When the wheels fall off
My first Castle Fanfiction I hope I got Ryan right. As you may have guessed this is Ryan Centric just because he's awesome and Irish and I totally felt for him in 'Always' and the episodes after. Ryan's thoughts in the last bit of 4x23 'Always'
A pale homicide detective with intense bright blue eyes paces back and forth in the 12th Precinct's breakroom. The man's brow is furrowed and wet with sweat, uncharacteristic for the usually calm Irishman. While continuing to wear a hole in the floor Detective Kevin Ryan is ready to pull his hair out.
His phone dings loudly, he snatches it up in an instant, heart pounding he unlocks the phone, in the next instant he's resisting the urge to hurtle it across the precinct. 'Jenny, not Javi or Beckett,' fighting to remain calm he sends a reply to his wife and continues pacing. 'Where are they?'
-Flashback-
"Where's Castle?" I had asked upon seeing Beckett enter the Bullpen alone.
"He's off the team," had been the only reply.
I had exchanged a surprised glance with Javier and follow her."So what do we got?" She'd asked next.
"Eastway rented 700 cars last Wednesday," started Javi.
"We believe our suspect is going under the name Cole Maddox. He rented out of JFK," I finished.
"It's a Kansas driver's license. Now, we did some digging. It's a cover ID."
"Did he return the car?" Was her next question.
"No, but…Eastway maintains GPS tracking on all of its equipment, so we tracked it to the lower east side to a one-block radius somewhere along here," informed Javi. "All right, you stay on grid. Let us know if he moves. Esposito, you're coming with me," Beckett instructed us.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? You want to do this, you do it right. You put a team on that car and you bring backup with you," I protested.
"Ryan, this whole thing started because of a group of corrupt cops. How do you know there aren't more out there? We're about an inch away from catching this guy, and I'm not gonna blow it by advertising our next move," her voice was a fierce whisper.
"With all due respect, this guy put a bullet in your heart and then disappeared into the ether. You cannot go in there unprepared," I reminded her gently, trying again to reason with her.
"Unprepared? I've been preparing for this for the past thirteen years," she leaves and I sag. 'Wrong thing to say.'"Hey, Javier…" I whispered as Javi started to follow her turned around and I continued in a whisper. "Man, don't let her do this. It's too big of a risk."
"It's all good, bro. We got this," was his only response before turning and leaving to catch up with Beckett. -End Flashback-
"Come on, come on Castle, pick up," growls Ryan into the phone.
*You've reached Richard Castle, lucky you.*
"Dammit!" Slamming his phone down on the table, Ryan shoves his head in his hands. Picking up his phone he dials Beckett and then Esposito again; voicemail.
Ryan returns to pacing, one eye on his phone, the other Gates' office. 'Five minutes, if there's no answer in five minutes I'll tell her,' decides Ryan.
The next five minutes seem to last a lifetime, with each passing second Ryan's anxiety and worry for his friends increase. He hates Javi and Beckett for putting him in this position, usually it was Castle, Javi or even Beckett leading the rule-breaking charge.
Five minutes is up. Sucking in a deep breath he summons his courage and knocks on Gates' door. "Captain Gates," he starts hesitantly.
"Yes Detective Ryan, come in," intones the voice of his Captain. "What is it?" Shaking off his last hesitations he steps into the office.
"Sorry to bother you Sir but this is urgent," he starts, hating himself.
"What does this concern Detective?"
"Uh..." Ryan freezes. 'Shut up idiot, just say never mind and walk away,' instead Ryan finds himself saying. "It's about Esposito, Beckett and Beckett's shooter," he forces the last bit out and falls silent. 'They're going to hate me.'
Gates looks up from her papers, her glasses perched on the tip of her nose, she studies the pale, nervous Detective before her, a far cry from the usual happy go lucky Irishman she'd seen this morning. "What about them?"
Ryan draws in a shaky breath, releases it. "I think Beckett and Esposito are in trouble."
She studies his face for a moment. 'Whatever this is it's eating him up inside,' she decides. "Close the door Detective," Ryan complies. "Now sit down and tell me everything from the beginning, make it fast."
Heart sinking and his stomach threatening to come up his throat, Ryan sits in front of his Captain and it all comes pouring out.
As soon as the car pulls to a stop Ryan jumps out and runs to the familiar red car parked across the street. "Javi! Beckett!" Ryan reaches the car and peers in the windows. No Javi, no Beckett. "They're still around here somewhere," informs Ryan breathlessly running up to Captain Gates' car.
"You're sure that is Detective Esposito's car?"
"Yes! Of course I'm sure! They're here!" Exclaims Ryan, impatient.
"Calm down Detective Ryan! Now, is it at all possible that their phones are in Detective Esposito's car?" Thunders Gates.
"No Sir, I've tried, everytime voicemail. I called when I was next to the car. They're inside that building with Maddox," protests Ryan his anxiety spiking.
"Okay people listen up! We do this quickly, carefully and quietly we don't want to spook this guy," Gates instructs the SWAT team. "Follow Detective Ryan to the room, find Detectives Esposito and Beckett, do not attempt to pursue this guy unless you have a clean shot."
At Gates' signal Ryan leads the SWAT team into the building, quickly and quietly SWAT members station themselves at exits until at last it's Ryan and four other SWAT members grouped silently outside their target door. Two SWAT members stand on either side of the door and Ryan takes point. "NYPD! Open Up!"
No response, so Ryan kicks open the door and the five of them flood in, guns at the ready they sweep the first room and spilt up.
"Detective Ryan! Over here!" A SWAT member calls after the other rooms have been deemed clear.
Ryan rushes in towards the voice. "Oh God, Javi! Javi, can you hear me?" he crouches by his friends side, the Hispanic detective groans and Ryan rolls him over to face him, a gash on the man's forehead reveals the reason for the blood now coating Ryan's fingertips. "Javi! Where's Beckett? What happened?"
Esposito's only response is a groan. Ryan motions to the SWAT member besides him and he picks up his radio. "Room is clear, we have an officer down, requesting medical attention. Repeat room is clear, officer down."
The radio crackles and then Gates arrives moments later with the paramedics. "Detective Ryan where's Detective Beckett?"
Ryan shakes his head, then Esposito moans again something that sounds like Roo. Ryan and Gates look at him at the same time.
"Roof!" Ryan exclaims and races out the door to the nearest staircase, following the signs that read
*Roof Access* he can tell Gates and three other SWAT members are right behind him.
Ryan throws open the door to the roof and scrambles up gun at the ready, scanning frantically. 'Where is she?!'
"CASTLE!"
"BECKETT!"
"Castle, I'm here!"
Ryan turns in time to see a pair of hands, the fingertips barely visible, gripping the edge of the roof, then one hand slips. "Beckett! Hang on!" Ryan races towards her, time seems to slow, his feet pound the the roof briefly before pushing off again, racing towards the ledge.
He's inches away when Beckett's fingers vanish from the ledge. "No!" He throws himself towards the ledge, his arm outstretched, reaching, grasping, catching, holding. He has her. For one fleeting terror filled moment Ryan thinks he'll go over as well, then strong arms grab his waist and haul him to safety.
Once his feet hit the ground Ryan gets a better grip on Beckett's wrists and pulls her up as well. Their eyes meet, hands still held, Beckett stares at him in confusion, her eyes wild. "Castle?" She whispers, uncertain.
The SWAT members part to reveal a clearly furious Captain Gates. Beckett's eyes fall on her and the uncertainty fades. Ryan releases her hands and turns to see Gates, swallowing his guilt he looks in Beckett's eyes unable to keep himself from flinching away from what he sees, the rage and betrayal burning him like fire.
Without another glance his way Beckett allows herself to be escorted off the roof with Captain Gates and the SWAT team close behind.
It feels like he'd been punched in the gut. Beckett is like an older sister to him, but the coldness in her eyes when she saw Gates was like a physical blow. 'She hates me,' glancing back at the ledge Beckett had clung to moments before, he follows everyone off the roof and back to the 12th.
The next thing Ryan knows he's at his desk next to Espo's at the 12th. Beckett and Javi are in Gates' office getting their assess chewed.
Although the entire conversation can't be heard Ryan catches snippets of speech from his seat.
"Dishonor!" "Leave!" "Badges and Guns!" "Detective Beckett?"
The door opens and Beckett walks slowly but surely to her desk and packs up her things in a box. 'She must have been suspended,' he realizes. But confusion fills him once again as Beckett packs her Elephant statues and nameplate as well. Beckett Never removed them even during leave. 'Oh god. No, she didn't get fired did she?'
Beckett picks up the box, grabs her coat and walks by him without a word to the waiting elevator. Esposito exits Gates' office next, he walks right past Ryan and towards his desk.
"Espo, I had to," starts Ryan, summoning his last shred of courage, his heart in his throat.
Esposito doesn't even pause, he grabs his coat and follows in Beckett's footsteps disappearing into the elevator.
'Javi...' it was at that moment Ryan's heart broke again. It felt as if his heart had been torn out and stomped on by elephants.
It's like he'd been shot in the chest, he couldn't breathe. 'Why couldn't they understand? What else could he have done?' In a surge of anger and sorrow Ryan grabs the nearest thing to him, a book, and hurtles it across the Precinct.
"You did the right thing Detective, now go home, you've had a long day," instructs Gates coming out of her office.
"Captain, what's going on with Esposito and Beckett?" Ryan asks tentatively.
"I suspended them but Detective Beckett resigned," informs Gates before leaving the Precinct as well.
"Resigned..." he whispers. 'Oh my god Beckett... it's all my fault...'
In that moment Kevin Ryan's entire world fell to pieces and all he could do was break down and sob for what had been lost.
This can be read as a stand alone one-shot or as a prequel to 'Please forgive me' coming soon. Please review or else I'll be like Beckett when she doesn't have a suspect. Grumpy. First try at this Fandom, keep in mind.