My internal clock, unlike others, ticks to a faster beat. Even though my life could be considered 'short' to most people that thought doesn't stop me from making whatever mark I can make on this sad world, or at least within the towering walls of Maria.
When I was younger I imagined myself growing old with the person I love while I watched our children grow too but that dream was cut short the first time I collapsed when I was ten. After I visited our local doctor, using up the little money my family had, I learned that I only had maybe ten more years left to live. My insides were slowly deteriorating away along with all the hopes and dreams I once cradled within my mind.
Back when I was ten, ten more years seemed like forever in the future and I had plenty of time to do what I wanted to do. But now that I am twenty and my symptoms have become worse I know that I have no time to accomplish what I want.
Every day I can feel my body become weaker, my brain doesn't work as fast as I remember and my heart, it doesn't seem to 'thump' with excitement the way it used to. I know my clock is growing old and soon it will be time for it to stop but truthfully I don't like thinking about it.
I wish, I so, so wish I could live to see gray hairs bloom on my head and my skin become rougher. I want to marry and have kids that I can love more than I had anything ever before but it would be stupid of me to believe these things are attainable. I don't have an average clock, and I won't live to see sixty. At least when I die I will always be remembered as a young beautiful girl whose time just ran too short.
My heart ached against my chest and I leaned forward into the pain, hoping it would somehow lesson the sharp sting but nothing at this point could help me. I'm glad I was able to join the scouting legion, I'm glad I was able to meet the people whom I now have close relationships with. I lightly smiled thinking about all the people I had crossed paths with these past twenty years. My face warmed as I thought of one particular person, someone I never had the guts to admit my feelings to. I didn't want to be selfish though, I know that he has had to go through countless deaths of people whom I am sure he held close to his heart and I couldn't bear the thought of adding another misery to his life.
My eyes became glossy and I began to regret never heeding the chances I had to tell the corporal how I feel. Maybe, just maybe if I would have told him I could have had a happier last five years? Feeling frustrated I shook my head before I lifted myself off of my bed and headed out of my room. It was late at night and everyone should be asleep but I myself didn't dare close my eyes for the thought of never opening them again kept me awake.
My shoes lightly clicked while I made my way to the front of HQ. I opened the large doors, leaving them slightly cracked before I sat down on one of the wide front steps. Lifting my head up to the sky I watched all the stars twinkle brightly through the night, my eyes staying still even when I heard a light thump next to me. I knew Levi was following me like he usually did and if I took the chance to bring my eyes to him I knew that my tears wouldn't be able to hold themselves in.
"…You know some people say that when people die they become stars." I whispered lightly, curious as to how Levi would react but when Levi didn't say anything I felt a light rage grip my heart.
"W-why won't you say anything?" I asked, chocking back my cries while I spun my head around to stare into Levi's bright gray eyes. My hands were balled into fists and at this point tears silently rolled down my face, twinkling like the glittery stars above us.
"What do you want me to say?" Levi asked, his eyes gleaming in the little light the moon provided. My heart jumped lightly, wanting Levi to just for once show me a soft expression, to comfort me.
"I want you to tell me it's okay." I said, my lips quivered childishly while my tears formed large enough pools to blur my sight.
"I want you to say that when I die I won't be forgotten and I was useful." My voice cracked and I knew I looked like an absolute mess but I wanted, no I needed for someone to understand.
"I want to keep living, I want kids and I want to continue to see everyone! I don't want to be alone I can't do this! I'm so scared!" My head slung over into my hands as I tried to quiet my sobs, my long dark hair shielded my heaving shoulders from the cold air and my voice rang lightly throughout the night.
"I don't want to be alone, please Levi I don't want to be alone-" My voice was cut short by the warm body I was pulled into.
"Shut up..." Levi weakly command me while he brought his arms closer around my deteriorating body. My eyes watered once again as I dug my head into his chest and let all of the emotions I've held on to for ten years.
Levi, I'm sorry for causing you more problems. I'm sorry I could never clean the HQ properly and I always somehow found myself tangled up in my 3D maneuver gear. I'm sorry I could never comfort you when your squad died and I'm sorry that I was never strong enough to bring myself closer to you. When I do die I hope I can join those millions of stars in the sky and in some way shine brightly for you and everyone who I encountered along my short life. I hope that you can remember me and I hope that if you do grieve over my death it won't take such a toll on you because that is the last thing I want. If we ever do meet again in the future I hope that I can be stronger and find the courage to tell you how I feel.
All in all I just want to say thank you. I hope you continue to live on until you're old and gray for all of those who can't.
…
The light sound of boots could be heard as they quickly found their way to my office. A loud knock echoed its way through the small room before the door opened revealing Hanji looking quite grim.
"Levi…" Hanji droned off, looking troubled. I just sighed before leaning back into my chair, feeling slightly annoyed.
"Um I need to talk to you about Laura…" Hanji's voice almost came out as a whisper while she stood in front of my desk. Sensing her regretful tone I sat up, slightly worried.
"What is it? Spit it out already." I replied, finding myself becoming angry because for some reason I felt like I already knew what she was going to say.
"Last night she uh…" Hanji sighed, lowering her head to the ground.
"Last night she passed away in her sleep." Hearing her choke out those words I sat up all the way, looking up into Hanji's red eyes.
"What?" I asked, feeling a sense of disbelief and rage course through my body.
"I'm sorry sir, it appears that she had some type of disease that allowed her to only live for around twenty years." Hanji looked into Levi's blank face.
"If it makes you feel any better when we found her she looked quite peaceful." Hanji said before bowing then turning around and leaving me to myself.
My mind flashed back to last night remembering how my arms encased her into my chest, I could still slightly feel her hot breath brushing over my skin and the sound of her cries echoed in my mind. No, this must be a mistake she was only here hours ago I saw her, I heard her.
Slouching forward I encased my face into my hands trying to remember every last moment I had with her before I stood up and left my room, heading off to breakfast.
The most I can do is live for those who couldn't.
I'll show you Laura, I will change this world and one day when we meet again I won't hesitate to remind you about what an idiot you were for not telling me anything,
So please wait for me.
/
Hey guys! I hope you liked my supa cheesy one shot haha. I felt like writing something sad and typical so here you go. Sorry if it's not very good because it was just something I kinda just….wrote I didn't rally plan it so it might have gone crazy towards the end if so…I apologize! Thanks for reading and review? Please? It encourages me to write more.