Barren
We learned about cell reproduction in biology today, and it inspired me to write this. Danny is in his mid 20s, post PP, Future fic. I purposely left the wife unknown, so she could be anyone. This is actually really angsty so, wow. I have no idea where this came from. I am a 16 year old girl. I am not a father. I don't know what I'm doing.
She sat, sobbing in the hospital lobby. I tried reaching out to comfort her, but she pushed me away. She had enough reason to. I'm the reason she's crying in the first place. It's my fault.
We were trying for almost two years. We could never do it, though. We finally decided to go in to see if we could have children. We just got the test results back.
Hers were positive. Mine were negative.
My weird DNA prevented me from being able to reproduce. With anything. No ghost could have kids with me, nor any human. I am completely incompatible with anything.
Meaning she doesn't get the little baby she's always wanted.
We got married with a dream of two or three kids. But I crushed those dreams. We could still have kids. Artificial insemination or adoption. But that's not the same. They would be hers if we went the test tube route, but they wouldn't be mine. They wouldn't have my eyes or hair or nose. Just some other guy's. I would still love them as much as I possibly could, of course, but they wouldn't really be mine. They wouldn't have any of me in them. I would just be some person. I was hoping that maybe they would be half ghost too, so I wouldn't be alone. There's Dani, but I haven't seen her in years. I get a few postcards every once in a while. She's in India, now. She's getting married to a florist. She's working as a doctor in his village.
I can have a clone, but I can't have a kid of my own.
I would almost prefer adoption. That way they wouldn't look like either of us. I wouldn't see her and someone else in them. Just some other people entirely. Plus, those kids need homes. If we can give them one, why shouldn't we?
We will probably talk about this in a month. She'll have forgiven me by then. Probably.
No doubt she hates me right now. Who wouldn't? I promised her children. Now I can't even carry through with that. I'm useless.
What's the point of having ghost powers if I can't have a happy family of my own with them?
Because of me, my wife is crying. I want so bad to just hold her right now. Just to comfort her. I can't- I don't- oh.
I'm crying now. I plop down next to her and weep. She gets up and walks out of the lobby angrily.
I don't see her for the rest of the night.
-linebreak-
It's been a few months since we got the news. We talked about it, and we're planning on adopting a kid. She wants an older kid. To give them a chance with a kind family before they go out into the world of adults. I agree. But a small part of me wants a baby. She says that we might adopt a baby later, if not another older kid when this one graduates or is okay with another one.
Social Services has already interviewed us and we've been approved. We're just waiting on a good match.
-linebreak-
Her name is Kasey. She's 12 and she is the sweetest little girl ever. She wanted to call us Mom and Dad when we first met. My heart nearly melted with that. She likes mac n' cheese with chocolate milk and hot dogs. She's got this little stuffed elephant she's had since she was a baby. She named it Al. She's great in school now that she's had me to help her. She's really proud of all of the hero-ing I do, but she worries about me. Who doesn't?
When we asked if she wanted any siblings she said millions. We asked her if she was okay with us adopting another kid and she said yes. She's really excited to have a little brother or sister.
-linebreak-
His name is Derrick. He's 15, Kasey isn't happy about that. He calls us Mom and Dad. He's protective of Kasey. He's the perfect older brother. He's very stubborn and likes to argue. He's shorter than Kasey, though. She likes that. He likes playing the drums and has straight A's.
-linebreak-
Derrick graduated two years ago. Kasey graduates this coming year. Derrick is pre-law, and Kasey is planning on going into medicine.
We want another kid. A baby this time. One that we teach how to walk and talk. I'm not sure if my wife has completely forgiven me for being infertile quite yet. Every time we talk about adopting another kid she gets this look on her face and her voice gets a little lower. She sounds almost angry.
-linebreak-
She didn't want to adopt this time. She wanted her own kid. She's going for artificial insemination. We got into an argument. I want to adopt a baby, but she wants one of her own.
She said that I couldn't stop her from being a mom.
-linebreak-
Her name is Rose. She's got dark blue eyes. Unlike both mine and her mother's. I love her to death, but I keep seeing my wife in her, but never me. I see someone else in her, next to my wife. Derrick fell in love with her. He's a great big brother. Kasey loves her too. She babysits her sometimes and goes shopping with her.
The donation was open, so if Rose wants, she can go looking for the guy when she's older. His name is Dick.
-linebreak -
Rose turned 16 a few weeks ago. She said she wanted to go find the man with the dark blue eyes named Dick. Wasn't I good enough for her? Why did she want him when she had me?
I can't have my own kids and now the one I raised from when she was tiny doesn't want me either.
I know she just wants to meet the guy, but I was here for her. "Da" was her first word, I watched her first steps, I brought her to school on her first day, I scared off her first boyfriend. Not Dick. Dick did nothing.
I guess there is benefit from her visiting him, in case he's developed some horrible genetic disease in the past 15 years, but wouldn't the clinic have told us if there was a chance of that?
-linebreak-
She met Dick today. She called us to tell us that she really liked him. They went out for pizza, Rose's favorite food, ever since she was five, and a movie. They're planning on meeting again sometime soon.
She sent love to her siblings, and hung up.
-actually a linebreak-
Rose called again today. She met Dick for the first time a few years ago. She graduated two years before then. She's a photographer. She takes pictures of models and events. She works mostly out in California, where Dick lives. Things have been going well for her. We chatted for a bit about life, then we hung up.
"Bye, Danny." She said.
She didn't call me Dad.