I Can't Tell You Why_________________________...
author: yutonobadgirl
genre: romance
rating: T (just to be safe)
synopsis: Kumiko tried to confront Shin why he wouldn't want to go to a decent university or college. Though he wanted to tell her the VERY reason why, he can't seem to formulate the right words. He is bothered by the very fact that he can't tell her what is going on in his mind. Then one day, when she visited him in his apartment, he's decided that he will not tell her why—he will SHOW her why. The story is written in Sawada's perspective.
disclaimer: Gokusen is NOT mine (unfortunately. If it was, then Shin & Kumiko would already have a happy family). It's MORIMOTO KOZUEKO-san's story. The story is made up. :) The story will take place in the SP episode of the first season. Edited it—Sawada's not going to Africa, but instead, just simply won't attend any universities. Please tell me what you think of it. Limes.
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"Tell me, Sawada. Why will you not choose to go to any universities?"
I tried to answer her. But it seems like I can't think of a way on how to break it to her slowly. I don't think she'll go hysterical, but, I just don't want her to worry too much on me. I need to cut my homeroom teacher some slack. "I…I…it's just that…I don't want to." Oh, great. Just great, Sawada. What a nice answer you have. I frowned at my own answer and I looked at my teacher, who is currently making strange facial expressions.
"B-but, Sawada…you're smart …" she murmured. "…don't waste this chance…" she remarked. This woman believes way too much in me.
I looked at her, and looked at her hard. She should be able to get the fact that I am serious, and that I won't change my mind anytime soon. "Look. Yankumi, if you won't take my side in this one…then…just…" I had to pause. I can't blurt the next word out. I really can't. That would be too harsh. "…then just…please leave me alone…I need some time to think," was my wonderful reply. At least I said 'please.'
"Sawada…" was her next bullet. Oh, how I hate it when she has to call me by my surname! I always have this urge of screaming at her and telling her that she could simply just call me SHIN. I have a name, damn it. "…okay." I heard her sigh. I looked up at her, wondering. "…if you don't want me to meddle in your decisions, then, alright. But…if you need help, I'm always here. Alright?"
I stared at her. She stared back at me. She has this sincere look on her face that I just can't help but…no, not smirk. I just can't help but smile. I breathed deeply, exhaling every heavy feeling at that moment. I looked at the river before looking back at my wonderful teacher. "…yeah. Sure, Yankumi. I'll let you know when I need help."
"Yokatta…" she sighed once more. "So, what do you say…shall we go and grab a bite? I'm really dying of hunger here…" she smiled. I looked at her as I laid myself on the grassy slope of the river bank. I could only sigh. The sight of the woman I first loved in my entire life also happens to be the sight of the woman that I can never have.
Oh, life. Why so mean to me.
I closed my eyes, trying to ease the heavy feeling I still am experiencing. I shut them close, as if I'm closing my body from the outside world. Like a person shutting down a computer. Like a person shutting down a TV. Like a person killing himself just because the one and only thing he wants in life can never become his. I knew that she was still there because I felt and I heard the grass ruffle beside me. She must've sat beside me.
I felt the cool afternoon breeze pass by my skin. I felt the cool grass on my back. I felt…
…the warm breath of a person? What the…why is it that I am feeling a warm breeze over my face?
Startled, I opened my eyes. And there, welcomed my sight, was my homeroom teacher's face, only inches away from me. It took me a few seconds before realizing the fact that our faces were WAY too close to each other's. I felt blood rush towards my cheeks. Her sparkly eyes…her beautiful facial features…her hair strands on my face. Who knew that the woman I thought at the beginning was nothing but unattractive would be the woman that will send my heart into frenzied palpitations? "AH!"
"Oh," she chuckled softly, her eyes becoming half-lidded as she laughed. "I didn't startle you now, did I?" she teased. She knew me too well. I had to smile at her comment. "You look cute when you sleep. Just like a tame lamb."
"But I'm not a tame lamb. I am a fierce lion," I shot back. She only laughed louder. This woman…if only I didn't like her, then I would've choked her to death. "Hey. I'm serious about what I said. I'm no lamb, Yankumi."
"Sawada. I know. You're a strong guy. I like kids like you. You guys can stand up on your own," she commented, tousling my hair.
"Hey," I called out. "You can't just go around messing up other people's hair…" I remarked, smirking.
She smiled. She smiled at me. "But you are my dear student. I can do whatever I please with you and your hair."
I blushed as I crossed my legs and stared at the soil. I watched the ants carry stuff and things to their colony somewhere near the road. I sighed. "I wish I have the same privilege as you have…" I muttered under my breath.
I was lying on my bed when someone knocked hard on my door. I frowned. Who could it be at this time of the night? "Wait a minute," I hissed. I stood up and walked towards the door. I opened it and it gave me a wonderful gift. "Oh. Hey there, Yankumi. What brings you here?" I asked.
"Dinner," she smiled. I felt chills run up and down my spine. I felt sweat escape from my skin. "Oh, hey…what's with that look? What happened to you?" she asked. "Did you see a ghost? By the looks of it, it seems like you did."
"You had to ask, huh…" I blurted out. "The last time you cooked something for us was that charred…gratin…or whatever it is!" I grunted.
"I won't be cooking this time," she smugly smiled. "We're eating instant."
I rolled my eyes. "Come in," I muttered. I think I'm shocked, nervous and excited, all at the same time. Shocked – because she's here at this time of the night; Nervous – because something might happen and; Excited – because, HOPEFULLY, something happens.
"So, Sawada…" she called out.
"Hey. This is my apartment, not school. Don't call me Sawada here. It annoys me."
My teacher stared at me, confused. I avoided her eyes, feeling that I might give up to my emotions and that SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN. She walked up to me, and I stepped away. "Hahaha," she gently laughed. "Then, what shall I call you? Shin?" she whispered, slurring my name.
I stepped back. "Okay, Yankumi…you can call me Shin, but you have to step away from me now…"
"Why?"
My breath came in fast. This was nerve-wracking. If only I could be free, I could just grab her face and crash my lips onto hers. But I can't…because she's my homeroom teacher. "Because you're invading my privacy…"
"Oh, so you have privacy issues…" she muttered, stepping back. She must've been amazed by my revelation. Now, she's gonna tease me with it. Damn it. "So, now…let's heat up some water."
I looked at her, my heartbeat still pacing. And fast. That caught me off-guard. If ever she does it again, I don't think I can control her anymore. And then, I thought about our little talk yesterday afternoon by the river bank. 'I have to think about this…now…' I thought. I sat on my bed and thought deep. Maybe that went on for about…ten minutes.
"Sawa—" she called.
"Shin." But I interrupted her.
"Okay. Shin—" she called once more.
"Yankumi." I interrupted her once more. But this time, things are going to follow it. "Yankumi…I've been thinking…about what you said yesterday…about attending universities and stuff. And about you running amok and ticking me to death because of it. I have to come clean."
She stared at me. I had to wait for her response before I continue. "Okay, Shin. I'm all ears."
I sighed. "Okay, Yankumi. I can't formulate the right sentence—no…the right speech so that I could answer you…AND your trivial question. Yankumi…you know me well. I am a man of few words."
"Yeah, and you only have words when you want to kick someone's butt or when you want to boycott my class," she added, folding her arms on her chest. I raised an eyebrow. "But, go on. What else are you going to say?"
"Yankumi…I can't tell you why I won't go to a university," I muttered. "I can only SHOW you why…"
Yankumi looked at me straight into the eye. She gave me her eye contact – the one she always gives the bad guys. With a straight face, she said, "Then, show me. Show me, Sawada Shin."
I stepped forward. I was walking towards her direction. This is the first time I did this with a girl…NOT TO MENTION that that girl is my homeroom teacher. She didn't flinch. She didn't fidget in every step I took towards her. And then, our bodies were inches away. She looked at me, as if submitting herself to my will.
"You don't mind, do you?" I asked her.
"Even if it's against my will as your teacher," she said. "If this is the only way you could make me understand why, then…it's alright."
She looked at me as I brought my hand up to her face and stroked it. She closed her eyes, indicating her full submission. I slowly closed the gap between her and my face. It felt great when I finally was able to brush my lips against hers. She opened her eyes, shocked. I laughed at the mere sight of her expression.
"W-WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, SAWADA?!" she exclaimed. I glared at her, and she immediately stopped.
"Hey," I coldly hissed. Hmm…maybe that was too cold. "You were into complete submission mode. I told you that I had to show you, right?" She pouted her lips. "Oh, come on. That won't have an effect on me. Also…you looked like you wanted THAT to happen."
"Did not!" she insisted. I looked at her, doubting her exclaim. I think she got the message. "Oh, so you're pushing me, huh, Shin? Okay then. You hit jackpot!" she exclaimed.
The next thing I knew is that we were on my bed petting and kissing and stuff. This must be heaven. She was all around me. And, hey! Why was I below?! She was supposed to be below me! Not me below her!
"Now," she finally said, catching up with her breath. Oh, she looks so seductively pretty when worked up. "Why did you not want to go to any college?"
"Because…" I paused, trying to catch up with my OWN breath. "…I-I'm doing ourselves a favor…"
"No matter what you do, you're still my student for me," she remarked. Ouch. That hurt.
I grunted. "You should've never said that, Yankumi…wait. No. Kumiko…" I purred, pinning her down my bed. It seems like this is going to be a long night.
"W-what favor are you…" she paused as I invaded her privacy, and surprisingly, she didn't mind. "…doing for us??"
"It seems like…Kuroda-sama has…approved of me," I remarked, doing some stuff over her body. "I've decided that…"
She arched her body in, what I think, ecstasy. "You've decided that…?"
"I will take over your family business for you…instead of you taking over it," I whispered as I nibbled her ear lobe. Oh, God, her moan was driving me crazy.
"W-what…? B-but why?" she stammered. I guess she was too busy focusing on the different sensations what we're doing now is giving her.
"Are you insensitive or what…?" I asked directly when my phone rang. I looked at it and looked back at Kumiko like nothing's happening.
"Aren't you…going to answer…that?" she asked. It kept on going and going. I rolled my eyes and checked who the caller is.
"Who is it…it's Uchi," I grumbled. I flipped my phone open and talked to him…with my breath still racing. "He-he-hel-hello? Uchi?"
'Oh, hey, dude! Hey, can we come over?'
"CERTAINLY NOT!" I exclaimed immediately. They can't see me doing…doing…stuff with Kumiko! They'd tease me for the rest of my life!
'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but, why, Shin?!'
"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU NO!" I exclaimed. "I still have stuff to do…see you later guys!"
"Shin…" Kumiko called. I looked over my shoulder and thought that we should pick up from where we left. "Shall we?" she said.
What a teaser.
This is a night I will never regret. The night when I first had a taste of the woman I THOUGHT I could never have, and the night when I've decided to be a part of her life.
Gomen if I had to cut it short. ^__^;; please do review!
-kaye