Background Information: This story takes place during Eclipse, the day after Bella says goodbye to Jacob and cries herself to sleep in Edward's arms. Everything that has happened to that point in the series has happened in this story.
I don't own any of these characters. I simply brought them heartache.
The song used here is Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts. I don't own it, but I did change the words around a bit to better fit the story.
Here Comes Goodbye
I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And it's not like him to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
He usually comes right in, now I can tell
Here comes goodbye.
I heard the tires of my truck crunch on the gravel of my driveway loudly. Edward must have borrowed it sometime during the night, after I had finally cried myself to sleep. I sighed, knowing what was coming next. Letting him see me fall apart last night had been a mistake. I never should have let him see me like that. He would never forgive himself for causing me that amount of pain. That is exactly what he thought. He thought he was causing me the pain that I endured last night. He thought that I was in pain because he was making me choose between Jacob and himself. He was wrong of course. I was the source of all the pain everyone had endured in the last 24 hours. The pain that Edward had endured, the pain that I had endured…the pain that Jacob had endured, I had been the cause of it all. It was my fault that everyone had suffered so much in the last few weeks. Why couldn't I love Jacob like he needed me to? Why couldn't I be enough for Edward? Why did I have to be so damn human?
The doorbell rang and I cringed. This was bad, very bad. Why was he ringing the doorbell? He knew that Charlie was at the Black's house, I was almost certain of it. Why was he ringing the bell when I was the only one home? He always just let himself in. Why was today any different?
I walked to the door, mentally preparing myself for the pep talk I was going to have to give him. I knew that I had a lot of explaining to do. I had to explain how much I loved him-how much I needed him. He needed to know that even though the thought of leaving Jacob behind broke my heart, the thought of losing him was like sticking my heart into a running blender-it was infinitesimally more painful. I knew that I needed to be strong enough to explain this or that I would be dealing with a very depressing and doubtful Edward for a long, long time. He always doubted how deep my feelings for him ran. It was time for me to truly explain it to him. I took a deep breath, trying to ease my nerves, and opened the door. The sight before me took my breath away like a punch to the gut. I couldn't breathe.
Edward stood before me with his eyes firmly planted on his feet. He didn't look up as I answered the door, but he didn't need to. I immediately knew why he had been gone when I woke up this morning. The look on his face explained it all. It was a look that I had hoped I would never, ever see again. It was a look that sent my heart straight to that running blender.
"You're leaving." I managed to croak out.
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And I was right there in his arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
Edward looked up then, and the pain in his eyes was so intense that I nearly choked on it. I knew then that this was the look a vampire had when they cried. I had hurt him even more than I had ever dreamt possible. My stomach rolled with this thought-the thought that I had put that look into his eyes. I was a monster.
His tortured eyes met mine and he gave me one stiff nod, sealing my fate. I could not live without him. I had tried to once, and it had nearly killed me. I wouldn't be as strong this time.
"Edward, I"
He shook his head once, "Don't."
"Please. Don't go." I begged.
He shook his head again. "I'm so sorry, Bella. You will never have any idea of how sorry I am."
"This is about Jacob, isn't it?" I cried.
"Bella…"
"Edward!" I cried in frustration. "I know that I was upset last night, but you couldn't possibly believe that I love him more than I love you."
The pain intensified in his eyes. "I am a monster for making you choose between us." He said slowly, gazing at his feet again. "After the pain I caused you last night…I can't live with myself for that, Bella. I can't ever allow you to feel that kind of pain because of me ever again. I'm leaving, Bella. I'm leaving so that you never have to choose between Jacob and me ever again. He is the better man, Bella. He can give you so many things that I cannot."
"Like what? What can he give me that I can't have with you, Edward?" I was crying now. My eyes begged him to change his mind.
"A family."
"We already have a family, Edward. We have Carlisle and Esme and Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett. They are our family."
"You know what I mean, Bella." He huffed with impatience. "Jacob can give you a real family of your own. You can marry him. He can give you babies and grandbabies. You can grow old with him. You can live the life you were supposed to live, if it hadn't been for my existence, Bella. I'm leaving, and you can live a long, full life with Jacob. You can be happy again, Bella."
"I'm happy now!" I cried. "You make me happy! How could you possibly think I would want any of those things, if I couldn't have them with you? You are what I want, Edward! The rest is meaningless."
He locked his eyes on the ground again. "I have nothing to offer you, Bella-nothing to offer you but eternal damnation. Is that what you want? To be eternally damned?"
"If it meant that I was with you." I cried again.
I can hear him say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on his face that he had never felt this way
One day I thought Id see him with my daddy by my side
And violins would play here comes the bride
"This is what is best for you, Bella. I love you enough to see that. I can see what my presence is doing to you. If I leave, you can live a long and happy life."
"If you leave, I will die." I said strongly.
His eyes narrowed.
"Don't ever say that." He hissed, angry now.
"How could you do this to me?" I sobbed. "How could you leave again after last time?"
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And I was right here in his arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
"You don't think this hurts me too?" He cried out, his beautiful face contorted with pain. "It feels like it will kill me to say goodbye to you, Bella. I know how much it hurt last time. I know what it will be like for me. It will be hell. I will be begging for someone to kill me. But I know that this is what is best for you. You could love Jacob, so easily. You will be safe with him. You will be happy with him. I know that now."
"I won't be happy with anyone but you!" I screamed, my voice fighting through my sob. "What was all the point of this then, Edward? What was the point of you coming back and everything we've been through lately, if you were just going to give up on us- if you were just going to give up on me? Why would you have even bothered?"
Why does it have to go from to good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone
All alone, but here comes goodbye
"It's better this way, Bella. Really. You'll see. One day you'll thank me for this." He said quietly. We both knew it was a lie. I could never thank him for killing me-because that was what he was doing- he was killing me, slowly.
"Will I ever see you again?" I asked, my voice broken. Everything was spinning. This couldn't be happening. Not again.
"No." He shook his head, a note of finality in his voice. "No, I won't do that to you, Bella. You won't have to see me again. I'm going to finally turn myself over to the Volturi. They need a mind reader who knows what he's doing anyways." He smiled and it did not reach his eyes. "Just promise me that you'll be happy with, Jacob. Forget about me, Bella. Really. You'll be happier that way."
I shook my head violently. "I can't make that promise."
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And I was right here in his arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
He sighed. "Try, Bella. You could be happy if you just tried."
I knew he was resolved. I could see it in his eyes. He was leaving…and there was nothing I could do about it. I only nodded. I knew that my voice was too weak to speak at that point.
"Goodbye, Bella, my love." He whispered, pulling me closer to him one last time. He kissed me softly and then he was gone.
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