I walked down the stairs, fidgeting with the Iron Maiden shirt I was wearing. I saw my mother sitting at the kitchen table, moving the cereal in her bowl around. My black converse shuffling across the floor to the kitchen made my mother look up. I walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water, I heard my mother still stirring her cereal. I sat down and took a bite of the eggs she cooked for me. My mother looked up at me and grinned, the kind were you want to die but you have to look strong. Yeah, that kind of grin. I leaned in and saw her tear stainded cheeks; I looked back at my eggs quickly and moved them around a bit. I heard the spoon hit the bottom of her bowl again. "MOM! Stop stirring your cereal! What's the hell's the matter?" I hollered standing up so quickly my chair flipped back. My mom looked up startled, I hadn't yelled at her in, well, I'd never yelled at her. She smirked and put her spoon down, she put her hands on knees and looked up at me.
"About tomorrow..." I covered my ears. I didn't want to hear it, tomorrow is my birthday you see. I'll be seventeen, I think she's upset that I'll be leaving her in 6 months. No, not because 'she won't know what to do without me', she's perfectly independent. It's because I don't know how to handle myself. I hate using an oven, I can't clean my room, I am helpless physically, I weigh all of 100 pounds (soaking wet), I'm 5'2", and I am a nice girl. I can't survive in the real world! She was worried, but for some odd reason, I don't think that's why she was so upset. She looked up at me and said,"You're going to be seventeen, now what have you been asking for ever since you were five?" I thought, two things came to mind, a tongue piercing and meeting my father.
"MOM! YOU'RE GONNA LET ME GET MY TONGUE PIERCED?" I was excited, but she frowned. Oh dear god..."m-mee-meet D-Dad?" I was scared now. She grinned at me now, but tears were rolling down her cheeks. Every birthday she said I wasn't allowed to see my dad, I learned around 14 that my mother hated my father, but she had no reason to! She never told him about me! She ran like a coward! If she had told him he would have been here now! But, I'm not mad, she had a reason to be scared she was 20 when she got pregnant. If I was pregnant at 20 I would give up the kid to be honest.
"Yeah, Gerarda, you can meet dad." She looked at me waiting for a response, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as well.
"Mom?" I wanted, to ask one question before I had a breakdown. She wiped my tears and hers.
"Yeah babe?" She was giving me her full attention, this was gonna hurt her I could tell, I didn't want her hurt, but I had to know how much I had going for me.
"How much do I look like him?" Instead of myself breaking down, she did. She literally fell off her chair, her silent tears turned into sobs, and her whole body shook with her breathing. I did this, but I still wanted to know.
"You have his gorgeous brown, hazel eyes, his raven black hair, his smile, you have his laugh, you have his taste in everything. Music, senses of humor, you two could be twins. Oh, there's no doubt to anyones' mind whose daughter you are." She stopped a bit, but the sobs continued. I hope there wasn't a doubt in his mind. I didn't know much more than that now. The way I was raised you would've thought men had the plague. She never dated a single man, I garentee you my father was the last man she has ever 'been with' or even kissed. Then again, I had no room to talk. I had never kissed a boy, I know shocking. I have never had a crush, nor a had a sight ever taken my breath away. Everything seemed so dull in my life, so I am rather curious if my father could turn my black and white vision into a technicolored life. I stared at my mother, her sobs were softening and her back was rising and dropped at normal speeds.
"Mom?" I asked, questioning whether I should go to school now or not.
"Yeah, Gerarda?" She looked at me with blood shot eyes.
"Tell me about YOU and Dad, please?" I really was pushing my luck today, but I didn't care. I'd smelled a sweet, tempting prey; and I was going in for the kill.
"Well, me and your father were introduced through a friend. We dated for two weeks. I found out that I was pregnant and I ran. I never said goodbye." She looked at me, waiting for me to be mad I suppose. Nothing came, I was numb. They weren't in love? They weren't friends, highschool sweethearts, just a short term dating scene? They were nothing to each other.
"So, you didn't feel anything?" I said, I was speaking in monotoned, this seemed to suprise even me. She reached up from her spot on the floor, she tugged on my light gray jeans.
"I loved him, but I didn't deserve him." I tugged out of her grasp, stomping the ground.
"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T! YOU LIED TO HIM, MOM! YOU, PROBABLY, HURT HIM BY LEAVING LIKE THAT! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN WOMAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT YOU TWO WERE PREGNANT AND, WHO KNOWS, MAYBE HE MIGHT BE HERE WITH US RIGHT NOW!" I was out of breath, I'd just yelled at my mother, twice in a day. I was going to never see my father now. She looked at me,
"Yes, Gerarda, I know. I am awful and I'll burn in hell. What the hell do you want from me? I am HUMAN like you! I didn't think straight, I was SCARED. He had so much going for him, I wasn't going to screw that up by saying, 'Oh hey babe, guess what? I'm pregnant with our bastard child!' What would you've done? WHAT, GERARDA, tell me what!" I was scared, she was yelling at me now. I was now the center of the anger and I was hurting.
"I guess I don't know Mom, I'm sorry. Can you give me a ride to school, I don't wanna walk." She breathed out a sigh of relief and grabbed her keys off the corner table. She took a bite of cereal and walked out the door. I took that as a 'YES', so I followed her to her car.