The Last Straw
"Yes. It is us", he said.
Like everyone else around the table, she waited with unabated breathe for this answer. She pretended to be engrossed in reading the magazine that she is holding as she waits for his reply. When she heard his words, she looked up, stared at him, and still waited; this time for a catch, something that will nullify everything that he is saying, every implication of his words. Nothing of such came after.
It was then that her heart broke in two…quietly and slowly…
It felt like a dream just died.
There have been many other girls before this one. However, this one is so much different.
She have loved him for so long. The first time that he broke her heart, she did not go out of her room for three days. She was so young then, barely 18. But she understood, that though she might be special for him, though they are good friends, he needs someone more mature than her. She had her first boyfriend after sometime, then. They lasted for a year and a half. As much as she does not want to admit it, she still pined for him, looked for him in her relationship.
The next time was when he started going out with a girl of the same age as hers. What happened to needing someone more mature, she thought. She realized that this one is a lot like her before this man broke her heart - innocent about love. Maybe that appeals for him this time around. This hurt is not as strong as the first one, but it made her question a lot of the reasons for their non-relationship before. She is slowly realizing that, maybe, just maybe, their non-relationship was not because of her age, or lack of maturity. The implications of which are too much to bear, so she stopped at that. His relationship with this new girl did not prosper into exclusivity. She heard that the girl's parents find him too debonair for their princess.
The third time was when she started having this "special relationship" with an older woman, recently separated, with two little girls, but hot, nevertheless. So he is back to mature women, she thought. She felt a little twinge in her heart. She's turning 21 soon, most people find her mature for her age. She wonders why he just never did.
In between these relationships, he always comes back to her. He focuses on her, gives her all of his free time, showers her with gifts, takes care of her like she's never been taken care of before. Those times, he'll tell her he loves her, sometimes jokingly, sometimes quietly. She never said it back when he jokes about it. She made faces or swats his arm. She knows how he works, he has been there before, she cannot have him breaking his heart over and over again. But when he is all so sincere and quiet, and when he's saying it out of the blue or as he stares at her, she smiles, hugs him, or kisses his cheeks as she murmurs it back.
Then off he'll go to someone else, and break her heart again. It is almost a cycle..well it is a cycle already…until this time.
They were doing great after this "special relationship" ended. Yes, whatever they are is still kept a secret since they are both very private individuals, but in a way, they are exclusively dating. No labels at all, but they have definitely been more open about their feelings and answers on how they stand with each other. Until one argument happened. He wanted her to start leaning on him more, financially. She can't. He knows this. They have known each other all her life, and she knows how he knows this. She has obligations to her family; she cannot just transfer some of this to him. She knows he can afford it. But it is not right, she has to do this for them on her own..and for herself, too. He only has to wait a little bit, when his brother graduates in two years time, she can relax, and their relationship can move forward.
She does not understand why, one moment she was with him during her best friend's sister's birthday, the next he is seen around with her best friend on dates. People keep asking her about it, what happened, how it happened. She does not understand it herself. She does not ask her best friend about it, she just can't. Until her best friend approached her. The former shared all that has been happening to them. She quietly listened; let her best friend rambled on and on. Finally, her best friend asked her how she feels about what she's been hearing and what she thinks of them being together.
She just asked her one question: "Are you happy?"
She said,"Yes".
"Then I am happy, as well," was her simple reply. She hugged her, then, and told her she needs to go because she's expected at home early.
She didn't cry on her way home. She knows she has to hear everything from him first before her heart believes. Like all the times before…
So here they are, having dinner with common friends, a week after she and her best friend had the talk. Her best friend cannot come because of an earlier commitment.
She has not seen him for close to two months now. They were not sitting beside each other, they did not come together, and she knows that they are not leaving together. Finally, someone asks him the question she most needed answered.
"Hey, dude. Are you and Miranda together now?" One of their close friends asked.
"Yes, it is us,"was his reply.
The axe had finally fallen, the tears will now start to fall. But not now, not just yet. She needed to act the final scene for this episode. She has been in this situation a lot; she has learned to handle this well. She will continue to be his friend…and her friend…
"You better take care of her, Gordo, and don't break her heart", she warned with half a smile.
He looked at her intently. She just looked back with half a smile. She thought he will attempt to stare her down. Then, he nodded, before looking down.
Her heart that had broken in two is finally in pieces. This is her cue to leave. She picked up her phone, faked receiving a call, and excused herself from the table.
If she looked back, she would have seen that his eyes are following hers with a pained expression.
She was smiling apologetically when she comes back to the table. She tells them she has to leave because her mom needs her to meet someone. He stood up, offers to bring her to her car. She refused vehemently, placing her right hand on his shoulders to stop him, saying that she is just parked right upfront and they can see her from here. She made her rounds of goodbye.
When she reached him, again, she kissed him, not an air kiss, a real kiss on the cheeks, and whispered "Bye".
She knows she will see him around, her around, them together around. But before that, she knows she will heal herself first and move on. She will remain to be her friend, she cannot and will not lose that friendship. Then when she is ready, she will once again be his friend, for even his friendship she cannot afford to lose.
Unlike the other times that the girls have no personal connection to her, her male best friend and her female best friend are officially together. A dream has just ended, she now knows this to be true. He simply does not want me, she now realized.
The tears begin to fall as she drives herself home.