Ok, so this is my first ever Fanfiction
I want honest reviews, though constructive criticism is preferred to down right slagging it off
So this is set in the middle of Order of the Phoenix (Dumbledore is still headmaster and Umbridge hasn't quite reached her worst yet).
Hope you enjoy it!
Harry's Point Of View
I don't know exactly when I started to have doubts about my friendship with Ron, when I started to question whether what I was feeling was what I thought it was. I remember just feeling jealous of Hermione; he obviously liked her, no matter how much he denied it. Not only that, she had more chance than me into getting into an intimate relationship with Ron because of the simple and annoying fact that she was a girl and he, Harry was a confused sexually frustrated boy who may or may not have feelings he really shouldn't have for his best mate.
The weird thing is, I still find girls attractive but don't see myself having a relationship of any sorts with them. Does that make me bi? Or am I gay? What is going on with me?
I just decided to wait and see how things panned out.
Patience.
It didn't last long...It felt like forever but in reality it was only a couple of days until I decided to go out and ask for help. But who to talk to, who would understand? My first thought was Sirius but being the most wanted man in the wizarding and Muggle world made it difficult to get in touch, not to mention, Umbridge was probably watching the Floo Network and Owls were being intersected. It had to be someone at Hogwarts.
Hagrid? That would be awkward! I just can't see myself talking to Hagrid about my confusion over my feelings for Ron and sexual orientation in general.
Dumbledore.
The foolish thought came to me before I could stop it popping into my mind. Why would the headmaster want to be bothered with something so trivial when Voldemort for God sake had just risen once more? Would I be able to though, would I dare even open up to him in a way I never have to anyone before? For the briefest of moments I though, 'Yes' but then laughed out loud and the vision I had of the look on Dumbledore's face when I told him I thought I was gay and could he please help we work out my feelings for my best friend.
What about Hermione? It was my best and most realistic idea by far but I still wouldn't feel right. But why not? She was understanding, caring, would help me with anything (that didn't involve causing trouble for that slime ball Malfoy), I've known her for about 5 years now; I know I can trust her. And, she's not likely to blab.
Right, plucking up all my courage, I went and tapped Hermione on the shoulder where she was curled up in one of the squishy armchairs by the fire, finishing a complicated looking Arithmancy essay. She turned around, annoyed at being interrupted with her 'how-many-times-have-I-told-you-to-leave-me-alone-while-I'm-working' face (which had only intensified this year with the upcoming OWLS), but she softened up when she saw my face.
Wait, I thought, she doesn't usually do that. Oh my God what must my face be like for her to respond like that? I tried to compose myself and asked her in the calmest voice I could muster, "Can you help me?"
The voice that came from me wasn't my own, it was low and intense and oh God, it had that double timbre to it which made her understand immediately that I wasn't talking about my Potions essay or to practice Vanishing spells. She rolled up her parchment and put it carefully in her bag along with her quill, ink and textbooks and muttered "One second" to me while she ran up to the girls dormitory to drop off her bag. Luckily, Ron had Quiddich practice to keep him out of the way otherwise he would definitely have been curious, likely jealous and possibly a little hurt at the fact that Harry wanted to speak to Hermione alone and that she couldn't repeat the contents of the conversation with anybody.
C'mon Harry, get yourself together now!
Right, I'm not going to tell her I'm interested in Ron in particular, just confide my confusion over whether or not I'm gay with her I thought. Why the hell was I so scared to talk to her? This was Hermione for Christ sake!
I saw her bushy hair making it's way through the crowded common room and put on my poker face. The trouble with Hermione was, sometimes she was a little too understanding.
"Let's go out onto the grounds" I suggested, I knew they would be quiet as if was cold and windy so everybody was likely to be pact on the common rooms.
"Ok" she replied. I was almost in awe of the fact that she knew something weird was going on with me that she had no idea about and she wasn't pressing me or pressuring me into talking and that thought made me feel more at ease. We clambered out of the portrait and ambled our way along the corridors in a comfortable silent until we reached the entrance hall. Hermione let me take the lead and I led her down to the tree which in the past all 3 of us had lounged under in the sun and 'studied'. This time though, we curled up at the foot of it and kept our heads bowed against the wind.
We sat there for a few minutes in silence. After the all the panicking earlier, I was unusually calm now, maybe it was the fresh air, the thought that I was about the get it off my chest, or simply the fact that I was with Hermione, the one friend who really understood (Ron did try, but as most males are, he wasn't as observant or understanding as I would have liked). I decided to break the silence.
Hermione's Point Of View
"Thanks", he said. I looked up in surprise as I hadn't expected him to speak and because what he had said took me aback a bit. Luckily, I wasn't as easy to read as Harry was (though he probably doesn't realise it) and hid most of my shock from him.
"It's ok Harry". And it really was. I worried so much about Harry since last June but I hide it because I don't want to worry him anymore of give the Slytherins anymore excuses to give Harry grief. I heard him sigh deeply and looked at him just in time to see his eyes slowly meeting mine. The pain was clear as day, he was as easy to read as a book. I also saw determination gleaming there though, which made me realise that this was causing him a great effort.
"I'm confused" he said. Them two word could be interpreted hundreds of different ways and put into thousands of scenarios and I cast my mind back, trying to find one relevant to Harry, something he may be referring to. I'd noticed he wasn't talking to Ron and I as much, I did wonder but never pushed him. I couldn't come up with anything that was serious enough to make him look this way so I decided a gentle push wouldn't be to harsh.
"About?" Oh yeah Hermione, really clever and sensitive! However, it seemed to have done the job. He cast his eyes down, unable to look me in the eye any longer and stole himself. How bad can this be? I thought in alarm, gosh, he's really struggling.
"I think...um...oh my gosh..." he garbled. He took a deep breath and looked up at me.
"I think I might be gay".
?
?
What?
Did I just hear that right?
Wow.
Oh my gosh.
As good as I am from putting on a poker face; I couldn't conceal all of my complete and utter shock. It's not the fact that its a problem, it really doesn't matter to me what anybody is, I mean, who am I to judge being a 'Mudblood' it was just the fact that it was completely unexpected. I was also flattered and pleased at the same time that he had confided in me and more than a little proud. I was fairly confident he hadn't told anybody else, even Ron. Especially Ron.
"And your confused as to whether or not you are...gay?" My doubt turned it into a question and I almost kicked myself for stumbling over the word 'gay', the last thing I wanted was for Harry to think I was uncomfortable.
"Yeah..." he sighed, and then he just seemed to burst. "I still look at girls and think they're pretty and attractive but I never see one in my future. I always wonder and think back to that kiss with Cho and think what it would be like if it were a boy I was kissing and how I'd like to come home to a man. I'm scared of anybody working it out because I get enough crap from the Slytherins round here and I really don't need this and I just hope that you can understand and stand by me if that happens and just thank God that I have you Hermione because otherwise, I might have exploded. I know I'm being selfish dumping this on you and I don't want to be a burden but I had to tell you...I just HAD to talk to you!"
Harry's Point Of View
To my horror, halfway through my speech, I felt tears stinging my eyes, threatening to overflow and show weakness. What had come over me? I realised as I thought it that this was the result of bottling everything up and pretending it didn't exist. By the end of my little rant, I was sobbing freely, grateful for the deserted grounds and the friend that sat beside me. I peered up to see Hermione's reaction; shock. No surprises there, but still, I had a moment of paranoia where I thought she was going to turn her back on me. A second later, I hated myself for thinking that. She wouldn't! How could I judge her like that!
"How long have you been worried?" A strange question I thought, but she didn't want to ask me how long I'd known I was gay, because I didn't know myself! She had concern in her eyes and her brow was wrinkled with worry.
"I don't know, since the beginning of the summer really. All that time alone with no contact made me think and allowed me to dwell on the thoughts that had been creeping up for nearly a year now and I've just been pushing them aside since I got back to Hogwarts but it just overwhelmed me. I needed to talk to somebody and I thought you of all people would understand."
"Of course! Harry, you shouldn't worry, I know you're concerned about Malfoy getting on to you but if you don't want anybody to know then they wont. Just don't stress yourself out anymore...you have me."
At that, I just became overwhelmed by just how amazing Hermione was and fell sideways into her arms and let her comfort me 'til I stopped crying.
Ok so I might add to it and turn it into a longer story or I might leave it as a one shot. What do you think? :D