Sebastian wandered out onto Dalton's auditorium stage, feeling like a knife was slicing up his insides. He had no idea how he'd let it become this bad. It was all too much and he just needed to go get drunk and have meaningless sex in a bathroom stall, but deep down he knew that wouldn't help anything. It'd make it much, much worse than it already was. It'd send him back over the edge into that dark place in the back of his mind that he rarely ventured to.
Over by the edge of the stage, he noticed some band members had started to pack up their instruments. He cleared his throat and croaked out shakily, "Would you – Would you mind to stay for a few more minutes?" They looked like they were about to say no, but Sebastian felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and desperation gripped his chest like it was the last thing grounding him. Whispered in a pitiful voice that would make someone's heart break, Sebastian let one word slip from his wavering lips, "Please…"
The band members all looked at each other before letting out a collective sigh and embarked on once again unpacking. Once they were finished the looked to the teenager with gorgeous green eyes standing in the middle of the stage with his arms wrapped around himself to be told what song to play. Sebastian told them as he stared absently out at the empty rows of seats, wishing he was here to listen to him.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
Sebastian let out a shaky breath, letting his arms fall limply to his sides like spaghetti noodles.
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
His hands moved up to his hair and he gripped it as hard as he could, nails digging into his scalp.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
His eyes were clenched shut in hopes of blocking out the last two week of his life entirely. If he doesn't think about it, it didn't happen. Right..?
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
He desperately needed it not to've happened. That it was some kind of sick nightmare that he would wake up from, being held by him and told it would be okay. That while he still loved him nothing would hurt him. That he really did love him.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Blood. Blood was now on his fingers, the nails having broken skin. But it didn't matter. He pressed on and belted out the song even louder.
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away
Not know to the boy edging closer to hysterics by the second standing on the stage, a dapper young man stepped out slowly from behind the curtained off area and looked on close to tears himself. Seeing Sebastian like this was almost too much for the young man. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Sebastian and kiss away the pain. But no, he knew Sebastian needed this before anything else before the young man tried to make it better.
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah
Sebastian just couldn't stop the dam from bursting and sending tears flooding down his cheeks. He gulped in as much air as he could, although it still felt like he was suffocating.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away
The boy looking on started taking slow, silent steps towards the singing boy and fiddled nervously with the dark orange bow tie wrapped around his neck carefully. Sebastian looked so hurt, so devastated that the onlooker couldn't help but snuffle back tears of his own. No matter how badly Sebastian had hurt him, it still hurt ten times as bad to see Sebastian this devastated.
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
Sebastian fell to his knees on the ground. It hurt too much to even stand; he didn't even deserve to stand after what he'd done to him. He didn't deserve to breathe! He didn't deserve to be singing here right now, like it'd work as some kind of apology to someone who would never hear it. He'd tried to apologize, God knows he tried, but it didn't work. It just didn't fucking work! Why didn't it work? Why does the only person he's ever loved and been loved back by hating him so much right now? Why can't it just be right again? Why can't someone just want him for something over than sex for once? Why can't he just be loved…?
Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo
As he breathed out the last note he let himself go, crying loudly with body wracking with sobs. Why did he have to do it? It was wrong and now he's lost Blaine! Never coming back! He never gets to pester him about his hair again, never gets to lie around and watch Disney movie's that he pretends to hate but actually enjoys, never gets to lay next to Blaine just holding him, never gets to hear his name said so lovely or perfectly again, and never get told 'I love you' again.
Suddenly out of nowhere he feels arms embrace him from the side and they're arms he knows much too well. The pressure in his chest is just as suddenly lifted and he starts to lean into Blaine, before remembering the reason he'd lost Blaine in the first place. Furious at himself he pushed Blaine's arms off of him and stood up, "You shouldn't be doing that! I don't fucking deserve it!"
"Seb…" Blaine trailed off, staring sadly up at the fuming boy whose green eyes are blazing.
Sebastian starts pacing and screaming as loud as he can, "No! I don't deserve you to be here, Blaine! I deserve to hurt! To cry! I deserve it all!"
"Sebastian," Blaine said quietly.
"I hurt you, Blaine! I cheated on you! God! I don't even know why! I just was there and I was drinking and – God fucking damn it, Blaine!" Sebastian continued to scream and then proceeded to kick over the mike stand, making it fly off into the rows of empty seat, mocking him. He's not sure how, but somehow they're mocking him. Everyone does. Everyone.
"Sebastian," Blaine called out a little louder this time, standing up from where he was sitting on the floor.
Sebastian continued on his rant, getting even more hysterical and impossibly louder, "I don't even know who that guy was! He just started flirting with me, complimenting me, making me feel so goddamn wanted for once by someone other than by you, and I – I just want someone to want me, Blaine! I want someone to want me! I fucking need someone to just want me!"
"Sebastian!" Blaine screamed over him and grabbed his arm, only a few feet away now. Sebastian's chest was heaving from all the screaming and he directed his eyes down, too ashamed to even look Blaine in the eyes. He didn't deserve to. He didn't deserve anything. At least, that's what he's always been told.
"Seb, please look at me," Blaine cooed softly and used his over hand to tilt Sebastian's chin up. At first Sebastian resisted, but at last green eyes met hazel and Blaine whispered, "I want you, Sebastian."
That's all it took for Sebastian to fling his arms and Blaine neck, whispering "I'm sorry"'s into the crook of it. Blaine wrapped his own arms gently around Sebastian, telling him calmly back that he knew he was sorry, that it would be okay, that he forgave him.
After Sebastian had calmed down enough, Blaine leaned away a little and whispered again, "I want you, Seb. I always will." And slowly, they each leaned in and kissed, knowing that it would in fact somehow be okay, as long as they had each other.
A/N: So the ended is kind of barf-worthy adorable, but I really couldn't help myself ;) I blame Parachute o.o Their songs are just too friggin' adorable. This is the first 'all angst-y' fanfiction I've ever written so if it's shit I really do apologize for you reading this. I usually have some humor with angst in a nice sammich, but I couldn't find anywhere to put humor. So I hope you enjoy my angst and it has lured you to that nice little review button or even better back to my wondrous profile to read more of my fanfictions.
As you've probably found mistakes (tons of them) I didn't edit this myself or have my Beta edit it because it's like one in the morning and she already is passed out with her very large cat Polly next to her.
And I'm just going to say, I used to be a hardcore Klainer. Like Sebastian-Is-A-Little-Bitch-Ass-Whore-Who-Just-Needs-To-Get-The-Fuck-Away-From-Blaine but then I watched a YouTube video for Seblaine and I abandoned the Klaine ship.
OH WELL! Hope you enjoyed my angst! Thanks for reading! Byyyyeeee!
DIS-FREAKING-CLAIMER: I OWN IT ALL! ALL OF IT! ALLL OF IT! ALLLLLLLL! Actually, no :( Because Sebby and Blainey aren't dating so I don't. Neither do I own the song... which is... uhm... Rascal Flats... What hurts the most. God, so friggin brain dead .-.