A/N: Prompted by anon on Tumblr.
This is the very last response that I need to transfer from Tumblr to here. No more frequent updates, I'm afraid (though I'm sure that some of you are rejoicing that). I do have high hopes of posting a few new things this month, university workload permitting, but we'll have to wait and see just how much I can get done. From now, I'll be looking to answer all of the messages that I've received in the last week or so.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
Shopping Trip
What could have been an awkward walk into the village had been made easier to bear by Gwen, who had innocently asked if she could accompany him and Anna since she had a few errands of her own to run. Anna had looked as if she'd wanted to say no, but she was too polite to, and John had jumped at the opportunity to agree.
He and Anna always did their errands together. But now it was different, because she had admitted to being in love with him.
In love. With him. It was all too much to take in, too scary and close to the feelings in his own heart. He'd been afraid of what he'd do if they spent too much time alone outside the confines of the house, so having Gwen along as company had been the perfect distraction.
Everything had been going smoothly until they'd decided to take a break before returning home and had settled themselves down on a bench. John had been so immersed in the conversation that he hadn't even noticed the young lad sneaking up on them until it was too late, and the monster was taking off with his cane in hand. Gwen had blinked and Anna had shot to her feet, evidently considering giving chase, but John had caught her wrist and told her that it wasn't worth it.
"Of course it is," she said, furrowing her brow. "You need your cane, don't you?"
He shook his head helplessly. "You'll never catch them now."
"But how will you get home?" Gwen asked him innocently.
He gritted his teeth. "I'll manage somehow."
"Can't you get a new one?" Anna asked suddenly. "From here, in the village?"
"There's a shop that sells canes here?"
"It's very new, it only opened a couple of weeks ago. I noticed it when I was passing by last week. It doesn't just sell canes, it sells lots of things. But I saw one in the window, I know I did."
John glanced at his pocket watch and sighed heavily. "We don't have time. We'll be late for tea if we don't start heading back now."
"I can go back," said Gwen. "And I'll tell Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson about what happened. You and Anna can stay and get a new cane that way. I know no one will mind."
"There, that's settled," said Anna, before John could protest. "Thank you, Gwen."
The younger housemaid stood, offering them both a bright grin. "That's all right. I'll see you in a little while."
John waited until Gwen was a fair distance away before turning back to Anna.
"You should have gone with her," he said. "I can manage on my own."
"No, you can't," she said firmly. "I know you, Mr. Bates."
He shut up, tightening his jaw. Because she did know him. She knew him better than anyone else had ever known him. And that frightened him.
Anna heaved herself to her feet, then offered him her arm. He stared at her, incredulous.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
She rolled her eyes. "What does it look like?"
"I can't. People will talk. They'll think –"
"They'll think that we're walking out. And we can't, because you're married. Yes, I know."
Hearing her say the words cut straight through him like a knife; being wounded in the African war had been less painful than seeing the mix of love and heartbreak on her face.
"I won't let anyone think that," she continued. "I'll be sure to let everyone know that everything between us is strictly platonic. But we can't stay here all day. We need to get moving now if we want to be back for the dressing gong."
He sighed, defeated, and tentatively took the arm that she was offering. She walked slowly by his side, not complaining once about his more lopsided gait or his painfully slow pace. They did garner a few stares from other villagers who recognised them, but Anna was quick to ask loudly if he was all right. It was embarrassing for a man who prided himself on never having to openly rely on others, but he knew that he couldn't complain. Anna was being kind enough to help him. She didn't have to. She could have never spoken to him again after his gentle rebuff of her feelings for him. But still she was here, by his side, not leaving him to suffer alone. And, despite himself, he was enjoying the feeling of her against him, her body slight and soft and warm. Her arm was so delicate, but he could feel the strength that rippled beneath her skin as he leaned heavily against her.
They reached the shop without much hassle, and they entered together. Only then did Anna gently disentangle herself from him, moving forward to greet the shop owner.
"Hello," she said brightly. "We were wondering if we could possibly purchase a cane."
The shop owner's beady eyes flickered between the two of them. John knew what he was thinking: what's a pretty young thing like her doing with an old, crippled man like him?
Anna didn't seem to notice at all, turning back to him. "Come on, Mr. Bates. You know what you need."
He nodded quietly, and stepped forward. The shop owner eyed him for a moment, then pointed to a display. "Look over there. You should find something suitable."
Anna followed him as he limped painfully away, watching as he unhooked a cane from the display. She giggled as he put it to the ground, sliding over to him.
"That's not right," she said. "It's far too small."
He couldn't help but smile at her. "Well, what would you suggest?"
She frowned for a moment, perusing the display carefully, before selecting one. He shuddered when their fingertips brushed, and he settled it in his hand, leaning on it cautiously.
"There," said Anna with a grin. "Perfect."
He didn't like to dwell on how easily she had picked it out, how easily she seemed to know what he required. It made too many scenarios arise. Like how she had studied him for long enough to know his height. How she knew exactly what he needed from his cane.
Anna was the one who pulled him from his thoughts, calling the shop owner over to let him know that they had made their selection. He was still eyeing them suspiciously as John clumsily handed the money over, and he could feel the man's eyes burning into his back as they left the shop together.
Once back out on the street, John leaned heavily against his cane and silently thanked God that he didn't have to lean on Anna all the way back to Downton. Together, they began to walk out of the village. Neither of them spoke but, surprisingly, the silence was not awkward, as he had expected it to be.
When they were enough of a distance away, Anna began to walk closer against his side. He tried not to notice, keeping his eyes fixed firmly ahead, but the brush of her fingers against his cuff was distracting. And, after a few moments, she linked her arm through the crook of his.
Oh, good God.
Her hand was so warm against him. She was brushing against him gently. He could smell her scent.
This was wrong. This was so, so wrong.
He should shake her off. He shouldn't encourage her, give her reason to hold onto hope.
And yet he couldn't stop himself.
She understood. She understood everything that he had revealed so far. He was married. He could offer her nothing. He wouldn't dishonour her. There were parts of him that she did not yet know about – things that would have her running as quickly as she could in the opposite direction if she could – but, for now, she was here.
Was he selfish to enjoy this? To fall more in love with her as she glanced sideways, up into his face?
Yes, he was. But it would be the only time that he could ever enjoy it.
They walked back to Downton arm-in-arm. And, just for a moment, it really did feel as if they were walking out.
