Thanks for clicking on this little one shot here! This is dedicated to my twinnie, tensionandthrill! (Check out her writings, she's phenomenal) I wrote it to cheer her up, and hopefully it'll do the same for you. I've had it for a while, and I figured I'd post something while I work on things to update. Thanks to those that are being patient with me. School's almost over and I will have more time to write. Thanks again!
The level of chaos heightened in the small dressing room. Everything including the walls and my throat were closing in on me.
3:20
The clock's hands shot deafening bullets as time moved forward. In 10 minutes, I'd be starting a new chapter—a new book, actually. Most little girls and Kurt had been planning this day since opening the box of our Ken dolls and pairing him up with Barbie. If you were me, Barbie went to college, found a career, bought her own car…and eventually Ken made his way.
That eventually happened sooner than I thought when Sam Evans, my own Ken, tilted my world on its axis whilst strumming along the strings of my heart. Out of nowhere, he'd shown up and told me that being bad on my own okay, but doing some good with him would make him the luckiest man on Earth.
That was seven years ago. And due to his never ending charm and overflowing love, I was about to make a vow to spend the rest of my life with him—to be his wife. In ten minutes, I was going to be Mrs. Sam Evans.
Because of that revelation, Kurt's obsessive use of hairspray, Tina's consistent tears, my mother reminding me of the time within very short intervals, and my overall panic, I'd barely made it to the restroom without fainting.
Stupidly, I failed to lock the door, but I had time to myself at first. The volume in the connecting room decreased, but I'd focused all of my attention on my impending thoughts.
My reflected mirrored everything I didn't want to see. Behind the sleeveless, ivory gown adorned with intricate beading and the make-up that took hours, I was a hot damn mess.
The happiest day of your life, they said. I'm positive they had to have meant the scariest. Who the hell were "they" anyway?
My racing thoughts ceased when my maid of honor arrived in fresh tears.
"Between Kurt and your mom, I felt as if I was the safest option," she smiled. "Are you alright, Mercy?" Tina asked with trepidation.
From the moment I called her to announce the engagement, the tears had yet to stop. While she was overjoyed with my news, she also had a special surprise to share. That same day exactly, her doctor had revealed to the couple that she'd been 3 weeks along. I'd heard the myths about emotional inconsistency that came along with pregnancy, but my best friend was living proof.
"I'm going to be," my breath was shaky.
I hoped so, at least.
A new way of trembling hit Tina's lips and the waterworks spilled down her face. She'd had her make-up redone twice today, and I could already hear Kurt's remarks now.
"I'm sorry, Mercy! This is all my fault. I'm blubbering all over the place and—"
The poor girl couldn't even finish her sentence before she fell into a fit of sobs, yet again. It was almost too insane to believe, but it seemed as if Tina's happiness depended on my relationship with Sam. Whenever had an argument, she put herself in the middle. Feeling responsible—for whatever reason—she'd act as a mediator. We'd never tell her, but our annoyance with her helped us work out whatever issue instead of her therapeutic tricks.
In fact, Sam eventually starting approaching me before she found out and asked that we talk it out.
Sam.
My heartbeat mimicked a runner in the last stretch of a race. If he knew of my current state of mind, he'd probably call off the wedding himself. He intended this day to be perfect—working so hard to make sure that everything went smoothly.
And as much as he'd tried to make today about me, it was more than that. It was our wedding—the day that I'm sure he'd been planning since returning to Kentucky during our junior year. Our day—the day that was always meant to happen…even if it took me awhile to comprehend that notion. Today was about us—well, it was supposed to be.
Everything fell apart within one hour, and karma was not in my favor. My dad, who was supposed to be walking me down the aisle, fell and hurt his knee outside the church. One of my bridesmaids left her dress at home…in Philadelphia. To top it off, my niece—the flower girl—upchucked every piece of candy that I specifically told her not to eat. And while everyone ran around trying to find solutions to the problems at hand, I stared off into the distance wishing for a do over.
But the show had to go on, despite the day's obstacles. At this point, I just didn't know if I wanted it to.
Sam and I were young. Three years out of college, both of us had yet to find our place in this world. Tina and Mike made everything seem so easy, but their fairytale was untouchable. We were different people, but I couldn't help but want what they had. Two years of marriage under the belt with a baby on the way, those two were more in love than I'd ever seen them. Sam told me that he loved me every single day—multiple times—but the fear that our spark would fizzle was at an all-time high.
Tina continued to wail, accepting my Kleenex in hand. The pounding in my head increased—diminishing my ability to think. Fresh air is what I needed. Being outside with zero distractions would help me clear my head of all of this nonsense.
Pulling the mommy to be up to her feet, I pulled her into the tightest embrace—careful to miss her running mascara. If the dress was anything less than perfect, everyone in that room next to us would have my head.
"Listen to me, T. I need you to go in there and convince them that I'm alright. If they ask, I'm just talking to Quinn on the phone," I paused waiting for her confirmation.
Quinn called me bawling the night prior. Her flight was delayed from London, and there was no way she could make it in time. My bachelorette party wasn't the same without her, and today definitely wouldn't be either. Although I was upset, I knew that she'd be here if it were possible.
Once she nodded, I confided in her that I was going outside for a breath of fresh air, but she'd seen way too movies and immediately freaked out.
"Mercedes Jones soon to be Evans!"
"Girl, relax! I'm not leaving my own wedding…" The silence following didn't convince either of us and the knock on the door tripled my heartbeat.
"Baby, are you alright?" My mother called, and before Tina could respond for me, my hand held her mouth shut.
"I'm fine! Just talking to Quinn!"
Tina's eyes nearly popped out of her head. She was a terrible liar, and lying to my mother was worse than lying to her own parents.
My mom seemed to accept this, and her voice moved further from the door.
"I will not do this. C'mon, Mercy! It's just cold feet," she hissed.
It was cold feet, fingers, and toes—to be exact. Her voice was a hushed whisper, and she continued to beg me to stay. Luckily the bathroom had a door that led to hallway in the back. The grip on its handle was firm and I was set on walking away, but I feel her eyes burning through my skin.
"If I'm not back within 10 minutes, come and get me." Her anxiety stayed in its place, but she figured that I wasn't going to budge.
"Pinky swear?"
"And thumb."
As if we were kids, we performed our special handshake, and I was out the door. The cool air in the hallway had already provided some relief, and I could finally breathe. Thankfully the men's' dressing rooms were on the other side of the church. So the chance of running into Sam, or any of the guys were slim to none.
Of course, I forgot how shitty my luck had been that day. I would have run, but the heels giving me extra height weren't meant for track and field purposes. Mike's steps cut short as he caught gaze of me in my dress. His jaw clenched, and just like his wife, emotion soared through him. Our group had always been tightknit, but over the years, he'd grown into this big brother of mine.
"Sis, you look…" his mouth fell agape while my face burned graciously. He couldn't formulate words—sweeping me into a hug was his only way of expressing what he wanted to say.
"Thank you, Mikey," I prayed he wouldn't catch on or ask where I was going. Stepping back, I got a full view of his black suit and fanned myself jokingly.
"Wow, you look good in purple!" I exclaimed, twirling him around. The vest that complimented the bridesmaids' dresses hugged his torso ever so kindly. His blush was visible and we shared one more hug.
I'd stopped myself from asking about Sam until I saw the shine from his eyes disappear. My heart sped up once again.
"What's wrong?"
After furrowing his brows, his eyes popped, averting everywhere but mine.
"Mike!"
"Nothing…nothing. Wait—is there something wrong with you? Why are you out here for?"
He got me—of course he'd turn the tables on me. If he was going to fib, then he wouldn't get the truth out of me either.
"I was talking on the phone to Quinn." No use in trying to mix up stories, and he knew Quinn wouldn't be there, so the plan should have work.
"Where's your phone?"
His eyebrow crept up his forehead, interrogating me silently. Usually, Mike was understanding, but I didn't want to him to assume the worst. Face to face, I couldn't get away with it, so there was no use in trying.
"I'm just going out for air—that's all."
I prepared to put up a fight, but his lips pressing against my temple both astonished and comforted me.
"You're nervous?" He asked, looping my arm through his.
Nodding, I made sure I kept my eyes dry. We continued down the hallway until reaching the glass door on looking the backyard of the church. The familiar sight before me relaxed the tension in my muscles. As a little girl, I was called upon to be the flower girl many a time. Until it was my time to throw pedals down the aisle, I'd practically run out all of my energy in garden near the tree. Memories filled my head, thinking back to the days where this day was only a dream. I was far from the girl I once was, and that thought was scary enough. I'd fawn over how pretty the brides' dresses were—hoping that I'd wear one just as elegant.
"When you're out there, just think about why you said yes. If you two weren't ready, he wouldn't have asked…"
The two of us laughed, knowing that Sam had always been ready to ask. He just knew better than to do so before graduation. He let go of my arm, and pecked me on the cheek.
"See you at the altar," Mike squeezed my hands and scurried down the hallway. It wasn't until then that I realized that he completely dodged my accusations. He'd disappeared before I could scold him, and I knew time was winding down.
Spring was in full effect, and sky had not one cloud in the sky. Thankfully, my train wasn't long, so I could bunch the fabric without falling. The bench that sat in front of the tree remained the same. Careful not to get any dirt near me, I fell into a deep relaxation. The breeze touched my skin politely, and I closed my eyes thinking about what Mike asked me to.
The love I had for Sam was frightening. We'd taken a step further from the puppy love and graduated to full on terrifying love. For one that never believed in soul mates, Sam changed the game quick. Even if he wasn't around, I felt him with me everywhere. Sam was a song that I never wanted to end. I could hear his melody always, whether I liked it or not.
I could even hear it now. Just thinking about him made music resonate through my ears, and I clung to every note. His voice was loud and clear—he always had the right lyrics.
"Fuck!"
The low growl stopped my heart for a second, but the voice was all too familiar. It was voice that I thought I'd imagined.
"Sam?"
"Mercedes?"
I heard him shift, but I stopped him. I wasn't big on superstitions, but I refused for Sam to see me before the ceremony.
"Don't even! No peeking until I walk down that aisle in the church….why aren't you in the church?"
"Wait, why aren't you?"
Both of our voices were raised in panic—I'm sure thinking the same thing. Silence crept upon us, and I couldn't imagine what was going through his head.
"Mercy—"
'Sammy, I'm not—I'm marrying you today, no matter what. I just," my eyes shut out the world, bracing myself to go on.
"I'm scared."
It was out in the open, and he'd yet to say anything. Tears pricked my eyes—he was too devastated to speak.
"Take my hand," he muttered softly. Peeking over my shoulder, his arm was only visible. As I took the hand he offered, ours fingers locked and those insecurities melted away almost instantly.
It was a minute before he spoke again, and I promised not to get ahead of myself. He took a shaky breath, but eventually formed words.
"About five minutes ago, Mike was chasing me out of our dressing room, begging me not to go. He was almost certain that I was about to leave you at the altar," Sam's chuckle sent electric shocks up my spine, while his thumb caressed our intertwined hands.
It all made sense now, and I couldn't wait to chastise Mike for this. He was more nervous than he let on, and refused to let me see him crumble.
"You didn't tell him where you were? No wonder he almost lost his mind when he saw me!"
"I assured him that I'd return," he replied nonchalantly.
I could etch Sam's face perfectly in my mind and could hear his smile. My own smile fell once I realized that he was scared too.
"Baby?"
His grip tightened on my hand and I yearned to look into his eyes. I needed to know that we weren't making a huge mistake.
"Can you believe I was already thinking about our kids?"
It was hard to breathe as I imagined myself waddling around like Tina, carrying our future. We'd have boy first. His skin would be a soft blend of both of our tones and his eyes—Sam's. His sandy curls that sat atop his head made me giggle softly.
"I kept thinking about how I wouldn't be a good husband or a good dad—will our kids even like me? Listen to me," he laughed.
"We haven't exchanged vows, and I'm already worrying about our children."
Sam sounded defeated, and my eyes watered at his fears. I glanced over my shoulder once more to stare at the bond we'd make with our flesh.
"Do you remember Finals week, senior year?"
The change in topic was bound to throw him off, but there was a point to my detour.
"In college….yea, why?"
Graduation had been days away, and instead of freaking out about the post-grad problems I was sure to endure, the stress of final exams had me off my rocker.
"What the…oh my…Sam!"
Once the screen suddenly went dark, its nonresponsive still frame catalyzed the biggest meltdown of my entire life. There was one final standing between me and the real world, and it disappeared into the depths of cyberspace hell. I'd tried to retrieve my files after the laptop restarted, but they were nowhere to be found.
"What's up…baby?"
Through my tears, I turned to see his tall frame standing by the door with a bowl of cereal in hand. Sam's last exam was on Monday, and he'd been living the bum life since then. His hair was a disheveled blond mess, and I couldn't remember the last time I saw him in different pajamas.
He crossed the bedroom, quickly putting the bowl down on my desk. Just as the question formed, I pointed forward with one hand, while the other was over my mouth.
"Shit," he cussed as his mind put together the missing information. The stupid error message kept popping up, and every time I read it, a piece of my sanity cracked.
"No jump drive?"
Shaking my head furiously, I buried my face into my palms. I'd gone from panicked to bat shit crazy in record time. Thinking reasonably was overrated, so of course I jumped to the worst possible situations. Grabbing my hair, I walked in a trance over to my bed and fell back into a violent sob. I sensed his body, and didn't want any consolation.
"Don't touch me! Just let me wither away and die."
Fetal position and all, I planned my life as a hobo. I should have known double majoring in Music and Communications would never work out. Every semester since freshman year, I stretched myself to the max, taking the maximum number of credits RU offered. The number of speeches and jury sessions I'd done were countless. If it weren't for Sam, I would have burnt out ages ago.
Only this time his soothing words and soft kisses wouldn't bring me out of this slump. It was decided that after my Communication Criticism professor failed me, I'd live life on the streets. No use in trying to find a part-time job—my life was over.
At some point, Sam called someone, but his conversation was irrelevant to me. Instead, I hopped off the bed and stalked towards the closet. After finding what I was looking for, I threw it on the bed. Ignoring Sam's wild eyes, I made my way to the dresser he and I shared.
After the second armful of clothes hit the bottom of my suitcase, he hissed at me, covering the receiver.
"I'm a failure, Sam! Why stay with a girlfriend that has nothing going for her?" My arms flew up in the air dramatically before continuing my task.
Sam muttered a thank you into his cellphone, and sat down at the desk. I scoffed, falling right back onto the mattress.
Maybe I was overreacting, but the five final exams prior to the essay that was due in two hours had taken the strength out of me. My sleep cycle was long gone, and I couldn't remember the last time my head caressed the pillow for more than five minutes. What was left of my rationality had danced out the door and mocked me.
He kept quiet, which unusually annoyed me. Every other time I'd run into an issue, which had been frequently the past few days, Sam was all over me.
I couldn't see what he was doing, but I paced back and forth trying to convince him to leave me.
"…we've only lived together for a semester! I don't even know if you've seen me without make-up…trust me, it's not a sight for sore eyes. If you're fine with being with a college dropout, then go ahead!"
"Done!"
Sam's hands flew out to his sides, and he turned to me with the most amused grin plastered on his face. I all but threw him out of the chair trying to see what he had done. I was torn between looking at his face and the computer screen. Almost certain that I looked ridiculous, I decided on his face. He had no chance as I pulled him down into a searing kiss.
Sam leaned back in, but fell forward because of my refocused attention to the computer screen.
Magic.
Sam, my boyfriend, was a magician. Right there was my essay that I slaved hours over, when just a few minutes it'd vanished.
"How—Sam!"
My eyes were cloudy again and the weeping began. Running frantically in place, I tackled him, bringing both of our bodies to the ground.
"It was quite simple, really," he told his story, propping himself up on his elbows. I hugged his waist tighter, gazing up at him.
All it took was a phone call to Tech Services, and they walked him through the process of retrieving all of my files. I guess I'd miss that while packing for my trip to the end of the universe.
His toned chest found home to my head, and I sighed thinking about how lucky I was. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually left. He'd dealt with my crazy for far too long—I didn't deserve how cool and understanding he'd been.
"I'm sorry," my apology was barely a whisper, but he'd heard me. His fingers traced the skin on my arms, and my eyes were getting heavier by the second.
"For?"
Craning my neck, I saw that he was looking down at me with his famous smirk. I rested my head again, and rolled my eyes. This was always his favorite part.
"I'm sorry for going insane and throwing my things in a suitcase….and for yelling at you."
Sam's snicker brought joy to my heart. I'd rather him laugh at me than storm out in annoyance. Our relationship had been through absolute hell. The fact that we were still together was amazing. Both of us had strenuous coursework, jobs, and social lives. After that, we had about three milliseconds to enjoy one other. And because we were always tired, those milliseconds went to cuddling at the end of the night before drifting off.
"If you want to break up with me, I promise you I won't throw things like those crazy girls in the movies," I muttered. Between his soothing hands and gentle rhythm of his pulse, sleep was lurking. The freak out tuckered me out, and although the bed was calling for me, being in his arms felt so much better.
"Nah, I think I'll stick around for a little while longer."
"Just a little?"
"Forever."
The memory brought us out of our slump temporarily. We'd managed to keep our hands together as we doubled over in laughter.
"When you went for the suitcase, it took everything in me to keep calm. You had your freak outs before, but that…wow," he ratted on me for my ridiculous behavior that day. I couldn't even bring myself to be mad at him.
"Hey, it was Finals week! Everyone was on edge…I was just hanging on the cliff…by one hand."
Even though he waves off that day as a simple fix, it was him that pulled me up from the ledge, saving me just in time.
"That was the day that I knew, Sam. That's why I said yes," the admission rolled off my tongue quietly. Smiling to myself, I didn't need to think any further. Since that moment, I'd look into his eyes and see my future—ours.
I felt him turn his body, but he knew he was pressing his luck if he looked at me.
"You wanted to marry me because I fixed your computer? Well, I'm glad we didn't take it to the Geek Squad, sheesh!"
"You know that's not what I meant."
He went quiet, but continued to stoke my hand. I looked warily towards the church, and I didn't want our time to end, but at any moment a SWAT team would arrive with a search party knowing our family and friends.
"The computer was just one of many things you stood by me with. Just when I think you can't get any more perfect for me, you surprise me every day, and it's kind of terrifying. I mean, you seem to like me now—" Sam broke my statement with his laughter.
"But what if 10 years down the line, you finally see me for the hag I really am?"
I laughed with him, but I dead serious and he knew. My hand was growing numb, but he succeeded in keeping life within the tiny limbs.
"Then I'll hug and kiss my hag, and reveal to her that I'm quite the ogre. Hopefully she won't mind having a green monster for a husband."
Although I was certain not all ogres looked like Shrek, I appreciated his reference. The desire to kiss him reminded me that we had a church full of people waiting to see us make promises of forever. We would never have the chance to face our possible challenges if we hid from our fears.
"What are we doing, Sam? We're ready for this."
"Damn straight, we are!"
We let go of one another, but the tether hadn't been burned. The entire congregation was about to witness our declarations of love, and I couldn't wait to share it with them. Sam would always be with me.
I heard him shuffle to his feet the same time I stood from the bench. Going against my own rules, I glanced around the tree to find him facing the other way, brushing himself off. The tiny glimpse of my husband to be gave me all of the confidence to practically run back into the building.
"See you in a bit, Mr. Evans."
"Can't wait, almost Mrs. Evans."
He continued the song he was singing previously as my body floated back into the church. There, I was stormed by an angry Kurt, a sobbing Tina, and a rowdy bridal party. Their deafening shouts came to an end by a silent command of the eyes.
"I have a man to marry!"
The entire crowd screamed and we all rushed to line up, where I saw my father standing with the help of a cane. The day was turning around quickly. My cold feet, fingers, and toes were quite warm now, and I couldn't wait to meet Sam at the altar.
After all, he'd planned to stick around for a little while longer—forever.