Day 91
I stared up at my captors trying to struggle up some resistant or spirit. But I feel so crushed. I can't pull any emotions into my face and all my strength has wilted. I slump there as one of the larger guards grabs my wrist and tries to pull me to me feet.
I moan softly as pain shoots through my arm.
"Shut it!" yells a voice next to my ear. I wince as he butts me in the stomach with a hard wooden rod.
I make no more noise as I am pulled to my feet. Standing shakily I wait for more yelling or something to happen.
My throat feels like it's on fire from suppressed emotions tears and lack of speaking. My head throbs from lack of food and constant beating. The rest of my body aches will the constant torture I've been put through.
I won't give up.
Day 142
I can't breathe and I know my oxygen levels have been cut again. They want me to hyperventilate and pass out. The dripping water in the distance is slower than my heart rate and I shut out the noise. If I take in the sound my heart rate will slow an do will die.
I haven't given up all hope yet.
Day 269
My eyes open and I am instantly blinded by the bright light. I have a guess at how long I've been sleeping but it doesn't matter. If not for my daily carvings in the wall I would have lost track a long time ago.
My wrists burn from yesterday where I hung by shackles for the whole day.
Today I am going to be put in the freezer again. It's below zero temperatures in a five by five box for twenty four hours.
My hope is fading.
Day 307
I can't move. My legs shoot pain up through the rest of my body and I know my knee caps have been fractured. My elbows feel the same way and the numerous whip lashes on my back sting. Today there were no fresh bandages and dinner was only a moldy bowl of what I think was porridge. I don't know what they feed me anymore. I don't care.
My stomach growls and I know it has been poisoned again. I prepare for the heart ripping nightmares again as I drift away.
I won't stop fighting but my hope is gone.
Day 416
They told me I slept for three days but it only feels like a couple of hours. My stomach moans for food and I know I've lost so much weight. Through the grey and black uniform which are no rags I can count every rib.
A small grimy mirror makes up one side of this cell and I look up at the deathly pale face, lanky black hair, and resilient violet eyes.
My spirit is still fighting.
Day 583
I have to run the information through my head to keep me sane. It has been almost a year and a half. I can't hold on much longer.
Thoughts of dread; that I've been forgotten and abandoned fill my head. I can't think that way. They will come. I can be saved. I'm not forgotten. The words are empty and meaningless now. They're hollow and full of things that I just can believe anymore.
I see a face in the deepest part of my soul. A pretty face with freckles and bright red hair.
"Keep fighting!" It shouts. But I can't.
I'm losing the battle.
Day 625ish
I'm losing count of the days. I don't know if it's six hundred twenty five or six hundred something else.
No one has come to see me on over a week. My water supply is down to dregs and my throat burns. My food ran out yesterday and the now familiar feeling of hunger has grown even stronger.
I don't know if I'm blind or if the lights aren't on. Time is slipping away.
I've surrendered to the enemy.
Around day 700
I've completely lost count and nothing seems to work anymore. My limbs are weak and I haven't been able to sleep.
Men came in yesterday and beat me within an inch of my life. They've given up the tortures and now only give me strange poisons and powders. They haven't fed me in over a week and I haven't had water in longer. Why aren't I dead yet?
I've lost the battle.
About a day later
There are noises outside and I think I see something. I haven't had light in several weeks. The men who come in and hurt me have some kind of night vision goggles.
Everything hurts from the constant beatings and I know many of my bones are broken.
The door creaks open and a streak of light breaks through. I curl into a ball to avoid the painful light. I'm beyond terrified of what they're going to do today. My body is shaking badly but I don't stop it. If I make a noise or try and retaliate they get meaner.
"Daniel?" This voice is gentle and it scares me even more. The ones who pretend to be gentle hurt the most.
"We won't hurt you," another voice says. I curl into a tighter ball. More lies. I hear a slight scuffling and someone is standing over me. I prepare for the pain and instated feel a soft hand.
I can't move and I can barely breathe. These are voices that I know. So it's a nightmare. Nightmares are the only places I'll see the ones I care about again.
"Daniel?" This one is soft and female. I look up slightly to see a red haired girl with a soft smile and tears in her eyes. No, they can't put her in my nightmares. I can't hold on anymore. I bury my hand away again and wait for her to hit me or turn into a demon.
Nothing happens. More voices come in, all gentle. Hands carefully lift me and put my on a stretcher. I'm being wheeled into the light. I can't look up. But all the time I hear her voice.
"Daniel it's going to be alright. I'm here for you know. You're safe." But I can't believe her. Larmina- no the voice of Larmina lies to me. I wait for it to turn nasty. I wait for more pain.
And I keep waiting until I fall into oblivion.
When I wake up again I feel better. My throat has had water and my stomach is full. My wounds feel dressed. I'm clean and in fresh clothes, I've had a haircut.
Is this a new kind of torture? They've never done this before. But it has been two years; maybe they want to try something new.
I open my eyes and find that the light isn't bright. It's faint and warm. Panic fills my chest. Fire? When I look around I see it's nothing more than a lamp.
"Daniel?" asks a soft voice. I turn to the voice with fear in my heart. She's there in the door way waiting for me. She looks amazing but I can't participate in this nightmare.
It's just a hallucination. I tell myself. But I can't help but stare. She looks amazing in a brand new uniform, dark blue to match her sapphire eyes.
"How do you feel?" she asks gently walking over to me. I jerk away from her approaching figure and wait for her to turn into a monster. But she stays kind and smiling. "I won't hurt you Daniel. I promise."
I can't trust her but I want more than anything to think it's ok.
"Do you feel well enough for the others to see you?" She asks. I'm trembling like a leaf and I can see the sadness in her eyes. She sits next to me and outs a hand in the bed. I don't want her hand there. I'm scared. "The others have been worried sick. We're so glad we found you."
This can't be real. She can't be there. I want to believe this. I need to believe this is real. But I don't want to get my hopes up. I lost all hope before and I don't want more.
She stands slowly. "I'm going to get the others ok?" I nod slowly and a joyful smile spreads over her face. "Can you hear me?"
Again I nod. With a smile more joyful than I thought possible she rushes out of the room.
Why can't this be real?
Larmina rushes out into the hall where six people stand, waiting. "He's awake!" She grins.
"Has he made any sign of recognition?" asked Allura.
"He nodded twice. One when I said I was coming to get you and once when I asked if he could hear me." Larmina was so happy nothing could crush her sprits now.
"Don't get your hopes up Larmina," said Keith. Not even that could break her smile.
"Keith is right. It's been almost two years. A lot can change in that time." Lance agreed, but he was happy to. After all this time they had finally found Daniel.
"Maybe we should just go in a couple at a time," suggested Vince. He was slightly scared about what he might see. Because what he had seen last night had given him nightmares. Daniel was thinner than a rail, covered in blood and bruises."
"You and Allura," said Keith. "You both look like you're going to pass out. Pidge and Hunk can go in next. Then Lance and I."
Everyone nodded their agreement, except Larmina. "What about me?" She asked.
Lance smirked slightly. "I don't think we could get you out of the room if we paid you." He gestured forward and Larmina went in with her aunt and her friend.
The sight of Daniel lying in that bed with fear filled eyes almost broke her heart. He was shaking like a leaf in a storm.
"Hi Daniel," Vince smiled. "It's good to see you again." But there was pain in his voice. He could see his friend's deep fear.
Allura said nothing as tears of joy came to her eyes.
But Larmina couldn't see Daniel. Not the Daniel she knew. The only thing there was a scared little boy with a shattered look in his deep violet eyes.
I couldn't bring myself to do anything as the hallucination of Vince and Allura left. But the not-Larmina stayed.
I hadn't listened past their first words. None of it meant anything to me. It was only empty words that my tormentors put in their mouths. They tried to talk to me, to make me talk, but I knew the punishment for talking.
After them came Hunk and Pidge. Their words were similar to what the others had said. Again I pretended I couldn't hear them, not trying to hide my fear. There were fewer punishments when I acted scared. It didn't make them sympathetic, but they enjoyed it more.
After they left Lance and Keith came in. Keith hurt the most. He was the one I expected to lead the team to my rescue as fast as possible. I didn't wait to let my bitterness, hatred and disappointment show clearly. He was fake anyway. Why shouldn't this fake person know?
I watched as they left with no words.
"Daniel," Larmina said. I didn't want to know what emotions she was feeling. "Daniel look at me." Her tone was sharp.
I slowly looked up at her.
Her eyes were slowly filling with tears. "Avoiding everyone and not talking won't help." This was Larmina at her finest. This couldn't just be in my imagination. "You have to step up. Did you ever think that your two years was hard on anyone else?" Tears were now spilling down her face. She turned away from me and took a deep breath. "I missed you, every day I would go and search for you. I would come home with bruises and cuts but I didn't even notice. I would have sore muscles everyday but I ignored them. The times I wasn't searching I was pouring over maps, thinking of where I would look. I went over this planet seven times on foot. We finally found you in that underground facility on a planet four light years away." She turned back to me and she was smiling. "And all that time I thought you were trying to escape, fighting to come back..." She shook her head. "I, never in a million years, thought they could scare you. I thought you were the strongest person alive and you would never give in. But I was too late. I've hurt you. I'm sorry."
She started toward the door and I opened my mouth, wanting to call after her. But no sound came out. I was worse than a mute now. I hadn't spoken in over a year. And now my silence was hurting the only people I had ever cared about.
The next morning the force all woke up and went down to see Daniel, without even getting breakfast. All were tense but kept up a light conversation about the weather and such.
Larmina opened the door softly. "Daniel?" She said. The lights were dark. She flipped the small switch by the door and her heart stopped. He wasn't there.
Needless to say she panicked. The rest of the force, previous and past, searched the castle top to bottom. It was Vince who found him.
"He's in the top floor med room." He sounded relived but both Allura and Larmina gasped.
"The top floor is solely reserved for life-threatening emergencies!" cried Allura.
Everyone else arrived in a matter of moments.
One of the white casted doctors came out to addresses them. "I can understand your concern-"
"What happened?" Larmina was desperate.
"Before night fall yesterday I put young Daniel on a heart and breathing monitor." His eyebrows scrunched together. "Around two AM his heart stopped."
"How?" Lance breathed.
"Fear." The doctor said simply. "There was a trace of some fear toxin that takes over his mind and body when he sleeps. When he was captured they must have sprayed some depressant for the toxin so it wouldn't use itself up. But without that depressant it simply attacked whatever it could find. His mind couldn't take that kind of fear so it shut down."
Larmina had tears in her eyes and the rest of them looked shocked. "What happens now?"
"We have managed to imitate the depressant and the only thing we can do now it let it run its course."
"How long will that take?" Keith asked.
"For a few hours," everyone sighed. But he wasn't done, "to a few days."
"Won't he get, I don't know, hungry?" asked Hunk.
The doctor shook his head. "His body has trained itself to have little food. As far as I can tell he got about apple sized portions every two or three days. Enough to keep him alive, but not much else." He sighed. "While he was unconscious we found an enormous amount of injuries, old and new."
"What do you mean?" Hunk asked his brow furrowed.
"He has whip lashes on his back bruises everywhere and several broken bones. We had to strap him to the bed so that he would not hurt himself during the course of his nightmares."
Everyone was appalled, who would do this to Daniel. Who could?
I was used to the nightmares, but they never lasted this long before. It felt like another year before I opened my eyes and I didn't see the dark cell or a torture chamber. But I was still wary. I wasn't sure if Larmina had been real or not and if my nightmares had just been reality. Everything was hard to tell now.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a white room, slightly different than before. My chest hurt like there was a strong weight on it. Lifting the covers I saw that there was a small metal device on it that beeped every few seconds. It was a heart monitor, the kind they gave old people who couldn't regulate their own heartbeat. Had my heart stopped? Or was this just another torture device?
A head popped in and I saw it was one of the doctors of Arus castle. He looked older and more worn out but still the same man.
"Hello Daniel," he smiled.
But I didn't look up. I wanted this one to be real. He was one of the only people at Arus I could talk to before. They couldn't twist my memories of him. I can't even remember his name!
"Daniel, do you remember me?"
I nodded lightly.
"You have been unconscious for a while now."
I wondered what 'a while' meant.
"I'm here to help you. You have a plethora of injuries and I am going to heal you. It might take a while." I glanced up and he was smiling. "Is that ok, will you let me help?"
Again I nodded.
Walking over slowly he sat down next to my bed. "There is both good and bad news which would you like to hear first?" He asked. I shrugged with one shoulder. "Then I will start with the bad." He looked slightly grim when he said. "I know both your body and your mind has been through more than any human should ever go through. You will have to build yourself up again and it might take a while before you can walk again."
With a small burst of panic, I lifted the covers to look down and my thin bandaged legs. I tried to move them and I knew they were very weak.
"Before I give you the good news I would like to know if you can talk?" He asked.
Again I shrugged. Then I moved my hand across the other in a movement of writing. The doctor pulled out his pen and a small pad of paper.
With slow awkward strokes I had managed to write out 'I don't know, they punished me for talking.' Most of it was misspelled and it took a long time. But when I handed it to him he nodded.
"I won't push you to talk. You can take all the time in the world. I'm just here to help." He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "and the good news." I nodded lightly, not managing to return a smile. "Considering all of the hardships you have faced, your body has done particularly well. If another boy your age came to me with your injuries I would tell him he would be practically paralyzed for the rest of his life. But if everything goes the way that I hope then it will take less than a year."
I nodded and I felt emotion welling in me. Could this really be real? Could I be free?
The doctor walked down to the dining hall to find the residents of the tower-minus the staff- eating dinner and talking quietly. There had been a dark feeling in the castle for so long and once Daniel had returned it had lightened slightly. Once the news of his endured sleep had spread the darkness ha dare turned. The castle was quiet and dark. It was sad to be around.
As the doctor walked in everyone looked up with both a light hope and a deep fear mixed in all of their eyes.
"He's awake," the doctor said softly.
Larmina jumped up and stared at the doctor with wide blue eyes. "Really?" She whispered. It had been five days. They had managed to feed him a little while he was asleep but, even in his sleep, couldn't keep it down. Everyone was terrified for him.
Was it over, finally over? Did they have Daniel back?
They came it see him but he wouldn't talk and he still seemed scared. This wasn't what was supposed to happen he was supposed to be strong and with them. He was supposed to bounce back like he normally did. What had happened? Why didn't want to come back to them?
"Why won't he say anything?" Larmina asked the doctor tremulously.
"He wrote what he wanted to say to me on a piece of paper." The doctor pulled it out of his pocket. "It says that they punished him harshly for speaking so he simply got used to not speaking."
"So he doesn't know how?" Vince asked.
"He doesn't know if he can or can't. I believe it is fear that is keeping him from talking."
They nodded and went back to the rest of the force.
I lay in bed that night, unwilling to go to sleep. I had the nagging feeling that this was real but I didn't want to accept it yet. What if it turned out to be a dream just as I got used to it- like they had done so many times? I couldn't bear that, not again.
I drifted off a short while later.
When I again knew what was going on I was back in the other room with Larmina right next to me. She was smiling brightly and holding my hand.
"I'm so glad you're awake," she said gently.
I tugged my hand away, still not trusting her. The expression on her face was crushed.
"Daniel," her voice trembled. "Why won't you talk to me? I miss you."
I opened my mouth and an echo of what used to be my voice came out. But the words were not what I wanted to come out. "I don't want to talk to you." The bitterness was obvious. "You left me alone for all that time. I waited for you. But just as I gave up you 'found me'. It's a lie!" My voice grew in strength "You're still not real!" I swung my legs over the side of the bed.
"Daniel please!" Larmina's voice said angrily. All of her kindness was gone.
I stood, standing over her and shouting in her face. "No, I know you're not real. And I want to wake up in the heck I've been living in just so I know what's real and what's in my head! I want proof!"
Larmina's pupil's widened. But they didn't stop until it reached every inch of her eyes. "Then I'll tell you. This isn't real. Trust your instincts!" She shouted pushing me to the ground. "What seems real? Is it the fuzzy nightmares that plague your mind form past events? Or is it the force, who has finally found you and accepted you? Don't you want that to be real?"
"Of course I want it to be real," I whispered. "I want it more than anything in the world."
Larmina's dark eyes paled into a blank whiteness. "Then believe it." She said simply. And with those words my vision darkened.
I opened my eyes and I was back in the hospital room with the heart monitor on my chest and a doctor sleeping in the corner. That had been the dream. But I had I woken in reality or just another dream?
Larmina knocked on the hospital door and another of the endless doctors opened it.
"Good morning young miss." He smiled. "I assume you are here to see Daniel?"
"Yes please." She was led in where Daniel was sleeping, his eyes twitching under his eyes lids. "Is he still having nightmares?"
The doctor nodded. "We believe that he will have nightmares for the rest of his life."
"Has he woken up, or said anything?" Larmina sat up straighter.
"No."
I've been trolling through some years old docs and I found this little gem. I do beleive this was my first attempt at whump, before I even knew what it meant. Anywho thanks for reading!