Started
04-19-02
'thinking'
"speaking"
EXTRA EMPHASIS
Warnings: Heero is a tad OOC and so is Relena, but other than that, nothing
else.
Author's Notes at end... Now.we begin...
Lost.
By Kristina Chang
It was dark. All around her, she could see nothing. Just black. It was a void. A hole. She couldn't see, feel, move. It was a nothingness that crept around her, that was edging at her soul. She tried speaking, but she heard nothing.
'It's just as well.' She thought, ' I don't care. My mind has been in a void ever since he left. I DON'T depend on him, rely on him. Really, I don't. It's just.he looked so.lost. I know how he felt. I didn't want another person lost on account of..anything. So I followed him around. Let him feel how it was to be loved. Forced him to break down his walls. I won't deny it. I DID love him. I think I still do. But I don't know WHAT it is I'm feeling anymore. It's gotten so complicated. I've gotten too damn analytical. I don't know what feelings are anymore. I don't know what.love is anymore. I thought I knew, but I find that.I really.don't. What was once lost has now been found. But what was once known, now has been lost. That's true of him and me. I'm so glad that he's found himself once again. And me? I've LOST myself again.' She smiled wryly to herself in the darkness. 'Here I go again. Pitying myself.' She smirked. 'It's bad enough I'm here.well maybe it ISN'T so bad.but here I go starting my own pity party again. It's not enough that everyone else sees my "depression", they've dubbed it, but I'm pitying myself? Oh stop. You're such a foolish girl, Relena. So foolish.' Then she closed her eyes and took a break from thinking so much.
The early rays of dawn streamed in through the window illuminating the tiny room containing a minimal amount of objects: a bed, a drawer, and a desk. At this desk, there was a boy, a man, really, typing away on his laptop.
He swiped at his forehead to clear away some strands of his hair hanging into his eyes, obstructing his view.
"Arghh! *Bang* now he slammed his fist on the table from the frustration he was feeling. At that moment, a knock came from his door.
"Oy, man. You're disturbin' the place." A voice came from the other side of the blocked entryway. The doors then opened and in stepped his companion who was sharing the house with him, for now. The man at the computer just continued typing, ignoring his friend's entrance.
"Oy! Heero! You STILL lookin' for her? You won't fin' her if she don't WANT to be found. She learned from the best and she's better'n him." The man sat on Heero's bed and looked at him for his response. Heero just typed. Then he stopped abruptly, like he just registered his friend's statement, his fingers poised over the keys, in mid-type.
"She learned from the best? You?" Heero asked, genuinely curious.
"No! You dolt, YOU. You were the best at hiding, the best at everything. You were even better'n me at hiding. But I DID teach her a few things here and there. But she's done SO well.all 'cuz of you. She learned from the best of the best and now.she better'n the best." He smirked as he finished.
"Duo, you're crazy. Even YOU said I'm the BEST, so I WILL find her. Just as she.found me." Heero went back to soldier mode and starting typing on the computer again.
"Heero? Have you been up all night looking for her?"
Heero grunted in response.
"Heero. Stop. Come downstairs for breakfast. Quat and Tro's made breakfast. If you don't come soon, I'll drag you. See ya downstairs in FIVE minutes. FIVE minutes, Heero." With that, Duo left Heero's room and shut the door quietly behind him. Heero sighed in defeat. His friends could be. persuasive... if they tried, and they tried often. So he knew better than to argue with them. He quickly saved all his information and stood up to stretch his strained body.
He walked over to his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Then he stalked downstairs, thumping loudly on the steps showing his disapproval of eating breakfast instead of doing useful things like looking for the most important person in the world.
"Heero Yuy. Stop throwing your temper tantrum like a child and come sit down to eat." A voice called out to Heero who was standing in the hallway. Heero stepped into the kitchen with a little pout on his face, something he never would have done before meeting the guys and Relena.
"Quatre, we could be doing MORE IMPORTANT things than EAT." Heero replied, trying, but failed, to keep the whine out of his voice.
"Oy, Heero..SHUT UP." Duo reprimanded and then went back to eati....shoving food down his face. Wufei watched in disgust, while Trowa remained impassive and kept eating.
"Heero. You KNOW what Duo said, if she doesn't want to be found, no one will find her. Unless she deliberately put holes in her trail. UNLESS, otherwise even the great Heero Yuy cannot and WILL NOT find her. Just wait it out. She'll come back." Quatre spoke in an even tone, his eyes never leaving his plate of food, his speech only pausing when he ate.
"So. you're saying she does this OFTEN?" Heero asked, a bit incredulously, eyes widening slightly.
"Oh.well.yes." Quatre hadn't expected the question, so he looked up at Heero, stuttering a little. "We've always tried to get her out of this. She's so.lost .on herself. She needs time to .find herself again. Unfortunately, she.likes to disappear when she's in. recovery. The first couple times, we tried to find her desperately. But failed. She was too good. Then we tried putting a tracking device on her. A necklace. She kept it on, but when she disappeared, so did the signal. When she came back, the SIGNAL came back. We have no idea HOW she does it. She manipulates the things we give her. She knows where we put the things. She finds ALL of them. So just wait, Heero. Be patient. She WILL come back." Quatre looked intensely at Heero, just waiting for Heero to speak out against him. Heero remained quiet. To speak out against Quatre's word was bad. VERY VERY bad. Heero remained quiet the rest of the breakfast.
Afterwards, Heero went back upstairs, to continue his search for Relena. Regardless of what Quatre and Duo had said.
The darkness was still around. No light could be seen. It was as if the Messiah of Darkness had come and gone leaving in her wake a land of darkness and nothingness.
*sigh* 'Maybe I should be getting back. It's been a while now.' Relena focused her energy and thoughts on getting back to the small apartment on colony L1 that was her hiding place and home for the past 6 weeks. An empty and dark room greeted her as she "came back" from the void. She stood up from her sitting position on the floor and dusted herself off. A light layer of dust clouded around her body.
'Hmm.. must have been here a while then.'
Relena walked out of the room into the living room and turned on the TV to find out the date.
"Well, it's a LOVELY Sunday morning. It's April 20 and the temperature outside is a warm 75( F.." the TV's voice and light faded out, the darkness seeping into the furniture once again.
Relena smirked. 'Wonderful day. Sure', she thought sarcastically. 'It'll be a wonderful day when I'm not NEEDED in this world.' Relena plopped onto the dust-covered armchair and gave a great sigh.
"Where shall I hide..I mean, VACATION next, I wonder. Hmm.L2? No, Duo lives there. L4? No, that's Quatre. And Trowa's circus is there the next four months. Hmm..L..6!! NO ONE lives THERE. Oh.but that'd be the first place they'd look. Where's Dorothy live? L4. Of course, looking after Quatre. Well, then L4 it is. The most dangerous place is the safest place. But. to get back to Earth without getting caught. Hn. Should be an easy job." Relena finished laying out her plan and got up from the chair to go to the kitchen.
"Might as well get some work done." Relena sat down at the kitchen where a laptop computer sat dormant, unused in six weeks. The computer screen flickered to life, illuminating Relena's face with a bluish glow. She checked the listings for renting apartments in L4. When she found one suitable, she e-mailed the owner with her price offer, well over what he had posted, and a list of rules. The owner accepted readily and Relena gave him her alias name, Peace Lowe, and transferred three months rent from her Peacecraft account into the owner's account.
Relena had her next "vacation" set up. Now all she had to do was fix all the tracking devices the G-boys had put on her "unknowingly", hack into the Preventer's system to reroute some missions so she could slip into her home and into her room when they were distracted. What she didn't know was that someone was waiting for her. A guest she NEVER expected to see again.
*****Two Days Later*****
It was midnight. Only the stars were visible in the Earth sky, but Relena need not use anything for guidance. She'd done this too many times to forget. After the first "outing", she learned quickly not to wear anything loose but to wear a black skintight jumpsuit. She stealthily leaped across the grounds, being extra careful not to trip the security system around the yard. Soon she was underneath her balcony. She was thankful she had argued with Noin about the vines on the wall next to her bedroom. It entwined with a drainpipe, concealing it nicely from public view. Relena used it to climb onto her balcony, then turning to the doors, she keyed in the password and stepped in. The curtains flowed quietly around her as she surveyed the room. She sensed something.. different.out of the ordinary..but she dismissed that into the back of her mind. She dropped her duffel bag on the floor and began to work on setting the tracking devices in her jewelry back to working order from the stall she'd given them, always conscious of the gun in her waistband.
"So THAT'S how you do it. The guys have been going crazy wondering how your signal kept disappearing." The shadows shifted and merged to reveal Heero Yuy. Like a Dark Angel, he emerged from the shadows to stand in front of Relena.
Relena had pulled out her gun the instant she'd heard a noise and it was pointed directly at Heero's head. She lowered her gun slowly when he paid no mind to her weapon and kept talking.
"Heero?" Relena inquired, hesitatingly slightly, but then continuing in a monotonous voice. "I could have shot you."
"I doubt that." Heero retorted with a sneer.
"Don't doubt what you don't know." Relena snapped and pocketed her gun. She picked up her duffel bag, continuing to speak. "Why are you here?" Relena asked while putting away her clothes in her closet.
"They were looking for you", Heero replied, slipping back into the emotionless façade.
"No. They weren't. I've done this enough so that they know they won't find me even if they sent out the entire Preventer force. And they know this is my.vacation so they wouldn't look for me. Not after all those stunts I pulled. Not anymore. And YOU. I haven't seen you in two YEARS. You have NO right to meddle in MY business and affairs. SO. GET. OUT." Relena opened the door for him to walk out. Heero hesitated before leaving Relena's room, his hand on the doorknob.
"Bu.no. I will NOT leave. Not until I say what I have to say." Heero stood defiantly in the doorframe. Then he shut the door while turning around.
"Just WHAT the hell do you think you're DOING?" Relena near yelled at him, barely able to contain her fury at his defiance. "Get. The. Fuck. Out." Relena ground out, her hand gripping her gun tightly. (anger management much?)
"No." Heero stated firmly. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine. Stay. Don't blame ME when you find some extra holes in your body. I can shoot fast. Faster than YOU. You better watch it. I warned you." Relena turned to go into her bathroom and slammed the door shut. Heero blended back into the shadows of the room trying to keep his breathing normal and steady, but was failing miserably.
*****10 Minutes Later*****
Relena stepped out of her bathroom wearing only a towel, her hair dripping wet down her back. (I'm evil.I know) Even in the darkness and with the towel masking most of her figure, Heero could make out the curves of her body and how she'd grown over the past four years. Heero's mouth was gaping at the Relena he saw now and the Relena he knew four years ago during the war. He immediately realized that Relena had changed a whole lot and not necessarily for the better.
"See something you want?" Relena smirked. She had sat down at her vanity and was brushing her hair, the towel still wrapped around her body.
Heero considered that question seriously for a moment, then reached a decision as he started to walk towards her quietly as possible in the still dark room. "Actually.yeah." Heero's voice came from directly behind Relena. He wrapped his arm around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder and the other hand holding Relena's hand that was brushing her hair. Relena's motions came to a halt, and her breathing became labored and heavy.
"What.are.you doing?" Relena managed to rasp out.
"Relena. Stop being so stubborn. Let me find you. Let me help you find your way. Let me be your bringer of light. Let me guide you as YOU guided ME two years ago. Please, Relena. Let me help you. Stop being so strong." Heero pleaded to her.
Relena let this information digest a few moments before surrendering to Heero and letting him wrap his arms around her. Relena hadn't displayed weakness in four years when she'd been lost. She'd made sure that no one could say she was weak, even Wufei.
Heero didn't like this little display, but he knew she couldn't just break. It was a start. And now, Relena was on her way to being found.
Finished 04-29-02 Kristina Chang
Author's Notes: Is it depressing? Not really, right??? Please tell me what you think. E-mail. As everyone knows, Gundam Wing belongs to, not me, but some other rich person, or company, I should say. Sunrise. Yeah, I think... Well, at least I'm not saying it belongs to me.. I'm just using their characters... I should stop rambling now.. well, hopefully I will be able to actually FINISH my other stories since I haven't finished..ummm... any of them...'cept one..I can say that... ok, I'm gonna leave now
Author's Notes at end... Now.we begin...
Lost.
By Kristina Chang
It was dark. All around her, she could see nothing. Just black. It was a void. A hole. She couldn't see, feel, move. It was a nothingness that crept around her, that was edging at her soul. She tried speaking, but she heard nothing.
'It's just as well.' She thought, ' I don't care. My mind has been in a void ever since he left. I DON'T depend on him, rely on him. Really, I don't. It's just.he looked so.lost. I know how he felt. I didn't want another person lost on account of..anything. So I followed him around. Let him feel how it was to be loved. Forced him to break down his walls. I won't deny it. I DID love him. I think I still do. But I don't know WHAT it is I'm feeling anymore. It's gotten so complicated. I've gotten too damn analytical. I don't know what feelings are anymore. I don't know what.love is anymore. I thought I knew, but I find that.I really.don't. What was once lost has now been found. But what was once known, now has been lost. That's true of him and me. I'm so glad that he's found himself once again. And me? I've LOST myself again.' She smiled wryly to herself in the darkness. 'Here I go again. Pitying myself.' She smirked. 'It's bad enough I'm here.well maybe it ISN'T so bad.but here I go starting my own pity party again. It's not enough that everyone else sees my "depression", they've dubbed it, but I'm pitying myself? Oh stop. You're such a foolish girl, Relena. So foolish.' Then she closed her eyes and took a break from thinking so much.
The early rays of dawn streamed in through the window illuminating the tiny room containing a minimal amount of objects: a bed, a drawer, and a desk. At this desk, there was a boy, a man, really, typing away on his laptop.
He swiped at his forehead to clear away some strands of his hair hanging into his eyes, obstructing his view.
"Arghh! *Bang* now he slammed his fist on the table from the frustration he was feeling. At that moment, a knock came from his door.
"Oy, man. You're disturbin' the place." A voice came from the other side of the blocked entryway. The doors then opened and in stepped his companion who was sharing the house with him, for now. The man at the computer just continued typing, ignoring his friend's entrance.
"Oy! Heero! You STILL lookin' for her? You won't fin' her if she don't WANT to be found. She learned from the best and she's better'n him." The man sat on Heero's bed and looked at him for his response. Heero just typed. Then he stopped abruptly, like he just registered his friend's statement, his fingers poised over the keys, in mid-type.
"She learned from the best? You?" Heero asked, genuinely curious.
"No! You dolt, YOU. You were the best at hiding, the best at everything. You were even better'n me at hiding. But I DID teach her a few things here and there. But she's done SO well.all 'cuz of you. She learned from the best of the best and now.she better'n the best." He smirked as he finished.
"Duo, you're crazy. Even YOU said I'm the BEST, so I WILL find her. Just as she.found me." Heero went back to soldier mode and starting typing on the computer again.
"Heero? Have you been up all night looking for her?"
Heero grunted in response.
"Heero. Stop. Come downstairs for breakfast. Quat and Tro's made breakfast. If you don't come soon, I'll drag you. See ya downstairs in FIVE minutes. FIVE minutes, Heero." With that, Duo left Heero's room and shut the door quietly behind him. Heero sighed in defeat. His friends could be. persuasive... if they tried, and they tried often. So he knew better than to argue with them. He quickly saved all his information and stood up to stretch his strained body.
He walked over to his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Then he stalked downstairs, thumping loudly on the steps showing his disapproval of eating breakfast instead of doing useful things like looking for the most important person in the world.
"Heero Yuy. Stop throwing your temper tantrum like a child and come sit down to eat." A voice called out to Heero who was standing in the hallway. Heero stepped into the kitchen with a little pout on his face, something he never would have done before meeting the guys and Relena.
"Quatre, we could be doing MORE IMPORTANT things than EAT." Heero replied, trying, but failed, to keep the whine out of his voice.
"Oy, Heero..SHUT UP." Duo reprimanded and then went back to eati....shoving food down his face. Wufei watched in disgust, while Trowa remained impassive and kept eating.
"Heero. You KNOW what Duo said, if she doesn't want to be found, no one will find her. Unless she deliberately put holes in her trail. UNLESS, otherwise even the great Heero Yuy cannot and WILL NOT find her. Just wait it out. She'll come back." Quatre spoke in an even tone, his eyes never leaving his plate of food, his speech only pausing when he ate.
"So. you're saying she does this OFTEN?" Heero asked, a bit incredulously, eyes widening slightly.
"Oh.well.yes." Quatre hadn't expected the question, so he looked up at Heero, stuttering a little. "We've always tried to get her out of this. She's so.lost .on herself. She needs time to .find herself again. Unfortunately, she.likes to disappear when she's in. recovery. The first couple times, we tried to find her desperately. But failed. She was too good. Then we tried putting a tracking device on her. A necklace. She kept it on, but when she disappeared, so did the signal. When she came back, the SIGNAL came back. We have no idea HOW she does it. She manipulates the things we give her. She knows where we put the things. She finds ALL of them. So just wait, Heero. Be patient. She WILL come back." Quatre looked intensely at Heero, just waiting for Heero to speak out against him. Heero remained quiet. To speak out against Quatre's word was bad. VERY VERY bad. Heero remained quiet the rest of the breakfast.
Afterwards, Heero went back upstairs, to continue his search for Relena. Regardless of what Quatre and Duo had said.
The darkness was still around. No light could be seen. It was as if the Messiah of Darkness had come and gone leaving in her wake a land of darkness and nothingness.
*sigh* 'Maybe I should be getting back. It's been a while now.' Relena focused her energy and thoughts on getting back to the small apartment on colony L1 that was her hiding place and home for the past 6 weeks. An empty and dark room greeted her as she "came back" from the void. She stood up from her sitting position on the floor and dusted herself off. A light layer of dust clouded around her body.
'Hmm.. must have been here a while then.'
Relena walked out of the room into the living room and turned on the TV to find out the date.
"Well, it's a LOVELY Sunday morning. It's April 20 and the temperature outside is a warm 75( F.." the TV's voice and light faded out, the darkness seeping into the furniture once again.
Relena smirked. 'Wonderful day. Sure', she thought sarcastically. 'It'll be a wonderful day when I'm not NEEDED in this world.' Relena plopped onto the dust-covered armchair and gave a great sigh.
"Where shall I hide..I mean, VACATION next, I wonder. Hmm.L2? No, Duo lives there. L4? No, that's Quatre. And Trowa's circus is there the next four months. Hmm..L..6!! NO ONE lives THERE. Oh.but that'd be the first place they'd look. Where's Dorothy live? L4. Of course, looking after Quatre. Well, then L4 it is. The most dangerous place is the safest place. But. to get back to Earth without getting caught. Hn. Should be an easy job." Relena finished laying out her plan and got up from the chair to go to the kitchen.
"Might as well get some work done." Relena sat down at the kitchen where a laptop computer sat dormant, unused in six weeks. The computer screen flickered to life, illuminating Relena's face with a bluish glow. She checked the listings for renting apartments in L4. When she found one suitable, she e-mailed the owner with her price offer, well over what he had posted, and a list of rules. The owner accepted readily and Relena gave him her alias name, Peace Lowe, and transferred three months rent from her Peacecraft account into the owner's account.
Relena had her next "vacation" set up. Now all she had to do was fix all the tracking devices the G-boys had put on her "unknowingly", hack into the Preventer's system to reroute some missions so she could slip into her home and into her room when they were distracted. What she didn't know was that someone was waiting for her. A guest she NEVER expected to see again.
*****Two Days Later*****
It was midnight. Only the stars were visible in the Earth sky, but Relena need not use anything for guidance. She'd done this too many times to forget. After the first "outing", she learned quickly not to wear anything loose but to wear a black skintight jumpsuit. She stealthily leaped across the grounds, being extra careful not to trip the security system around the yard. Soon she was underneath her balcony. She was thankful she had argued with Noin about the vines on the wall next to her bedroom. It entwined with a drainpipe, concealing it nicely from public view. Relena used it to climb onto her balcony, then turning to the doors, she keyed in the password and stepped in. The curtains flowed quietly around her as she surveyed the room. She sensed something.. different.out of the ordinary..but she dismissed that into the back of her mind. She dropped her duffel bag on the floor and began to work on setting the tracking devices in her jewelry back to working order from the stall she'd given them, always conscious of the gun in her waistband.
"So THAT'S how you do it. The guys have been going crazy wondering how your signal kept disappearing." The shadows shifted and merged to reveal Heero Yuy. Like a Dark Angel, he emerged from the shadows to stand in front of Relena.
Relena had pulled out her gun the instant she'd heard a noise and it was pointed directly at Heero's head. She lowered her gun slowly when he paid no mind to her weapon and kept talking.
"Heero?" Relena inquired, hesitatingly slightly, but then continuing in a monotonous voice. "I could have shot you."
"I doubt that." Heero retorted with a sneer.
"Don't doubt what you don't know." Relena snapped and pocketed her gun. She picked up her duffel bag, continuing to speak. "Why are you here?" Relena asked while putting away her clothes in her closet.
"They were looking for you", Heero replied, slipping back into the emotionless façade.
"No. They weren't. I've done this enough so that they know they won't find me even if they sent out the entire Preventer force. And they know this is my.vacation so they wouldn't look for me. Not after all those stunts I pulled. Not anymore. And YOU. I haven't seen you in two YEARS. You have NO right to meddle in MY business and affairs. SO. GET. OUT." Relena opened the door for him to walk out. Heero hesitated before leaving Relena's room, his hand on the doorknob.
"Bu.no. I will NOT leave. Not until I say what I have to say." Heero stood defiantly in the doorframe. Then he shut the door while turning around.
"Just WHAT the hell do you think you're DOING?" Relena near yelled at him, barely able to contain her fury at his defiance. "Get. The. Fuck. Out." Relena ground out, her hand gripping her gun tightly. (anger management much?)
"No." Heero stated firmly. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine. Stay. Don't blame ME when you find some extra holes in your body. I can shoot fast. Faster than YOU. You better watch it. I warned you." Relena turned to go into her bathroom and slammed the door shut. Heero blended back into the shadows of the room trying to keep his breathing normal and steady, but was failing miserably.
*****10 Minutes Later*****
Relena stepped out of her bathroom wearing only a towel, her hair dripping wet down her back. (I'm evil.I know) Even in the darkness and with the towel masking most of her figure, Heero could make out the curves of her body and how she'd grown over the past four years. Heero's mouth was gaping at the Relena he saw now and the Relena he knew four years ago during the war. He immediately realized that Relena had changed a whole lot and not necessarily for the better.
"See something you want?" Relena smirked. She had sat down at her vanity and was brushing her hair, the towel still wrapped around her body.
Heero considered that question seriously for a moment, then reached a decision as he started to walk towards her quietly as possible in the still dark room. "Actually.yeah." Heero's voice came from directly behind Relena. He wrapped his arm around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder and the other hand holding Relena's hand that was brushing her hair. Relena's motions came to a halt, and her breathing became labored and heavy.
"What.are.you doing?" Relena managed to rasp out.
"Relena. Stop being so stubborn. Let me find you. Let me help you find your way. Let me be your bringer of light. Let me guide you as YOU guided ME two years ago. Please, Relena. Let me help you. Stop being so strong." Heero pleaded to her.
Relena let this information digest a few moments before surrendering to Heero and letting him wrap his arms around her. Relena hadn't displayed weakness in four years when she'd been lost. She'd made sure that no one could say she was weak, even Wufei.
Heero didn't like this little display, but he knew she couldn't just break. It was a start. And now, Relena was on her way to being found.
Finished 04-29-02 Kristina Chang
Author's Notes: Is it depressing? Not really, right??? Please tell me what you think. E-mail. As everyone knows, Gundam Wing belongs to, not me, but some other rich person, or company, I should say. Sunrise. Yeah, I think... Well, at least I'm not saying it belongs to me.. I'm just using their characters... I should stop rambling now.. well, hopefully I will be able to actually FINISH my other stories since I haven't finished..ummm... any of them...'cept one..I can say that... ok, I'm gonna leave now