Ichigeki Sacchu! HoiHoi-san was created by Tanaka Kunihiko, pulbished in Japan by Media Works and in North America by Infinity Studios
Ranma1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi, and is published in North America by VIZ Media
This is a work of fanfiction.
The Silicon Senshi
Chapter 1 – Here's Ranko-san
The year is 20XX. Insects have become immune to all pesticides. In order to kill them a Japanese company created the bug destroying robot HoiHoi-san. A rival company, quickly introduced Combat-san. In an effort to not let either Mars/Xentex-Mars or Kinryu, corner the market Furinkan-PharmEx introduced Ranko-San…
Somewhere in Tokyo, from a darkened apartment gunfire could be heard. The neighbours did not react and the police did not attend. It was, after all, by now a common occurrence. All over Tokyo hits were being made and pests were being eradicated. In this particular apartment the insect hordes were kept at bay by HoiHoi-san and Combat-san. At least for now…
Ganguhiko Shuushuuka was a happy otaku. He had the latest releases from Furinkan-Pharmex in his hot little hand. Oh, to be sure he had HoiHoi-san and Combat-san and the various costumes that were available for them but now he had the latest thing. And that was, as the American domestic maven was known to say, a good thing.
He impatiently bided his time riding in the elevator to the floor his small apartment was on. Wouldn't this thing move any faster? The doors opened and he quickly made his way to his room. Fumbling with his key he finally unlocked the door and entered his sanctuary. In the background the only the familiar squeak-squeak of HoiHoi-San's boots could be heard. Had Combat-san malfunctioned again? He placed his purchases on the table. He smiled at the thought that they were a real deal at only 29,900 yen(1). Each. They were worth every yen he told himself. How could they not be? Ranko-san was a cute redhead with her hair wild over her forehead and tied into a pigtail behind, while Akane-san, with her short hair style had a cute smile to die for. What is more they were much more realistically formed than the super deformed, almost childlike modeling of HoiHoi-san and Combat-san. Where they were children Ranko-san and Akane-san were women, albeit in a shonen manga style.
And the costumes that were going to be available for them - an otaku's dream come true. He could picture them now. Ranko-san and Akane-san in sailor senshi seifuku or as cat-maids complete with ears and waggling tails and then there were the bunny suits. Oh heaven. And that was just the start – the Furinkan-PharmEx website showed at least thirty other outfits that would be available later in the year and the mix and match options were almost endless. Tears of joy came to his eyes just thinking about it.
That was the future he cautioned himself as he wiped the tears away then opened the boxes and set about getting the small robots ready to be charged up. He undid the ties holding the charger wires and plugged the pair of them into the power bar. Carefully he plucked Ranko-san free of her plastic cocoon and removed the slippers from her feet to expose the charge clips in her heels. Ranko-san was described on the box and in the pamphlet within as being an athletic bug exterminator and while equipped with the latest bug guns was able to kill bugs with her bare hands through a variety of martial arts moves. She came dressed in black kung-fu pants and a red Chinese style top that, though a little baggy still showed off her forward assets to great advantage. In the box was a white martial arts training gi.
He delicately placed her on the charger and set about extracting Akane-san from her cocoon. Like Ranko-san she was described as being able to kill bugs with her bare hands. In addition to the standard bug gun she was also equipped with a hammer. Unlike Ranko-san she came with two clothing options. She came clad in a martial arts gi and while her forward assets were not quite as generous as Ranko-sans she was still well developed. As an alternate to the gi she had a light blue school fuku. Not a sailor fuku, he sighed, however that would be rectified when the senshi suit became available.
With a click Akane-San stood beside Ranko-san on her own charge unit. At the moment the indicator lights glowed red but in 3 hours the light would change to green and the bug exterminating robots would begin their mission.
In the mean time Ganguhiko sat down to read the manuals
Dear Honored Customer,
We at Furinkan-PharmEx are very thankful to you for having purchased our Ranko-san unit. She will do her best to keep your residence, office, cabin or garage free of bug contamination.
Ranko-san is able to identify over 3000 varieties of insects and can distinguish between those that are beneficial and those that are harmful pests.
In the box please find the following items:
01. one Ranko-san unit clothed in Red and Black outfit #1.
02. one white training gi
03. one bug gun Zetsumetsu 8 automatic.
04. ten 50 round clips.
05. one hunting knife
06. one katana
07. one scraping tool
08. one broom and dust pan
09. one charge unit and wall plug.
10. five disposal bags
11. one manual
To carry out her mission of exterminating bugs Ranko-san comes equipped with the Zetsumetsu 8 machine gun. While her sensors will keep her from harming humans it should be noted that the bullets will pierce flesh.
Keep away from children and pets.
Do not test fire the gun or point it at any sensitive tissue. Furinkan-PharmEx is not responsible for any maiming, blinding, castration or death caused by misuse of our product.
Nor is Furinkan PharmEx responsible for any damage to property or persons incurred through proper use of our product.
In the event the bullets run out Ranko-San and Akane-San are programmed to eradicate bugs through a variety of martial arts moves. They are also able to use any small object that comes to hand as a weapon if necessary. Please keep valuable objects, small children and pets off the floor.
With the use of hands TE-11 & 12, sold separately, Ranko-san can imitate Ki attacks used by top martial artists In this mode however she must be attached to a power outlet with cord Extension Viability Accessory -01 otherwise she will drain her battery with one shot.
Once your Ranko-san has powered up she her eyes will light up and she will automatically step out of the charger and begin her pre-programmed mission. Charging takes approximately three hours.
Do not place charger on tables or by a ledge or any where high up, near heaters, open flames or open windows. Furinkan-PharmEx will not replace units damaged through careless charger placement.
Ranko-san will work for approximately 7 hours on one charge. She will automatically return to her charger with 15 minutes of charge left. If the floor to be cleaned of bug infestation is larger than 450 sqft please change the setting on her back – see diagram. She will then return to her charger with 30 minutes remaining - to ensure she returns in time. If she does not return in time simply place her bare feet in the charge unit and she will automatically begin the recharging cycle.
After each hour of operation and prior to returning to her charge unit Ranko-san will clean up any kills she has made. Please place disposal bags beside her charge unit for easy access.
With use of disposal unit Shobun 107, available separately, remains are reduced to ash which can be used as fertilizer on any indoor plant.
Your Ranko-san unit will respond to simple voice commands (see list attached) and is supplied with a voice synthesizer to respond vocally to you and interact with the Akane-san unit.
Ranko-san comes with two outfits. Please see diagram for instructions for removing and replacing clothing.
Be sure to follow the Adventures of Ranko-San & Akane-san in Shonen Senjou Weekly .
Thank you again for purchasing this Furinkan-PharmEx quality product.
The manual for the Akane-san unit was much the same and Ganguhiko gave it a brief glance before putting it aside to lie on the floor and stare at the new ladies in his life. He would have to go out later and see if the local news agent had the latest copy of Shonen-Senjou in yet. Their story was supposed to start in this week's issue. Sighing blissfully, he lost himself in Akane-san's pure feminine smile and Ranko-san's air of healthy beauty.
After staring at them for some time he reached over and picked up the manuals and looked again at the diagrams for changing their clothes. Akane-san was shown in three images in various states of undress as each layer of clothing was removed. Joy of joy, even her underwear was removable!
He looked at Ranko-san's diagram. How odd…, though she was also shown in various stages of undress, she did not have a bra and she was wearing boxer shorts instead of panties?
When he came to from the faint he had fallen into after the sudden explosive nose bleed he noted that it was almost time for the ladies to arise from their slumber.
Ranko-san was the first to awaken, her eyes glowing a bright blue. The tiny robot shuddered as she came on line and then carefully lifted her right foot out of the charge unit and then repeated the movement with her left foot and she was free of the charger. Her head swiveled as she took note of her surroundings and spotting her slippers put them on her feet. She turned and faced her sister unit.
Akane-san finished powering up and her eyes glowed red. Following Ranko-san's lead, she freed herself from the charger and stepped into her slippers.
Then the Ranko-san spoke.
Ganguhiko shook his head and put a finger in his ear as if to clear it. Surely Ranko-san didn't just call the Akane-san unit a tomboy!
The Ranko-san then ran from the Akane-san who was now brandishing the mallet and saying, "Ranko-san you Idiot!"
He watched, horrified, as Akane-san kept trying to hammer Ranko-san. She seemed to be swinging wildly but every so often their zigzag path would be crossed by a bug and Akane-san would smash the bug, barely missing Ranko-san. His eyes grew to the size of saucers as she finally failed to miss and connected with the pigtailed robot sending her three feet up in the air. Then he clapped and smiled with glee as Ranko-san went into a roll and landed as gently as a gymnast alighting from the high parallel bars stomping a cockroach in the process.
And so it continued, the pair of robots would strike a martial arts pose holding it for what seemed forever before striking at bug in a flurry of kicks and hand thrusts. All the while the Ranko-san would seemingly be baiting the Akane-san with verbal insults, once claiming that she was better built. Akane-san hit Ranko-san over the head with a writing tablet that had been lying on the floor. It was strange, Ganguhiko would have sworn that Ranko-san's eyes were swirling when she picked herself up off the floor.
While Ranko-san was recovering Akane-san went into clean-up mode exchanging her mallet for one of the brooms and a disposal bag. She swept the bugs they had killed into a pile and then into the bag while Ranko-san held it. Meanwhile Ganguhiko was turning green while watching the pair and the bulging bag, thinking that even with HoiHoi-san and Combat san(where was that girl?) also patrolling there were still that many bugs in his apartment.
Ranko-san was patrolling by herself and armed this time; Ganguhiko wanted to see what sort of crack-shot she was. She walked along in a very casual manner. Every so often she would stop and after a long pause let off a burst from the zetsumetsu-8. What with HoiHoi-San and Combat-san also using their automatic weapons, he would either have to get new furniture or get used to the Swiss –cheese motif his apartment was slowly acquiring. Perhaps spackle would help.
Suddenly Ranko-san paused and dropped her weapon. Her sensors informed her that she was being watched and not just by the human – her sensors having already established that there were no pets in this place.
Ganguhiko watched as Combat-san appeared on the scene. She had an inhibitor chip to prevent her from attacking HoiHoi-san. Her manual did warn about using her in conjunction with the products of other companies, and while it was true that she had made attempts on Hoihoi-san, surely she wouldn't attack Ranko-san.
The short haired robot with winged ears crept up on Ranko-san . She extended her arm with the stun gun attachment intending to shock the other robot when she found her arm being grabbed and then she and her arm were tossed over Ranko-san's head, across the room and into the bag of bug bodies that HoiHoi-san was filling. Righting herself she popped her head out of the bag, and seeing her old enemy standing there within arm's reach, extended her stun gun and was about to deliver a shock when the inhibitor chip kicked in. She jerked and fell back into the bag, scattering bits of bugs everywhere.
oRo
HoiHoi-san and Combat-san were patrolling the apartment while Ranko-san and Akane-san were re-charging. It worked well this way. The two new robots worked well as a team even if their chatter and actions seemed to suggest that at some point he would come home to find Ranko-san squashed flat.
Besides, Combat-san's inhibitor chip only worked to stop her from attacking HoiHoi-san. Although neither Ranko-san nor Akane-san were in danger from her attacks, their martial arts moves usually incapacitating Combat-san, having one robot of a pair out of commission cut the number of bugs that could be eliminated. However...
Combat-san crept across the floor with bug knife-31 in her hand. Her sensors had located an viable target and she was about to eliminate it when she froze, her arm upraised and drawn back attack position just behind HoiHoi-san.
"Error 21. Unexpected programming error has occurred. Reboot in progress" With that she spasmed, the knife dropped from her hand and she fell to the floor and lay there jerking. Ganguhiko sighed. Perhaps he should replace her with another HoiHoi-san. But she was so cute.
oAo
Akane-san was patrolling un-armed. She had stopped in one spot for some time now. If not for the red glow of her eyes it might be thought she had run out of power. A cockroach skittered across the floor to where she stood immobile, its feelers twitching as it checked her out. Suddenly her arm pulled up and back then shot forward puncturing a hole through the curious cockroach. Ganguhiko sighed as he noted he would have to start patching the holes in the floor as well as the walls and furniture.
oNo
Several well thumbed copies of Shonen Senjou lay on the short legged table. While there were other good serials in the magazine - Hero Driver GMP, Monkey Suite 53, Kamikuzu Kamo, and Schoolyard Emperor - in this household, however, The Adventures of Ranko-San and Akane-san were number one.
He had read their first story with barely contained glee as he found that his girls' bickering made perfect sense. The artist had captured his girls' characters' so well. And the martial arts moves – in every story a new one was added that matched the repertoire available as standard or via download. He could hardly wait for the anime to air!
In this week's issue Ranko-san and Akane-san had become magical girls decked out in sailor senshi seifuku. Ranko-san as Sailor Ladybird, attired in a red bodysuit with black polka dots and a black skirt and sailor collar with white trim. Akane-san was Sailor Honey Bee in a yellow body suit with a black and gold collar, skirt and bows. Completing their ensemble were antennae attached to their tiaras. Together they were facing the machinations of the Evil Cockroach Queen
Ganguhiko looked over his copy of this week's Shonen Senjou to see Sailors Ladybird and Honey Bee double teaming several bugs while Honey Bee shouted, "Evil doers beware my sting!"
oKo
Oh, today was the day he'd been waiting for. He had purchased hands TE-11 & 12. Tonight Ranko-san would be able to do ki attacks! His joy knew no bounds, but its expression, however, had freaked out the girl behind the counter when he bought the special accessories.
Barely able to contain his trembling fingers he changed Ranko-san's hands then attached the Extension Viability Accessory-01 to a slot in her back and plugged the other end in to the power bar. He turned her on and placed her on the floor
She began walking around the apartment looking for bugs. Finally an unwary cockroach came scurrying across the floor. She held her hands together and electricity arced between her hands and began to form into a ball. Ganguhiko's mouth was agape as he watched the improbable display before him. The lights in the room dimmed and flickered as the ball grew to the size of her head. Then she shouted, "Moko Takabisha!" The ball of energy was released at the same time surging away from her outstretched hands to fry the target.
The stench was unbelievable.
Ganguhiko jumped up and ran around the room eerily like a mad man, stopping briefly to unplug the redheaded robot. In a flurry of activity he opened the window, the balcony door and turned on a fan to blow the burnt protein smell out of his apartment.
oOo
Ganguhiko looked at his bank statement. He was overdrawn. Again. But there was a very good reason he had gone in to the red. The girls needed those new bikinis and the weapons that went with them. Oh, sure they were not waterproof, but neither were the girls. And they looked so cute. So what if the set cost 650,000 yen. They were laser guns! So the expense was absolutely necessary. Though it did mean it was cup ramen again for supper. And he still had to apologize to his neighbours every time he met them for causing that power outage. He sighed.
oSo
Meanwhile in another part of Tokyo a shout could be heard in stereo:
"NA-BI-KI! You've got some explaining to do!"
oAo
It was a new day and he had a new set of clothes he had just purchased that they would look so cute performing their duties in. There was no way he could pass up the new catgirl maid outfits! Even if they were 2700 yen They were perfect; they had little ears and tails. What's more the tails were prehensile and they could waggle! He felt warm all over just thinking about it.
Something was wrong with Ranko-san. After the download he had turned her on again she took one look at Akane-san and began backing away. Then the neighbour's cat came jumped into the room through the open window. Akane-san's sensors registered it as non-viable and she started to fulfill her mission and walked off under the short legged table. The cat ignored her and walked past Ganguhiko, rubbing her side against his legs, it then turned its attention to Ranko-san. Walking around her several times before leaving the now still robot and leaving the way it came.
"Error 9. Unexpected programming error has occurred in subroutine K47. Rebooting in safe mode." With that the small redheaded robot sank to her knees and was still for a moment. There was a hum and then a chime sounded and she began to move again, but not like before. She curled her fists and assumed a position on all fours. The she swished her tail, sat down and began to, for lack of a better word and the fact that she lacked a tongue, to groom hers wrists in a cat like manner.
Ganguhiko went to the manual and checked the troubleshooting page.
Problem Solution
Ranko-san is acting like a cat:
Allow her to run down and then set in recharger in off mode. When LED on charger turns green remove her and turn her on manually. She should then be in normal mode again. Should problem persist place her in close proximity to Akane-San, let her run down and recharge as above.
He heard a meow and looked up from the manual in time to see Ranko-san chasing a cockroach on all fours with her tail swishing behind her. Given how quickly the little bug could run he was surprised when she not only caught up to it but caught it by pouncing on it. Then she began batting it back and forth between her hands , slowly knocking off its legs. Then picking it up with her tail she proudly walked over to him and dropped the amputated cockroach at his feet.
oNo
"You had the amateur robotics club program our behavior into WHAT!"
oBo
He sat at his computer with the girls wired into the USB port. Furinkan-PharmEx's website had new action downloads. Ranko-san and Akane-san would soon be able to do a new martial arts move. The short video demonstration was mind blowing. And they would look so cute performing it in the special outfits he had purchased that were necessary for the move. Now all he had to do before downloading was enter his credit card number and authorize them to debit his account for 7500 yen and soon he would see them performing for him live, as it were.
The instructions on the website stated that the windows should be open for this action and that loose items such as paper, pens, books, chairs, small children et cetera should be removed from the room prior to initiation. Ganguhiko obediently tidied the room the best he could.
Akane-san in her white body suit stood in the middle of the floor and began to emit a sound that was guaranteed to attract cockroaches. As the insects began to scurry out from walls Akane-san began to heat up. Ganguhiko could see thermal distortions around and above her as the heat rose from her body.
Ranko-san in the meantime was circling Akane-san. Just as in the video frost could be seen forming on her red bodysuit. As she circled, the redheaded robot got closer to Akane-san and as she got closer she sped up her circling.
As the two finally met in the center they brought their hands together and swung them towards the cockroaches and the window beyond. Then the thermodynamics kicked in and he discovered what happened when swirling air at such different temperatures was mixed. A mini tornado formed and burst out of his apartment window. He stood there in the tatters of his clothing mouth agape looking at the remains of his wall.
Although he had seen the video and he had read the cautions on the website about removing loose items he never really thought at anytime that his refrigerator could in any way be considered a loose object.
However the bugs were certainly gone, though he did not think that Mr. Fukigen from across the street appreciated the cooling wind, the shower of bug parts or the gift of a refrigerator. Especially as he had been in the bath at the time they all came crashing through the window of his bathroom. Perhaps if the refrigerator had had some food in it he would not have been so grumpy.
Ganguhiko sighed. Now he had to replace the window and a good portion of the wall. He had to admit that as promised the results had been mind blowing.
oUo
"What is your problem? The money goes to a good cause. . .
. . . Me"
oGo
Ganguhiko sighed as he approached the shrine. Setting off a mini tornado in his apartment had greater fallout than he figured on. He had to pay for repairs to not only his room, but Mr. Fukigen's as well. He was now officially in debt up to his eyeballs. And he was, temporarily he hoped, homeless. He had to sell as much of his worldly goods as he could.
Tears came to his eyes as he contemplated selling his girls. He could sell their accessories but not them; that would be like putting them into slavery with an owner who might not revere them as much as he did. No. Even though he was, at the moment, without permanent lodging, he would find them new homes where they could live a better life than he could give them just now. Being kept in a box would render them lifeless, no better than anime figurines. He would not do that to them, they had to live. It was, he told himself, good karma.
He decided to give the girls to two different shrines. HoiHoi-san and Combat san were left as offerings at the Hikawa shrine, while Ranko-san and Akane-san would be left near his old alma mater, the Nekomi Institute of Technology, at the Tariki Hongan shrine. Perhaps the fates would shine upon them and him.
End chapter 1
(1) 29,900 Yen = approx $350 US Dollars as of Sept 5, 2010
My thanks to Sunshine Temple who pre-read this story and the people at fukufics.