A Very Bad Decision
This is utter crack, btw, so if you're not into me arguing with Deadpool over his lines then this is probably not the place for you. Also, I'm really sorry but I kind of doubt that my RWBY crossover will be going anywhere. I may restart it, considering that my laptop won't connect to the wi-fi at my boarding school (and fudge doesn't that sound so privileged. I'm here on a bursary, I swear!) so I have a lot more time to write. Cards against humanity doesn't belong to me, and all the characters are borrowed from the wonderful people at Marvel. This is set around the first Avengers, when they're all still getting used to each other, so no Twins, Ultron, Sam or Rhodey for you. Bucky is here though but that's only because I like him and I think the winter soldier should not have happened, so in this, although it won't be mentioned, he was given the weaker version of the super soldier serum by SHIELD in this as a test to see whether they could recreate it. It didn't meet up to their standards so they ditched the project. Bucky then got cryogenically frozen when he was out looking for Steve's body and got lost then fell in a pond. They found him and Steve together but Bucky had still lost his arm due to a disease on the needle that they used to try and recreate the serum. He had it amputated so that it wouldn't spread. Due to NEW! SHIELD feeling bad about this, and to keep the best friend of Captain America on their side, they called in some foreign experts when the two were found to give him the cool metal arm. So pretty much same effects, different reasons.
Cards against humanity is a card game similar to apples to apples where you get white cards with a space filler on them to the black cards. Each player receives 10 white cards at the start of the game, and whoever went to the bathroom last is the Card Zhar, who reads out the statement on the black card. The winner of the point is whoever's card the Card Czar thinks is the funniest. It works best is there is upward of 3 people. For example, the black card might say 'Next on BBC 3. _ in _.' In which case you would choose 2 cards from your pile, making sure they're in the right order, and put them down in front of the Card Zhar. These cards could be George Clooney in the Biggest Blackest Dick. Get it? Then on with the show!
It all started when Deadpool got an idea. (Well, more like the idea got whispered to him by the author, but we're just going to ignore that.) Now, on it's own, ideas aren't that bad, but when the idea in question is coming from a super healing, super annoying, bodysuit wearing mutate who just so happens to break the 4th wall every other paragraph, this becomes very, very dangerous.
Thus, the wonderful (irritating), immature(no question) antihero started his noble (eh) quest to buy chimichangas (Really bro). And play cards against humanity. Yeah. That thing.
This becomes a big problem, really fast. Thor, with the aid of threats ("Brother, I will ensure Lord JARVIS, restricts your access to fanfiction." "But!" "Now come, Lady Darcy has brought a most wonderful game for us to enjoy."), broke Loki out of his cell (Room) in Stark tower, and forced him to socialise for once in his exceedingly long life.
Somehow, including, fish tacos, flamethrowers, Amazon and a Stark Industries Credit Card, Darcy and Deadpool (Oooooh! Deadshock? I like it!) ended up getting the card game for horrible people into Stark Tower. Hilarity Ensued.
*Once in a parallel universe*
"Who ate the last brownie?!" "I think it was Bruce" "When is she getting here? I'm not sure if I fixed those readings yet from the SDS yet..." "Cheer up brother! There is gladness about!" "I'll be glad when I can return from whence I came, Thor. I was at a good bit too..." "Pass the chicken, would you Tony?" "Sure Pep. Hey, do you know when our 'guest of honour' is getting here with Jailbait?" "She said she'd be up in a second, three minutes ago." "Huh, oh well. JARVIS, do you know when The Rack is getting here?" "I estimate Miss Lewis will be here in approximately 5 seconds, Sir."
A few seconds later, the elevator chimed, revealing a haggled looking *Darcy Lewis trying to juggle 8 long, medium width black boxes, with a very recognisable mercenary next to her, carrying a plate of fish tacos, and jabbering her ear off. This mercenary is, of course, looking at the description of this fic, Deadpool.
"You!" and various variations on that were exclaimed around the room, going from mild-mannered (Steve) to heavy cursing (Bucky) to heavy drinking (Natasha). "Who?" Wade Wilson however just looked around in faux confusion, before realising what they obviously must have meant. "Relax guys! It's just Darcy. Fish taco, anyone?"
"First of all, what the hell are you," Bucky points at Deadpool to emphasize his words said through gritted teeth,"doing here? I thought you were banned from Stark tower. And second of all, what are you" he points at Darcy now with unclenched teeth."doing with the likes of him? And what's with those black boxes?"
"Relax, my dear padawan. He is here because he's the one who suggested the game. Also, I'm pretty sure he would've just broken in if I had said no. The game tonight, is these black boxes." She smirked. This was going to be fun.
One explanation of the rules later, and all of the Avengers, plus Loki, Pepper and Deadshock had been kitted out with 10 white cards each. Deadpool had volunteered to go first. "Ok, so, 'Morgan Freeman's voice is like _.'" Everybody shuffled their cards and passed them to the glorious Card Zhar, before taking another from the black cards of doom. "Morgan Freeman's voice is like airdropping the corpses of those who defy the natural world order to starving children in Africa, like a windmill full of corpses, like seeing your grandmother naked, like Vagorub TM, like a micro-penis, like regaining your HONOR in an anime-esque style cartoon for 2 years, like Harry freaking Potter, like the Civil War."
A wave of discontent stole over most of the assembled people. Steve especially seemed to be uncomfortable, his eyes flicking to Bucky and Natasha every few seconds. Wade however didn't seem to notice, too busy chortling at the responses. "Okay! Whoever played regaining your HONOR in an anime-esque style for 2 years wins it." Tony reaches over to get the black card.
It goes on like that for a while, until they all seem to get comfortable enough to start trying to persuade the Card Zhar to pick their card.
It was also at this point when they incorporated a drinking game, as, and I quote 'I'm not drunk enough for this.'-Clint. Steve, Clint, Natasha, Tony, Loki and Bucky all seem to end up with the same amount of points quite often, with the others not too far behind. So, naturally, they're the ones who made up the rules, which are;
Take a drink if it calls for two cards,
Take a drink every time you win a point,
Take a drink if the winning card involves sex, death, a reference or the ruining of childhood.
By the end of the night, they were all completely, and utterly, shitfaced. Well, the ones without the enhanced immune systems were.