Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. All rights to the characters Alfred, Arthur, Matthew and Francis belong to Himaruya Hidekaz.
On The Edge
Hello. My name is Arthur Kirkland. You may not know who I am, nor will you ever know how I lived my life, but that's okay. You will miss out on quite a bit.
I am writing this short story to teach those who are still reading about themselves a little. How to find yourself in this cruel and unforgiving world, where mercy and love is scarce.
This story isn't mostly about me, though. This is about my girlfriend, (y/n) (l/n). A bit overzealous, slightly loud, but creative in a way that allows her to see things that nobody else could notice in things. She can see the beauty in a buzzing bottle fly, or notice when you are feeling down, no matter how hard you try to fight it. And she always knows how to cheer you up.
This is her story. About how she changed the way I will see people forever.
"Come on! You guys are so SLOOWW!" a girl laughed, dashing through the woods with surprising gracefulness. She had walked this path many times, after all, and knew every stick, stone and moss-covered log for miles on end. She jumped on and off of large rocks and tree stumps faster than her company could even take a step as they half-sprinted to keep up with the elf-like mischievousness that seemed to buzz the air around her skin, her (e/c) eyes glinting in excitement. It was beautiful in a wild, untamed way. She continued to dodge large roots and wet moss with as much ease as if she had lived in these woods all her life, laughing when her companions fell on the same obstacle she managed to avoid not seconds before. Her thin form bent like a cat in the shorts and tee shirt she wore, her necklace swinging violently with her movements, making it all the more captivating. I felt that I would have been frozen – lost in the feral charm that she sometimes possessed so vividly…Had I not been sprinting to try and keep up with her.
I am certainly not much to describe, truthfully. Others describe me a being lean and slightly muscular, but, being sixteen, I wasn't a professional rugby player or anything of the sort. I have shaggy, unmanageable blonde hair and green eyes that (y/n) claims are like emeralds. I claim them to look the color of a dogs upheaval. I am also told that I have an air of indifference and intolerance, especially around my cousins, who were, as of right then, running alongside me. I am told I am "grumpy, foul-mouthed, cold, and irritable," as reported by several people, but am also "romantic when alone, polite, intelligent, and extremely self-degrading" according to (y/n). Of course, she always tries to make people feel better about themselves, so I cannot tell if that was a lie or not. Or perhaps it has to do with my old life back in London. I am just stating what I've been told. I felt my side burning as I tried to keep up with my dynamic girlfriend, my feet hitting the leaf-covered ground much harder than normal and my heavy breathing clouding my thoughts. The four of us knew that if we got left behind we may be as good as lost as shipwreck survivors on an abandoned island until (y/n) would have found us again.
By the four of us, I mean Alfred, Matthew, Francis, and myself. All five of us are sixteen, with Alfred and Matthew being twins, and…Well, I suppose you could call us close. And by close, I mean we live with each other and are rarely seen without the other. But we have quite the tendency to bicker, save for (y/n) and Matthew, and are usually fighting over something. I admit, some of the things we fight over are pointless. But it's their fault. They always start it.
Alfred is a loud American teen who is basically everything an American is stereotyped as. Obnoxious, loves to get in your business, loud, practically worships fast-food (especially McDonalds), and is very athletic. He was running the closest to (y/n), seeming to not really try to keep up with her, as they were usually the same speed. He has blond hair similar to mine, but slightly darker and with a cowlick, a definite muscular build, glasses, and striking blue eyes. (Y/n) likes to compare them to a summer sky when she describes them. Matthew was immediately behind; he is surprisingly strong, just like his twin, but it's much harder to tell – he doesn't brag like Alfred does. He's got hair very much like Alfred's, but longer and with an unusual "Q"-shaped curl protruding from his bangs. He also wears glasses, but they rest over soft, dark blue eyes that sometimes appear violet in the right lighting. He was raised in Canada, if I remember correctly. He's much quieter than his brother, usually shy and reserved, and his voice sounds like a whisper. It's difficult to hear him sometimes, really. He was keeping up rather well – must have been the hockey games he plays with his brother – but he was having trouble keeping his round spectacles atop his nose. I suppose I'm not giving them enough credit – they do have some positive traits. Alfred is very strong and brave, and likes to help others, even if he boasts about himself being a "hero" the entire time. And Matthew is kind and polite, and, believe it or not, fun to have a conversation with. I enjoy talking to him about novels.
Francis, on the other hand, is much harder for me to find good qualities for. But I promised (y/n) that I would include a few for everyone to be nice. He was running alongside me – too close, in my opinion – and appeared to be struggling nearly as much as I was. He was from Paris, and has long blond hair the same shade as mine – shoulder length, however – and dark stubble across the bottom of his chin. Probably because he thinks it makes him look older. He is flirtatious, instigating, stubborn, perverted…Ahem. And I suppose he can be paternal and romantic. I'm only saying that because (y/n) was reading this over my shoulder, but I might edit that out later. Anyway, he was muttering something incomprehensible under his breath, probably in French, but even if I understood the language, it was breathy and muffled, as he was straining himself to try and keep up with (y/n).
My body had just about reached its limit at some point maybe a half an hour ago – or it felt like half an hour – and I was almost wanting to be left behind. "Honestly," I shouted as loud as my winded lungs would allow me. "Where are you taking us? I can't run…Any more…"
I could see her heels dig into the soft earth beneath her as she ground to a brusque halt. She turned to face us, an endearing smirk enhancing the playfulness in her eyes. I placed my hands on my knees and bent down low, trying to regain my breath. Francis next to me was doing the same, and I could see out of the corner of my eye Alfred and Matthew wiping a glistening sweat from their brow.
I could begin to adapt to my surroundings after a time (when I wasn't seeing spots anymore) and looked around to the place she seemed so eager to show me. It didn't look any different than the forest we had been running in, really. Nothing seemed to stand out at all – nothing out of the ordinary. The maple and oak trees provided a canopy that filtered small rays of sunshine, which dappled the ground as if in their own, pleasant euphoria. There seemed to be no other underbrush – no ferns or bushes or tall grasses that could trip up an unsuspecting wanderer, until now. She had stopped right before a large wall of ferns that were so densely entangled together that there was no way that anyone could have gotten around it, nor see through or over it. It didn't have a beginning or an end – it looked like it went on forever, as if it was planted there deliberately. But other than that, just trees, roots, leaves, dirt, grass, and a few wild pansies huddled together here and there. It seemed to hold its own sort of…Enchantment. And this unbeknown magic glimmered in this girl's every fiber and nerve of her complete being. I felt like I had never known true beauty until I had met her, but this was at a supernatural level that even I – being an expert in the field of science-fiction and fantasy – couldn't comprehend.
She grinned at me, somewhat like a fair nymph or other magical being of a higher beauty, such as a Greek goddess or mermaid. But to my surprise, she waited. Her chest rose and fell with a heavy breath, so I assumed she had tired herself out as well. But she stood tall nonetheless, watching me as I took another deep breath to steady myself. She does that a lot. Watches. Sometimes she watches the clouds from a window, or a beetle scurrying across papers on a desk, or even me when I'm doing…Pretty much anything. I could be tying my shoes, reading a book, drinking tea, really just about anything, and she will watch me with that same childish, innocent, and curious gaze that she bore on me now. I always wondered what went on in her mind. She watches me – watches everything whenever she gets the chance – as if she's trying to figure it out, like a little tyke trying to learn something from their parents by watching them. I'm not the only person she does this to, however. I've noticed she does this to a lot of people, no person in particular. Strangers passing by while she's sitting on a bench, or Alfred boasting loudly about whatever the hell is currently amusing his short attention span…Anyone. But she does this to me more often than anyone else.
Once we caught our breath, Alfred spoke. "So where are we?"
(Y/n) grinned. "To my special place of course !" Her voice was chipper and smooth all at the same time, a quality I really admired about her. "But you have to promise not to tell a soul!"
"Honestly," I wheezed, "Even if I wanted to, we went too fast through that bleeding forest! There's no way I could remember how to get here!"
She smiled knowingly, and I found myself surprised, as I usually am when I'm around her. I must give her credit – she may be slightly eccentric, but she was very intelligent and cunning. Another positive feature, really.
"Uh, (y/n)?" France surveyed the area. "There's nothing here."
I stand by what I said. Eccentric.
She watched him look around for a moment. Again with that curious expression. "Well, of course. I wouldn't make it easy to find."
"Where is it?" Matthew asked politely, his voice his usual whisper.
"I can't show you," she replied plainly. I slapped my forehead in exasperation.
"Really? You bring us this far just to tell us you can't show us?"
She giggled at me. It took quite a bit of my willpower not to smile at the noise. I was trying to stay mad, dammit. But her laugh sounded like small wind chimes caught in a cool summer breeze. "I didn't finish! I was gonna say I can't show you… Until you make the oath!"
"Oath?" Francis repeated dubiously.
"Yep!" she affirmed cheerily. "You have to swear that this place will be a secret! Hold out your right hand like this," she commanded, raising her right hand palm-forward as one would do in the oath of truth in court. We complied, most of us a little hesitantly, save for Alfred. This was strange. "Repeat after me, okay? I, say your name."
We repeated, using our names and sounding completely out of chorus in doing so.
"Promise (y/n) (l/n) –"
"Promise (y/n) (l/n) –" we repeated.
"That we shall never tell of this place –"
"That we shall never tell of this place –"
"And we will keep this secret with us to our graves," she finished.
"And we will keep this secret with us to our graves." I was a little irritated and impatient at this point, not to mention sore, but my curiosity kept my temper in check.
"Can we see it now?" Alfred asked, as relentless as ever.
"Sure!" She smiled, and I felt that feathery feeling in the recesses of my stomach. I tended to get that a lot when she did that. I still do to this day. She must have seen the light blush that rose to my cheeks, because she turned her gaze to me and her eyes softened ever so slightly, but with that gaze mentioned before. Like she was trying to understand. She was looking directly into my eyes. The longer she stared, the weaker I could feel my knees get, and I almost reached a point where I thought they would buckle under my weight. Oh, those eyes… How they sparked in the natural light of the forest and sky, blending together in perfect harmony into one beautiful (e/c) hue. Even though we've been dating for almost two years, she still managed to hold this enchanting effect on me. Perhaps it's just her personality; she is quite… Unpredictable at times. But I know it's definitely not just me. Anyone who knew her could confirm this. She was beautiful, and she was reckless and free. She enchanted all those who meet her… And I can say that I am no exception.
Without warning, she turned to face the opposite direction – towards the hedge wall, effectively startling me. I suppose I had stared too long too deeply. She stood on tiptoe and attempted to peek over the eight foot wall, but, of course, in vain. I wondered why she attempted something so futile, until she walked behind a larger maple tree to her left out of our view. After a moment when she didn't return, the four of us followed suit…And we couldn't find her.
"Uh, (y/n)?" I called out. "Love? Where are you?"
"Dudette?!" Alfred shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his already loud voice. I covered my ears and hissed, and I opened my mouth to tell him to belt up, when I saw her (h/c) head poke out of the hedge. She giggled and disappeared again into the foliage. From the way she ducked down, I could tell that she was slightly cramped. There must have been a small opening that wasn't easy to distinguish against the shade of the trees.
Matthew leaned over and ducked his head through the spot where she disappeared. "Wow, I'd never have seen this," he said quietly. He had to lay flat on his stomach and drag himself through the hole, so I must have assumed correctly on its size. Alfred and Francis went after him, one by one. I could hear them from the other side. They seemed to be very excited over whatever was there, but the hedge acted as a sound barrier, and it was impossible to distinguish their exact words.
My curiosity yet again got the better of me, and I ducked to see the hole as well. I couldn't see anything on the other side except grass, so I couldn't see what they were so ecstatic about. But I could hear them much better.
I could hear Alfred right away, of course. "Dudette, this is awesome! I never knew this was here!"
"C'est trés beau!" Francis sounded awestruck. Both of their voices were breathy in stupefaction, but I couldn't hear Matthew or (y/n). I crawled through, dragging myself through the hole that may have been ten feet long. It felt…Strange. There was no light through a portion of it, save for the light behind me and the light in front, but it was like a wall of darkness for a split second. The thick vines and branches from the hedge allowed no sunlight through. I was happy when I could get out and stand up to brush off the dirt and pine needles off of my chest and legs. That's when I noticed what (y/n) had been so excited to show me.
And I can assure you, I was definitely surprised.
It was like I had crossed into another world. Ahead of me was grass for perhaps twenty feet, with a few trees and flowers, and then a steep drop-off that was perhaps at a 90 degree angle. Or maybe even steeper. I really couldn't tell from where I stood, mouth slightly agape. It wasn't the cliff that caught my attention, however. It was the stunning view. The valley, perhaps a hundred feet below us, made of many different shades of green trees, and a huge lake rested even farther, its surface sparkling with the afternoon sunlight. And yet even further off, tinted purple with the distance, were snow-capped mountains, large enough to break the sky above us. I remember vividly the sun resting just above their peaks, in the cloudless, brilliant blue sky. The summer breeze had seemed to pick up ever so slightly here, as if an invisible creature were pulling you forwards, towards the cliff side to get a closer look. It was as comparable as the view of the Grand Canyon. I felt myself drawn to it, and I took a few steps forward, stopping just behind (y/n) herself, who was smiling at me calmly. I could notice a handful of deer grazing between a few trees, a little fawn hopping between them merrily. And over here was a large bevy of birds, flying in a large, synchronized group, all of them landing in one large pine tree. And over there was a flock of wild turkeys, chattering amongst one another, the noise hard to hear over the distance between us.
Even now, I can still see it. It was magnificent. Untouched by man. And to top it all off was (y/n), standing there in front of me, with this beautiful scene as a backdrop. The sun silhouetted her a little, and her lean, curved frame matched so well with the spectacle that it seemed to have been pulled right out of a movie. The breeze caught her hair and pulled it away from her face delicately, as if the same creature that pulled me forward was caressing her soft (h/c) locks with as much tenderness as a lover. I must have been staring for a little too long, because her soft smile widened lightly, and her eyes sparkled with as much genuine happiness as was typical of her character. It made the scene all the more spellbinding. God, she was beautiful. My stomach turned again.
"You like it?" she asked merrily. I could detect the slightest amount of hesitation in her voice. Was she nervous?
With the blend of the beautiful view and the even more beautiful (y/n), I felt myself unable to speak. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out, so I shut it again, my eyes darting from the mountains in the far off distance to the girl right in front of me. She was definitely more beautiful than the Grand Canyon, no comparison needed. I could tell Francis, Alfred and Matthew were watching me, and I could hear Alfred muffle a snigger behind his hand.
Eventually, I found my voice. "This…" I paused, trying to find the right word. "This…This is…Incredible." Her smile widened even further, and it took all I had not to walk over and kiss that smile. Of course, there were only four things keeping me from doing so, and three of them were standing right behind me. The fourth was my stubborn pride.
"(Y/n), what is this place?" Matthew asked. If you hadn't noticed already, he rarely spoke up, and his voice was so quiet that it's sometimes nearly impossible to hear him.
She turned to him with her smile and said, "This is my place. I come here whenever I'm upset or have too much…" She paused, searching for the right word and making rolling gestures with her hands to try and get this word out. "…Too much pent-up energy." This sounded slightly rehearsed to me, something quite unlike her. How long has she been planning on showing us this? She gestured to a small, slightly deteriorating stone fire pit to the right of us that I had failed to notice until now. Surrounding it were some small logs, and it looked as if it was very old, yet well cared for, like the home of an elderly grandmother. The four logs weren't dirty, and they had two slight inward curves close to either edges of the long-dead wood, giving the appearance of years of use as a seat. "I found this place just like this, but nobody ever seems to come here," she explained. "I even tried to leave random stuff around the place, thinking if someone saw it they would take it or move it, but it never did. So someone must have abandoned this place a long time ago."
"Cool!" Alfred said loudly. His voice contrasted the peace of the scene quite dramatically. "So this is like a secret hideout?"
"Sort of," she turned toward the lake, smiling still. "That's Lake Champlain. But this must be a really uncommon part of it, because I rarely see any boats or campers or fishers here. I occasionally see a family come fishing with a dog and they go canoeing, but they don't ever see me anyway. That's why I like it so much." She turned back to us. "It's natural. There aren't almost ever any people here. It's quiet and…Secret." She seemed pleased with her choice of words, so she paused, turning back to the lake.
"Why didn't you tell us about this?" I asked quietly. My voice remained hushed in awe.
Her smile vanished. "I don't know, really. I guess I just liked having a place to myself where I can let loose and be free, but the more I thought about it, the more selfish it seemed. Besides, I knew you would have liked this." She didn't take her eyes off of the lake once in this entire answer.
"So," Francis stepped up next to me. "What do you do here?"
She turned to us and smiled. "Let loose, of course. Here, you try it," she gestured to Alfred. When he gave her a puzzled look, she giggled. I felt those butterflies again at the sound. "You shout, of course! Just yell as loud as you can to the trees and lake and mountains and sky!"
He blinked, but grinned mischeviously and yelled one big whoop as loud as he could, and the rest of us had to cover our ears. The sound did not echo, though. It was as if the forest and lake and mountains and sky absorbed the noise. As if they listened. The deer and turkeys jumped and fled from the noise, and the birds squawked and flew away all in one big group, silhouetted against the sky and heading towards the mountains.
Alfred looked pleased with himself. The rest of us were left to rub our ears to try and get feeling in them again. (Y/n) clapped happily. "There you go!"
Alfred began bragging about how amazing his own voice sounded, but I didn't really listen. I was beginning to understand the point in all of this. She yelled to let out her frustration and fear and sadness, so she would be happy when she came back. And she did it alone, far away, so no one would be forced to bear the burden of these emotions. Perhaps this was her secret? This is how she always stayed so calm?
Just the idea of this amazed me. I always knew she was extremely intelligent in an almost eccentric way, but this was beyond anything I could have imagined. I watched her laugh along with Alfred as he boasted, and I felt another blush dust my cheeks. Her hair shimmered in the sunlight, very much like the water below us, and waved in the breeze that drew me to the edge of the cliffside and bore all of her woes. Her eyes sparkled as much as they always have, but now I saw a new light in them that I hadn't seen before. I could determine it wasn't mischievousness. And it made me fall in love with her all over again.
"Arthur?" I started at the sound of my name being spoken by the soft voice that I cared for so deeply. She was watching me with curiosity again, but she was smiling. I only just realized that that was probably why I got such a good look at her eyes. "Do you want to try?"
I couldn't find my voice again. I just shook my head. If I couldn't talk to my girlfriend, there is no way I could shout all of my troubles and worries away into the heavens above. She frowned at me, and gave me that look again. She was studying me. Why did she always look at people like that? Why did she look at me like that? I still couldn't find my voice, so I shook my head 'no' again.
She watched me with that inquiring expression a moment longer, and I was both relieved and a little grieved when she looked away, back at the lake and trees and mountains and sky. I wanted to see her eyes again – I wanted to always have her right there next to me so I could see them forever. But what happened next shocked me into an even deeper silence.
She took a deep, long breath, and let out a beautiful, long, loud key that seemed to shake the earth and make it sing along at the same time. I felt my heart leap into my throat. She had the most beautiful voice! The ground beneath her feet rooted her to the spot, and when she sang that one note, the Earth swallowed the sound again, similar to Alfred, and treasured the melody. It kept it inside everything at heard it; the tree trunks, the leaves, the dirt, the grass, the rocks, the water, the flowers, the mountains in the distance, the sky, the sun, the animals, and my heart. I will treasure the sound as fondly as the Earth did. It held so many emotions - it wasn't just a beautiful note. It was passionate. I could make out sensations that made me want to cry, others that made me want to scream in anger, or quiver in fear. Some made me want to laugh and dance as sing, too. I could feel all of it as the note ranged in tone, from high to low. It will remain to this day and forever the most absolute and wondrous and beautiful thing I've ever heard. Was this what the Earth thought? Did it love her voice as much as I did? Perhaps that was why she was so gifted in so many things - why she was so in-tune sigh the people around her and the Earth below her feet. She was given a gift from the Earth that made her who she is, and she was returning the favour with the song of her troubles, so the Earth could help her. It was so different from Alfred's. It was like clanking metal against metal - a loud, obnoxious sound that resonated painfully. But hers was like the chime of Church bells. I couldn't have loved anyone more at that moment.
The note slowly faded away, and she took another few deep breaths. I only just realized that she was crying a little. Her note was so passionate and stunning, but it held everything she kept inside, whatever it may be. A single tear glistened down her cheek, sparkling in the sunlight like a diamond across her pink cheek. She wiped her eye with the palm of her hand and sniffed. I felt my heart, which had just filled to the brim, break open and spill over at the sight. I don't know what burdened her so much, but it broke my heart to see her cry. I reached out and opened my arms for her, and she turned to face me, watching me, and, after a moment's thought, enveloped herself in my embrace, sniffing again as she buried her face in my chest. I set my head atop hers, hoping to be of some comfort when I knew I couldn't provide much. Whatever plagued her was larger than her. Larger than me. Larger than all of us. I will never know what it was, but I wanted to help her to the best of my ability. She just needed a moment to regain her composure, so I held her gently and waited, not saying a word.
She sniffed once more and stood up straight. I moved my arms so they were on her shoulders and gazed at her once more. She wiped her eyes and beamed at me, a smile of pure happiness and gratitude. I felt my eyes soften as I admired her. She was just so lovely. You have no idea of the amount of restraint I had then. I could have held her forever, right there. But I leaned in and kissed her forehead softly, and let her go. Her cheeks tinted pink at the gesture, and I couldn't help but smile a little. Even more beautiful.
She looked back out towards the vast expanse of land underneath us, and all four of us turned to follow that gaze, the other three joining us to stand by us, side by side. We looked as strong and uniform as a wall then - an unbreakable bond between us rarely seen by others outside our family. And as much as I hate them sometimes (Alfred and Francis, specifically), we can prove to be quite the tightly-knit family. With all of them at either side, I felt stronger. I could see (y/n) at my right, taking another breath to steady herself.
"Sometimes," she said, "People are hurting on the inside. Everyone hurts on the inside. What makes a person a bad person isn't how much bad they have on the inside. It's how they express it that judges what kind of person you are."
I had to let that sink in. Her vocabulary was so basic, but the meaning had so much more. She remained silent after that, just staring thoughtfully out at the ocean with that expression again. The others were staring at her, too. Was this what was on her mind all the time? Is this why she was always seeing the positives in everyone? I couldn't help but reflect on this. Is this why she looked at me like that? Was... Was I considered a bad person in her eyes?
The rest of the time we were there we sat on the logs and talked until the sun was grazing the surface of the mountains in the late evening. She was slower to walk home, much to our relief, but I had such a wonderful time that day; I will never forget it. We sang and told stories and joked and eventually disclosed some of our deepest secrets. I feel that my secrets are safe with the Earth and my family, even so many years later. (Y/n) revealed to me her burden, but I will never tell. I will not tell any of the secrets shared on that day. Even though I remember them all so vividly.
Many years have passed since that day. We went to that place many times, but after we graduated, we all left to the same college and never went back. All five of us are as close as ever, however, and we are all happy. Alfred is a handsome bachelor, rich from his business in New York City. Matthew married a young, beautiful woman and has two lovely twins, a boy and a girl. They now live next door to me. Francis is still dating countless numbers of women, and is enjoying his home, which is in the same block as Matthew's house and mine. I think he's planning on proposing to the girl he's dating now, but it isn't official yet.
As for (y/n) and me? We are married now, and she is seven months pregnant with our first child - a healthy baby boy. We have a wonderful farmhouse and good careers and earn enough money to live a happy life. She hasn't changed a bit, either. She was always playful and energetic and happy, and she still is. And I love her with all of my heart, just as I did then.
But what she said that day changed my life. It really makes you wonder - Am I a bad person? Is there such thing? How can I be a good person?
I have none of these answers, and I don't know if I will ever find them. But I learned quite the lesson that day. Always look behind the hedge wall.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Such romance. Much symbolism. Wow.
Right away, I will tell you, dear reader, that I described some scenes/characters more than others on purpose. For example, (y/n) was described very thoroughly because Arthur/England was infatuated with her. Therefore he would depict her as how he sees her. And as for Francis/France, he would describe him much more vaguely because he doesn't like him very much. I love him, though. I love all of the FACE family :3
And I'm really sorry for not having posted one of MY fanfics in so long! I've been super busy, what with NHS and the Church choir and cat-sitting and homework and studying and projects. I hope this makes up for it! Have a nice day! ~
~Dreampainter