Okay, I got an idea and I'm, like Yeah! An idea! So I'm writing a story about Harry Potter. This story will not be taken seriously, so if you want a serious story, TOUGH BALOGNE! Here's the story.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, but I don't. If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be writing this story. I'd be busy swimming in piles of cash. But the sad truth is, I don't own HP. Heck, I barely own much of anything anyway. Anyway, I got this idea from reading Dave Barry. Which I don't own.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
There once were some people named the Dursleys. They all tried to be normal. They were all fat, especially Dudley. He was an elephant in a boy's body. But Harry wasn't fat...
HARRY: HA HA! I'm not fat!
DUDLEY: Shut up.
HARRY: But what if I told everyone about me being ma-
MRS. DURSLEY: STOP! Don't you dare say that word!
HARRY: What? Marmalade?
MR. DURSLEY: Just for that, we're going you send you to your room!
HARRY: But I live under the stairs.
DUDLEY: So? You're abnormal! You deserve to live in a cupboard.
HARRY: Well, you look like Gollum.
DUDLEY: I do not!
MR. DURSLEY: HARRY! GO!
Harry trudged off to his cupboard, very unhappy. You see, Harry was magic. The Dursleys weren't magic. A long time ago, Harry's parents died and Harry was left on their doorstep. The Dursleys hated Harry because he wasn't normal.
HARRY: They hate me because I'm not normal.
Yes, I just said that. Anyway, the night Harry was put on their doorstep a long time ago, two magic people were outside. -flashback-
MCGONA-.....MCGONNAHGULL...MCG...Oh, whatever. We'll just call her MC.
MC: Hello, Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which Harry will attend at the age of eleven.
ALBUS: You're giving out too much information.
MC: Bite me.
A flying motorcycle lands and a giant man gets off.
HAGRID: Hello, Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which Harry will attend at the age of eleven.
ALBUS: Will you stop that?!
HAGRID: Sorry. I have here Harry Potter. He's a baby.
ALBUS: Yes, I know.
HAGRID: I'm jest doin' it fur the readers. Anyway, this here Harry Potter survived an attack by thu evil wizurd You-Know-Who after You-Know-Who killed 'is parents. Somehow, You-Know-Who's attack backfired an' he killed 'imself!
ALBUS: Yes, I know.
HAGRID: Doin' it fur thu readers! Here's thu Potter kid.
ALBUS: Thank you. And by the way, I don't like to call the evil guy You-Know-Who. I like to call him by his real name-Voldemort.
Hagrid and MC shudder at the word.
MC: Wait, what's that on his head? A twizzler?
ALBUS: No, It's a scar left by Voldemort's attack.
HAGRID: Eww...
ALBUS: I will now put Harry on the doorstep.
-End Flashback- So, now you see the beginning. Harry Potter, the boy who lived!
I am so gonna get flames for this story, telling me what I did wrong. Oh, well. I ignore flames.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, but I don't. If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be writing this story. I'd be busy swimming in piles of cash. But the sad truth is, I don't own HP. Heck, I barely own much of anything anyway. Anyway, I got this idea from reading Dave Barry. Which I don't own.
HARRY POTTER: SIMPLIFIED
BOOK 1
THE SORCERER'S STONE
There once were some people named the Dursleys. They all tried to be normal. They were all fat, especially Dudley. He was an elephant in a boy's body. But Harry wasn't fat...
HARRY: HA HA! I'm not fat!
DUDLEY: Shut up.
HARRY: But what if I told everyone about me being ma-
MRS. DURSLEY: STOP! Don't you dare say that word!
HARRY: What? Marmalade?
MR. DURSLEY: Just for that, we're going you send you to your room!
HARRY: But I live under the stairs.
DUDLEY: So? You're abnormal! You deserve to live in a cupboard.
HARRY: Well, you look like Gollum.
DUDLEY: I do not!
MR. DURSLEY: HARRY! GO!
Harry trudged off to his cupboard, very unhappy. You see, Harry was magic. The Dursleys weren't magic. A long time ago, Harry's parents died and Harry was left on their doorstep. The Dursleys hated Harry because he wasn't normal.
HARRY: They hate me because I'm not normal.
Yes, I just said that. Anyway, the night Harry was put on their doorstep a long time ago, two magic people were outside. -flashback-
MCGONA-.....MCGONNAHGULL...MCG...Oh, whatever. We'll just call her MC.
MC: Hello, Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which Harry will attend at the age of eleven.
ALBUS: You're giving out too much information.
MC: Bite me.
A flying motorcycle lands and a giant man gets off.
HAGRID: Hello, Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which Harry will attend at the age of eleven.
ALBUS: Will you stop that?!
HAGRID: Sorry. I have here Harry Potter. He's a baby.
ALBUS: Yes, I know.
HAGRID: I'm jest doin' it fur the readers. Anyway, this here Harry Potter survived an attack by thu evil wizurd You-Know-Who after You-Know-Who killed 'is parents. Somehow, You-Know-Who's attack backfired an' he killed 'imself!
ALBUS: Yes, I know.
HAGRID: Doin' it fur thu readers! Here's thu Potter kid.
ALBUS: Thank you. And by the way, I don't like to call the evil guy You-Know-Who. I like to call him by his real name-Voldemort.
Hagrid and MC shudder at the word.
MC: Wait, what's that on his head? A twizzler?
ALBUS: No, It's a scar left by Voldemort's attack.
HAGRID: Eww...
ALBUS: I will now put Harry on the doorstep.
-End Flashback- So, now you see the beginning. Harry Potter, the boy who lived!
I am so gonna get flames for this story, telling me what I did wrong. Oh, well. I ignore flames.