To Fall
Summary: It seemed as though just the sight before her eyes was enough to convince her heart that it had no more reason to beat. Spoilers for current chapters.
Author's Note: I didn't want to write this, because I'm still refusing to give out on the hope that Kakashi is alive. But this wouldn't leave me alone, and I figured verbalizing it this way would at least stop me from getting depressed about it. Please review.
Sakura Haruno was no stranger to loss.
She was a kunoichi of the Leaf, after all, and thus accustomed to battle and aware of its consequences. Over her years of service, too many times she'd had to pull out her black, formal dress and cloak, and her emerald eyes had witnessed too many names being inscribed onto the black memorial stone.
She was a medic-nin, trained by the sannin, the Godaime Hokage, Tsunade, and her hands had wiped away tears, saved lives and saved love, prevented loss. With the same hands, she had caused tears and pain, created voids in the universe where the enemy laying at her feet had once breathed, and had mourned their loss herself, a tiny twinge, every time.
And, of course, she was the girl who had loved and lost Sasuke Uchiha.
She wasn't, by far, the only girl who had professed her undying devotion to Sasuke, back then. But she was, perhaps, the only one who really knew him, and loved him all the same. She'd been his team-mate, his partner and possibly even a friend. He had protected her, she had fought for him, and they had together with Naruto forged the deep bonds of friendship that would later haunt each and every one of them.
It was she who had been knocked out by him and laid onto the bench near the Konoha gates the first time Sasuke left.
She was the one who had watched him get away again, years and years later, leaving her with the same pangs of loss, multiplied a hundredfold.
At least now, Sakura mused as she tried to shake away the past by clearing her head, I'm used to this feeling. It's an everyday condition, it seems. Loss doesn't surprise me anymore.
She turned back and watched the blur that was Neji, carrying Hinata and followed by Lee, Ten-Ten and Gai, make their way through the treetops towards where Tsunade was. She remembered how it was Gai's proclamation that losing Hinata would be a loss that the Hyuugas, Kurenai and the whole shinobi community would never recover from that had prompted her mind into deep rumination. I'm glad Hinata is alright, she thought, before turning forwards once again, and moving carefully through the rubble that had only that morning been the building blocks of her beloved village, looking for civilians or any ninja who might need her aid.
She could feel Naruto in the distance, his chakra so strong it was almost palpable, and she wondered how he'd managed to get the fox under control. As she moved towards what seemed to be the epicenter of Pein's earlier wrath and began an uphill hike through the wreck, her mind seemed to turn back to its darker thoughts, and a quiet voice in her head said that losing Naruto to the fox would probably surprise her in its intensity.
She paused in her hike, and bit her lip. Now is not the time to turn morbid, she gently scolded herself. I have a job to do.
But the voice did not die down, and an image of Sai and Ino, now, lying pale, motionless and glassy-eyed hit Sakura like a ton of bricks, and she keeled over, gasping. She covered her eyes with her hands and started taking in deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
No. You cannot be weak now. Think of what shishou, of what Kakashi-sensei would do now, think of what they would say…
Suddenly, her eyes snapped open.
In the chaos, she'd almost forgotten: Kakashi was missing. She'd overheard Tsunade whisper it to two ANBU and had ordered them to find him.
Though the others were worried, Sakura had been calmer. She'd figured he was just being his usual tardy self, as unlike of him as it was to be so callous when they were under attack, and perhaps he was already back at the regrouping site while the ANBU foolishly searched the rubble.
Thinking of her teachers gave Sakura courage, and she quietly banished the images her darker undercurrents were pushing up to the surface of her mind, knowing that her thoughts would only hinder her work and drain her of mental energy.
With renewed force, Sakura began to climb through the mountain of rubble again, her eyes scanning the site far and wide for a hint of colour through the otherwise dusty debris, but for miles there was nothing. She was surprised nobody was around here, she didn't see a single body, ninja or otherwise, and wondered how the people here had managed to evacuate.
And then, she found her answer as she tripped over something in her path and went falling face-first into the wreckage.
She muttered a curse under her breath as she managed to catch herself at the last moment by balancing herself against her forearms, and flipped up quickly to turn around and see just what it was that she had tripped over.
When she did, she froze.
It seemed as though just the sight before her eyes was enough to convince her heart that it had no more reason to beat.
Because there lay Kakashi Hatake, her sensei, face-down and not quite moving in the wreckage of the village that had never stopped asking of him, to which he had never stopped giving.
The one man she had never, ever even dreamt of losing, so nonexistent was the possibility of the Copy Ninja not being there when she turned onto the main street of the village, telltale silver hair shining in the Konoha sun, orange book bright, cheery eyed and waving.
Kakashi, who'd been there with her every time she had to put on her black clothes for a funeral. Patted her head when she saved a life, bought her dango when she took one.
Been there for her when Sasuke left. Convinced her that everything would be alright, and somehow made it seem so, every time.
Sakura forgot how to breathe as she fell to her knees.
No.
And in the back of her mind, the voice she had stifled with the thought of what her sensei would say rose up again. Her world seemed to implode, collapse in on itself and all she could tell herself was that she was a fool, this was loss, this was what she was forever unprepared for, nothing she could have ever predicted or dreamt of, something her conscious and subconscious both did not expect, something she would never recover from, it just couldn't be, everything was wrong, this was pain, and she was a fool, and no.
No.
A/N: One thing – I refuse to write that he's dead. Although I'm leaving this here, to me, once Sakura gets some form of control over herself, she realizes he's still breathing, and heals him. But I couldn't write that now – I might make this a two-shot when I can. Please let me know what you think.