Phineas and Ferb
The New Adventures of Phineas and Ferb
Episode 1: Father Waits for No Man (Part 1)
Fanfiction Summary: This is basically Season 4 of Phineas and Ferb. Let's face it, Dan said it himself that Phineas and Ferb would only have enough days of summer left for a third season. So I'm gonna pick up where they left off. Basically the same formula as the series, except there's a different Candace subplot, and I'm pretty sure Dr. Doofenshmirtz is no closer to taking over the tri-state area than he was before. So you won't see him fighting Perry the Platypus as much. But don't worry. You'll see him!
Episode Summary: The first part of a 3-part mini series which I like to call "The Chronicles of Isabella: Father Knows No Best". In this episode, Isabella's father is coming over for a Father's Day visit, and she's nervous. So Phineas agrees to stick by her and make sure he doesn't do anything too hateful. Meanwhile, Ferb and the others rally against the closing of a beloved amusement park, Candace tries to adjust to her new life in military school, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz attempts to destroy the happy feeling of Father's Day by turning kids against their parents.
A/N: Look out for the Everybody Hates Chris reference.
Disclaimer: Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me. It belongs to the two geniuses Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. Keep up the good work, gentlemen! Also any songs featured in this FanFiction are also not mine unless I say they are, which probably will not be the case! Plus, some cutaways I post may not be mine. If I don't post a note saying it's taken from insert TV show name here, then it's mine.
There's just so many days of adolescence vacation
'Til adulthood and old age come to end it,
So the problem for children of this generation,
Is finding a good way to spend it
Like maybe...
Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy,
Or climbing up the Eiffel tower,
Discovering something that doesn't exist,
Or giving a monkey a shower
Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots,
Or locating Frankenstein's brain,
Finding a Dodo bird, painting a continent,
Or driving the adults insane
This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be
a million and six times better,
So make every minute count
jump up, jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!
It was another bright and sunny day in the town of Danville, and everyone was going to take advantage of it. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro was definitely one of them enjoying it as well. It was not even 7 am and already she was up and eating a healthy breakfast of eggs and bacon. She seemed much happier today than she has been in a long time.
"Isabella," Her mother said as she entered the kitchen and her daughter looked up at her. "Could you come in the living room for a second?"
"Sure mom." Isabella replied softly, putting her dish in the sink. Wash much? Afterwards she went into the living room to find her mother next to the telephone. I'm pretty sure she already knows how to dial 911. "What's up?" I think we had "the talk" a few weeks ago.
"Isa, honey, there's a message on this phone you need to listen to." We've all heard your opera songs, and they've all suck.
Vivian turned the messages on the phone and they both listened to the very latest one, from an unlikely person. I always pictured getting a call from someone I admire. Thing is, I always thought it'd be Farrah Fawcettt. "You have 1 new message. Message 1. Sunday, June 21st, 2009."
"Uh, hey guys, it's me, Glenn." Spoke none other than Isabella's own dad, Glenn. If you haven't figured out who he is by now, you're dumber than Bubba J. "I was hoping to come by today to celebrate Father's Day a little early with you because I had to be somewhere tomorrow. But I kinda saw the news and noticed you were busy. So, I'll come by tomorrow No worries, I'll just move some stuff around.. Best wishes. And...that's it. Oh, and if you see a fat guy who goes by the name of Peter Griffin, I...owe him forty bucks."
What'd you do? Lose a bet? The message stopped right there, and Isabella couldn't help but feel a cold chill go down her spine. "Isa, honey, are you OK?" Her mother asked her, to which she nodded calmly but frightfully.
"Yeah. I'm OK." Hell no! The one person I didn't want to see other than Michael Moore is coming for a visit! "Mom...Father's Day was yesterday, right?"
"Yes."
"Then that means he's coming over today for a visit." Aw, crap. And we don't have time to put together a party. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to settle for a gift card. Do they have anything for "Thanks for abusing and abandoning me!"?
"Oh that's right, hon. I forgot."
"Oh boy. Mom, I-I don't know if I can do this."
"Isa, honey, calm down! Calm down!"
"I don't wanna calm down, mom! The man that almost completely ruined my life is coming over for a visit!" Isabella shouted at the top of her lungs."You remember what he did to me!! He kicked me out of the house so often I learned how to camp outside just from that! Plus, he would yell at me, he would hit me, and he would tell me that I was unimportant, ugly, and that nobody would love me!"
"He was different back then, Isa." Different as in drunk, or different as in Mel Gibson?
"I don't care! I don't want him here!"
"I don't think we have any choice, dear. He was always one to be very stubborn. Look, nobody says you have to like him. Just tolerate him until the end of the day. I'm sure you can manage that, right?"
Isabella sighed a sigh of defeat, knowing there was practically no way out of this. "OK, mom. I'll spend the day with him. But the second he does anything inappropriate to me, you can bet your house that the police are gonna be on the scene." You could tell that Isabella was really angry about this, and that nothing would stop her from showing it to her dad if anything happened. I thought "that time of the month" didn't come for another 2 years!
So Isabella went back upstairs and changed into her regular white shirt, pink dress, and pink bow. She looked at a picture of her and Phineas together from a year back, and she couldn't help but think that this would be the last time she would ever see him. So she finished getting dressed and went next door to her neighbor and boyfriend, Phineas Flynn.
Speaking of him, he was busy with another project with his step-brother, Ferb. He's autistic, you know. That's why he don't speak that much.
They were building fireworks to shoot up to the sky to celebrate Father's Day later that night. "Hi, Phineas." Isabella said, trying to sound as sweet as she possibly could, while still showing her frustration and sadness. The boy turned around to see his girlfriend standing there. He immediately dropped his wrench, went up to her, and gave her a big hug.
"Hey, Isabella." He returned her hello back, hugging her tightly, making Isabella feel really good inside. "What's up?"
"Oh nothing." She said calmly as they parted halfway. She seemed to be uneasy to Phineas, which made him a bit worried about her. "Nothing at all."
"Are you sure? 'Cause to be honest, to me, you seem a bit on edge about something." And to me, you seem like you're on the pill.
"Well...is it that noticable?" She knew she couldn't hide anything from Phineas. They've known each other their entire lives.
"Yeah. So what's the matter?"
She sighed, took a deep breath, and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the shadiest tree in the backyard. "I need to talk to you about something." She said as they both took a seat under the tree.
"Sure, Isabella. You can talk to me about anything."
"Good. Because...my-my-" She found it extremely difficult to tell him that her father was coming. He knew all about her struggles with her dad at a very young age, and she feared deeply that Phineas would overreact to the news. "My dad's coming over for a Father's Day visit!" She gasped for air while waiting for a response. You could cut the tension with a knife. Not that I'm giving OJ any ideas or anything, but...
"Your...your dad? As in the dad that abused you, hurt you, and kicked you out of your own home when you were just a little baby?"
"Yeah! And I'm scared to death of him! I don't know what I'm going to do!"
"Did you tell your mom that you didn't want him to come out?"
"Yeah, but it's too late. He left us a message yesterday saying he wanted to come out, and we were in California yesterday! He'll be here in just a couple of hours!"
"Oh...that sucks..."
"I'm afraid he's going to end up hurting me again. Which I why I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Would you come with us wherever my dad takes me today? I could really use some back-up and you're the only one I trust with my life." Just imagine what would've happened if she said that in front of her mother. Phineas looked at Isabella with sincere eyes, and saw she meant business, but also that she was in a lot of emotional pain.
"Uh...sure, Isabella. For you, anything." He replied his girlfriend with a kiss on her cheek as she giggled with pure happiness, knowing Phineas would have her back.
"Oh thank you, Phineas. That means the world to me!" She squealed as they both stood up and shared another warm hug.
"When's he supposed to get here?"
"In about an hour. Why?"
"No reason." He then noticed that his pet platypus was once again missing. "Hey, where's Perry?" Gone. Just like our welfare checks.
No, the truth was, Perry was down in his secret lair, now in his secret agent double life with his secret agent fedora hat on. "Good morning, Agent P." And Major Monogram was there on the big screen to give him his mission. I met the man once and he sounded a lot like he could be Morgan Freeman's father. "
It seems that Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. Earlier today kids in the park were hanging out with their dads for Father's Day and it seemed like nothing could go wrong. But after Dr. Doofenshmirtz was spotted going into the Evil Emporium at 9 am, that all changed. Kids were seen hitting their fathers, bad-mouthing them, and even in some cases, throwing things like benches, trash cans, and even pushing them into stuff. Man, it was a horrible sight.
So while Phineas and Isabella were getting ready for the arrival of her dad, Ferb, Baljeet, Buford, and many of the Fireside Girls were going to the Danville Adventure Land amuserment park to enjoy themselves and give Phineas and Isabella some time to themselves. But they were in for a big shock when they arrived and showed the guy at the front desk their tickets.
"Sorry, guys. The park's shutting down." He said sadly to the shock of the friends.
"What!? You can't be serious!" You ever looked Kanye West in the eye and said that, you'd be as disappointed as Taylor Swift was at the 2009 MTV Music Awards. Baljeet shouted.
"Why? Everyone loves this park!" Everyone except Obama.
"Well, for some reason, the town has decided that kids are sick of this park and want nothing to do with it anymore. I know this park doesn't turn in the best profits, but it sure as hell is better than that dang Slushy Dog place! I mean, those things are absolutely disgusting!"
"Oh believe me, I know. Those things never get any better." Ferb agreed.
"But isn't there any way we can stop this from happening!?" Katie asked the man, who shrugged regretfully.
"If by that you mean 'convince the city not to tear this palce down', I don't know. Those guys are pretty stubborn." So are most African-Americans. That's why they wouldn't give up trying to get a black president in the white house. "You could try, you know, protesting against it."
"But how? You cannot fight city hall!" Baljeet pointed out.
"Sorry, guys. I got nothing."
"I say we go ahead and fight city hall!" Buford shouted, not wanting his beloved amusement park to be closed down.
"Is it really possible?"
"Anything's possible if you just work for it." Ferb said. "The question isn't if you can fight city hall, but rather how you can fight city hall." Same way Rosa Park did it. Only replace the buses with amusement park rides, junk food, and a whole lotta Monty Python.
Meanwhile, somewhere out in Virginia, at Commandant Edwin Spangler's Reform Military Academy for the Young, Rebellious, and even the Queer. Candace Flynn was having trouble adapting to her new life in Military School. Ironically, many of the cadets there were from Virginia and had either known Candace personally from the past, or seen her yell and scream at her brothers. What's worse is that everyone there was a girl except for Commandant Spangler himself. Despite the fact that he was fired from his first Military Academy, he was still deemed fit enough to run a Military Academy. So they built a second Military Academy for girls only, which is where Candace is right now.
She was having such a hard time fitting in, and an even harder time not getting yelled at.
For example..."FLYNN!" When it was time to clean the toilet, Candace refused immensly and left the bathroom, to the distain of her fellow cadets. "You're supposed to be cleaning the latrine! What in Sam Hill are you doing out here!?" Not cleaning in there, smarty.
"Oh, well, you see, I don't like cleaning the toilets that much, so--"
"And I don't like Beyonce's work! But that doesn't stop me from listening to that raspy voice of hers!"
"Uh, what?"
"Get back in there and CLEAN THE LATRINES!" He shouted into her face. But she showed no fear, and actually replied with a "No." This set him far over the edge, as she dragged her down into the facility's basement, and forced her to clean the entire basement room from top to bottom. "And don't come back out until that entire room is spotless! If I see even a single speck of dirt in that room, I will make you wish you were born a boy, because you're going to spend all of your time here and miserable little troll!" She thought her life was miserable now. Just imagine what it would've been like had they sent her to Shawshank Prison.
While Candace was busy cleaning, and Ferb & the others were busy storming up a protest, Phineas and Isabella had other pressing matters to attend to. It was only minutes until 11 am, minutes before Isabella's dad was scheduled to arrive in the neighborhood.
"OK, Isabella. It's almost 11. Your dad should be here any moment." Phineas said as he handed her a walkie-talkie. "This walkie-talkie's gonna help us stay in touch with each other."
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" She asked him as she turned hers on.
"Of course. Look, they can sustain a frequency from a distance of up to 500 miles, so we'll virtually be able to talk to each other wherever we are...unless he kidnaps you and takes you to Brazil like that insane mother did on the news. Oh, and if he tries to do anything, press this red button here." Didn't you see those damn spy movies!? Red button always means death! "This'll activate the hidden GPS system in my walkie-talkie, and give me your location. This way, I'll be able to stop whatever he's about to do."
"OK, Phineas. I trust you with this." The truth was, she was very uneasy about this. But she trusted Phineas with her life way more than she trusted her dad. So she him one final hug and a kiss before Phineas took cover behind a nearby mailbox. A few moments later, a car pulled up by her. The driver's door opened up and reveald it to be a short, medium-build guy in his 40's with a weird-shaped chin, a red shirt, and regular blue jeans. If you still can't figure out who her father is, you deserve to be that dumb!
Isabella gulped and clentched her fists tightly as he stepped out and walked casually over to his daughter. "Izzy! Oh my god, it's been so long!" He shouted out joyfully as he picked up his daughter and hugged her tightly. She didn't return the hug, but he didn't notice.
"It's...nice to see you too, dad." She said bitterly as she was put down. "So...how have you been?"
"I've been great! Yeah, I've had awesome friends these past few years, but one of them moved away, so now I gotta find another one. But it's OK. It's just another adventure for me, Peter, and Joe." If you still can't figure out who Isabella's father is, you better get yourself tested. "So how about you? How have you been?"
"Well...if you really wanna know...I've been having a wonderful time here in Danville!" She shouted to him in complete and utter joy. "I've made so many new friends, and I have the best boyfriend in the entire world!" She sighed dreamily, thinking about Phineas. "He's gifted, kind, generous, intelectual...he's everything a girl could ever want."
Quagmire looked at her for a moment like she was crazy. "Are you on any new medication lately?" He asked, while trying to figure out what Isabella had just said. If you had to wait for me to tell you who Isabella's father was, well you're flat-out a dumbass. "Come on, I've got an awesome day planned for us!" He grabed Isabella's arm and ran off towards town, with Phineas not too far behind.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incoporated!
Perry the Platypus rode up to the top floor of Dr. Doofenshmirtz's evil lair. He opened up a window, and barged right in as Dr. Doofenshmirtz was looking at an old photo of him and his father, with whom he never got along. He was about to attack Doofenshmirtz when all of a sudden, he found himself caught in a spider-web.
"Perry the Platypus, as usual, your timing is uncanny, and by that, I mean COMPLETELY CANNY I see you got stuck in my spider-web trap, provided by famous Spiderman actor Tobey Maguire!" Like we need another Heath Ledger. On cue, Tobey Maguire, dressed in a Black-suited Spiderman costume, came into the scene and showed off his incredible and questionable ability to shoot webs out of his wrists. "Thanks for helping me out, Tobey." Dr. D said as he handed Tobey a check for $20,000.
"No problem." He replied, taking the check. He then sighed and put his head down in shame. "Well, that was my high point of the day. Guess I'll go gamble." He walked out of the room and went downstairs. Thank goodness he's not friends with Ozzy Osbourne, or else he'd be royally screwed.
"Anyway, you're probably wondering what I'm up to. Well, I'll tell you, Perry the Platypus. You see, when I was a young boy, my father wasn't exactly...the most loving person in the world. In fact, he deserted me at one point! Y-You remember that, right? I've gone through this before? You know, with the whole disowning me, the him getting a dog and naming it Only Son, and me being the Lawn Gnome? We have? Good. OK. Anyway, since my father never paid any attention to me, especially on Father's Day, I have decided to ruin Father's Day for everyone in the entire Tri-State Area!" He walked over to his latest contraption, which was a giant orb machine with a big static electricity antenna attached to it. "With this! I call it...the Father Betray-inator!"
"With this, Perry the Platypus, all I have to do is press just one simple button, and in just 5 minutes, everyone in the Tri-State Area will have feelings of hatred and rrage for their father..unless of course, they're dead, of course. In that case, the ray would have absolutely no effect. But with others, this ray will cause them to unleash on their father all of their feelings of rage and anger, whether they have any or not!" He pressed the big blue button on his machine and the machine shot out a green lightning bolt, which traveled into the Tri-state area, and caused a little boy to start assaulting his father to no end. "Aha! You see, Perry the Platypus? It's as simple as that."
"Unfortunately, and now here comes the awkward part. Not as much for you, more for me. By doing it like this, I can only launch one bolt at a time. There is, however, an option that allows me to shoot everyone in the Tri-state area at once! The problem is, it takes several hours to charge up to that optimal level. And all I have to do is push this red button." Which he did. Were you not just reading above!? Red means death! "Now just another few hours until my ultimate triumph is at hand! A haha haha ha!"
Meanwhile, Ferb, Buford, Baljeet, andc the Fireside Girls excluding Isabella were busy trying to come up with a way to protest the closing of the Danville Adventure Land Amusement Park. Currently, they were buusy writing an angry letter to city hall.
"And by closing down the Danville Adventure Land Amusement Park, which has been a public memorial to children and adults all over for many years..." Baljeet said outloud as Ferb wrote them all down. "...you are creating a travesty for summer vacations to come! How will children deal with the fact that their favorite amusement park is now destroyed?"
Ferb was writing these thoughts down, but was having serious doubts about them. "I still say we should show some emotion."
"Are you saying I am not an emotional guy!?" You study during summer!
"Yes. Yes I am."
Baljeet sighed sadly. "OK, fine. Then how do you propose we save the park?"
"How about we make a video? You know, of all of us in it, explaining why we don't want the park closed down."
"Would city hall really go for something like that?" Buford asked.
"It couldn't hurt to try." Adyson said, trying to remain optimistic. "I mean, we've got nothing to lose." That's the kind of attitude Congress had when they tried to overhaul our Healthcare system.
"Great! Now...who has a video camer?" Baljeet asked everyone, who all stood there, whistling casually as to avoid the subject. Ferb slapped his forehead.
"Ugh! Fine, I'll make one!"
And so he did. When he was finished, they all started brainstorming ideas on how to make their video.
And then there was Candace's troubles with Military School. Surprisingly, she was still cleaning the basement per Commandant Spangler's instructions. She had not eaten or slept for the past 5 hours, but she was determined to get through it and show Coommandant Spangler that she couldn't be pushed around.
She was finishing cleaning up her last piece of window in the room. When she did finish, she wiped her brow, smiled triumphately, and then ran upstairs at a break-neck pace to dial home.
Her mother, even though she was mad at Candace because of her constantly beserk behavior, was thrilled to hear from her. "Hey Candace. How's Military School going?" What a stupid question to ask.
"Horrible, mom. I hate it here! Nobody wants to talk to me! Apparently, they've seen me yell at Phineas and Ferb in the past, and perceive me as obnoxious, cruel, and un-fun."
"But...aren't you obnoxious, cruel, and un-fun?" Yes.
"No! I just wanted you to see their crazy plans everyday! But every time I try to explain it to them, they turn their backs on me! And thee Commander here is such a bossy-pants. I tell you, mom, he needs a chill pill." So does Dick Cheney.
"Look, honey, I know it may seem bad right now, but just give it a little time. I promise you, you will grow to love it in no time."
"Why can't I just come back home?"
"Because the doctors said you're not mentally stable. They said that time in that school is good for your mind, because it'll readjust to this new enviroonment, and perhaps that will help you stay calm here."
Candace still resented the idea, but knew Linda was right. "You're right, mom *sigh* I miss you guys."
"We miss you too, honey." And with that, the two hung up their phones. Yeah, and we also miss your constant raving and ranting about some different crap everyday. Drop dead, woman. Seriously.
Meanwhile, Isabella was having a hard time hanging out with her father, Glenn Quagmire, because of their past history together. But he was determined to make amends with Isabella no matter what it took. The first thing he tried was taking her fishing. So they went into a fishing store, bought fishing gear, and went out to Lake Nose to catch some fish.
"Ah, this is nice." Quagmire said, looking up at the shining sun. "Beautiful sky, beautiful lake, it all reminds me of how things were when you were younger." Those words struck a chord with Isabella.
She looked up from the lake at her dad. "Um...what did you say?"
"I said that's how things used to be when you were younger. quiet, beautiful, tranquill..." Yeah, if only he was this good a liar when he was pulled over by the cops for DUI's.
"Um...that's not exactly how I remem--"
"Shh, shh, sh-shh-shh! Annabella, please. Fishing isn't about words. It's about action. It's about waiting for the right time to reel in the fish and chow down on them."
"Annabella? My name's Isa--"
"Hang on, honey! I got a bite!" Quagmire stood up and started tugging on his reel to pull his fish in. That's a sad day when your father doesn't even know your own name. Struggling to do it, he handed the rod to Isabella, who, too weak to even grasp the rod carrying the enormous fish, was pulled into the lake at a lightning pace. She skipped over the water numerous times, clentching the rod so tightly that she was physically unable to let go. Phineas couldn't help but stre in awe and shock while his girlfriend was being beaten down by a fish.
After about 5 minutes, she was finally able to let go of the rod, and skitted across the water back to shore, where she ended up at her father's feet. Quagmire didn't seem to notice the bruising Isabella got. "Aw, damn, kid. You let go of the stinkin' rod! I told you to hang onto it. Now we have no dinner tonight." Ever hear of a refrigerator? Or even a grocery store for that matter? How about a restaurant?
The girl looked up at Quagmire with distantly cold and angry eyes, and then stood up, dusting herself off. She contemplated pushing the button to summon Phineas out, but figured she'd give it a little more time.
So next they went to a race car derby. Isabella seemed to have a good time watching the cars go around the track, and Quagmire was having fun drinking so much. "In the words of a comedian with a hillbilly puppet for a friend, It's the best show to follow when you're hammered." He said as they watched on. It was nearly halfway through, and Isabella was actually having some fun. But that all changed when it came down to the last few laps.
"YEAH, GET 'EM, YOU JERK!" He was yelling to the cars. "Get them! Come on, don't let that jackass pass you! Come on! Go!" Quagmire didn't really that during his rant, he had actually shoved Isabella in the back and caused her to fall down the many rows ocf chairs right into the race itself. Battered and injured, Isabella was completely helpless to get out of the way of the cares coming her way. Thankfully, the cars took evasive action and avoided her just in time, but they all ended up crashing into the wall and dsetroying their cars. Just like that lady on the Taconic.
Everyone in the stands was dumbfounded at what had happened, except for one...Quagmire. He wasn't just dumbfounded, he was pissed off, and even booing at his own daughter. "Boo! Get that girl off the road! She's ruining the race!" And you're ruining a perfect opportunity to bond with your daughter.
Suddenly, the audience members started to boo again. But it wasn't to Isabella, like Quagmire thought. It was to Quagmire, for not seeming to give a crap about her health & well-being. HE didn't get the message, though. And as for Isabella, she used all of her inner strength to stand up, dust herself off, and then growl angrily at her dad. Phineas, who was standing not too far away, witnessed this, and was horrified at what he was watching. He hated, however, to burst in out of nowhere to protect her, because he promised her that she was going to handle this on her own until she couldn't any longer.
Of course, that was going to be tough considering Quagmire was as stubborn as a brikc. I mean, he was sipping Tasty Juice while all this was happening.
"You know you're not allowed to bring in beverages from the outside, right?" One of the people next to him said. That's why beverage sales at movie theaters are dropping.
"Well, excuse me for wanting a healthy colon. That's why I drink this Tasty Juice instead of soda when I come here."
Tasty Juice...drink it then convert it to pee.
"Wha the hell was that about?"
"Oh, you see, after they fired that little girl, Olivia, they hired me to become the spokesperson for Tasty Juice."
"Whatever happened to that little girl?"
"I heard Comedy Central picked her up and are using her for lots of nudity scenes."
"And thus ends yet another promising career." Selling your body for money isn't a career. That's just disgusting.
"Promising? The girl was going nowhere and she wasn't even that attractive."
"Oh god, I know."
"How did they even pick her in the first place? I mean , it's not like they can afford a casting call like NBC can."
(Cue Cutaway)
We cutaway to The Biggest Loser ranch in Los Angeles, where Allison Sweeney and Jillian Michaels are about to launch a fireworkr into the skies. Bob Harper walks into the scene just as the rocket takes off. "Uh, hey guys. What'cha doin' out here?"
"We're picking the cast for Season eight of the Biggest Loser." Jillian explained to him. Eight seasons? Jeez, you think the FCC woulda gotten involved by now.
"And just how are you doing that?"
"We're launching 16 rockets into the air and they're going to randomly hit someone's house, and that's how we get our contestants."
"But...how would that work if it lands in a house with more than one person in it?" Rock/Paper/Scissors?
"Welll..."
"And come to think of it, what if it lands in a home where nobody even sent in an application?"
Jillian and Allison looked at each other for a moment, and then back at Bob. "You guys just wated an excuse to launch those frieworks, didn't you?"
"Oh yeah! And besides, what's the worse that could happen?"
Sadly, Jillian, Allison, and Bob could never comprehend that one of the rockets launched would go completely haywire, travels across the country, and end up destroying Cleveland's house, while he was in the bathtub, too. This guy just can't seem to catch a break. I bet he wouldn't put up with this if there wasn't a $1,000 bonus in it for him.
The floorboard slowly started tipping downward and the bathtub started sliding off. "No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" He yelled as his bathtub slid right off and fell to the ground, breaking on impact. He looked at the rocket that landed on his house, and pulled a card off of it. "Congratulations sir or madam. You have been selected to be a contestant for Season 8 of The Biggest Loser. Oh for god's sake!" He shouted throwing the card onto the ground. "I didn't even send an application! Every single year it's the same dang thing!"
(End Cutaway)
And then there was the issue of Ferb, Buford, and the others trying to save the Danville Adventure Land Amusement Park from being destroyed. Unfortunately, their many ideas, such as angry letters and angry videos, did not work out. This is probably because despite their great acting skills, they can't star in a video without a little music, but the network cut the budget so harshly that they cannot afford to write original stuff anymore. And by the network cutting the budget so harshly, he means he can't come up with an original song to save his life.
They were practically out of ideas. "We're out of ideas!" Baljeet cried out.
"Don't give up, yet! I mean, we still have a couple of hours until they're supposed to tear it down." Holly said. "We can still think of something to do to protest against it!"
"But what else is there?" Buford asked. "I mean, we've practically tried everything else in the book. What else can we do? They're tearing down the park at 6:00, and it's now....3:30."
Ferb looked around for a moment, and thought for a moment. But he couldn't come up with anything else. "Um, how about we 'wing it'?" The others turned around and looked at him, mouths wide open in shock. "What?" We hate it when Obama does it. Do you honestly think we'll love it any better with you doing it?
And if that wasn't bad enough, just imagine what Isabella is going through hanging out with her father, and then just imagine what Phineas is going through watching his girlfriend suffer like this.
But we'll get to that in a moment. Let's rejoin our hero, Perry the Platypus, still caught in Dr. Doofenshmirtz's spider-web trap, as he is about to unleash his Father Betray-inator on the Tri-state area. "Now, Perry the Platypus, in just a few moments, I will unleash my ultimate weapon on the Tri-state Area, and Father's Day will be completely ruined forever! And the best part is..."
While he was on his little rant, Perry was busy trying to get out of the web trap. At that point, his fedora shot spikes out of the rim, and started spinning around liek crazy. That allowed it to cut around the trap and free Perry, which, in turn, allowed him to go after Dr. Doofenshmirtz before his ray could activate at full power.
"Perry the Platypus!? You escaped from my web of spiders!? But how...hmm...come to think of it, perhaps that whole 'shoot webs out of your wrists' thing is really just special effects." No sh*t, dumbass. "Anyway, you are too late. In just 30 seconds, my machine will launch and Father's Day will be--" He was interrupted when Perry high-kicked him in his face and shoved him into the ground. After that, Dr. D had no choice but to fight his nemesis.
The fight didn't last long, and it didn't go very far. In fact, right around when the laser was about to fire, Perry was able to gain the upper hand and knock Doofenshmirtz into his machine, causing the blue button to be pressed. That, in turn, switched the machine's gears around so that only one person would be zapped. "Oh no! You made me press the bluebutton. Now only one person will be shot." Didn't I just say that?
3...2...1...and BOOM! THe machine shot out its laser, and as it shot up to the sky, Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry looked on in awe. "Oh great. Now only one person is going to be hit with this ray, and I have absolutely no way of knowing who it's going to be. I can only imagine what's about to happen." Dr. D sighed. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus."
Now's a perfect time to check in on Isabella and her day with her father. And she just how close she is to being pushed over the edge. Oh she was close, alright. After the Nascar race, Quagmire decided that a movie would be the best thing to do next. He still had no idea how frustrated and paranoid Isabella was becoming, but that didn't stop him from trying to bond with her. And Phineas was still on their trail, waiting for Isabella to hit that red button, Again with the red button. and ask him to come to her rescue.
The two of them went to see "Forrest Gump", which, for some reason, was playing in the theaters this summer. "Oh boy, this is such a great movie. I love seing this retarded guy squirm. Don't you?"
"Sure, dad. Whatever you say." Isabella growled, trying her hardest not to explode. Her body was shaking from physical & mental exhaustion by this point, but Quagmire was too dumb to notice this.
"Oh boy, Nina, this movie brings back memories. I mean, your mother and I would watch this in the living room, and you were always right there with us, laughing along like that idiot redneck in the movie. Thank god we found something that could keep you quiet, cause you were annoying as hell as a baby."
All this talk was making her angrier and angrier. All of his lies, all of his actions, they were all starting to come up. What nobody saw coming was that Isabella was about to be hit by Doofenshmirtz's Father Betray-inator.
"And then when you turned 5 and you broke the TV and kicked yourself out of the house in shame, that was just the cutest moment of my life." Isabella was so close to snapping it was unbearable. "Oh, and another thing--"
"SHUT UP!!" She finally screamed at the top of her lungs, having been hit by the ray just a moment ago. "Shut up, right now!!" Holy crap, I think she just collapsed the Twin Towers.
"Whoa, Dina, shut up! You're gonna get us kicked out!"
"I don't care!! I'd rather be kicked out than have to listen to another minute of your stories!!"
"What?"
"You've been telling nothing but lies since you got here! You think everything was perfect when I was young, but the truth is, it wasn't! And do you know why!?"
"Uh...no..."
"Because YOU MADE MY LIFE HELL! You made it hell for 5 years!"
"What are you talking about!?"
"You hit me, yelled at me, used blunt objects to abuse me with, kicked me out of the house more times than I can count, and wort of all...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME!"
"Sure I do!"
"Oh really? Well then, what is it?"
Quagmire actually had to ponder on this for a moment before responding. "Charlie Sheen?" And his response didn't make Isabella any happier. It's a sad day when your own father doesn't remember your name. But when he calls you a boy's name, that's just icing on the cake. Cake of despair, that is. "What?"
"I'm a girl!"
"No you're not! You're a boy!"
"No, I'm a girl!!"
"No, my birth certificate of you specifically states that..." He then realized something and took out what appeared to be Isabella's birth certificate and studied it for a moment. It turned out to just be a forgery of the real thing. "Oh yeah, that's right. I photo-copied the original and changed your gender so I could get into an exclusive feternity. That's right. You are a girl." Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, moron.
"you always do this, dad! You contridict everything that's said around you! You deny ever abusing me, and you treat me and my mom like garbage!! Well, enough's enough, Quagmire!"
"HEY!" Quagmire barked loudly. "You don't call me that! You address me as 'father' or 'dad' only!!" Can I call you "stupid" instead?
"That's what I would call my dad! BUt sadly..." She leaned in, snarled, grabbed his collar, and punched both his eyes out...hard. "I don't have one." She finally put him down and stormed out of the theater. Phineas was there, waiting for her. She took his hand gently and they walked home together, with Phineas a bit scared for his life.
They returned back to Maple Street where they found their friends and comrades in Phineas's backyard, still brainstorming ideas. The two walked there to see what was going on.
"Hey guys." Isabella said, a bit cheerier than she just was. "What'cha doin'?"
"City Hall's closing down the Danville Adventure Land Amusement Park." Katie said sadly.
"Oh no!"
"Why would they do that?"
"No one's absolutely sure. But I blame politics." Ferb commented.
"So we've been trying to brainstorm ideas on how to protest it." Holly added.
"But whatever we tries fails." Ginger also added. "We tried angry letters, making a video...nothing works."
"Hmm..." Isabella and Phineas both pondered on the idea for a second, and in just a moment, both got an idea, which happened to be the same idea the other was thinking. "I got it!" They both shouted, which caused them to both look at each other in confusion. They looked away for a moment and blushed before returning their attention to their friends.
"Whoa." Isabella said, stunned.
"I think we have an idea that might just get them to change their minds." Phineas said, looking at his girlfriend, knowing that whatever he was thinking, she was thinking the exact same thing.
"So...what's your big idea?" Adyson asked them. We'll need lots of peanut butter, some gravy, metal, and a celebrity endorsement. I suggest Derek Jeter.
And so after telling them their big idea, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and all of the Fireside Girls began preparations for it. The hour of 7 was nearing, and they only had a little bit of time left. They all changed into Fireside Girls uniforms (Except for Phineas and Ferb) gathered as many kids in Danville as possible to join in, and then all gathered at the entrance to the Danville Adventure Land Amusement Park to form a human chain.
Locked in each other's arms, they stood there, showing their unity and support for the park.
"How much time do we have until they're supposed to tear this place down?" Isabella asked one of her fellow Fireside Girls.
"Um, they should be coming by any minute." Milly told her, checking her watch. They all stood there, prepared, but afraid, for whatever was about to happen next.
And then, in just moments, a bunch of bulldozers started making their way towards the entrance to the amusement park. There were a bunch of drivers who were drinking while they were driving, which could only spell disaster. Of course, they didn't notice everyone standing there like a human chain until they were just a few feet away. At that point, they all stopped short just in time before they hurt any of them.
"Hey kiddies! Move it or lose it, buckos!" The front runner shouted, waving his hand with his bottle in it around like an idiot.
"No!" They all shouted in unison.
"Look, I don't want to hurt any of you kids, so just move yourselves out of the way before I run you over like I do my dinner!" You eat stray cats for dinner!?
"If you want us to move, you'll have to do it over our dead bodies!" Milly yelled out.
"Yeah, 'cause we ain't moving!" Holly agreed.
"Do you really think I'm intimidated by a bunch of snot-nosed brats?"
"Do you really think we're intimidated by a big, scary contractor?" Adyson asked him. "You guys aren't even supposed to do that much anyway."
"OK, kiddies. You asked for it." He said menacingly as he slowly backed his bulldozer up about 200 feet. Afterwards, he switched it into overdrive and drove up to them at about 150 miles an hour. Seeing how fast he was going made everyone there but Phineas and Ferb scream. Ferb wasn't one to scream, and Phineas had a back up place. He let go of his grip of Isabella for a split second and pulled out a remote, and pressed a button on it. This, in turn, activated the hidden metal ramp that was just ten feet in front of them, and went up to about 70 feet tall.
The guy driving his tractor didn't notice this until it was too late, and he was launched up into the sky, all the way across the amusement park. The others were so scared that they all instantly got out of their bulldozers and ran away from the scene, screaming their heads off. Nobody but Ferb knew what happened, but they all cheered at it anyway.
"Phineas, what happened?" Isabella asked.
"Well, I figured these guys would be either too stubborn or too hot-headed to listen to reason, so I installed this ramp right here. I intended it to use it for our getaway, but this works just as well." Cause everybody knows people who drive bulldozers have the worst coordination.
"Nice work! Because of you, the park is now safe and able to reopen again!"
"You know they weren't even licensed to tear this place down in the first place." Ferb said. "They did it because they felt like doing it."
"Well that isn't very nice." Neither was the way the Heene family played us like fools!
"Oh who cares!? The point is, the park's safe now! And it's thanks to you, Phineas!" Isabella felt herself hug Phineas tightly with joy in her heart. It was only after she realized Ferb was also there that she stopped and complimented him as well. "Oh, and you too, Ferb."
"Oh stop. You're making me blush." You're making me puke.
And so all of the children returned home to their families, including Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and her fellow Fireside Girls troop.
"By the way, Isabella, we never got a chance to ask. How did your day with your dad go?" Gretchen asked her troop leader, who simply smirked angrily in her direction.
"If you don't mind, Gretchen, I'm really not in the mood to hear the word 'dad' right now." She snarled, but trying to keep her cool.
"Bad day, huh?" Katie interfered.
"The worst! But I don't really feel like talking about it right now." They arrived at her house as she let out a big yawn and tried to dust herself off from the bruising she received today. Boy, oh boy, how was she going to explain this to her mother? Throw in a celebrity death! That always distracts them! "Right now, all I wanna do is change into my pajamas, crawl into bed, and take a long nap." She let out another yawn as her troops all said goodnight to her, and parted home. Ferb also said his goodnights before heading back to their home. Isabella wanted Phineas to stay behind to talk to him for a moment.
"Phineas, thank you so much for staying with me the entire day. You knew that I was scared of him, and I knew you wanted to do something bigger with your day, and I really appreciate it." She said sincerely as she kissed his cheek, making him smile.
"No worries, Isabella." He replied back. "You know I love you, and I'd do anything for you. Seeing you smile is exactly what keeps me going to do these crazy, wacky adventures with you guys. I'm just sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted them to." That's what everybody's saying about electing President Obama to the White House.
"That's OK, Phineas. I realize now that he's just the same old jerk he was 5 years ago, but you know what? I don't need him in my life. As long as I have you…and all of my friends, nothing can hurt me on the inside." But the same can't be said about your limbs.
"Glad to hear it." They shared a passionate kiss and another warm hug. "You know, Isabella, before we were going out, the only reason I would do any of my wacky projects was to...you know, maybe impress you enough to ask me out."
"Really!?"
"Yeah."
"And the only reason I ever participated in your projects was because I thought you'd ask me out on a date. Oh we are so made for each other." They nodded in agreement, and hugged once more before Phineas said his goodnights to his girlfriend and returned home. Isabella went inside, changed into her pajamas, crawled into her bed without even eating dinner, and fell asleep right away. We hope you enjoyed this half-assed story of why Glenn Quagmire is so totally screwed up. I know I didn't.
Meanwhile, by the park, the tractor that had been launched off the metal ramp was about to touch ground, and by doing so, it accidentally launched a nuclear missile that had been sitting there for a few days, waiting to be launched. It took off and headed into the skies, completely out of control. Ironically, it also landed in none other than Cleveland's house, destroying the entire front of it, and just like the last time, he was in the bathtub.
The floorboard slowly started tipping downward and the bathtub started sliding off. "No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" He yelled as his bathtub slid right off and fell to the ground, breaking on impact. He noticed the note attached to it and read it aloud: "Congratulations sir or madam. You have been selected to be a contestant for Season 9 of The Biggest Loser. Oh come on!" He shouted angrily! I keep telling those jackasses that I don't send in applications!"
The End.
I hope you enjoyed this first episode. I know I enjoyed writing it! I also hope you enjoyed the Everybody Hates Chris reference. See if you can figure it out.
Next Time: Episode 2: Isabella's nightmares come back.
Expected Update: ??