Disillusionment
Kagura no Baka
This fic was on another account of mine, but I've recently pulled it here.
An Inuyasha X Rin story, for those who believe it could happen. Thank you Trigonometry. I was feeling depressed and pathetic, and I'm the type of person who mopes. I'm also incredibly paranoid. And probably a control freak, too. And worst of all, I think I can actually write. Enjoy.
(Soft petal pink lips curved in pseudo sweetness.) Rin pushes the memory back, brushing strands of hair out of her eyes as she does so. She's locking that cherished, precious, hated thing away, because she wants to remember it and she wishes she wouldn't and she wishes she is indifferent, she wishes she hadn't projected so many things into one little smile, she wishes and wishes and they never come true.
('promise me?') It was a promise, something that bound her to this slump and something so undeniably untrue it aches, it aches to remember. She thinks she wishes it would be better if he hadn't promised, because they promised they would come back soon 'it will only be a little while' and they didn't and then Sesshoumaru didn't and he did and then she wouldn't be here if he never said 'of course'. Rin thinks that she wishes that she hadn't met him at all, at least her lord never lied, never guaranteed, never said 'of course'. Her lord had the mercy to not say anything. He also had the coldness to turn away.
(Silvery strands sway slightly in the dusk breeze, and I couldn't help but stare entranced, as the wind smothers your clothes against you, hinting at the slender form beneath the red folds. The cruelly carefully crafted corners of your mouth are still drawn up. You seemed flawless in every aspect, the silver stands gathering gray highlights from the setting sun. You seemed, in that moment, incapable of doing any wrong, though I expected you to say something foolish and shatter the mood.)
(You probably will never know how breathtakingly beautiful you are. The wind was cold and your gaze was hot and boring into me, and it's all I could do not to shiver.) She starts to cry, stinging tears rolling down her cheeks, she knows he's not coming back, and she doesn't care that she's being pathetic but there's so many things she wants him to know. She misses him, and she wishes she wouldn't.
(The scraping of sharp claws against a neck, leaving trails of red,) The memory of the embrace that followed burned in Rin's mind and on her face, precariously balancing a blush on her cheekbones, on the bridge of her nose, and to her ears and again she wishes for the embarrassment to go away. She longs for the ability to harden her heart like her Lord Sesshoumaru does, and she longs for the days of her childhood, where she only knew her master's enemy and brother to be just that.
(A flush as red as your shirt ran across your face, and you let out a 'feh', but you're not annoyed with me; Your ear twitched, and you broke into a grin. I wanted to rub those cute fuzzy things, but I couldn't because I won't be a replacement for her.) And Rin loves that part the most and she hates herself and she can't hate him because he's the reason she cherishes these memories and dammit she's talking in circles and she's not making any sense but it's perfect logical to her.
(Molten golden eyes liquid soft and gentle...) And full of lies yes they lied and though she didn't think so at the time, as she was observing how different his were to his brothers, she knows now. And she wonders if her memories are becoming warped, and she tears up again and curls up into a little ball of self-pity and disgust, because she wishes she would want that.
(The rustle of wind through leaves was all that was heard in the clearing as I held back a breath for fear of disturbing such silence. Your canines glinted once in the fading light and my mortal eyes cannot catch anymore. You were gone, leaving the sound of your oversized clothes flapping in the wind behind, along with your promise.) She chokes back a sob, as the flashback comes to a close, because the not-so-little Rin doesn't want it to end and yet she did, because she knew she was wallowing in depression and reliving the pain over and over again would never help. But she didn't want to forget him, and in some sadistic way she wanted to keep ripping open the wounds, she was unable to stop peeling off the scabs.
'What's wrong? Rin?'
She lifts her head, though her nose is runny and her face is soggy and puffy. Brown eyes widen at the man hunched over a scabbard like a cane before her and she stands up slowly, unable to take in everything as it came. He's here he's back he won he didn't wasn't lying he promised he came.
Pink lips that smirk and snarl and frown, insult and tease, on a face that frequently used to eat dirt and taste foot, for that was where he always put it, meet and crush a mouth that smiles and sings, hums merry little tunes and used to not say anything at all. She can't make him slam to the ground, and he never saved her from being silent, and they are okay with that, because neither need to do such things anymore.
Air surges into deprived lungs as they drag themselves away, and she's so happy all she can say is 'Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha,' over and over again until he demands,
'What? Didn't I tell you I'd come back?'
Congrats, you've made it through the bucket of teenage angst I've hurled at you. Interpret why Rin didn't think Inuyasha would come back in any way you'd like. Maybe he was asking Sesshoumaru for her hand in marriage or figting Naraku orsomething... -shrug- Eh.
:D I'm putting this on all my fics now- I do request fanfics! As long as it's het., I'm fine with it. Leave an email, and I'll be able to get back to you when it's done. Also, I'm looking for a beta! See profile for the gory details.