From Jane
(Set after the funeral of Barry Frost)

Dear Maura,

I know you're probably curious as to why I'm writing you this letter. I guess, I couldn't really trust my emotions enough to tell you in person. I already know that I'm going to babble in this letter, so I apologize ahead of time. I guess I should just get to the point right?

Where do I begin? It's hard to pinpoint a specific time in history when I started to feel this way. It's funny, you're texting me right now. You're telling me that you have faith in me and you know I'm going to do good on his eulogy. I mean, Barry's…

You have no idea how your words encourage me. Not just the ones you just texted me, but all of them. I've never told you before. You may think I am naturally strong, but I'm only strong because I have you by my side. I am strong because of you.

If you opened this letter when you got home like I asked you to, you're probably sitting there on your couch. You're probably still drained from crying at the service. You're probably wondering where I am, because I told you I would come over. You're probably realizing now, that I am not coming over tonight. You're probably nodding your head, understanding that my time for a good cry has come and I am probably better doing that alone.

And if you're wishing what I'm wishing, you're probably wishing that I would have come over anyway, and that we were together right now, holding each other and supporting each other. Am I right?

Weird, huh? You're probably wondering how I knew what you were thinking and feeling inside at this very moment. I'll tell you how I knew. It's because you're my best friend. You get me as much as I get you.

When Barry died, I was devastated. I got so used to seeing him around, you know. Every time, I looked up from my desk, he was there. Now, all I see is an empty chair.

If anything ever happens to you, I don't think my heart can take it. I try not to think about it. I try to pretend that I don't care as much about you as I really do. That way the thought of losing you won't hurt as bad. But the truth is, no matter how much I try to stop it; my heart cannot and will not stop loving you.

Man, Maura, you must know by now how I feel. Don't you?

Losing Barry made me realize just how dumb I've been for not telling you how I feel. I was afraid to tell you. Afraid of rejection. Afraid that you'd look at me differently. Afraid that if I came clean about how I felt, it would change what we have. I'm not afraid anymore. I cannot let another day to pass without telling you that I am in love with you, Maura Isles.

I am so in love with you that every time I am around you, I feel like my whole world is complete. Every time you're near me or hugging me or just sitting around being silly with me, I have to force myself to keep quiet instead of confessing my love to you.

My fear of losing you forever in death and never having a chance to tell you has outweighed my fear of being rejected by you. God … My heart is so overwhelmed right now with feelings for you. With every ounce of my being, I swear. Can this be real? I've never felt this way before! -

(God I'm crying) I'm so scared, but I gotta tell you this. I love you. More than a person should love her best friend.

I love everything about you. I love your beautiful personality. I love your smile. I love those beautiful eyes that seem to pierce right through me. I love your adorable laugh. I love every single thing about you. Even that cute way you pout when you get upset over something. Man, my heart wants to be with you so bad. And it wasn't until I lost Barry, that I truly realized just how much I need you in my life.

I need the times that we share. I look forward to coming to your house after work and relaxing. You always have my favorite beer. That's so special to me. It's the little things about me that you remember and that makes me feel special.

Lately we've been snuggling on the couch. I find myself wanting more. And I'm not exactly sure what more is.

I feel like I'm babbling.

I guess I'm trying to say... I love you, Maur. I love you so much. And I don't want to keep pretending like I don't. Life is too short and I don't want to make the mistake of going through this life without the only thing that I truly want.

And all I want is you.

I can't believe I told you that. I'm afraid of what you'll think of me, but it's something that needed to be said.

I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.

Love,

Jane

A/N: Thanks for reading. Letters From My Best Friend is a series of letters exchanged by Jane and Maura, which will take a deeper look into their relationship through the written words they express. Just my fun way of keeping them alive in our hearts, though the show is ending. More to come.