Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Warnings: YAOI, maybe a little cursing, such things. Not a corny ending to this one either (maybe a little corny…)
This might not be the same as the first part, but I seriously don't need or want to hear that the first part was better. I give myself enough critique as it is at the moment.
A/N: This is the sequel to my story Null and Void. If you haven't read it, I recommend that you do so – but it's not necessary.
I got a mail the other day (I just love getting emails, so don't feel afraid to contact me), and it read: "how did you get this idea?"
Well. My grand-mother is pretty young for being a grand-mother, and she's always been one of those youthful ones. Two years ago she got cancer. Not too long ago I asked her what was worst about her time as cancer-sick. And then she answered;
"I miss my hair."
Touched
When Naruto, two years later, got to hear that he was once again healthy – normal – he didn't feel anything. He didn't feel joy, because he had really gotten used to be labelled as ill; sick with cancer. He had had cancer for so long – it felt like ages – that he didn't really feel different.
No. Wait.
He did feel different.
Maybe it was because of the cancer; maybe it was because of Sakura, who had sent her crush to her best friend's apartment to return a sweater. Maybe it was because he had a boyfriend now. Maybe because he wasn't straight anymore. Or maybe he never really was straight.
Maybe it was one of those things, one of these things that Sasuke had suggested when he asked why he felt so different.
But now, standing in front of the blonde Yamanka Ino, the receptionist at Maito Gym, and simply talking; he realised why he felt so different. If he hadn't been so busy trying to accept Sasuke's suggestions, he would have realised it sooner.
He felt different because his hair was different.
UAUAUA
"Naruto."
There was silence, seeing as Naruto just couldn't find that will to answer. He knew that Sasuke would become worried if he saw Naruto lying like this, wrapped in blankets in the bed. In the middle of the day, at that.
"Naruto!"
The sigh that followed his name made Naruto frown. He hated it when Sasuke's sighed. But truth to be told, Naruto hated a lot of things. For example, he still hated himself, for being who he was ever since he lost his hair.
"Naruto?"
That wasn't Sasuke's voice. Naruto sat up, startled to hear such a soft, feminine voice in his apartment. No female had been in his apartment since...
"Sakura." He fought with the blankets that surrounded his body, climbing out of the bed and stumbling over the floor to grab some clothing to cover himself with. He grabbed a t-shirt, but didn't get the chance to put on a pair of jeans before the door was opened.
The woman next to Sasuke looked just as shocked as Naruto felt.
His body showed no reactions at all, keeping that stoic face that he had been able to master after almost two years together with Sasuke.
"Naruto..." She whispered, and he felt nothing but sadness. He missed her, a lot. He wished that he could have her back. He still had no idea why she had asked Sasuke to get him his sweater. He still had no idea why she left him like that.
Sasuke bowed his head before he walked away, as if he was ashamed over the fact that he had brought her with him to their home. To Naruto's apartment, where Sasuke slept every single night.
She looked straight at him; but the minute he looked up to face her, she looked away.
Coward, he thought. The idea of him being even more of a coward – not even being brave enough to tell her about his disease – never hit him.
He saw that she her green, beautiful eyes were averted to the unmade bed. She probably thought about whatever activities Naruto and Sasuke did there during the nights. He had to fight the urge to tell her that he and Sasuke performed their activities not only during the night, and not only in the bed.
"I'm sorry, Naruto."
His clear blue, bored eyes flickered over to her once again. She wasn't looking at him, at it made him feel unwanted. He wondered if she would rather not be here, or if it was perhaps Sasuke that had talked her into it.
Why come here now? Two years after the email she sent him; two years after the last time they met.
Coward, he thought. But he had no idea whom he meant. Himself or Sakura, he was not sure. He was too irritated with her to even consider the thought of her being brave, coming here and apologising.
"I wish I had reacted differently, I really do." She still wouldn't look him in the eye, but at least she had turned to him. They were standing pretty close, only a metre or so between their faces. "When I heard from Shikamaru that he suspected…he asked me how you were doing, and I said that you were fine. He didn't believe me, and I asked why. Do you know what he answered?"
Naruto didn't bother to shake his head.
"'I just thought that he would be feeling a little weak, with the chemo and everything'... When he said that Naruto, I felt like my entire world was crashing down. I felt like a bastard – I didn't even notice that you had cancer and was going through a rough period!"
He flinched at the shrill volume of her usually cheerful voice. She was staring down at her feet, and he was busy pointing out her flaws. Like her breasts – too small, like her forehead – too big, or maybe her hair – so bright.
"I was a worthless friend, and I was really ashamed. But now I only feel more ashamed – I left you when all you needed was someone looking after y–"
"Stop it!"
She winced upon being so abruptly interrupted.
Naruto blinked away the tears, hiding the hurt inside, as Sasuke entered the room hurriedly. Naruto's outburst had probably alarmed him. He gave Sakura a warning glare before turning to Naruto, the glare still in place.
Naruto shrugged, making Sasuke turn around and leave them alone again. It was amazing how they had enveloped such a great body language. When Naruto looked back at Sakura, she was sitting on the bed.
She looked sad, but no tears wet her cheeks.
Naruto decided to be the bigger man for once, and sat down next to the woman that had once been his best friend. She looked at him and held out her hand, waiting for him to take it. He might have been brave enough to sit down so close next to her, but he wasn't ready to take her hand yet.
She blushed, letting the hand fall. They both opened their mouths and spoke at the same time:
"I've missed you."
UAUAUA
When Sasuke said that only one person would be able to make him stop think about Sakura, Naruto had imagined a comedian, or maybe an artist. He had thought that maybe they were going to a concert of some sorts.
Well, he had probably imagined anything but visiting Uchiha Itachi – the meanest man alive.
Naruto looked over at Sasuke, who was calmly parking the car outside the boring, yet enchanting house that belonged to Sasuke's older brother.
"I hope you're joking, right?" Naruto inhaled inaudibly.
"You said that you wanted to stop think about her, didn't you?"
"Yes! Exactly! I said I wanted to get her out of my head, not that I wanted to loose it!"
UAUAUA
Naruto may not have lost his head after a few hours at Itachi's place, but after three hours he locked himself in one of the bathrooms.
He sad down on the edge of the bathtub, hiding his face in his hands. The tears were ready to fall any second now. Any second and he would return to his weak, pathetic, cancer-sick self.
"No, no, no," he whispered. The sound of his voice bounced against the walls, and he let out a small cry. "Please, no."
The knock on the door made him gasp, and he almost fell backwards down in the bathtub. He straightened himself, running a hand through his disgusting hair, before standing up and unlocking the door.
Sasuke stood there, a weak smile on his lips. He pushed Naruto aside, entering the bathroom and pulling the blonde with him back inside. He closed the door with his foot, but didn't bother to lock the door.
He embraced Naruto into a tight hug. Naruto buried his nose in raven-coloured hair, inhaling the scent of Sasuke's expensive shampoo. He let himself be hugged until his legs got tired, and he let Sasuke know by tugging in his shirt slightly.
They both sank down on the bathroom floor, Sasuke leaning his back against the tub and spreading out his legs so that Naruto could sit between them, leaning his back against Sasuke's chest.
He heard Sasuke's heart beat next to his ear, with what the way he slid down on the slippery floor. He closed his eyes, losing himself in the safe sound.
Comforting, almost like a lullaby.
Sasuke's strong arms encircled him, silently claiming the blonde as his very own possession.
"There are so many questions…and even though I haven't even asked Sakura about it, your brother always seems to know. How come he can know every answer, even though he doesn't even know all the details?"
Sasuke made a grimace at Naruto's choice of words. But he answered anyway, in that painfully honest way that Naruto mostly hated. "My brother is smart. And I think that he got it from mother. She always knows when things like this happen."
"But Fugaku-san always says that you're just like Mikoto-san," Naruto corrected.
"Whatever. Stop making everything so complicated. I swear, you can make breathing seem complicated."
UAUAUA
The following day, Naruto didn't do a shit. He just sat there in the kitchen, holding a teacup and watching the steam rise slowly until it faded away. Sasuke was at work, and Naruto didn't feel like go training as he usually did when he was bored.
Instead he just sat there, thinking about Sakura.
He had so many questions for her, so much he wanted to know. Why did she ask Sasuke to leave his sweater? Why didn't she contact him until now? What had she been up to while he was pushed out of her life?
The questions swirled inside his mind, making him feel dizzy and unbalanced – a feeling that he was used to.
It was with shaky fingers and clumsy movements that Naruto pushed the buttons on the phone, dialling Sakura's number.
UAUAUA
"Hello?" Her voice was quick, meaning that she was probably busy. A glance at the clock told Naruto that most adults were working right now.
"Sakura." He cleared his throat, unsure if she had heard him. "Hi, Sakura."
There was silence, and he could only imagine how she looked. But he could practically feel her shock. He had thrown her out of his apartment, after all. It was funny, really, how he still called this place 'his apartment'. It was Sasuke's apartment too, now. Sasuke lived there with him. It was 'their apartment'.
"Naruto," she whispered. She cleared her throat, much like he had done. "Hi, Naruto. How are you?"
The polite tone was killing him, but he did nothing to point it out. "I'm fine," he lied. "I was wondering...would you like to eat lunch?"
There was more silence, and Naruto was tempted to slam the phone on the table to bring some reactions out of it.
"You do know that it's almost four in the afternoon?"
He wanted to tell her that you could eat lunch even if it was past twelve, but her light chuckle made him keep his lips sealed.
"But I'd love to grab some dinner with you."
UAUAUA
There he was, an hour later, sitting in front of his...his Sakura. The food on the table between them was still hot, steam rising slowly to their noses. But the food was ignored as they stared on each other.
Her eyes were dry, and she kept blinking. He blinked too, only to keep the tears away. Before, it had been the other way around. She had been the one blinking tears away whenever he had done something stupid. But the roles were reversed; she had been the one doing something stupid.
Determined not to start with the serious business yet; determined to give her a chance to explain herself before he asked all his questions, he let her start a light, brief conversation.
"How is it?" She asked, her voice slightly insecure. "To live with Sasuke-kun, I mean. How is it to live with someone so beautiful?"
Naruto wasn't really prepared for that, but he should really be prepared for anything and all; for he lived with the most unpredictable and honest man alive.
"It's good," he answered, but immediately regretted his choice of words. "What I mean is...you can get used to anything, you know."
The look on her face told him that she didn't really grasp what he was talking about.
"You can get used to beauty. You can get used to cursing. You can get used to certain eating habits. You can get used to miss someone. You can get used to...you can get used to have cancer." He inhaled deeply, but it seemed more like a shaky gasp.
She, almost automatically, reached out and grasped his hand. "Oh, Naruto..."
He didn't want her pity; but when he realised that the tone wasn't pitiful, he suddenly felt irritated.
She continued; a small, knowing smile on her face. "You miss having cancer."
Her way with words had never been perfect, and he was used to blunt honesty – but the way she said it made his world stop spinning.
"What?!" He hissed sharply.
Her eyes widened upon realising her words. "I didn't mean it that way!" She defended herself, letting go of his hand as if his skin had burnt her. "What I mean was that you miss having a reason to being pessimistic. No, I mean that you need that reason, or you'll start feeling guilty for your actions…wait, no…I–"
He stared at her, knowing that almost every word was painfully true. But that didn't make it any less hurtful.
While staring at her beautiful face, he forgot to blink. He forgot to blink away his tears.
Tears streamed down his cheeks, and he left the restaurant before she could see them.
UAUAUA
Getting home to Sasuke – tears still running down his cheeks – was even worse than he had imagined. Instead of that comforting hug, that reassuring smile and that silky voice, all he got was a blank stare.
Naruto felt insecure, gripping Sasuke's shirt in a vain attempt to keep the Uchiha close; a sign that he didn't want Sasuke to leave.
"Where have you been?" Sasuke asked, the tone indicated that he was worried.
"I met up with Sakura."
"How did it go?" Sasuke politely asked, even though both of them knew that he didn't care at all. Sasuke had never been a big fan of Sakura, or any of Naruto's friends. But still he remained polite to them, because of his love to Naruto.
"It went... Awful, it was awful."
The soft kiss they shared was even more intimate than any sexual act could ever be.
Just a brief meeting of warm lips, their hands linking together by their sides. Naruto, eager for more, leaned into the kiss, but Sasuke broke it.
"Please, Naruto," Sasuke whispered. Naruto nodded slowly, leaning his forehead against Sasuke's shoulder. "Please," Sasuke whispered once again. "Please..."
"Yes," Naruto croaked. "Yes, Sasuke."
Naruto let himself be captured in yet another kiss, this one deeper than their first. There were no tongues involved; simple open-mouthed kisses that tasted so good.
Sex on a kitchen table had never before been as sensual or beautiful as this.
Why, Naruto didn't know.
UAUAUA
The next morning, Naruto woke up in the warm bed. He was snuggled up next to his boyfriend, and unconsciously started to caress the pale stomach. He was just about to close his eyes and fall asleep yet again, when Sasuke spoke.
"You know that I care for you," Sasuke whispered. Naruto nodded, his nose brushing against the Uchiha's side. "I would do anything for you, you know that too."
Naruto gave a weak smile, forcing the heat on his cheeks to disappear. He didn't feel like talking, so he kept his lips sealed and waited for Sasuke to continue, which he did after a comfortable silence.
"I just wanted to ask if you feel the same way."
Naruto blinked, wondering what brought this on. He looked up at Sasuke, who was staring straight up in the ceiling. When Naruto didn't answer, Sasuke gave an almost invisible sigh. While Naruto fought with the words, trying to find the most suitable for this beautiful moment, Sasuke was building up anger inside.
What Sasuke didn't understand, was that Naruto was so desperately trying to find the right words to express his undying love for the only person that had never abandoned him. Naruto didn't want to screw up.
Taking Naruto's silence as a determined 'no', Sasuke left the room without a second word.
Naruto rolled over to his stomach. He felt that familiar feeling inside; the mix of disappointment, anger, sadness and frustration. He didn't know what to call it, because he had never been good with emotions. He might have gone around showing them to people before the cancer, but it was different now.
He flinched upon hearing the front door being slammed shut.
He really needed to find those words.
UAUAUA
There were times when Naruto really missed his parents. They past away before he even got to know them properly, and most of the time he didn't even give them a single thought. Maybe a simple "dad would have liked this", "mom would have disliked this."
The little time he had known his parents, they had been more friendly than parental. Sometimes he wondered how his life would have looked if he would have had parents like Sasuke. What if Fugaku and Mikoto had been his parents instead of Sasuke's? Would he be the one painfully honest?
Now he would have liked his mother's advice. He wasn't a hundred percent sure that she had a way with words, but she knew how to express herself.
Why didn't Naruto know that? Why hadn't he been taught to express himself?
But now, instead of having his mother's advice, he was watching a cheesy film about love and relationships. He was holding the remote control in an iron-grip, his index finger over the stop-button.
The characters were ridiculously much like him and Sasuke. The only difference was that the male, portraying Sasuke, was a stupid liar that never spoke about his feelings. The female character, portraying Naruto, was pouring her emotions out.
He narrowed his eyes when the female cried out her love confession in the middle of a soccer game, in the speakers.
Maybe it was the other way around.
Maybe the female character was portraying Sasuke, and the stupid lying bastard male was portraying Naruto.
Naruto tilted his head, finally pressing the stop-button. Maybe Sasuke wanted him to cry out a love confession for everyone to hear, too.
UAUAUA
Things never go according to the plan. They never do, and Naruto should have thought of that beforehand.
Now he was sitting there, alone with Sasuke. There were no people anywhere near them, so there would be no public confession.
He didn't feel brave or reckless, like the female in the movie had obviously been. Instead, he felt shy and anxious, not sure what to do or say. The little speech he had thought out was erased from his mind.
Sasuke was staring at him, obviously sad, irritated and disappointed. But there was hope in his voice, along with that annoyance, as Sasuke spoke up. "Why did you call me?"
There were times Naruto wished that he could be as irritatingly honest as Sasuke was. He wished that he could simply open his mouth and say "because this" and "because that." Nothing harder than that.
Exhaling deeply, Naruto started, "Because..."
Sasuke waited.
Naruto didn't know how to continue.
They stared at each other in silence, sitting in that sofa that they had bought together when Sasuke had lived in Naruto's apartment for over six months. It was getting a little warm inside, and Naruto wasn't sure if it was because of their intense staring contest or because of the sun glaring down on them through the window.
"Because what? Because you wanted to humiliate me further? Tell me that you can never love me because you're too much of an emotionally retarded moron?"
Naruto didn't even flinch, for he had predicted something akin to this. "No," he murmured. He blinked, looking away from Sasuke. Maybe it would be easier to admit it if he was alone. He had, after all, confessed his love for Sasuke to himself plenty of times.
He stood up, walking out of the living room and locking himself in the bathroom. Maybe not the most romantic place, but at least he was alone. He heard Sasuke stand up.
"No!" He yelled out. "Sit down, Sasuke!"
He knew that Sasuke wouldn't sit, but at least he would stay and wait.
"Listen!" He yelled through the door, closing his eyes and pretending that Sasuke was somewhere else and couldn't hear him.
Why this was so hard, he didn't know. He couldn't understand why it was so hard to confess something that was as truthful as this. Maybe it was because he had grown used to lie; grown used to hide his well-being.
Taking a deep breath, he parted his lips and yelled out; "I love you, Sasuke!"
UAUAUA
The night they spent together was perfect.
As perfect as it could be when someone knocks at the door when you are just about to have a second round of mind-blowing sex.
Having been brought down from his cloud nine, Naruto grumpily slid on a pair of boxers and his favourite, navy sweater. Sasuke was practically moaning in frustration when Naruto left the bedroom to open the door. He didn't hesitate when he opened the door, but he was shocked to see Sakura there.
"Hi."
"Hello," he answered. She blushed when she noticed his ruffled hair – his new hair – and how he had put on the sweater outside in. Neither of them noticed how a fully dressed Sasuke came in, leaning against the doorframe to watch them.
Sakura took a deep breath, smiling as if she wasn't there in the middle of the night. Naruto smiled back.
And a moment later, they were hugging each other tightly. Laughter filled the apartment.
The End