Title : Brain away my pain
Author : JackB
Prompt : Multiverse or do you mean Multiple Discorder ?
Warning : Graphic mental illness → aka DPD
Word : 2097
Resume : The Avengers discovers Bruce with a strange behavior.
Tag : Bruce Banner, Betty Ross, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, mental illness, DPD, caring Avengers, graphic description of symptome of mental illness, how do I know ? I have DPD, what you read is accurate and is a way how the symptome can show up and express (though I did not extend to every symptome), I tried to stick up at max on how the symptomes can feel in intern, but it's complicated to retranscrit.
Position in Timeline : Post Avengers - AU where Betty is an Avengers/Stay around the Avengers
He was watching the mirror, hands clenched onto the sink. He didn't feel his tense muscles, didn't see how white his knuckle were. He was.. Puzzled.
What was he watching ? What was, the face, the body, he was seeing ? He turned his head in many angles, slowly. What was that ? Or maybe, who was that ? He knew that maybe, it was him ?
It.. Felt odd. No, maybe no. Maybe. He didn't really recognize what he was seeing in the mirror, still maybe.
He tried to touch the face, missed it completely, he frowned.
« What ? »
He tried again, very slowly until he had to distort what he felt was reality to actually feel some resistance. No, that felt wrong. He frowned again. It shouldn't be like that. Fixing the mirror, he stayed in wonder, incapable of moving more, that was just impracticable. So he stayed.
Tony entered the bathroom to wash his hands.
« Well, we thought you turned back on the lab, but you were here all along. What are you doing ? »
He saw this thing passing close to him, talking to him. He knew he had to answer something, but talking ?
Bruce didn't answer, didn't even look at his friend.
« Were you here all this time ? » Tony asked in a frown. « It's been an hour since we wait for you, you missed the whole training. »
« hmhm. » He managed with no idea how he actually managed it. A feeling of danger washed over him, stressing him out.
Tony was a little worried, but Bruce was sometime weird, maybe it was not a big deal, maybe it was normal. He pushed the worry off and patted Bruce shoulder.
« I will let you do your thing in peace, see you later, ok ? »
Bruce didn't not answer him when Tony left.
The pat felt weird, but he barely acknowledged it. It just disappeared quick, like it was surreal. He felt.. he knew he had to move, he just didn't seem to be able to. He knew his actual state still his minds was mostly off everything.
« So where is Banner ? He just disappeared early and we haven't seen him since. » Asked Steve.
« I saw him in the bathroom. » Tony said quick. « He was a little weird, I left him here, but I haven't seen him after. » He took a sip of his coffee. « JARVIS, can you tell me where is Banner ? »
« Doctor Banner is in the yellow bathroom at the Training level where you were earlier. »
« Did he stay there all that time ? He didn't move ? »
« Apparently no, sir. »
Tony got up off his seat and frowned at the others. « What the fuck. » Steve followed him.
« He can't just have been there the wholes time. » Tony wondered.
« How he was when you saw him ? »
« Weird, he didn't talk to me, not really, but not that weird, like not crazy, he just fixed the mirror. »
« hum. »
They arrived at the concerned floor and rushed toward the bathroom. Tony stopped the Captain right in his track.
« Wait, he was in that exact same position last time I saw him. »
Tony walked cautiously, passed being Bruce and tried to talk to him, hands up in a calming gesture.
« Hey big guy, what is going on ? »
He didn't receive any answer, nor verbal or physical. He tried again, waving at Steve to stay quiet.
« Bruce. » He said clearly. « Is there any problem ? » Still nothing. « Banner ? Tell me what is wrong ? » « Come on Brucie. Bruce ! Bruce Banner ! »
He snapped his fingers close to his friend and drew a reaction from him, a sudden jump of surprise.
He knew he had to do something, maybe he was in danger. He tried to turn his eyes to the thing, to the person who was calling for him ?
Bruce slowly turned his head, face puzzled toward Tony.
« Hey buddy, are you ok ? » But Bruce was just staring at him.
« What do we do ? » Steve asked. « Shall we call a doctor ? »
« I don't know. » He refocused on Bruce. « Can you tell me your name ? »
But the physicist just frowned.
« Can you tell my name ? Do you know me ? »
« Maybe. » Bruce finally managed in a huge frown.
Stark gritted his teeth, worried. What should he do ? He closed the distance between them and grabbed Bruce's wrist. The gesture startled the scientist urging Tony to be reassuring.
« Hey, hey, hey, that's just me, you know me, I'm just touching your arms ok ? Everything is ok. »
Bruce eyes weren't watching him, but he nodded. The touch he felt drifted to his face, moving it gently for observation. It felt too much for him.
« Can you give me a smile ? Just like that, do the same as me. » Tony made a big smile and Bruce imitated him. « Ok, so that's not a stroke. » He grabbed his friend hands again and pressed them in his own.. « Can you feel that ? »
Bruce nodded.
« Good, can you do the same ? »
« I just did. »
« You just did ? »
« Yes. »
« You mean.. » He pressed Bruce hands again. « ..That ?
« Yes. »
« It's you who did it ? »
« Yes. »
« But, that's not your hands, that's my hands who moved. »
« That's my hands. »
Tony reached for Steve in panic who didn't have much idea of what was going on and what they should do.
« Try to make him talk, talk about the hands. » He proposed. Tony nodded and refocused and the physicist.
« You mean these hands ? » He asked to Bruce, whiles moving his own hands in the air.
« Yes. »
« This. that's your hands ? »
« Yes I think. »
« You're the one who move them ? »
« Yes. »
« But and this ? That's not your hands ? » He clenched Bruce hands few times to bring attention to them. Bruce watched them, moved them.
« Yes I guess. »
« You have four hands ? »
« Am I not supposed to have four hands ? »
« Huuuh, do you think you're supposed to have four hands ? » He asked worried.
« I don't know. »
« JARVIS, can you call Betty, she needs to come here. »
« Yes, sir. »
« Steve did you ever see something like that ? »
« No, never. »
Tony scratched his head and pushed Bruce to face the mirror again. The movement was clumsy, Banner did not move with fluidity.
« Who is it ? » He asked pointing the reflection.
« I don't know. »
« It's you. »
« It is ? »
« Don't you recognize yourself ? » Bruce shrugged.
« Not really. »
« That's you, and you are Bruce Banner. » Steve added once he came closer.
« Am I ? »
« Yes. »
« And you're Bruce Banner too. » He said pointing at Tony.
« No I'm Tony Stark, we are two distinct person, don.. Don't you see it ? »
« No ? »
« No ? »
« No. »
Tony winced and looked at Steve.
« He's cold, we should get him somewhere else. » Steve said and Tony nodded.
« We're gonna move buddy, ok, you come with us. »
Leading Bruce in the corridor was a huge deal, he moved so slowly. Tony had passed Bruce arm on his shoulder and had grabbed his waist to help him, but it barely made any good, his friend was heavy and did not make any effort to not be. They barely advanced few meters that Bruce just drifted to the wall and let himself crawl on the floor having no consideration for Tony who had to let him go to not fall with him.
« Oh come on Buddy ! Help me down there. »
« Let me. » Steve pushed away Tony and grabbed Bruce and carried him in his arm, like he would have done with a child. Bruce stayed his head half on Steve's neck, arms hanging lifelessly. Tony followed with a worried face.
They got him on the couch and Betty arrives not far after.
« What's going on ? » She asked.
« We have no idea, he act weird, doesn't know who he is, isn't sure about what his body is or not, I don't know. »
« He didn't recognize his reflection in the mirror, he mistake Tony's hands for his. »
« Just look at him, it's like he is not here. » Tony pressed in worry.
He had trouble to pay attention to his surroundings, people were talking but he barely registered what they were saying. He felt so tired. Some crouched in front of him, but all his vision did was drifting somewhere else whiles getting blurred. He felt so numb.
« Oh that's normal, that's his DPD, he's just dissociating. » She gently pushed him on the couch so he could lie and covered him with a blanket.
« You think that's normal ? » Tony made a dramatic voice.
« Well, that's not 'normal' in the sense of neurotypical, but for Bruce, that's part of his neurodivergence, he has that, since, ages. » She said casually refering to old time, showing clearly that it was not the first time and wouldn't be the last.
« You said DPD ? »
« Depersonalization, derealisation discorder. »
« That's dangerous ? »
« No, the worst he can do his hurt himself by accident or not being very careful with people and hurt them. You didn't check his medical file ? »
« Not in detail, I don't recall reading anything like it. »
« Anyway it will pass, but did something happened ? »
« What do you mean ? »
« Well, it doesn't appear like that did something occurred the last time you saw him normal ? »
« Not really, nothing out of the ordinary. »
« Hm, he never really needed that much, he must have thought of something triggering or made an association with something one of you did or he was doing. »
« How long it last ? »
« It's variable from one minute to a whole day. » She shrugged as she took a blanket and some pillow and installed at his side.
He reached for her hesitantly and she gave him a quick squeeze on the hand before pulling out her research to continued to work on the small table in front of the couch.
« You are going to stay here ? »
« Yes it tends to help him reconnect and get out of his dissociation, it make him feel safe, in a way. »
« Can we stay too ? »
« Of course. » She said.
The group settled up in the room, each on their own business. Tony was programing something whiles Steve read a book and they stayed for few hours like that.
He played with Betty hair all along, turned on his side with lost sleepy eyes. Few times Betty mumbled something about her work and he answered, sometime minutes after and sometime fast and with accuracy. Mostly because it was a formula or a constant and he knew them by heart, it was like a reflex to tell them.
« Betty. » He whispered gently.
She turned to him. And he smiled fondly.
« What it is ? » She whispered back with a smile.
He didn't answer, only making a face like he had no idea what he was supposed to think, he just made a bigger smile. She kissed him on his forehead and caressed his hair in a gentle and caring gesture. Then got back to her work.
He finally fell asleep on the couch bathed in the soft warm light of the sun.
End.