only the guitar was playing until it too, dropped lightly away…fading into the background. The atmosphere was still heavy and Hikaru stared at the ground.
He didn't trust himself to look at anyone.
To be continued if anyone is interested...