The crackle from the fire filled the silence in our camp. After we left Yon Rha crumpled on the ground I couldn't bring myself to say anything to Zuko. He just followed me silently, his head bent down. I can't tell what he thinks about my choice.
After we left, we travelled until it was well past sunset. We didn't say anything, I just sat down on a log and he picked up some sticks for a campfire. I watched him carefully place them into a little pile so that the fire wouldn't die immediately. Once everything was the way he wanted, he lit the wood and watched the flames dance along the twigs and leaves. He kneeled next to the fire and just stared for a few minutes, until finally he looked at me.
I looked down quickly and hoped that he didn't know how long I had been staring. I'm still angry. Angry with myself for coming all this way to do nothing at the end. Angry with myself that I allowed hatred to drive my actions. Angry with Yon Rha for murdering the most important woman in my life. Just so much anger that I don't know how to release and accept that there is nothing I could ever do to right the wrong.
"I need get more water," I picked up my canteen and avoided Zuko's gaze. I headed towards the stream that was nearby. I love the hum of the water. I reach the stream and kneel down to dip my hand in. I want to let it take me away from here. I want to let it overcome me until the water and I are one and nothing in this world matters anymore. I want to disappear.
"Katara?" I stand up and turn to him. He folds his arms and looks at me.
"What do you need, Zuko?"
"I wanted to talk to you about today. I've been trying to figure out all day what to say and I have been trying to think of what my uncle would say. He's better at this than I am, with words I mean. Even if he didn't make sense, he made perfect sense, if that makes sense but-."
"Zuko, just say it."
"Right, sorry. What you did today was the right choice. Just because he hurt you doesn't mean you should be like him. You're better than him in every single way. He's a sad old man with a sad life and a pile of regrets. I know you won't have regrets like him. You're a good person, Katara," I shake my head and turn away from him, back to the stream. My throat feels tight and my eyes start to sting.
"But how do you know that? All I feel is anger about everything. I'm angry that I couldn't do it, but I'm angry that I even thought about doing it. I don't know where to put this anger inside of me and I…" my voice breaks before I can finish. The tears are sliding down my cheeks and I can't stop myself from feeling everything that has been bottled up this entire trip. Zuko puts his hand on my shoulder and rests his head on mine.
"I understand what you feel. I let anger mask my pain my entire life because it was easier. I'm still learning how to confront the things that give me pain. My uncle… he wanted to teach me. I wish I listened more," He sighed and started pulling away.
"Wait," I turn so that my face is in his chest. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face deeper into him. He slowing put his arms around me and I start crying harder.
"I'm sorry you're hurting, Katara," He pets my hair while I finally let it all go. All the confusion and angry and disappointment that I have been letting control me flows out. Even if it's just for this moment I don't care. I needed this. I needed Zuko here with me.
I pull away and take his hand in mine.
"Let's go to bed, okay?" He nods and leads me back to camp where he set up two blankets on opposite sides of the fire. I let go of him, and silently move my blanket next to his. I lay down and he follows.
"Can I ask you something, Zuko?"
"Of course."
"Would you have killed him? If he were the one that hurt your mother?" He sighs and looks up at the stars for a minute.
"I don't know if I would have been able to do what you did today. I'm not as level-headed as you. I'm not sure if you know this, but I can get angry sometimes," I laugh a little and look at him. He looks back and smiles.
"Can I ask you a question now?" He rolls to his side and comes a little closer. I nod.
"Are we friends now?" I roll my eyes and chuckle.
"I guess I could use another friend. I don't know if you're ready though," I bit my lip to stop from smiling.
"Oh, I'm not ready huh?" He smirks and props his head up so that he's hovering over me a little.
"Yeah, I'm not sure if you know this, but I have some heavy stuff from my past I'm dealing with." He shakes his head and smiles.
"Yeah, me too."
Without thinking my hand floats to his face. I cup the side of his cheek and run my thumb over his scar. He closes his eyes and leans into my hand.
"Katara, I have to tell you something." He opens his eyes to look at me. I move my hand to push back his hair so that I can see him a little better.
"There's something about being near you that makes me feel like I can be better. And I know that you can never fully trust me, but I just want to do something that I've been thinking of this whole trip and I think that I need to stop talking and just…" He leans closer and closes his eyes again. His lips brush mine lightly, and then with a little more force.
I shut my eyes and a thousand thoughts are running through my mind. Zuko is kissing me? Zuko is KISSING me? What do I do? Do I stop? It's kind of nice? This is ZUKO! Wow, he's actually not bad. This is nice…
He runs his hands through my hair, and I pull him closer. I feel him smile against my lips and I start to smile too. Aang. I put my hand on his chest and push him away.
"I'm sorry, Zuko. I can't do this. We have so much to focus on. The comet is coming soon and we both can't be distracted by anything and-."
"And it's Aang. I get it," My eyes widen a little and I try to stammer out a no.
"I figured something between you both would happen, it's only a matter on time. I just had to try once, or else I would have regretted it," I move my hand from his chest and avoid his eyes. I can't help but smile a little.
"I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. But it's Aang. We kissed and haven't talked about it since. I don't know what we are, and I can't think about it until after the comet."
"So, we're okay?" He asks. I look back at him and just nod.
"I can't believe you didn't just bend over the entire stream to drown me," I open my mouth to make a joke back, but I just laugh.
"Is it okay if tonight we act like normal kids our age? And I hold you close to me next to the fire?" His voice is quiet and timid, like he's expecting a quick rejection. His face looks serious.
"I think that's an okay plan," He smiles, and he looks like a regular 16-year-old. He lays back down and pulls me close to his body. I snuggle my head into his shoulder, and he kisses me on the forehead.
"Tomorrow we're back to normal, right?" My words were a little muffled, but I know he heard.
"Tomorrow we'll go back to our normal hostile friendship, if that's what you want."
"I swear if you tell anyone we kissed, I will find you."
"Okay, okay tough girl. We'll never tell a soul, deal?"
"Deal."
