My version of the murder of Duncan by Macbeth in Act II. Sc. I.

WARNING: This story is a comedic take on the murder.

I do not own Macbeth.

Macbeth stepped into the room that he recently rented to Duncan, the King of Scotland. Surreptitiously, he approached the bed and gazed down at the slumbering king. He wiped his brow of sweat with his quivering hand then reached down to his hip and unsheathed his dagger. All he had to do now was wait for his wife's signal: a single strike of the bell.

He kept playing the scenario in his head: as soon as the bell rings, he thrusts the weapon into the king's chest a few times then maybe his stomach once or twice. Just thinking of it made his whole body tremble. Sweat perspired from every pore on his body. He really didn't want to kill Duncan. After all, he's a pretty good king but, his psycho wife pushed him to do it.

Suddenly, due to the large amount of sweat, the dagger slipped from his grip hitting the floor with a loud clang. Duncan awoke from his slumber and saw Macbeth standing before him with a shocked look on his face.

"Macbeth?" the king called.

"Oh! My king! How are you?" Macbeth was in deep shit now.

"Well, I was just enjoying a nice nap until I was awoken," said Duncan. "Do you need something, Macbeth?"

The nervous Thane's eyes darted all around the room in search of an excuse for his presence. Then, he remembered.

"Your Highness, I apologize for disturbing your peaceful slumber but," he started as he reached into his pocket, "I just remembered that I didn't give you your complementary mint!" he pulled out a chocolate mint from his pocket. "Every guest at my abode gets one of these," Macbeth handed the chocolate to Duncan.

"Why, thank you! You know, you are one of the greatest men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing," Duncan said with a smile. "The generosity of you and your lovely wife simply cannot be beat. No matter what Macduff says about you."

"Macduff?"

"Yep!" Duncan laughed. "You should listen to him try to rip you but, I always knew he was just jealous." He unwrapped the mint and slipped it between his lips.

Macbeth suddenly realized something.

Killing this man would be a heinous crime not only because it's regicide but, also because this man is the kindest person in all of Scotland. He is wise beyond his years. There's no one on this earth that could hate this man. So, long live King Duncan, I say. May he reign over this land forev-

Then, sounds of choking interrupted Macbeth's cheesy soliloquy. He looked over at Duncan to see him gasping for air, hands around his neck.

"My liege, what is it?" Macbeth frantically asked. "Is the mint not to your liking? Would you like me to get you something else?"

Duncan shook his head and tried to get more air.

"Are you sure you're not still hungry cuz I can get you something from the kitchen. It's really no problem."

Duncan still shook his head and his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his movements had ceased. Macbeth examined the now silent king.

"King?" he called. "Are you…" Macbeth reached up to him and put his fingers up to his neck to check for any signs of life.

"Ohhhhhhhh damn." he whispered to himself.

He had done it. The mighty King of Scotland had died. Just then, he heard the tone of the bell, his wife's signal to kill him. Macbeth became extremely stoic. He reached down to the floor to pick up the dropped dagger and put it in its sheath. Then, he got up and headed for the door. Macbeth stopped for a moment before exiting. He looked at the newly dead Duncan and sighed.

"…This sucks."

Exit Macbeth

I had to write this for my English class and I REALLY didn't feel like doing it so the only way I could force myself to do it was to make it a comedy (even though Macbeth is a tragedy). I figured since I had written it I might as well put it up on making this the first story I've ever uploaded. Sorry if any of you think this is stupid and would never belong in the actual play but...oh well. I'd be happy to read any kind of reviews!