DAAS (Tim Ferguson, Paul McDermott and Fichard Fidler)
Michael Petroni, Paul Livingston, Khym Lam and Mark Trevorrow
The cast and crew of Red Dwarf
Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Ted Robinson
Alice, Rosa, Taylor, Emily, Elliot, Stephemu and Jen for without their encouragement and general demand for further chapters, this story would probably have ended in my story graveyard...you can put the whip away now Alice...
Alice again for editing the chapters that were written in Notepad because of my lazyness and moneylessness to buy Microsoft Word...
Tangawarra for the lyrics to the DAAS songs used
AN: This story is based on Red Dwarf and DAAS Kapital - a tv series shown in Australia between 1991 and 1992 starring the Doug Anthony AllStars (DAAS). I don't expect many people to know of/remember the Dougs since they split up in 1994. I have done my best to write them for people unfamiliar with DAAS and their sense of humour to understand. However, if I haven't suceeded please inform me and I shall attempt to rectify it. Also no not all chapters are going to be this short please bear with me until later chapters.
Also a WARNING of language and violence in later chapters. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ch1 - A submarine in space?
The Cat appeared in the door of the cockpit. "Buds I think you should come quick, my nose hairs are shaking worse than porcupines on their honeymoon! something's out there...something big." Without further prompting the rest of the crew of Starbug piled into the cockpit looking at their instruments. After five minutes, however, there was still nothing on any of the screens.
Kryten looked questioningly at the Cat. "At the risk of second guessing your olfactory system, might I suggest a resmelling?"
"I know what I smelt bud, its big and its headed this way."
"I've got something!" Rimmer said as a dot came on the screen.
"Putting it on visual" said Lister flipping a few switches.
"Its...a submarine! Rimmer was confused, "what's a submarine doing in space?" Indeed for straight ahead was a gigantic submarine. On the side of which emblazoned in large red letters said 'Titanic II'. "Sirs," interrupted Kryten, "the psi-scan has detected life signs...they're human...well mostly. The strange thing is I can't seem to get a handshake from their computer"
"Just recap a bit please Kryten, one quick question, 'mostly human'!"
"Yes Mr. Rimmer sir."
"So I'm not the last human then?" asked Lister excitedly.
"Apparently not sir, I suggest we go over there and introduce ourselves"
"But they're not handshaking, perhaps they could be hostile? I invoke Space Corps Directive 4798542/7." Said Rimmer
"That no elderly Space Corps officer should go skinny dipping? I'm afraid I don't know how that applies to us sir."
"Every single smegging time, you can never let just one through can you? I was talking about the one where members of the space corps should not board an unidentified non-space corps submarine."
"Oh you mean Space Corps Directive 4798543/7" corrected Kryten.
"Its embarrassing more than anything else" said Rimmer going slightly red in frustration.
Lister interrupted "I say we check it out anyway, we're running low on supplies, we might be able to swipe some stuff."
"Agreed sir, after all, we're down to our last 5 000 popadoms." Kryten said nodding.
"I'm with you bud, my leg hair perming kit is running low...there's only enough stuff there for the next 2 years" said the Cat.
"Yes, that's clearly a disaster" Rimmer quipped sarcastically.
"You're telling me!"