AN: What do you know, here comes my very first straight fic. (laughes) Allen x Lenalee. As I mentioned, I do like some het pairings, but this one especially. It is just so cute! Anyway, I just got the random idea while reading the manga. I'm trying to work it out now. Most of fic was done on a really sleep-deprived night so it might be a bit weird. -.-'
Basically AlLena fluff or hurt/comfort; Allen's eye is freaking out again and Lenalee is trying to comfort him...and maybe a bit more; innocent little kiss, implied LaviYu (I just had to put it in...); an ending that can be interpreted in different ways, and in general - nothing to cover your eyes from. And yes, it's sort of incoherent...whatever I try to write, it comes out like that. xD
...By the way, I just got vol.4 of DGM in paperback and it says in an extra page that the correct way to spell Kanda's name is 'Yu' and not 'Yuu'. So I'll be using that from now on. -.-'
Disclaimer: I do not own -Man or any of it's characters, (if I did, there would be even more YuLavi in it and I'd be too cool to come here and write like a simple mortal...) it all belongs to Katsura Hoshino. That said; the song title is borrowed from Deep Purple. And...that's all, I believe.
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DEMON'S EYE
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In war, when every bond is the most fragile, it is the easiest to find someone to connect yourself to. In the world of despair and suffering, a time comes when you need to be able to rely on someone, and silently wait in the cover hoping to see the next day - together.
Allen Walker was a human. He was a bit cursed, but still definitely human. Only humans could get cursed on this Earth, only humans had to bear with it and carry all the pain that came with. Allen cared more than most people, and it made him suffer in a way that only the chosen ones called Exorcists could withstand. It was even harder on him than the others, since he cared for both humans and Akuma; and how could he not when he saw their souls, suffering more than anyone he ever knew? However, sometimes... sometimes the curse upon him would cause him to wonder, why exactly did he feel so attached to the demonic creatures of darkness, and what kept him from falling into the shadows that he loved and despised all at once.
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Allen was making his way back to his room through the dark hallways of the Black Order's HQ, careful not to wake his sleeping comrades. He was walking from the bathroom, water dripping from his hair, pressing both of his hands to his left eye.
Black Order's castle was surprisingly creepy at night, even though it was supposed to be the home of God's apostles. Long, twisted medieval-reminding corridors, where a newcomer could easily get lost; narrow and high church-like windows that let through soft rays of moonlight, giving it faint colors that looked somewhat eerie and lonely on the dark floor.
Ever since they came back from the last mission, his eye was hurting badly. Allen didn't tell anyone, not wanting to worry them - especially Lenalee - but in the late evening, it has gotten so bad that he had to go and splash some water on his face just to keep conscious. His eye was twitching, turning, pounding, and it kept activated all the time. Allen pushed his hand towards it harder, wondering what in the world could be going on.
He already knew that his left eye didn't only react to Akuma; sometimes it was like it had the mind of it's own. Like now. It was calling, longing for something that Allen didn't know or didn't want to know. He couldn't help but notice that it started freaking out after he increased his synchronization rate with the Innocence. It seemed that his eye didn't like it anymore - or was there another reason? His eye always was weird - for example, it evolved just like an Akuma. Another throb of pain went through his head and he slumped on the floor, gasping silently and still desperately pressing his hand against the cursed eye.
Allen didn't even hear the light footsteps in the hallway, he only reacted when they stopped behind him; a circle of light was dropped around by a nightlamp that someone was carrying, and a soft voice asked "Allen-kun?"
He flinched backwards, hitting the back of his head into the wall and raised his eyes. In the faint light of a nightlamp, he could see the face and concerned eyes of Lenalee Lee. Her look quickly ran over Allen, stopping on his left eye, and he quickly pulled his hand away.
"Lenalee...w-what are you doing here at this hour?"
"I could ask you the same," she answered quietly. "I couldn't sleep."
"Oh! I - I'm sorry. I was just -"
She didn't let him finish. "It's happening again isn't it?" Her voice sounded worriedly.
The reason she couldn't sleep was in fact another weird dream that included Allen. He was walking away from them, from her, and his left side turned into something that looked like a machine. The further he walked, the worse it got, and finally Lenalee woke up with tears in her eyes, reaching into the darkness. She immediately got up, took a lamp and went to check on Allen, without even thinking what time it was.
"W-what is?" Allen tried his best to pretend he didn't know what Lenalee was talking about, even though it was clear she saw him holding the cursed eye just a moment ago, and she obviously was worried about it. He always felt guilty to make Lenalee concerned about him; being the bad luck magnet that he was, it happened quite often. Why did she have to love all her friends so desperately?..
Now she was looking at him with that glint of something in her eyes that only Allen received from her, and kneed down beside him. "Your eye. Oh Allen, I'm so worried! What if something bad is going to happen again?"
"It's alright! I'm fine!" Allen spluttered without thinking. "Bad things always happen in a middle of a war, we're all lucky to have made it this far.."
He immediately regretted saying it as he saw Lenalee's eyes widen and flood with fear and sadness.
"No," she whispered, not able to move her eyes away. "I... My world... can't seize..." Her face told everything she didn't: how much everyone means to her, how she would do anything in her power to protect them, even if it would cost her life.
It was a sad truth though, that in a war like that, there were ought to be sacrifices, and likely, not all of their friends would survive.
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Few days ago, on their way back from the mission, Allen talked with Lavi. He couldn't help but notice that the usually cheerful redhead was somewhat silent lately, and a slight frown was present on his face most of the time. When they got aboard the train, Allen asked what was wrong, Lavi snapped. "It's a losing war! Can't you see it, Allen? We're only killing time! We can't win this!" He then yelled something about how hopeless it all was, called Allen a naive kid and went to sit with Kanda, wearing an expression that was worthy of the grumpy Japanese himself. Allen didn't say anything; but he could clearly see that his friends were losing hope, one by one. Lately, the two older teens would convert occasionally, and judging from what was more or less accidentally overheard, they both shared pessimistic thoughts about the war, its outcome, and 'time running out', whatever it was. Strange. From the looks of it, they used to hate each other, not so long ago.
Allen asked Lenalee what she thought about it; she only said that Lavi and Kanda were older than them so maybe that's why they suddenly found something in common. Nonetheless, she said, no matter how many horrible things you see and learn in times like these, it's never an excuse to give up.
What Allen didn't know, was that Lenalee had heard Lavi's words as well. It hurt her, even though it seemed to be true; since when one loses his hope in a war, he loses the will to fight, and when that happens, a downfall follows soon after. She didn't want to lose them, any of them. But what could she do? The only one with enough faith to keep fighting was Allen now. Lenalee was afraid, afraid that he might put it all on his shoulders now. Losing everyone else would destroy her world, but during the last months, she understood that losing Allen would in fact destroy herself.
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"I didn't mean it like that, I'm terribly sorry!" Allen cried, mechanically grabbing Lenalee's hand in an attempt to calm her and looking into her eyes. "Please don't cry!" He suddenly realised that he's holding her and quickly let go, shivering at the thought of what would Komui Lee do if he saw that.
What came next was really unexpected.
"Don't...don't leave me," Lenalee whispered, putting her hand over Allen's. "Allen, don't let go of me...don't leave me behind..."
"I'd never -" he didn't finished the sentence out of surprise and blushed furiously as Lenalee suddenly got him into a tight hug. He would never what? He didn't want to think what he was about to say right now; one way or another, it lead to the same conclusion: he'll do anything he can to make Lenalee happy. Anything.
Allen hesitantly put his arms around Lenalee, trying to comfort her, and stroked her shoulders. "Lenalee..." Her face was buried in his coat but she didn't seem to be crying. She could be so strong sometimes.
"Allen-kun.." she whispered quietly, raising her head slightly. Her eyes were dry but her look was somewhat distant as if she had just woken up from a terrible waking dream. "What...how will it be when I die?"
Allen looked at her slightly worried. It wasn't like Lenalee to say something like that at all. He kept silent for a while, wondering how to answer.
"I don't know," he said silently, trying to make his voice firm. "You shouldn't say such things, Lenalee." He halted for a moment then continued. "I will not let that happen. I'll protect you, I promise." He looked to the side and added guiltly, "Until I die...and then we'll meet there sooner or later, right?"
He met her eyes - two dark gems glinting in the faint light of the nightlamp that has been dropped on the floor.
"You shouldn't say such things," she repeated quietly, "Allen-kun."
Caught in the awkward moment of unusual closiness, Allen has forgotten all about his eye. It reminded him of itself by piercing his head with stinging pain again. Allen flinched slightly, mechanically clenching Lenalee's shoulder. She pulled away and looked at him worriedly.
"What is it? Tell me!" Her tone was soft but demanding.
Allen slowly removed his left hand from her and pressed it to the cursed eye, while his other hand was still on Lenalee's shoulder. Right for the humans, left for the Akuma, his own words suddenly rang in his head. Maybe it was true. Maybe his eye was a demon's eye. It would see the trapped souls, it would hurt when it was in contact with the Innocence. If that's how it is...maybe he wasn't so human after all.
"I'm not sure," he finally answered. "My eye...if feels like it's a part of an Akuma in my body." He looked at her guiltly. If there was something Allen would never be able to forgive himself, it was hurting Lenalee. Maybe she shouldn't get this close to him, for her own safety..
Lenalee felt him backing off slightly, and the images of her dream started to arise.
"Don't!" she cried, winding her arms around him. "Don't...don't step into the darkness.."
Allen looked at her surprised, not knowing what to say. "Lenalee.."
"Allen..I said I hate that eye of yours," she said. Her voice was firm. "I still hate it. More than anything. But it's not because it might be a demon's eye. It's because you put all responsibilities on yourself because of it."
He blinked, a bit shocked by what he has just heard. "I..just..If I'm.."
"I don't care what you are, Allen. I know who you are. You're a good person. Great person. But you're also so selfish. You don't have to fight alone, Allen. Not with the Akuma. Not with the shadows."
The darkness seemed to be creeping away from the small circle of yellow light.
Lenalee raised her eyes to meet Allen's again. "You're never alone," she repeated. "Remember that."
Allen held her close, not sure what to say. His fear faded away, leaving only the determination to keep fighting, to save, to protect. Save humans and Akuma. Protect Lenalee. He never thought that several simple words like that could light him up that much. He could feel her warmth in his arms, and it was melting away the wall of unknown that had kept him tense.
"Lenalee...thank you...and..I...wanted to tell you that I-"
He was rewarded with a sudden slap. Lenalee's eyes flared with sincere devotion. "You don't have to thank me, idiot! That was the very least I'd do for you! I-"
Suddenly, she silenced, and they heard haste footsteps in the hallway.
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If that is the Supervisor, I am dead, Allen thought and froze for a moment. Middle of the hallway was definitely not the best place they could have found. Then he felt Lenalee pulling him up. "Come on," she whispered, grabbed the nightlamp and pushed Allen into one of the niches, covering the light with the lap of her long nightskirt.
They held their breath, waiting for whoever it was to go away.
The footsteps turned and sneaked down the hallway. Allen couldn't help but notice that the nighty wanderer seemed to be very cautious. What in the... He could barely see as the person stopped by a door in the other end of the hallway and knocked almost unhearably, waited for a bit, then leaned over the door.
"Yu," came a whisper. "Open up, it's me."
Allen froze. The voice was all too familiar, but it sounded somewhat different now. He couldn't tell what it was though.
...what exactly was Lavi doing here at this hour? More importantly, what was he doing knocking on Kanda's door?
The door opened slightly and Lavi was pulled in. It all happened so fast that Allen only managed to notice the figure disappearing from the hallway. The next moment the door was closed, and the faint sound of key turning in the doorlock reached his ears.
Alright...this was way, way unexpected. Allen felt Lenalee letting go of him and he nearly fell to the floor on his face. Lenalee raised the nightlamp and looked around determinedly. She seemed completely unaffected by what just happened, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Wasn't that Lavi's voice?" Allen whispered, looking at Lenalee with a shocked expression on his face. "And - and - wasn't it-"
"Shh," Lenalee put a finger to her lips and grabbed Allen's hand, starting to walk and pulling him after herself. "It's all right." She reached the end of the hallway and opened the second next door from Kanda's cell where Lavi had disappeared and pushed Allen inside. "We go here."
Allen didn't seem to put up with the fact as well as she did. "What are they - "
"They're older than us," Lenalee reminded him, with a glint of mishievousness in her eyes. "Maybe they just found each other when they needed someone. You shouldn't worry about it." She put the nightlamp on a table. It was a small, empty room, obviously not used for a while. There were several boxes and a couch in the corner, and that's where she went to sit.
"You mean like we did, huh," Allen mumbled, settling down next to her. "Ah.." He trailed off, not sure what to say.
Lenalee smiled lightly at him. "We're safe here," she said.
"Y-yeah..." Allen rubbed the cursed eye. It seemed to have calmed down. Demon's eye...demon's eye and God's Innocence. Having both light and darkness now felt like it was what made him human. Maybe it wasn't going to push him into the shadows, if he himself won't step away from the light..
"Remember," Lenalee said softly and moved closer. "Never alone. Not against the Akuma, not against the darkness. All you have to do is accept it."
Allen nodded silently. She was right. Somehow, the pain faded away, and now he found himself in a very awkward situation instead. This moment...something had to happen.
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They sat like that for a while, until Lenalee broke the silence.
"By the way, what were you trying to say when...well, when I slapped you," she finished a bit uncomfortably and looked down.
Allen felt color rising to his cheeks. "N-nothing important," he stuttered.
Actually, it was important. But for some reason he felt unspeakably shy at the moment. He could cheat, lie and say almost anything without hesitation when a situation demanded it, yet now he couldn't manage to talk normally to the girl that he liked.
Oh, the irony.
Meanwhile, the girl decided to help him. "I..really like you, Allen," she said a bit shyly, then raised her eyes again. "Now will you tell me?"
Lenalee waited patiently as Allen stared at his shoes, blushing slightly. "W-well...you see..." he mumbled. "I... Lenalee..." he took a deep breath. "I really, really care about you. I want you to be happy. I will always do my best to protect you because..." he swallowed. "BecauseIloveyou."
"What?" Lenalee asked, since she honestly didn't hear what Allen so nervously spluttered out.
Allen felt like something heavy has just dropped on his head. She didn't seem interested in all...well, there was nothing to lose now. "..I love you. B-but I understand if you're offended, I'm really sorry, I.."
His series of apologies were suddenly cut off, as Lenalee smiled widely and turned towards him. The next moment he felt the sensation of her soft lips touching his own, and everything else disappeared. Allen felt his heart racing, and he could feel Lenalee's doing the same - was she that close? But right now he didn't even feel embarrassed; all he wanted was touch her, hold her, feel her right there next to him. And for a moment, their hearts beat as one.
When they finally pulled apart, Allen felt strange wave of happiness, followed by the comeback of his senses. He turned deep red and smiled nervously. "W-well," he finally said, "I guess, now you won't get mad at me if I suggest that...maybe we could go somewhere tomorrow? Together?"
Lenalee answered with a smile. "I'd love to," she said simply and rested her head on Allen's shoulder. He gently put his arms around her. "Your brother will be so mad," he said after a while and held in a laughter when a picture of Komui discovering that someone is dating his sister appeared in his mind.
Lenalee laughed from her heart, and Allen gently put a finger to her lips.
"If he hears something..."
Lenalee just laughed again. "I don't think Nii-san will notice anything," she said, leaning against Allen once more and making a chill run down his spine from the just discovered feeling of her warm graceful body pressed against him. "Not when we're next door from Lavi and Kanda..."
The nightlamp went off, but cold and darkness were already gone.
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THE END
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