Title: If You Give a House Some Nookie
Author: JellyBean30
Pairing(s): House/Cameron & Cuddy (Parody of 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie)
Warnings: Actually not that smutty, but funny in that special sick, twisted way we all love.
If You Give a House Some Nookie
If you give a House some nookie,
He's going to ask for a glass of scotch.
When you give him the scotch,
He'll probably ask you for some ice.
When he's finished, he'll take the ice
And he'll run it all over your body.
Then he'll want to look you over,
Just to make sure he hasn't missed any places.
When he looks you over,
He might notice that you need a trim.
So he'll probably ask for a pair of scissors.
When he's finished giving you a trim,
He'll want to lick the area to sooth the skin.
He'll start licking.
He might get carried away and lick every inch of your skin.
He may even end up licking inside as well.
When he's done, he'll probably want to take a nap.
You'll have to change the sheets and get him a blanket and a pillow.
He'll crawl in, make himself comfortable and fluff the pillow a few times.
He'll probably ask you to tell him a story. (He gets bored easily)
So you'll tell him about the threesome you had in college.
He'll ask to see pictures.
When he looks at the pictures (which you of course have)
He'll get so excited he'll want to have a threesome of his own.
He'll ask for Cuddy and bondage.
He'll have his threesome. (Because who could say no to those eyes?)
When the threesome is finished,
He'll want some photographic evidence.
Then he'll want to hang the pictures in the hospital cafeteria.
Which means he'll need scotch tape.
You'll use the scotch tape to tie him up.
Looking at the scotch tape will remind him that he's horny.
So, he'll ask for a glass of scotch.
And chances are if he asks for a glass of scotch,
He's going to want some nookie to go with it.