Disclaimer: I own nothing but these silly little fantasies inside my head…Stephanie Meyer gets the rest.
I knew he was there before I even stepped foot inside, I could feel him. I slowly walked into my apartment, rounding the corner to the kitchen, that's where I found him. I thought it almost ironic every time I saw him in my kitchen, a vampire in the kitchen. I would have smiled but I was too emotionally drained to find anything funny. I had told him to leave, that's why he was here he thought he knew what was going on. He thought I was running like I always did, but I wasn't running I wanted him to run, away from me.
He didn't look at me when I came in the room even though he knew I was there. He didn't move, didn't breath.
"Why are you here Jasper?" I spoke with no inflection, no heart, and no love.
"You know damn well why I'm here! You think you can just send me away without so much as a fight Bella? You should know me better than that." He shouted. I had never heard him raise his voice at me but I knew I had deserved it what I said was cruel, I knew that.
"I don't want you to fight anymore Jasper, there's nothing left to fight for." It was a lie, such a lie.
"Bella please," he stepped toward me but I didn't move, I couldn't. He must have taken this as a good sign because he reached out for my. I squeezed my eyes shut as his hands cupped my face. "Look at me Bella."
"No." I said through gritted teeth. If I looked at him, while he was touching me…I knew what would happen.
He tightened his grip on my face, not enough to hurt but enough to get my attention. "Bella…open your eyes."
I slowly, oh so slowly, opened my eyes to see his angelic face. "Jasper wha-"he cut me off with his lips against mine. My mind told me to pull away, this wasn't fair to him, but I couldn't I wanted this. His tongue invaded my mouth, probing. I could feel his want, his desire.
He lifted me up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips and I could feel his need pushing into my core. I let out a soft whimper and his responding growl made wetness pool in my panties. I knew he could smell me because his nostrils flared and he grounded into me. I didn't notice he moved us until we were in my room and he was laying me down on the bed.
He took a step back running his eyes up and down my body. I knew what was about to happen, he would tell me that he wanted to talk, that we need to work this out but I couldn't do it I wouldn't listen to him tell me he wasn't going to leave. So I did the only thing I could think of, I stood up and took my shirt off, then unbuttoned my jeans letting both fall to the floor. His eyes widened as he drank in my half naked body. I reached for his light blue button up, slowly undoing each button. My hands were surprisingly steady. He was looking in my eyes but I was focused on his chest, unsure if I could hold his gaze and not fall apart. I had seen him without a shirt on before, he was so self-conscious of his scars but from the moment I saw them it made him that much more beautiful. He had been through so much and made it out the other side a better person which was more than I could say for myself.
Suddenly he grabbed my wrists and for a second I thought he was going to stop me, but I was wrong. He had become frustrated with my human speed; he pulled his shirt apart popping the last few buttons. My breath was caught in my throat, he almost never let his vampire abilities show around me, always scared he might loss himself again but his outburst turned me on more than either of us expected. He pushed me back on the bed and then he was on top of me, somehow he managed to take off his jeans in the process and was now naked. He kissed me again this time slowly, pouring all his love into that kiss.
I was holding back the tears in my eyes, I didn't know if I could do this to him. He ripped off my bra breaking the clasps I would have been mad but all I could see, all I could feel was Jasper. He brought his mouth down to my nipple and sucked electing a moan from my throat. He kissed his way down my stomach dipping his tongue in my belly button. When he reached the juncture of my legs he paused, taking in a deep breath. I should have been embarrassed but couldn't find it in me. He hooked his thumbs into the side of my panties and pulled them down; I raised my hips so he could slide them off. Once he had thrown them across the room he dipped his tongue in between my slick folds. I arched into him loving the feeling. He swirled his tongue around my clit making me gasp.
"Please Jasper," I was begging him.
"What is it darlin', tell me what you want." I could feel the smile on his lips as he blew onto my folds making me shiver.
"I want to feel you inside me Jasper." He growled bringing his lips back to mine in a forceful kiss. I could feel his tip at my entrance; I thrust my hips forward needing friction. He pulled away slightly laughing, "Eager are we?" but then his face turned serious.
"I won't lie, this is going to hurt baby but I'll be as gentle as I can." He looked me in the eye; waiting for my answer he knew I was a virgin. I nodded, not trusting my voice. He placed a kiss on my lips, just one simple kiss. Then with one hard thrust, his length was inside me.
I didn't feel any pain, I was just uncomfortable. He whispered in my ear his love for me and for just a second I let myself believe that I could do this, that we could do this, together. Just for a second I felt it, hope, maybe there was a way.
"Bella, please let me take away your pain, I can help." He spoke running his nose along my jaw. He wanted to use his power on me, but if I let my shield down he would know how I really felt. But the pain, that's how I knew I was alive. Even if it hurt, I was alive; when I was numb that's when I would be scared.
"No, I'm fine." He began to protest but as I rocked my hips his words stopped. He started to thrust in and out, I was consumed by pleasure. His movements were slow, agonizingly so.
"Faster…please….Jasper," I wasn't making any sense but he seemed to understand. He moved his hips faster and harder, slamming into me. This continued, the room filing with the sounds of my moans, his grunting, and of our skin slapping together. All too soon I could feel the spring in the pit of my stomach tightening.
"Jasper…I'm close," his thrusts grew faster and harder, as if he was trying to prove something. Then suddenly my world was coming down around me, the only thing I could feel was Jasper, he was the only thing that mattered. My walls clenched around him over and over again, his cold seed shot into me as I milked him dry.
I was exhausted, my eyes closing of their own accord. I vaguely remember Jasper slipping out of me and moving to my side, wrapping me in his arms. I remember him whispering something in my ear but I was too far gone to remember what it was.
I woke alone in bed, the light shining through the blinds. I slipped out of bed grabbing Jaspers button up off the floor and my underwear doing the few remaining buttons. I walked out of my room following the smell of coffee into the kitchen where I found Jasper in just a pair of jeans. He turned and smiled when he heard me come into the room. I loved his smile; I tried to take in every detail of his face so I could hold on to this memory. That smile was the thing that gave me life, I could remember when I first met him he never smiled. I had asked him about it once and he said that before all he could see were the horrible things he had done but after he met me he felt like there was something to be hopeful for. This is all I would have of him now, my memories.
"Morning Bella, how'd you sleep?" He grabbed a mug from my cabinet filling it with coffee and handing it to me. I said nothing, just placed the cup on the counter top. "What's wrong darlin'?" his smile now gone, replaced with a tight lipped frown.
"Jasper, I need to talk to you." My voice sounded bitter even to my own ears.
"I know what you're going to say Bella and I don't want to hear it because I know it isn't true; I can tell when you're lying to me." I took a step forward, placing my hands on his face.
"You'll believe me," tears were streaming down my face.
"What the hell makes you say that?" His voice was angry.
"Because I'm going to make you," realization and shock crossed his face, but even with vampire speed it was already too late. I had done it, using the last of my power. I could feel it leave my body, almost being sucked out. I pushed it into him, using it to alter his memories. He would hate me, and he would leave. That's what I wanted. That's what I needed.
He fell back, stumbling putting his hand on his head. He regained his balance, his head snapped up; anger in his eyes. It hurt me, burned me in ways I didn't know were possible but I didn't let any of it show.
"You stupid whore! Did you think I wouldn't find out?! I could smell him on you! A werewolf, really Bella? Do you have a thing for monsters? Jesus Bella, he has an imprint! Not just any imprint, your best-fucking friend! How could you do this to Angela?! Do you enjoy being a home wrecking bitch?!" He was growling and hissing at me, his anger more than I expected but still, I understood. I didn't let the hurt show on my face.
"Why did you do it Bella? WHY?! Did it have to be Jacob? Did you have to screw Jacob of all people?!"
"I don't love you Jasper, I love him." I said the words clearly so there would be no misunderstanding. He took a step back looking into my eyes; I could see the hurt in them. I knew I had said the words that would break his heart.
"Fine Bella, you want me to leave, I'm gone." And he was, just like that. One second he was there the next he wasn't. I had made him think I had slept with Jacob, that he had caught us together in bed. He didn't know that it was all false, that I made him believe it but I had.
I fell where I stood, I fell and I cried for everything I had lost for everything I had yet to lose. Jasper was gone, he was gone forever and he wouldn't know the truth until it was too late. I did love him; I loved him with every fiber of my being. I was going to die but I wouldn't let him see it.
A/N: Ok so I know it's confusing but please just stick with it! It will all make since soon enough!