JOURNEY ON

i do not own voyage or its characters!

Dark Journey

In the dark solitude of her quarters Janeway looked into the barren skies of which Voyager had sailed through for five months now. She didn't bother putting on her uniform or put up her hair, for in the darkness no one would see her. She desperately missed the stars which usually guided her way. Seven told her that they were unnecessary now that astrometric was functioning. She didn't understand what the rest of the crew was faced with. The crew was going stir crazy, there was nothing to do but look at sensor sweeps, go to the holodeck and read. But books couldn't help them escape from their reality. Their imaginations were being run ragged and everyone missed the stars. Kathryn couldn't believe her decision to hep a species she knew nothing about at the convenience of her crew, again! First by destroying the caretaker, stranding them in the delta quadrant and now by destroying their only way of escaping a dark starless hell brought on my theta radiation.

The plan had almost worked but two freighters had blocked their entrance to the vertex at the last second, they attempted to destroy them and then destroy the vertex as they were leaving it, but at the last second the freighter fired its own torpedo at the vertex knowing its impending doom, and destroyed it. If she had just left the quarrel between the two species she would be three years closer to home. Now she was alone in her quarters, going on and on to herself about how she doomed the crew to mild insanity. Another voice would start saying that she had done the right thing by helping the dying void species, but then the thought of her sad crew would over take her. She couldn't face them after what she had done to them.

She was reading Shakespeare's twelfth night for the fourteenth time when the chime signaled someone at the door. Kathryn groaned turning towards a corner before allowing the person who was invading her privacy to come in. The doors opened but she did not turn to them, she would wait for them to speak.

"Captain, are you busy?" They said. Kathryn sigh, it was chakotay. She turned to him,

"Not entirely, I can make the time for you. What do you want?"

"Just to give you a status report. Ah that's right, nothing new nothing to report." He said a bit sarcastically.

Kathryn groaned,"is that all?"

"No captain." He said rather uncomfortably," it's just that, well the crew misses you Kathryn. I know we've had this conversation a hundred times, but the crew is more comfortable when they see you." He now lightened his voice,"And besides, I'm getting a little tired of being in charge of the captain's chair. You were always so much better at it."

Poor Chakotay, Kathryn thought. She had forced him to take command of voyager in her absence. Even he showed signs off acute didn't want to admit it but she deeply missed the company of the crew, especially Chakotay. There was no one on the ship she felt more close to. But there was nothing really to say to him. She didn't feel like talking to him that day, nor any day.

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm sure the crew can fare without me. I'm sorry Chakotay, but I'm not going to leave anytime soon."

Chakotay looked at his captain with great disbelief. He turned to the door about to angrily storm out but turned to look at Kathryn.

"A lot of people count on you captain, whether or not you're needed on the bridge you're needed by your crew! Next time I visit you you're coming out of here whether you like it or not."

Janeway shook her head with great anger but let Chakotay leave without saying another word. She was left in the darkness once more to be alone with her thoughts, alone with her mistakes.

Chakotay stormed out of Kathryn's quarters making his way down the corridor to the mess hall. He couldn't believe that Kathryn could be so stubborn or sad. She was always such a high spirited, confident individual that he could always count on. She was the person who gave him the confidence to go on with this crazy adventure they were forced into. He missed talking to her, he missed their dinners and time on the bridge together. It felt empty without her, he and the entire crew felt the same.

The turbo lift doors opened with tuvok inside. They looked at each other for a few seconds before he entered the turbo lift with him. Chakotay mumbled a bit under his breath which Tuvok noticed immediotly. He raised his eyebrow.

"Is the captain being difficult again?"he asked

He sighed rubbing his face and hair and closed his eyes. He was exhausted from the constant night,"Yes, she refuses to leave her quarters or even talk to anyone else but me, the doctor and possibly you. She's just.."

"She is in distress commander and frankly I cannot blame her. She thinks she is solely responsible for our current predicament."

"But it wasn't her fault! Her plan was sound, something we couldn't have predicted occured and because of it she once again locks herself in her quarters! We got her out before but I just can't get her out again. Maybe you could talk to her tuvok." The turbo lift doors opened just outside the mess hall. Tuvok exited the lift and turned to the commander

"I will consider it, however my presence may not be met without conflict." He said and went the opposite direction. Chakotay did a small smirk and walk around the corner to the mess hall.

There was over three dozen people in the mess hall that afternoon, though it felt like midnight. People seemed angry and hostile towards each other. Neelix even seemed to have a bug in his pants. People seemed nervous though there was nothing to be nervous about. Everyone looked at Chakotay as he entered,it usually didn't bother him but today and for the last several days it made him uncomfortable. Everyone was expecting him to do something or tell them what to do. Was that what,it was ways like for the captain? He didn't like being so distant from the crew. He was used to being the person they would come to for help or to even just talk to. He liked to think of himself as an approachable person.

The crew kept its distance from him as he sat on one of the couches by the main entrances signaling neelix for for herbal tea. Chakotay pulled out a padd and began to read a crew report. Always the same, no changes in actions but low crew morale. He saw in the corner of his eye the doors slide open, B'Elanna came in moving her head as she glanced around the room.

"B'Elanna! Please, sit with me." Chakotay said turning his head seemed a bit annoyed but joined the commander. They hadn't talked in a few days, and he was still her closest friend besides Tom.

"What's on your mind?" She asked.

"Too much, the captain mainly. You? Anything Interesting going on in engineering? Are you and Tom still fighting?" He quickly paused realizing it may not be appropriate to ask B'Elanna about her personal life.

"Well. Tom is actually the person who keeps me sane. Without him I'd probably be bored to tears." Suddenly the ship jolted profusely. Everyone in the mess hall stood bracing themselves against tables and chairs. It felt like they were hit by something, or someone.

"Report!" Chakotay yelled tapping his comm badge.

"It appears that a Malon vessel has just come into weapons range. Apparently the ones that were destroyed were not the only ones in this part of space." Said Tuvok from the bridge."Everyone report to battle stations."

Chakotay came out of the turbo lift just as another weapon was fired at the hull. He made his way to the captain's chair .

"This Malon vessel is of different grade than the ones we saw before. This one is battle ready, with twice as much weapon power." Tuvok told him.

The Malon ship was indeed different from the others they had encountered. It had four faser banks, quantum torpedoes and was near twice as big as voyager. It hit the hull with its fasers. Deck two and three started sending in casualty reports. Another hit and a plasma conduit on the bridge exploded over the science station. Tuvok returned fire to the weapons center of the other ship and continued to try to hail them with no effect. He fired on the front section of the ship, only minor damage.

"Can we out run them?" Chakotay shouted.

"Possibly. But currently we can only go to wrap 6."

"Do it! And fire a torpedo or two as we leave."

Tuvok launched the torpedoes and immediately after Tom engaged the engines. No pursuit. The damage was minor, only a few plasma conduits were damaged and the port nassel had been grazed by phasers. It would take three days max to fix the damage. The crew seemed even a bit disappointed that there was so little to do. Chakotay didn't like the idea of a more powerful ship in theta cloud, but he started to think about the bordom. The idea of constant attack seemed more appealing. The crew seemed to have the same idea, everyone seemed more upbeat in Chakotay's eyes. They finally had some excitement, the first in months. He walked down the hall, he could see smiles on the ensign's faces. Everyone was happier from what he could see.

The test was to see if Kathryn was happier. He deeply hoped because voyager needed her captain. He pressed the chime and waited for a response. He waited a few seconds but the door did not open. She said he was always welcome in her quarters if he needed her, so why was she not responding? He had heard from her just after the attack so he knew she was ok. He waited. He waited a minute, nothing. He rang it again, and waited again. The waiting made him realise how much he missed her on the bridge, her smile, her since of leadership. He wasn't half the captain she was.

He waited and finally she opened the door. She was on her couch drinking something and reading. She signaled him in and Chakotay stepped forward. Her hair was done this time but she still wore civilian clothes. She looked at Chakotay with great discontent.

"Kathryn?"

"I heard a malon vessel attacked, hell I felt it! Is the crew alright?" She asked tentatively.

Chakotay looked at her, she was so disconnected, had she gone mad he thought. But as she stood he saw that she was still the same graceful captain and the way she spoke was just as she always did. She was maybe detached, but not insane. "The crew is fine, just some bumps and scrapes. The ship took minor damage. You should see the crew captain, they have a spark I haven't seen in a misses you."

Kathryn glanced at her first officer, his hair seemed a bit greater from stress android eyes looked weary. She hadn't been fair to him, making him take command of the ship during this time while she hid in her quarters. She didn't have to face the crew or face the situation she had gotten them in. They had been there for five months but there was another two,years to get through. Spending it tucked away,in,her quarters did seem a bit crazy which is what Chakotay thought she was, she could see it in his weary eyes.

"I'm sorry Chakotay, I having been fair to you. I never should have expected you to take command of Voyager while I stay here. I have a duty to this crew." She walked towards him as she said this, her voice soft so she wouldn't sound so insincere. She looked into his grey eyes now looking hopeful.

"Ill deeply consider it." She said simply. Chakotay gave her a small smile. She walked him to the door.

"Thank you captain." He stepped towards her and leaned in to kiss her face, it seemed like the thing to do. But Kathryn moved his lips on top of here and he could not stop himself from continuing. It lasted only a few seconds before withdrawing. He gave a rather puzzled look. Not just to Kathryn but to himself. She had kissed him and he kissed back. But why did he enjoy it so much, and why did she do it?

Chakotay gave her a last look and then exited her quarters. His heart kept beating loudly and his brain was full of questions, but the only one he could get out of his mouth was,

"What the hell?!"