Title: It Consumes You
Author: reddawg82
Summary: It has followed you for years, and you think it always will.
Disclaimer: None (I know... a shocker... me, not needing a disclaimer is simply unheard of!)
Prompt: Table A, Prompt 3
Author Notes: Written for the writeskins community on LiveJournal!
Yes... I realized I had a boo boo... so here it is... corrected!
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It grips onto you and doesn't relent. You don't even expect it. It isn't visible, and you can't hear it sneaking up on you. It isn't until you've been consumed by it that you realize it's all around you, that it has taken control of your life.
You think to yourself that it's just because you love them, that you simply worry about them.
Rob knows better. He doesn't tell you or confront you about it, but you can see in his eyes when he looks over to you... he's well aware of it. Thankfully, he loves you in spite of it.
You'd never admit to anyone that it kind of rules over your life. That is definitely a weakness that you won't be informing anyone about. Not even your friends from Uni knew about it. Not your mum either.
If your kids would just listen to what you have to say, you wouldn't have to feel its overwhelming powers over you (since they alone provide you with the biggest supply of it). It makes you act like a complete cunting bitch. You know that the twins think so, at least, and as far as you know, your son is so lost in the perverse house in his head that he doesn't notice the way you act. That's one less person to worry about hiding it from.
You know the kids hate your cooking, but it isn't because you're a bad cook, in fact, if it didn't have such an iron grip on you, you'd cook brilliant dishes for your family. However, their health became more important than having good tasting food... you let it weasel its way into your kitchen exactly seven months before the twins were born (it did take you two full months to realize that you were pregnant, after all), and it's been there ever since.
Everything in your life revolves around your children, and it follows them around like a starving lioness on the prowl. That's why you seem so overbearing at times. You let it take control and rule over you. You know that for the most part it would have no power if you didn't let it, but that doesn't help you. You seem to pour petrol on its flame, making it stronger. You can sit and watch the billowing black smoke coming off the fire for eternity, but it will never go out. Not until you do something about it, or do something about not giving it all the power.
Let's be honest though, it isn't always a bad thing. You wish your kids felt it in their lives a bit more sometimes. Not all the time, like you, but enough to keep them on the right path. Oh, and yes, you do know that the path you have chosen for them most likely isn't the same one as they will choose for themselves. Truthfully, you're okay with that, as long as they're safe and not ridiculed for their decisions.
Will you be able to stop it...
No, you won't.
For it... is fear.
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