Healing Process

A/N: Hey everyone! So this is my very first time writing anything Degrassi related, but I felt like it was something I had to do after what has recently happened on the show :( My poor Adam/Beckdam heart. So….I hope everyone likes this, and that it turned out okay.

All you really need to know is that in this fic, Adam did get into the crash, but with less dire consequences (it didn't kill him). And Becky, after hearing the news, flies back home from Florida to be by his side as he recovers.

Becky Baker's foot tapped lightly against the tiled floor of the waiting room, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip mildly, unable to calm her nerves.

She was waiting to see Adam, who had finally woken up from his medical-induced coma according to the text she had received from Drew only thirty minutes ago.

She had been very surprised at the text; both at the fact that she had finally received the good news at such a random part of the day, and at the fact that Drew had been the one to let her know.

Becky very clearly remembered the elder Torres brother's furious but broken voice as he confronted her after her rushed return from Florida. Through gritted teeth, he had coldly seethed that she was responsible for the crash that Adam had gotten into the van in order to find a way to contact her and "beg for her forgiveness". She had been in too much shock to even think about attempting to defend herself.

But the shock, numbness, and disbelief she had initially felt at the news of Adam's accident all finally gave way to emotions of worry, guilt, and despair the moment she saw his broken, unconscious form in the hospital bed. She had been glad that no one else besides the two of them had been present in the room at the time, because she had collapsed into tears, forcing herself forward and gently grabbing one of his hands, quietly sending up a prayer for him before whispering words to him through her sobs, telling him she loved him and that she needed him to fight through this and find his way back to them.

And now, three weeks later, here she was, sitting in the waiting room for the okay to go in and see him.

Her anxiety was rising with how long it was taking. She had been sitting there waiting for nearly twenty minutes, though it felt like hours.

She understood why it was taking so long, of course. Drew and Mr. and Mrs. Torres were probably now having their long awaited reunion with their brother and son, but knowing that didn't do anything to take away her anxiousness.

Would Adam even want to see her? What would she say to him? "I'm sorry for breaking up with you right before your accident?"

Becky didn't have time to further contemplate her thoughts, because the sound of footsteps making their way into the waiting room stirred her from them, looking up from her gaze at the ground.

Drew Torres stood in the doorway of the hall that led to the many patient wards of the hospital, and though his eyes were flat and betrayed no emotion as he regarded her, Becky could tell from the red hue in them that he had been crying.

"He wants to see you," he finally murmured, his jaw and un-relaxed, as if he was reluctantly saying the words.

He must have been sitting in there with Adam, trying to convince him out of wanting to see her. The thought of that had anger coursing through her, but she hopefully was able to keep her emotions invisible on the outside.

When you were sad or angry beyond measure, sometimes you just needed someone to blame to make yourself feel better. And from the looks of it, she was currently Drew's punching bag.

And she could deal with that. For now. After all, she couldn't help but have some self-loathing towards herself as well.

Becky nodded and stood up. "Thank you." The words came out meek and low, but they conveyed exactly how she felt at that moment. Small.

With that, she silently brushed past Drew and into the hall that would lead her to the room that held her boyfriend…or ex boyfriend. She wasn't sure what their current status was after everything that happened.

As she walked down the hall, her nose wrinkled slightly at the awful hospital smell that invaded her every sense. The knowledge that Adam currently had to stay here seemed to make the stench even worse.

Trying to push away such thoughts so she wouldn't start crying before she even got to the room, Becky continued to trudge down the halls, only stopping when she finally reached the door that she remembered Adam saying in from last time.

Taking a deep breath first to attempt put herself more at ease, the blonde slowly opened and walked through the door.

Adam was still lying in the same hospital bed that he had been in last time she was there. He was still hooked to the same machines, and there was still an IV sticking into his arm in order for them to properly distribute his required medication.

But one thing that was vastly different from the last time she saw him was that instead of being unconscious and completely reliant on life support, his blue eyes were now opened. A bit narrowed due to what she assumed was sleepiness, but opened nonetheless.

"Adam", she murmured quietly as a small amount of tears slowly began to cascade down her cheeks.

His eyes, which seemed to have been staring absentmindedly into thin air from the dazed look in them, immediately drifted to focus on her at the sound of her voice, and the happy smile that she had grown to adore during the course of their relationship instantly flashed across his face. "Becky."

In seconds, she rushed over to the side of his bed, gently though a bit urgently, taking his bandaged hand in hers. "I was starting to lose faith," she managed through her tears. "I prayed and prayed, every night, but you looked so broken and you were unconscious for so long…."

"Becky," he repeated, this time in his signature gentle tone that always managed to soothe her at least a little, as his fingers began softly rub the back of her hand. "When did you get here?"

Becky frowned in confusion. "I was sitting in the waiting room….for almost twenty minutes. I thought Drew told you. He said you wanted to see me."

"I never said that." At the look of hurt that flashed across her face, he quickly amended. "Not that I'm not happy you're here. I am." He closed his eyes for a moment, and shook his head, as if trying to help himself come to terms with the emotions he was currently feeling. "I was just surprised, that's all. I thought you would still be in Florida." He reopened his eyes to look back at her before continuing. "I don't know why Drew made you think I knew you were here. If that was true, there's no way you would have waited out there for ten minutes, let alone twenty."

Becky smiled mildly at that. "I boarded a plane as soon as I heard the news. My parents weren't happy, but I told them it was something I needed to do." She squeezed his hand lightly, a single tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm so sorry Adam."

"For what? This?" He gestured at his current position; bed-ridden, and hooked up to machines and tubes. "This isn't the first time I've been in a hospital. And with my luck, it definitely won't be the last."

She glared at him. Though she was somewhat relieved that Adam seemed to be talking and acting like his usual self, the casual way he was dealing with the situation unsettled her.

"I don't know why you're handing this so lightly. You could have died."

And you almost did, she thought to herself, fear clenching at her heart once again at remembering just how close she had come to forever losing him.

At her words, Adam sighed. "I know, I know. Believe me, I do. And trust me, if the damage wasn't enough to convince me not to act so recklessly again, the lecturing definitely is. I've been hearing it all morning from my family, and I'm pretty sure at least half of the nurses in the hospital. I've learned my lesson."

"Good."

Silence passed between them then, and it killed her. There was so much she wanted to say to him. How important he was to her, how scared she was about possibly losing him, and how relieved she was at the fact that he was eventually going to be okay. She wanted to tell him how much she regretted saying she wanted to take a break after finding out he had hacked into her FaceRange account. Yes, she had been angry with him at the time, but she now knew that simply shutting him out had not been the right way of handling it. She should have let him at least attempt to explain his actions. If she had, none of this would have happened.

But most of all, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him.

However, for some reason, she couldn't think of the right words to say, and before she could even begin to start, the door to the small room flew open, a plump nurse hustling inside.

"Mr. Torres needs his rest. And I'm afraid that visiting hours is almost over," she said not unkindly, but firmly.

Adam's eyes flashed with a mixture of disappointment and annoyance as he glanced at the nurse. "But…she just got here."

"I'll be back tomorrow," Becky promised him softly, nodding at the nurse, and stood up from her seat on the tiny chair. She quickly bended down to kiss Adam on the cheek before swiftly exiting the room.

Everything in her had wanted to whisper an "I love you" to him to go along with the kiss on the cheek, but she still couldn't bring herself to get the words to come out just yet. Not with how unknown the fate of their relationship still was.

Becky came back to visit him the next day, as promised.

When he saw what she had brought with her, Adam had shaken his head, but the huge smile never left his face. "Becks, you didn't have to do that."

She had brought him a plate, piled on with almost twenty chocolate cupcakes.

Earlier that morning, she had rushed out to the store to buy the ingredients, using money from her stash she had collected over the summer from her lifeguarding job in Florida, and then took her time to bake them just right before bringing them to the hospital.

As a precaution, she had asked the nurse she had seen yesterday if it was alright for Adam to eat them, and the elderly woman had merely gave a short laugh, and answered yes, saying it was fine as long as he kept eating the food they gave him as well.

Becky smiled at his response. "I wanted tp." She bit her lip mildly. "You deserve a treat, and I know that the hospital food probably isn't that good. Besides, cupcakes are fun to make."

"Right. Rebecca Baker loves to bake, can't believe I forgot," Adam replied, grinning playfully as she handed him one of the cupcakes. They were dusted with tiny, colorful sprinkles, in her own little attempt at making his no doubt dull stay at the colorless hospital a bit more lively.

As she looked around the room, however, she could see that a lot of Adam's friends had already been doing a good job at that. Flowers of all different kinds and colors surrounded the hospital bed, along with brightly hued "Get Well Soon" cards and pictures.

It all reminded Becky just how loved her boyfriend…or ex boyfriend was in the community.

Realizing that he had called her by her full name, Becky playfully and lightly nudged his shoulder. "I told you not to call me that."

Adam laughed before biting into the cupcake, accidentally getting a small amount of frosting on his bottom lip that Becky felt the urge to kiss away.

But she couldn't. Not now, when she didn't even know if he was still her boyfriend or not.

Alright. It was no or never….

"Did you ever get any of my messages? Or phone calls?" She quickly and impulsively blurted.

Adam stopped in mid-chew, swallowing the bite of cupcake that had been in his mouth before nodding, his expression clearly conveying his surprise at the unexpectedness of the question. "Yes. I….read one of your messages. I was in the middle of texting back a reply when, um…."

"Oh."

She knew exactly what he was getting at. He had been in the middle of replying to one of her texts right before he crashed into the tree. The very idea made her feel sick.

No wonder Drew blamed her.

"But it was my own fault," he firmly said, obviously being able to read her current thoughts at the look on her face. "You had no way of knowing that I would stupidly try to reply while driving."

Logically, Becky knew he was right, but for some reason, that didn't do anything to get rid of the guilt and sickness she was feeling. Indirectly or not, she had played a part in leading Adam to the situation he was in now, and that fact killed her.

"In the text….I remember that you said you wanted to talk," Adam suddenly said nervously, breaking her out of her reverie. "What did you want to talk about?"

Becky briefly struggled to find the right words to reply with. She remembered the desperate spree she had gone through trying to contact him, using phone calls and texts, but to no avail. At the time, she had been terrified that he was finally giving up on her and ignoring her, but now she knew the reason he hadn't responded to any of her attempts was because he had been camping and had no reception.

She had wanted to tell him a lot of things, but most importantly that she was sorry, and that she was wrong for telling him she needed a break and shutting him out. She had missed him so much by the end that all she had really been doing was punishing herself.

"I…I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," she finally replied, her voice only shaking a small fraction, to her relief. "I shouldn't have asked for a break. We should have talked it out, instead of not speaking to each other." She composed herself before stepping closer to the bed, her eyes never leaving his. "I don't want a break from you, Adam. Not ever again."

She hoped he caught the underlining meaning of her words.

"Becky…" His expression, at least to her, looked like a mixture of happiness, relief, and….some sorrow. That one single hint of emotion made her stay a bit on edge.

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear that. But there's something I have to tell you."

To Becky's dismay, that earlier edge of sorrow in his voice became even more evident at that sentence. She remained silent as he continued to speak, though the guilty and sad expression on his face was enough to make her start nervously anticipating what was going to come next.

"While we were out camping, I….wasn't thinking straight," Adam stammered out, the nervousness in his voice rising, along with what sounded like desperation. "After that flower I sent you had been sent back, I started letting Drew and Dallas get into my head. They were trying to convince me to move on from you, since that's what it seemed like you were doing. And with the flower being sent back, and you saying you "needed space", I started to worry that….maybe they were right," he admitted guiltly.

Becky had a chilling suspicion that she knew where this was going. But she silently prayed she would end up being wrong.

"Anyway, I took their advice, and Imogen and I went out for a walk. I feel really bad about it now, since I knew she liked me and I ended up only using her, but….um, long story short, we ended up in the back of one of the vans and….kissed."

It turned out to be exactly as she feared. However, she forced herself to hold the tears at bay, though her efforts proved futile and a few slipped down her cheeks anyway.

"Drew ended up interrupting us by coming into the van looking for ingredients to make smores for the campers, but I was glad, because I didn't want it to continue. Becky, I swear, I regretted it right after it happened. I don't know what I was thinking…..Becky, wait!"

But she wasn't listening to him. Not even after hearing that his voice was thick with desperate pleading as he begged her to come back into the room.

Without looking back, she left the hospital, only leaving the plate of cupcakes behind as the sobs finally wracked through her.

The next morning, Becky lay wordlessly in her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Normally, she would never condone to letting herself be so lazy. Usually, she was up, clean, and dressed for the day by 9:00 A.M on the weekends, but today, she obviously wasn't feeling like herself. For once, she was thankful that there wasn't a church meeting this morning. With her terrible lying abilities, she wasn't sure if she would be able to keep up the happy act for too long around her parents and Luke.

No, she hadn't told her family about what happened during her last visit with Adam. She felt guilty for lying when they asked if anything was wrong, and had briefly prayed for forgiveness later in the privacy of her bedroom, but the last thing she needed was to give them another reason to disapprove of her relationship with Adam, even if she was upset beyond belief at him.

Cheating was a sin. And that was what Adam had done by kissing Imogen, right? He had cheated on her.

But was it cheating if Adam truly believed that they were over? She had said that she needed to think and wanted space, but could that translate as "breaking up" to some people?

Becky remembered when she had first noticed that Imogen was interested in Adam. She had been jealous, she could admit that now, but she had also been scared. Deep down, though she never admitted it out load, she knew that Imogen would be a better match for Adam. While Becky had always been referred to by others as "narrow minded", Imogen had described herself as "open minded". While she and Adam had unwanted and occasionally dramatic tension from her family's disapproval of their relationship, Imogen didn't seem to have that sort of problem while she had been dating Fiona Coyne. And while she and Adam had conflict before they had jumped into their relationship over the play, he and Imogen were friends before she became interested in him romantically, and had probably known each other longer.

All of that was what played into her telling Adam to staying away from Imogen while she was in Florida. It hadn't been because she didn't trust him; it was because she didn't trust Imogen. Whether Adam saw it or not, Imogen had feelings for him, and Becky had been terrified that she would eventually get him to see how much better she would be for him by the time Becky came home. Perhaps it was a bit selfish to flat out tell him to stay away from someone he considered a friend, but she hadn't been able to help herself. She didn't want to lose him.

But maybe she had been pushing Adam towards Imogen all along….

Becky's eyes misted over again as she thought about the main thing that had led them to this mess they were currently in.

At first, she had been so angry with Adam for hacking into her FaceRange account. At the time, she saw it as him being extremely invasive, and proof that he didn't trust her. She had been convinced that he had been wrong about Todd, that Todd saw her strictly as a friend.

But that had changed the day Todd tried to kiss her.

It had been only a week after she had told Adam that she needed space. She had been another day moping around the house after getting back from lifeguarding, and Todd had asked if she wanted to take a walk on the beach. Wanting to get her mind off of Adam, she had accepted, and they had been off.

The walk had gone smoothly and normal, at first, but then at about halfway through it, Todd leaned in for a kiss. Nothing came of it, of course. She pushed him away as soon as she realized what his intentions were, but it had still been enough to make guilt seize her heart.

It proved that Adam had been right about Todd. He hadn't been viewing her as just a friend at all during her visit. Yes, Adam had still not been right to hack her FaceRange account, but she realized that he did have a genuine motivation for doing it. It was the same motivation she had for telling him to stay away from Imogen.

They had both been afraid of losing the other, and had acted out irrationally.

After the almost kiss, she started thinking about all of the pictures she had taken with Todd and posted on the internet. In each and every one, the feelings had been merely friendly on her side, but she now knew they hadn't been on Todd's. She had let a guy who had feelings for her repeatedly touch her in a bathing suit while her sweet boyfriend sat at home and witnessed it all from the pictures she had posted.

Becky could only imagine how she would have felt if it had been her having to see pictures of Adam with Imogen like that, and then knew that she had to make things right with Adam and apologize.

Of course, that hadn't happened yet, because after a spree of desperate attempted phone calls and unanswered texts, Becky discovered that Adam had been in a car wreck and was in the hospital. So she booked a flight back home to Toronto as soon as she could.

And all of that led them to here; with Adam in the hospital, and having just confessed to kissing Imogen.

After the effort she had put into making sure it was clear that Adam was her boyfriend, and how much she worried about Imogen stealing him away, Becky herself had ended up being a key factor that drove Adam to Imogen in the end.

Choking back tears in a attempt to finally stop crying, Becky Baker silently made a vow to herself.

She would go back and visit Adam tomorrow after church, and they were going to talk about all of this. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice by completely shutting him out again, because that had put them in this mess to begin with.

Besides, whether Adam knew it yet or not, he had something to forgive her for too.

"I'm sorry for running out on you like that," Becky said as she sat down on the chair beside Adam's hospital bed.

He had been surprised when he first saw her walk into the room, which quickly turned to relief, and then finally, grim understanding when she said they needed to talk.

"Don't be. I deserved it," he replied in a tone that was obviously trying to sound casual, but failing.

Becky's heart panged a bit painfully at the amount of self-loathing in his voice, and though she had instant instinct to comfort and reassure him, she held the urge back, knowing that coddling him wasn't going to get them anywhere.

Adam had made a mistake. A huge one. And whenever she thought about the image of him and Imogen kissing, her heart broke and anger flared all over again.

But she had made a few mistakes too, and they both had to confront and talk about them. She was not going to push him away again. She didn't want everything they had together to be completely ruined over this mess.

"There's something I have to tell you too", she began, closing her eyes. Might as well get the worst part over with.

Adam looked mildly surprised, as if he thought she was going to immediately jump on him over the kiss, but nodded. "Alright."

"You were right about Todd," she blurted in a rush. "He didn't think of me as a friend like I did him. A few days before I flew back here, he…he tried to kiss me. But I pushed him away as soon as I realized what he was trying to do."

Because I have restraint, unlike you, she thought a bit venomously to herself, though not voicing it out load. Now was not the time for that.

"I'm sorry for not believing you. You shouldn't have hacked into my account, but I understand why you did it now."

Adam nodded again, and cleared his throat. "I know you're a faithful girlfriend, Becks. Thinking back on it now, it wasn't because I thought you were cheating or anything. I just….seeing those pictures just reminded me of everything I can't do for you," he admitted. "As long as I'm trapped in this body, I'm not going to be able to be a….normal boyfriend to you. I was afraid that Todd guy was going to make you finally realize that."

"Adam", Becky said seriously, now linking one of his hands with hers. "I don't feel that way towards Todd. And even if I did, nothing could make the feelings I have for you go away. I've even tried to get rid of them once, and it didn't work."

She knew that the time she had gone into therapy to try to get rid of her feelings for Adam wasn't the happiest subject to bring up, but he needed to know how serious she was. Adam had only been in her life for a short time now, but he was already such a dear and important part of it. She remembered that first day he had asked her out, before she had even known he was a FTM transgender. My hero, you rescued me from my own disaster. Back then, those words had been a simple response in thanks to him for helping her off the floor after her display had collapsed. Little did she know how true those words would become later on.

Where would she be now if she had never gotten to know Adam? She would probably still be rallying against every little thing the school produced that she didn't immediately agree with, preaching about how it was bad to be different and…just being as lost as ever. Adam had opened her eyes to so many things, and all the while, remained as king and understanding towards her as ever, even when she didn't deserve it.

It was all of those factors that made her fall for him so deeply and quickly.

"I don't think anything could make me stop loving you," she whispered to herself, only realizing a few seconds too late that she had said it out load.

She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even realized she had started to cry until she felt Adam use what was probably nearly all of his current strength to brush a tear off her cheek.

"It's the same for me too, you know. I don't want Imogen in that way. I never did," he said quietly, and she looked back at his face to see that there were tears swimming in his eyes as well. "I know you might not believe me, but it's true. I…Becks, I never think back on the kiss other than to wish it never happened. I let Drew and Dallas get into my head. I thought you were moving on, and they managed to convince me that trying to move on with her was the smart thing to do." He paused, and she felt him begin to squeeze her hand a bit tighter. "But it only made me miss you more. In the end, all I did was use Imogen, and hurt you. I hate myself so much."

The fact that he was fighting back tears and talking so lowly of himself only made Becky cry more. Adam hardly ever cried. Not when she made all of those nasty comments towards him after she first found out he was Trans, and not even when she had broken up with him to take the therapy. The only other time she had ever heard him even close to tears was when she had told him over the phone that she wanted space.

But this time was different. Now, she could see the small amount of tears streaming from his eyes and hear the choked tone in his voice as he spoke, and she didn't like it. Not at all.

"Adam, you're not a bad person," she said shakily. "If you were, you wouldn't be feeling so badly about all of this." She scooted her chair a bit closer to the bed, her gaze never leaving his. "I am hurt….and I don't know how long it's going to take me to completely look past this, but one mistake doesn't define who you are. And….you're the nicest guy I've ever met."

And Becky meant all of that. Adam had been the only person besides Jenna to reach out and try to give her a chance, even while she had been trying to ruin the play. And then shortly after that, he had let her sing in the chorus, even after all of the mean things she said to him.

She really couldn't have asked for a better guy to have as a boyfriend. And it was no wonder why so many people love him.

Adam's eyes widened slightly. "Does this mean…."

"Yes I….I forgive you," Becky cut him off softly, knowing exactly what he had been about to say. "It's going to take a while for me to fully get past it but….I don't want us to end over this, especially when it was partly my fault too." She paused. "As long as you still…"

"Yes," Adam said vehemently. "I told you, I want to be with you, not Imogen."

"And I don't want to be with Todd."

He sighed. "Yeah. I know that now."

Brief silence passed between them before Adam let out a short, humorless laugh. "We've both been pretty dumb this summer haven't we?"

"Yes, we have," she agreed sullenly before a faint smile graced her lips. "But that doesn't mean we can't try to correct our mistakes now."

They still had at least a full month of summer left, after all. Adam was hurt, and it would take him the rest of the summer and probably time after that to fully heal, but Becky would be his side every step of the way.

And they would make the most out of the small amount of summer they had left.

Now it was Adam's turn to finally smile. "Does this mean I get to brag about you still being my girlfriend?"

Becky giggled. "Only If I get to call you my boyfriend."

"Good. Because you know, I have a thing for cute blondes."

Her cheeks flushed a red scarlet as she stepped closer to him. "I have a thing for handsome, blue eyed guys."

At her mention of his eyes, Becky took the time to gaze more intently into them. They really were such a beautiful shade of blue and so filled with kindness and gentleness. And right now, they were burning with adoration for her. This amazing guy wanted her.

If she had been questioning his feelings towards her at all since she got back, all doubts were completely gone now.

"But from now on, Mr. Torres, I'm the only one who is allowed to kiss you," she said as she leaned even closer, her tone overall teasing and playful, but there was the slightest hint of seriousness in her voice as well. She may have forgiven Adam, but that didn't mean she had forgotten.

"You may have to share my face with my mom, but my lips are all yours, I promise," he replied flirtatiously, right before Becky finally closed the gap between them completely, kissing him for the first time since she had left for Florida.

In an effort to not hurt him, she kept the kiss gentle, and it reminded her of their earlier kisses when their relationship first started.

Adam had been her first real boyfriend, and along with that, the first boy she had ever kissed. Becky had been so nervous about the physical attributes that came with being in a relationship, since she knew that while Adam was nowhere near to being the player his brother was, he still had more experience than she did. But he had been patient and understanding, letting them start off on a slow pace, and eventually, Becky's comfort towards their relationship intimacy grew, as did her own experience.

Not wanting to test their luck, Becky ended the kiss a bit sooner than either of them would have liked, but both of them had huge smiles plastered on their faces once they parted.

No. They would never be easily broken.

A/N: I think I might make a second part to this from Adam's POV, which would be about them returning to school as a couple, him apologizing to Imogen, and confronting Drew about his treatment towards Becky, and ect. But we'll see.

Anyway, I hope Beckdam fans liked this and that I did them at least a little justice :)

PS: Adam Torres lives on *Twitches in denial*